Sharp chest pain during pregnancy

For context I live about 2000 miles away from my family with my fiancé who is in the military and is supposed to deploy at any point in the next month or so which is just so great because I also don’t know when he’s coming back. We’re getting married in October and trying to plan that around his delayed deployment is extremely stressful. I am a full time undergrad online student and just added a minor while I’m starting my honors thesis research project in which I’m conducting my own study this fall. I work full time in a special ed classroom and while I love kids and love working with special needs kids and have a couple years of experience, I hate the classroom I’m in. There are 11 kids in it who are constantly, and I mean constantly, having behaviors. And I love behavioral analysis and all that, that’s what I’m studying, but these kids are so low that any behavior corrections do not work. And so I deal with kids pushing other kids, breaking their glasses, putting their hands in the toilet, eloping, dropping to the floor, everything you could possibly imagine. And the kids who do understand actively choose against making good choices. But schools are about to let out and I now have to find a new job for the summer which sucks. My fiancé was supposed to deploy about 2 months ago and didn’t so we’ve been sharing a car and while I love spending time with him more than anything, my only time alone now is my 30 minute break at lunch which I have to listen to my annoying ass fucking coworker yap the whole time in the teachers lounge. Also she is super frustrating too because I have to pick up a lot more slack because of her. But because I don’t have any alone time or time to reset after work (I usually would use my car ride home to listen to my music and reset) I've been taking my overly stressed, reactive work-self home to him and he told me today I have been mean to him a lot lately and I feel horrible about it because it's the last thing I want to do and he does not deserve any of that. On top of everything, we also found out that we are moving across the world at the end of the year so we now have to buy a new car, put a down payment on a place out there, buy a washer & dryer, and also move everything out there which includes our dog, who is also a massive pain in the ass as he is in his pterodactyl phase and constantly getting into anything he can. On top of all of those expenses (and the wedding), our roommate decided he is going to move out at the end of the lease instead of going month to month like we originally agreed on doing until we move, which means we have to find a place to live for 4 months. This means another down payment on an apartment when the studios around us don't go for under $2300. Great. So after he told us that, I decided that I could not attend my cousin's bach party in the summer in order to afford attending her wedding as a bridesmaid in December (which is also 2000 miles away, during the most expensive week to travel, and about a week before we move across the world), and told her I cannot pay my portion of the air bnb but that should be fine because its still 2.5 months out, and she could find someone to go in my place, find a different house, or ask everyone else to pay my portion which would come out to $30/person, which sucks, but I cannot spend $1500 on someones bach (flying, activities, airbnb, grocery, dogcare, parking my car, etc.) during this year of all years. I know I am kind of the asshole for canceling so close, but I can't control all of the unexpected finances I had come up this year. This understandably upset her, and she basically gave me the ultimatum of if I don't pay my portion for the airbnb she is gonna kick me from the bridal party. So that's fantastic truly. And on top of that, my parents are coming out to see me in a couple weeks, and this will be the last time I see my dad before he goes into a surgery that is extremely risky and if does not go well will leave him blind, and I am currently no contact with my deadbeat addict mom as she blocked me on social media for a reason unbeknownst to me. So I am fucking tired. I am stressed. I am burnt out. I am overwhelmed. I am frustrated. And I don't know what to do with any of those feelings because they are truly all "time will fix it" issues. I go to the gym, I eat well, and I prioritize sleep. But I am just stuck in this fucking limbo and I am treating my fiance like shit and I am performing so reactively at work and I feel horrible about that. Ugh. I am hoping this vent will help me get everything off my chest so I can be and feel better. If you read this far, thank you and I appreciate you.

First Previous Wiki
Ezeonwha was walking down a long hallway. The dry and plain painted walls and the pure white lighting of the lower levels of the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office helped to frame the dingy realities of those who could only afford these floors. Not even capable of having windows, these were for those who were the cheapest of the cheap or those who mingled with them. He'd passed several Guides on the way in, their claws echoing in the halls as a sign of authority in this lawless land.
Here, mediocrity was king, and he was a loyal servant. He drew his cloak closer about his neck, unwilling to reveal himself to those who weren't already equipped to see through it all. He was famous enough to be an abduction target if he let his guard down. This place was no exception, though Justicar tried to make them such. Too much security on the higher levels and too little on the lower levels. That was the way of things.
Another hallway, this one marked with bullet holes. Two contractors and a Guide were discussing the pricing of the fix project when he turned the corner. Their voices quieted to nothing, the stillness pressing down upon them with the same intensity as the false lighting. Ezeonwha clacked his jaws, giving them a low bow before continuing on his way. He saw the Guide's eyes light up with the sign of his implants getting a reading. It was another impromptu way of tracking via facial recognition, but it was an ancient practice.
Nothing was new about what the Guides did; only how many of them seemed to be on general patrol. Had Justicar hired more of them or actually done full conversions for all of them? Those arm cannons surely weren't cheap or ethical to insert into unwilling participants. And giving a victim a gun they couldn't be disarmed of was a very bad idea, even for Elders. And Justicar was better than most Elders when it came to abject stupidity. He'd likely only been dropped a few hundred times as a child versus the more likely Elder average of a few thousand.
Ezeonwha chuckled at his internal joke, heading deeper underground into the complex. He was going to a certain meeting, and it would be best not to be late. Even if the Guides tracked him, it wouldn't be negative. The group he had been approached by a few days ago wasn't a terror group. He'd looked them up. They dealt in 'freedom and liberation from all chains.'
The Eyes Of Liberty had focused upon Penny as their latest propaganda target and perhaps as a valuable ally in their fight against all tyranny. Though such a flowery message was likely steeped in idealism for the lower ranks, with more pragmatic and likely richer inner circle elites and leaders ensuring the pot would always simmer but never boil or grow cold. That was the way movements such as these managed to skirt the line between inaction and terrorism.
It was a dangerous thing to do. But these were dangerous times. If Penny left, he'd die. Someone with a grudge would kill him. It was a given, and he'd made peace with it now. He needed to get to work, to help others like him and those worse off, with just a small piece of the meager time he had left.
He was in the system as a friend of Penny, so little scrutiny would fall on him as he came and went. He had a new friend, one who was very interested in connecting to Penny.
The offer had come through his communicator, and he'd answered it given its interesting title. After a lengthy discussion about their goals for him and Penny, he'd agreed to at least have a meeting. He didn't tell them that he had a tracker from Phoebe, which would 'be impossible to miss' if things went badly. He knew the value he had, which was why one of the androids was also accompanying him under the guise of being a Sprilnav.
The android was 'walking' on all fours, its mechanical motion entirely silent. It was obscured by a wave of holograms and hard light holograms that would ensure that it wouldn't be considered suspicious beside him. His only guard was a capable one, and Phoebe had all the confidence of an AI who knew that the destruction of her android would only be an inconvenience for her.
Ezeonwha came to an unmarked door with a well-worn door frame. One knock. One pause. Two knocks. Another pause. Four knocks. He waited, and the door swung open. Eight Sprilnav greeted him warily but warmly, their eyes shifting to Phoebe.
The inside of the room was a dull red, coming from a pair of lights in the center of the ceiling that cast dark shadows near the edges. The whole room felt dark and dangerous, and the walls were lined with guns, computers, and several drones. Shelves and drawers were neatly stacked against the wall, as well as five couches and four double beds with ladder access to the top portions.
Bags of food rested atop a trash compactor unit, and the room service button on the inner side of the wall that Ezeonwha could see in the mirror was worn down to the raw metal. No paint jobs here, only grit and business. The room faintly smelled of body odor and assorted foods. Not entirely unpleasant, but also not what he'd expected from a group with sich a flamboyant name. Perhaps they worked in cell-based units. And that was another thing.
Minds were visible in the distance of the mindscape, but the people here were huddled together mentally. They appeared to be haphazard, but Ezeonwha recognized an old army-type defensive formation a mere step from each of their positions. They were more than they appeared. Though based on how their room looked, they probably weren't veterans, just decently trained.
As they walked through the doorway, a scanner activated. One of the Sprilnav, wearing a headset with numbers and letters swirling on the inner side of the visor, called out: "Phoebe android. Commando variant. Risk assessment: Certain Death. Ezeonwha. Carrying two pistols, one hidden in the pack on his left, and the other tucked inside a strap near the lower bottom of his chest."
That made them all pause, sizing each other up. Ezeonwha smiled nervously, failing terribly to break the building tension once again. His nerves started to get to him, but finally, Phoebe spoke. "Well, friends. I, for one, am happy to talk of the business of liberty. Tell us, what do you have in mind for my friend Ezeonwha?"
"It is not about him, AI. It is about the freedom all sentient beings deserve, and which we shall bring to the galaxy no matter if we are alive or dead."
"An honorable goal to strive toward," Phoebe said.
"Thank you. Your words are quite kind for your type."
"I didn't know I had one," Phoebe replied. "But thank you."
Ezeonwha turned his head toward the Sprilnav with all the fancy equipment.
"What is the best way for me and Penny to help in the fight?"
"The best way would be for you to start killing the gang leaders you come across. Barring that, have Penny ignore the graveyards, and continue freeing the slaves as she ought to. The dead have their freedom; the living need her work more."
"I agree with my companion," another of them said. "So far, Penny has done more for the fight for justice than any other on Justicar in generations, so it is a terrible thing to ask more, but we must ask. Even knowing the terrible toll it would have if she loses the Judgment, Sprilnav are at stake."
"People are at stake, you mean," Ezeonwha said. "There is no need to bring species into this."
"There would not be, but it is still a clear factor," another of them said, a female who looked more shifty in her gaze and demeanor. The Eyes of Liberty seemed like one of those groups with too much division.
"Do you disagree with each other often?" Ezeonwha asked innocently.
"Here and there," the tech guy said. "Not often enough to be a problem, and not when what matters is at stake."
"But that is the thing. How can you agree on when something that matters is a stake?"
"Is this a test?"
"Why would it be? Think of it as a genuine concern," Ezeonwha said. "To associate with your group, I have to be certain it will be resilient to change and risks escalating in the future. If the gangs cannot strike at Penny, they will pick the next best targets. Currently, that is me. If I associate with you in a way they can find out, and I assure you they will find out eventually, you all may be at risk as well. And your group's seemingly cell-based design also means large scale mobilization is difficult, ineffective, and risks severe coordination issues which cannot be quickly or safely remedied without changing core security features of it."
"You deduced all of that from context? You are smart, Ezeonwha. And have a good brain in your head. Everlasting knows we need one of those between all of us."
They all shared a laugh.
"I am not as young as I may look," Ezeonwha said. "Penny is not properly learned of the danger that faces us here. I am. The Underground will kill me when this is over. Do you want to die alongside me, all for your beliefs?"
Silence descended again. Ezeonwha kept the pressure on them when one of them stepped forward. "For freedom and liberty? Yes. I would die for that."
"As would I."
"And I."
They all declared the rest in orders that followed the patterns Ezeonwha was noticing. There were variances in their levels of belief and faith in their purpose. Each person had a different level of value difference, which meant that their lives would be worth more or less comparatively.
Cohesion was weaker, too. Not a full defector team, but likely pieces of several. Was that by design from a higher up leader, or was that just circumstance? Another thing to figure out later, that wasn't critical yet, but he would know before he truly went on any missions with them, if he did at all.
He suspected running messages to Penny would be the majority of their tasks. The quality of intelligence the Eyes of Liberty had offered was substantial. Perhaps enough for Penny to turn herself from a major annoyance to the gangs into an actual existential threat. With Justicar's swarming protection of the Fort Court and the 102nd Visitor Welcome Office, there was a limited amount of things that even the gangs could do. And if the rumors were correct, a Progenitor would be partaking in the trial.
"To be clear, if I join up with you, Phoebe would come too."
"Why would we let an AI join us?"
Phoebe smiled. "Without me, you'll die in this fight. You have trained for around 2000 days. You're acceptable combatants, as is Ezeonwha. But you are fighting in a city, and underneath it. You need to know how to keep a low profile. You need to know how to move through a crowd, get in and out. And you need to keep collateral damage to a zero, or the gangs will use you like they have others who had your purpose and were less careful to justify their 'protection' continuing. If you march in there and kill 50 slavers, if you kill a few slaves or a single bystander in the process, your credibility will be smeared. And frankly, with me on your team, you won't get blown up by an IED when you try clearing your first room in a fortress."
"IED?" One of them asked, while the rest digested her statement, going through various levels of offended looks.
"Your translator is too cheap. Improvised explosive device. Here, that can be old engines, reused oil, cracked plastic, frictional fuel bombs, circuit extruders, sodium splash grenades, as well as the more military style attacks they can pack, from small micro rockets all the way up to lower level fission or fusion bombs. Though if you're in a fight with those things involved, you're already dead."
"Why?"
"Because unless you're Elders, or holograms, a nuke will kill you whether you're right next to it or just inside the same shield. They concentrate the thermal pulse, so your bones would be ash before the pain hit your eyes."
"And what protection could you bring against that?"
"Telling you it's there before you start the attack. That is, if you listen to me. I value your lives over that of this android, but also I value Ezeonwha over all of you combined. I will not prevent him from doing this, but I will have you all know the risks involved."
"We are prepared, Phoebe. We have done much of the training you say, though we do not believe the gangs would plant explosive devices in their own fortresses. There is too much risk around that, with betrayals so common. However, the minefields we have scouted are easy to defeat with the right tactics. Perhaps you can give us a briefing on those, too?"
A challenge.
"I can, depending on how long you wish to do this for. But I have the stamina for either hours or weeks, depending on which you choose."
"What of your batteries?"
"They are of sufficient quality," Phoebe assured.
"I hope so."
Their tech guy nodded, more numbers flashing on his visor. Ezeonwha hoped he had a different way of display, like through an implant or something, for the missions in darker areas. The Underground was, by its name, not a place where much natural light was to be found. And the gangs controlled all the power systems in their territory. It was another part of the racket.
"Why aren't you guarding Penny?"
Phoebe's back straightened, a subconscious posture change to make her seem more confident. Ezeonwha caught the tactic for what it was, though without extensive knowledge of bipedal forms, it was less likely the surrounding Sprilnav knew it.
"Penny proved before a trillion eyes she's capable of fighting Elders, Progenitors, and a Dreadnaught Captain. Not to mention her immense power. I can shoot bullets, but she can literally snatch them out of the air and eat them. She has her own way of doing things, and it is a good way."
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Penny landed in the rubble and headed for the Vaquah with a trail of survivors behind her. Many of them, she could recognize the marks of slavery on, with numbers or brands on their skin or just the trauma crouching in their eyes dulled by the pain of a long life in a work camp. Penny went through the wreckage to the shield surrounding the rubble and the defining line between the rest of the city and the destruction. Several news drones flew above her.
More were arriving from various directions. The soft footsteps grew into a constant drumming sound, like a beating heart of doom. Penny marched with them, heading to the spaceport. A large medical operation there quickly rerouted many of its various branches to the most injured freed slaves.
Penny pressed her considerable psychic energy on the entire group, accelerating their healing, slowing bleeding, and generally repairing their bodies and cells from the trauma they'd suffered. But the cloud over their heads did not brighten. The atmosphere remained tense and mournful. Many of them had lost friends, family, and more. She had no right to ask them to feel any different.
She had freed them, that was all. They were not her servants. She was not their ruler.
Several of them came up to her, offering thanks in the small ways they could. Kind words. Attempts at hugs. Even offers of devout prayer and worship, which Penny respectfully declined. She knew, as did most of them, that veneration for her deeds was inevitable. She didn't want to be seen encouraging it at all, since this was a public place where many eyes were upon her.
She knew that it would be misconstrued as a threat if she did. Religions were some of the most major threats entrenched powers could face if not properly co-opted by the state to suit their needs. And here, the 'state' was a military dictatorship billions of years old, ripened with corruption, money, and the immortality of Elders sporting technology beyond any other in the galaxy.
The sky was blue with shields overhead. The Vaquah hung in the distance, its thrusters gently burning to keep it aloft. A trail of shuttles linked the massive ship with several spaceports, including this one. Penny watched the freed Sprilnav get on it one by one, promising themselves to a new life aboard her ship. Technically, they were citizens of the Autonomous Peoples' Stars.
That protection, Penny knew, was why the Vaquah and its innocent inhabitants were still intact. Elders already had hired mercenaries to attack it. They'd failed, thanks to Rimiaha and Penny, but also the defenses of Kashaunta's Grand Fleet when it was in higher orbit. Kashaunta, despite her willingness to use Penny as she would, also had a certain intelligence and empathy. It was highly selective, and only money and power seemed to flip that switch.
But Penny needed the Elder, and Kashaunta only had use for her as an asset. She palmed the new communicator Kashaunta had issued her after the last one's destruction. Kashaunta's hologram appeared. It looked around, noticing the news drones in the air.
"Not here."
"Where?"
"You will know."
In the mindscape, a Sprilnav appeared on Penny's layer. They felt odd to her, almost like the minds of certain humans high up in the hivemind's network. Penny greeted the Sprilnav warmly.
"Hello."
"Queen and Elder Kashaunta requests your presence on her flagship."
"Very well."
In reality, Penny looked around at the crowd. She waited until it dwindled to nothing, and then spoke.
"Displace."
Conceptual energy twisted, and she stood on Kashaunta's flagship, though nearer to the edge than she'd expected. The Elder was waiting for her in an outfit that looked much like pajamas, though they were under a few armor pieces that appeared anything but decorative. Now that Penny noticed it, it was the same sort of armor that Yasihaut had worn to their last encounter, which interfered with conceptual energy. The Sprilnav were highly advanced. She wondered just how far their technology could go. She'd heard mentions of some ships having artificial gravity, and of nanites and programmable matter. But nothing certain.
"Hmm," Kashaunta said, giving Penny a once over. "You have come back. Shall I assume you are still my ally?"
"Nervous, are we?"
"Nervous is what you should be, Penny. The Judgment is coming. Ten days. Indrafabar and Justicar will both be on the court as High Judges. That is not good for us at all. So I figured a bit of prudence was in order. I have thought long and hard about this, and with the great battles of our time so fast approaching, I figure it is time to mend our relationship before the chasm grows any wider."
Kashaunta motioned to a special looking sword sheath on her back. Slowly, she drew a sword. A Soul Blade. Penny began to draw up her armor.
"Oh, I am not wishing for a fight, Penny. I know the damage you could do, even in my sanctum in the sky. Tell me, do you know how Soul Blades are forged?"
"No."
"Good. And tell me, do you know why they draw so much power to swing, even for Elders and beings as capable as us?"
"I have a few theories."
"I am sure you do," Kashaunta said. "But here is the thing. Soul Blades are typically weapons assigned to highly promising Elders, or even Progenitors. Filnatra, undisputed sword master that she is, can wield them as easily as breathing. If I were to swing this blade, there would be no drawback. Why?"
"Because you own that Soul Blade."
"Because this Soul Blade is mine. It is not just something I own. I own around seven or so more Soul Blades, with some weapons nearing their quality lying in my various vaults even now. You did not detect them, because I willed that not to be. I need you to understand this, Penny. You have power. You have might. But you are not invincible. My Soul Blade, if it struck you, would not cutely separate Nilnacrawla or Cardinality from you. Nor would your speeding space entity be able to block this blade with his flesh. If this cut you, it would release unending agony upon you before you exploded in a burst of burnt gore."
Penny sighed. "There is no need to threaten me. Allies do not threaten each other."
"But you do not see me as an ally. You see me as your means to get through the Judgment. You believe I see you as nothing more but a linear singularity maker, and perhaps a passing curiosity I'm backing on a whim. You neglect to imagine that there might be firmer reasons why I back you, and why more Elders are getting drawn into this conflict. You believe I am comfortable with showing you my more pragmatic and ruthless sides because I am comfortable with the fact that you cannot harm me. That you would not dare to do so, when you need my assistance so badly. That I might even be aiming to normalize my 'new' self with you."
"That is hardly my belief alone."
"Is it now."
Kashaunta grinned. There was no warmth in her gaze.
"Nilnacrawla," Kashaunta said. "Cardinality. Exile. Come out and show yourselves. You are being rude as guests."
Exile detached from Penny's head. He grew into the shifting array of fractals and shapes she was more familiar with. What had once grated on her eyes did so no longer. Kashaunta stared at the speeding space entity for ten seconds, then looked back up at Penny.
"He will not work on us. I will cover his form with holograms if he walks through my ship out of courtesy for my workers and crew, if he cannot."
"I am capable, Queen Kashaunta."
"You are quite knowledgable, aren't you?" Kashaunta mused, looking at him hungrily. "Oh, how I wonder what secrets you have in your head. How many of ours do you know?"
"I will not be taken as a hostage," Exile said.
"You will not because I decide not to," Kashaunta said. "Formally, our species are still at war. There is no treaty."
"The Sp'rkial'nova no longer exist."
"Yes, they do," Kashaunta said. "The name was discontinued for use regarding the lesser specimens we created. But I can assure you, Exile, if you wish to go by that name here, that we still do exist. I am a Sp'rkial'nova in the flesh. In the blood. In the mind. In the soul."
"Say what you will, Sprilnav. It changes nothing."
"On that I agree. Though our views on how things are may differ, and yours is wrong, your opinion is not valuable enough to matter."
She turned to Penny. She would have defended Exile, but he gave her a simple shake of his head area.
Nilnacrawla formed out of psychic energy in front of Penny. Cardi did the same beside her. Kashaunta tapped a claw on the ground. Tables and chairs appeared. A chef brought in food that looked passable and a few decent attempts at human cuisine.
"We do not have to eat, though I would expect that all of you at least sit at the table. We will discuss our grievances, and how to solve them before we proceed with the future. We shall first go to the matter of the Alliance. Penny, many in their number wish to establish contact with you. Do you agree to this? If so, I will add their communicator numbers to the translation program I have reserved for your personal use, in case your own device needs another sudden replacement."
"I agree."
"Good. A first step of diplomacy, I would say. Agreement. Now, Nilnacrawla, you look like you have something to say to me. What is it?"
"Free Meridia."
"Meridia was detonated by planet cracker during the 139th Sector 9 Border War. I am sorry more could not be done."
A cold draft of air rushed out of Nilnacrawla's nose. He glared at her. "You let them die."
"I did not. A Grand Fleet was defending that star system, and three came to lay siege. I am many things. A tactician, a queen, an Elder. But I am not a god. I cannot perform miracles. I evacuated 30 billion people from that world and its surrounding stations before the planet crackers hit it. 4 trillion more souls died in that blast. The best I can do is to offer an apology."
"That will never be enough for what you did. If you had never established your nation, they would still be alive."
"They would be slaves. Chattel slaves, not that cute little 'wage slavery' concept privileged people throw around. Perhaps I should remind you just how much darker that reality would have been for your female descendents, specifically. I am a brutal warlord, a dictator with an iron fist. But my claws do not squeeze nearly as tightly as I could. Metrics say that I could extract at least 370% more profit from my people if I simply enslaved them. But despite the shock this may bring to you all, I do have principles. The Autonomous Peoples' Stars are my people. My nation. My empire, if you think I'm imperialist. But I protect them as best I can."
Nilnacrawla's cold anger didn't lessen. Penny placed a calming hand on his front left thigh. He blinked. He let out a long, pained sigh. And he bowed his head to her. Not to Kashaunta, but to Penny.
"There is no need to be cruel."
"My language was accurate, Penny. He is a strong Elder. Everlasting knows he's stronger than most of these fools. Nilnacrawla was and is a hero of the Source war. I respect him enough not to mince words, or to give platitudes. Coddling is for babies. Nilnacrawla is far more mature."
Kashaunta turned to Cardi. "You have been remarkably silent in this, concept."
"I have."
"A wonderfully succinct statement. Perhaps you can shorten it further. But nevertheless, you and I will be working together with Penny much more in the near future. Rest assured, if you refuse to become more independent, you will be nothing more than a crutch for her to rely on before leaving her to fall when you are ripped away."
"When, Elder? I would like to think your protection is sufficient."
"I am sure the truth is quite the opposite, dear. I will now get to the point. Penny needs to move faster, and needs to break out of her shell. She needs to be pushed to do more. She has signed a binding treaty, which shows she is capable of more than barbarian aliens, as some Elders would call her. You, Cardinality, will help her be a high achiever. To do this, you need to learn more about your own history.
That is the theme of the year, after all. History. My history, Penny's history, Sprilnav history, and even Gaia's history, it would seem."
"Gaia? What do they have to do with all of this?" Penny asked.
"Oh, you don't need to worry about that."
"Excuse me? You don't get to decide that, Kashaunta. You will tell me. I refuse to be coddled, like you say. I demand the respect I am owed."
"You forget yourself, Penny."
"I remember myself, actually. I am all I need to be. I can become all I need if I must. You can hold your backing against me all you want, but you won't withdraw it. As you said, more binds you and I than mere money and ideology."
"And if you're wrong?"
"Then I've doomed my species and my nation to war, and this planet to the full power of my wrath."
"Wrath, Penny. Wrath. The Sprilnav have many words for anger, rage, hatred. There is the desire for vengeance, in varying degrees. There is that for justice, which does differ. And that for belonging. I know you believe you are standing up to me as a way to assert your own authority in this relationship of ours. You believe I see you as inferior, and will pull back my help when it is profitable for me. I will not offer you the consequences of what your words could mean.
You already know them, and that argument is as stale as your view on us Elders. I will say this once, Penny. You are the Champion of Humanity. The apex predator of your planet, the only one mostly in charge of an Alliance that does more than merely dream of overthrowing us. It is easy for me to say you are not a threat, though I do not ignore the threat you and your nation are trying to become. Gaia will be a part of your movement, but even my information is not entirely complete. I will not mislead you by claiming I know Gaia's link to this, just that there likely is one.
And I am not unreasonably petty. I am willing to put all our animosity behind us and start anew. Even if you are not willing to do the same, I am willing to make this work for us. You have more people to care for than just the Alliance, now. Do not forget them."
"A lot of words that mean nothing."
"Because you heard, but did not listen. Perhaps it will be easier this way, Penny. I want you to win."
"Explain."
"You wish to overthrow the current Sprilnav led order of the galaxy. Your path to that will likely be through mass slave revolt. A viable strategy that I could spread far beyond just this planet. And I actually agree with you. This Judgment, this utter insanity around the Alliance and your species has shown me the truth. The Elders as a class and a species cannot be trusted to rule any longer. We need new leaders. Better leaders."
"And yourself?"
"As the hypocrite that I am, and the power-hungry ruler of the Sprilnav, I would obviously exclude myself from that number. Let's be realistic. The Sprilnav will never accept a non-Elder ruler. If you wish to see what our insurgencies would be like, imagine the 2090s Struggles of Asia. Expand that to billions of planets, large and small. Countless ships and space stations. We have more collective ships than you have people. And as your military planners know, there is no such thing as an unarmed ship. Without us, without me, your plans are stillborn. Your galactic Alliance or whatever you make will fall to pieces without proper counseling. In essence, my offer to you, and you alone, is this. The galaxy, for the Sprilnav."
"Who backs your offer, with the power to give it?"
Progenitors Lecalicus and Nova appeared in the room.
"I back Kashaunta," Lecalicus wheezed.
"I observe her offer, and wish it a proper outcome," Nova said.
"Thank you, esteemed Progenitors," Kashaunta said, standing just to bow to them. Penny stared at Nova, balling her fists.
"There will be time for battle later," he said. "But not now. Hear out her request. She does not make it lightly."
The Progenitors disappeared.
"If I accept your offer, it will be on a written record."
"No. It will not be, because if that record is written, my nation will be facing war on all sides. A better idea would be for us to keep this under wraps."
"Perfect for betrayal," Nilnacrawla muttered.
"It would be, yes. But consider the second part of this situation, Nilncrawla. If word of this galactic offer, not just the Pact, were to get out, which is why two Progenitors who know the price of interference were called here, it would mean the deaths of Penny and all her kind. Or do you forget what rapidly approaches us?"
Nilnacrawla frowned. "I did. I apologize, Penny."
Kashaunta spoke up again.
"Penny. You believe I will betray you. So I make an offer of collateral. An offer so unbelievably sacred for us Elders that many would recoil at the mere thought of it. Now that you have signed a backed treaty, you are fully qualified."
Kashaunta grabbed her Soul Blade and presented it to Penny.
"What does this mean?"
"Nilnacrawla, tell her," Kashaunta said. "She will trust your mouth more than mine."
"Bonded Soul Blades are priceless artifacts," Nilnacrawla said. "To offer one to another is the ultimate gesture of trust and respect among many martial Sprilnav cultures. It can also allow for a mind bridge, a soul pact, or a proposal for marriage between two great houses, martial families, or Elders of great wealth and power. To offer this to a human... to anyone... is an ultimate sign of backing, and one of trust.
It is a sacrosanct honor, the absolute agreement of speaking truth and respect. The words I can use in any human language are insufficient to describe the weight of this honor. This gesture is one of absolute truth. Family lines with hatred going back millions of years would never dare to violate this honor."
"Only one Elder in history did so, one who once led a group known as the Stannic Resistance. He does so no longer. Penny Balica, Champion of Humanity... if there is nothing else I can give you to prove that I do really back you, there is this."
"...Just how low are my chances in the Judgment for you to resort to this?" Penny asked.
"They are not zero, but your battle with be incredibly difficult even with this boon of mine. The future of the galaxy, I now realize, hinges on the outcome of this. If we do not have enough trust, they will sniff it out, and we will fail."
So she had no choice. But as Nilncrawla continued to explain in her mind, Kashaunta was getting the worse side of the deal. Which meant she was throwing her backing behind Penny for real, beyond all reproach and retraction. Kashaunta, the most powerful Elder in the galaxy.
"And if I reject this gift, or your reasons for it?"
"Circumstances would demand that I kill you and then myself using this blade as a way to cut apart the dishonor, before my remains are dumped into a black hole to be forgotten forever. I would not do this."
"A dark and archaic custom," Penny said. She would have said more, but she looked at Nilnacrawla's face. He was clearly deeply uncomfortable. Her five words had shaken him more than anything she'd ever said to him before.
"You do not understand," Nilnacrawla said. "This is not something to joke or lie about. With a Soul Blade Pact in play, all else must cease. Right now, there is you, and there is her. Accept or decline. The choice, your only choice, is yours."
"How will this look to the Elders in the court? To the Sprilnav, and the people who back me?"
She could see how it would be a boon and a curse.
"You, and I," Kashaunta said. "The whole of the universe between us right now is you and I. No others exist until this one act is done. There will be trust or there will be death. No in between. No middle ground. The nature of this bond will be a Pact of Blades."
Conceptual energy swirled between them. Penny's natural translation, as part of the hivemind, failed for the first time ever. Her communicator likewise did not translate the words Kashaunta spoke.
"Eis nama kaste Penny Balica, sun lanci Dorima Kashaunta. Ko'ri, lanci nupa bes na Dorima'Pecunyanova. Sp'rkial'nova. Sun. Homo Sapiens."
The air grew thick with tension. It was not just emotional, either. Psychic and conceptual energy gathered. The mindscape started to distort as more and more eyes began to view Kashaunta and Penny. But all of them were Sprilnav eyes. All of them were Progenitors. Nova's appeared brightest and largest, nearly six times the size of the next largest pair. They stared at her, sending psychic and conceptual energy down upon her in waves that forced her and Kashaunta to kneel to the ground.
"I apologize for my earlier words," Penny said. "I should not have denigrated this."
Penny stood for an hour, deeply contemplating the Pact. If it was as Nilnacrawla was describing to her, it was a promise that Kashaunta would not break. If she was offering it at all, especially to Penny, it meant she had a level of trust in Penny's capability far above what Penny had previously thought. Apparently, there were even higher agreements than this that were possible, with this Pact being the lowest level of bond and considered unbreakable with the enforcement of consequences coming from the Progenitors themselves.
She thought of her place in Justicar and the wider universe. Hours passed like water. And then, by the end of it, after nearly 19 hours, Penny finally had decided. She gave a short nod to Kashaunta, who had been kneeling to Nova all this time.
Kashaunta gestured at the sword. "Tol, nopa shikai."
Nilnacrawla fed her a few suggestions on what she would need to say.
"I come to this Pact seeking peace, justice, and hope," Penny said. "And a promise not to betray one another, by lies or by treachery."
Nilnacrawla translated Kashaunta's next words to her.
"I come to this seeking trust, understanding, respect, and peace," Kashaunta said. "And a promise not to betray one another, by lies or by treachery. I make this Pact before the gods, those who equal them, and those who surpass them. I bind them to an oath of silence regarding this event, until I directly instruct them otherwise, in a state of a sound mind, body, and soul. Here, we shall step into a future that needs both of us, casting aside that which is unimportant to focus on the ultimate goals we have. I offer my Blade to Penny Balica, of species Homo Sapiens. In this way, we forge a new future, and walk a new path. I accept the Pact."
"I accept the Pact."
Nova and a hundred Progenitors descended. Nova grew larger, and Kashaunta knelt to him. Penny remained standing. His sharp teeth glittered in the light. He pressed his claws to Penny's chest, and to Kashaunta's chest.
"The Pact of Blades is made before the Progenitors. We agree to your vow of silence. The penalty of breaking it will be dismemberment and disposal into a black hole. Penny Balica, Engineer Kashaunta. To break this Pact without mutual agreement is to call down our collective wrath upon yourselves. You both have agreed, and are of sound mind, body, and soul. The Pact is forged. By sword, by word, by action. I, Nova, Everlasting, Lord of the Progenitors, King of all Sp'rkial'nova, Heir to the Mantle of Power, Heir to Narvravarana, Progenitor, Elder, and Sprilnav, declare the deed done, etched in time, space, and Reality."
They winked out of existence one by one, leaving Penny and Kashaunta alone, to ponder the future. Penny's thoughts turned to the Judgment, and her confidence she could win it began to waver. How much worse was this Judgment going to be than before?
Penny stared at Kashaunta's Soul Blade. With careful fingers, she took it. Kashaunta sat up, satisfied.
"Now we can begin. I shall compile all the news about you I can find, and we shall see how to address the questions the High Judges will ask. Now that you trust me, I cannot betray you."

February 15 i found out my husband and i were finally expecting our first baby. this was something i had absolutely begged and prayed for. i was over the moon, My entire life now revolved around “ im pregnant”
Towards the end of February i notice i was getting some intense cramping that would make me sick to my stomach, i spoke with some other moms and we’re all told by them “it’s normal”.
March 3 i was just waking up getting some breakfast and had an extremely sharp pain, this pain made me collapse to the floor. I immediately called my husband (Paramedic/FF) and he had a squad pick me up with him and take me to the ER.
By the time we arrived the cramp was gone, i felt completely “normal”. They still wanted to do a scan and just check everything out. We sat in the room for 2 hours before i was taken back to my scan. I walked into the room, the lady asked me to go use the bathroom to make sure i had no urine in my bladder, so i did. After she asked me to get on the table and explained to me the entire process.
I was so excited. i was finally going to be able to get a glimpse of my baby! i was 5 weeks so i hadn’t have had my first scan yet. i ask her if i can see what everything looks like, she approves if she can see anything. She goes from talking and carrying a conversation to total silence.
As i lay there all i can think is “is something wrong?”. She then helps me get off the table and gives me a hand towel to clean myself off. As i walk into the bathroom to do so and get my pants back on, i go to wipe.
There it was. Blood. Everywhere. My stomach immediately dropped as all i can repeating say “no no no”. The lady wheels me back to my room where my husband is sitting with a smile waiting for me to return. When he sees my face he knows something isn’t right.
Of course while waiting for results i’m googling “blood while 5 weeks” “brown blood at 5 weeks, is this normal?”. My doctor then walks in, grabs the tv remote and turns the tv off and sits down. She then looks at me grabs my hand and lets me know of the news. Ectopic Pregnancy. At this moment my entire life was just crushed. everything was ruined. My husband attempted to console me with no success.
I was also informed that due to the scan the pregnancy had bursted and i was needed to be transported to a different hospital that was 30 minutes away from there to have emergency surgery to remove my tube.
I begged and begged for the Transportation to allow my husband to ride with me.I needed him too. Of course this was denied. 30 Minutes of crying, screaming, not understanding what i did wrong.
Today, i am still having the hardest time finding a way to cope. Anytime i get a reminder i just uncontrollably loose it. Yes i understand this takes time, but it’s almost feeling like the longer it’s been, the harder it is. We have finally been cleared from my surgeon to try again, My husband is So excited. I, am not. All i can think about is how bad it hurt me to know i lost a part of me. I don’t know if i can go through that again. Now i’m so lost. the one thing i prayed for, begged for and hoped for i am absolutely terrified to have happen.

I’m 36years old, I’m 5’8” and weight around 160 lbs.
I am planning to undergo IVF and get pregnant in the near future but am concerned about my ECG results indicating I have IRBBB, my cardiologist said it would pose no threat and didn’t care to do further testing. But I still get anxiety over it getting worse if I get pregnant.
My symptoms are just slight chest pain that comes and goes but doctors have just said it is costochondritis.
Basically im looking for reassurance if anyone knows more about this condition and pregnancy I would love to hear more about it.

I had a MMC in April at almost 10 weeks. My d&c was April 18. I kept testing my HCG to see it go down but it continued to give faint positives.
I am one of those people with strong ovulation symptoms. I get the lead up to it with back aches, insomnia, etc. The day of I get my sharp pains and bladder pressure.
May 3 I took a HCG test and still super faintly positive even though I had all the ovulation symptoms. May 4 I got my sharp pains like every month I ovulate. I kept telling myself you aren't ovulating... Your HCG tests are positive.
Since May 3 and today (May 14) I've taken 2 more HCG tests. Both negative. For the last 5ish days I kept saying "hurry up and bleed so we can try again". Sure enough no period. I'm driving home from work and my boobs started killing me. So 8pm tonight I take a test and it's faint positive but very obviously positive.
I don't know what to think. I have had 2 negatives over the last week and a half. But how could I have ovulated around May 4 when I was still getting faint positives??? My doctor wanted us to wait for 1 period cycle but we were careless because if I was getting positive pregnancy tests I 100% assumed I wouldn't be getting pregnant or in a fertile window.

Reddit: u/SothoryrosFan
Discord: NorvosFan(Cuuner)
Name: Lomas "Big Lom" Hardy
Age: 46
CG: Firstmen
Appearance: Age has been kind to Lomas, refining the sharpness of his jaw, and strengthening his cheekbones. His hair is a comforting shade of brown and his eyes are a soft green, not unlike fresh grass. Years of working the fish trade and handling heavy weapons have left Lomas incredibly broad in stark contrast to his otherwise small stature.
Trait: Strong
Skill(s): Two-handed(E), Firstman warrior(E), Reckless
Talents: catching crab, cooking crab, eating crab
NT: N/A
Start Title: Lord of Strongbox
Start local: The Event
TIMELINE

• Lomas is born in 21 BC as the second child of Lord and Lady Hardy, unfortunately due to preexisting health issues, his mother would not survive the labor.
• Lomas' sister is married in 1 BC
• Lomas joins the army of Aegon the Conqueror alongside many other houses in the area. During the war he is jokingly nicknamed 'Big Lom' on account of his shortness. Later that year his sister and would be nephew die during a difficult labor, a similar case to his mother's death.
• Lomas' Good brother dies of a stomach infection in 1 AC
• By 3 AC, Lomas' fathers health is in decline and so the two remaining Hardys rarely leave their keep.
• in 11 AC Lomas is married to a distant cousin in order to produce an heir for his dying house, she dies that same year after being kicked by a donkey.
• In 15 AC Lomas and his father attend the festivities in The Kingswood, and though they both survive the initial rigamarole, Lomas' father passes from heart pains the following night
• Lomas catches a fairly big crab in 22 AC, this was a good year.
• in 25 AC, Lomas leaves Strongbox to attend the party hosted in the Kingswood after his maester pressured him to go out and court before his bloodline dies out.

FAMILY TREE
Da fam
NPCS
Maester Megellen (Medic) - An old man who has had too many conversations about crab related topics over the years
(This is the only NPC I want)

Hello! I am a 28 year old male. I just spent 6 days admitted to the hospital with concerns about a cardiac event because I was having facial parasthesia (tingling, numbness), the same sensation in my left arm and to a less frequent extent, my right arm. I also experience lower jaw and tooth pain, but I can’t tell if this is a symptom or if it is secondary to the swollen tonsils and adenoids.
For context, my wife and son recently got sick. My wife was very sick. Enough so that she sometimes cried about how much her throat hurt and even got a couple of chest x-rays for pneumonia. She was tested for every common illness because she had an insanely painful sore throat, a VERY bad cough, a whisper quiet lost voice and her tonsils were huge. The only result that showed was that she had a past EBV infection at some point.
I also got sick, of course. However, things went differently for me. I got sick and developed a bad sorrow throat and that was about it. This continues to this day, which is 12 days later. It’s still quite bad. My tonsils are also huge, but not as big as they were. I have tonsil secretions but I had more before.
A few days into my sore throat, my left face began to tingle. It was… weird. No pain, nothing else really. Just tingle. Later on in the day, my lip went numb. I went to the ER thinking that I was stroking out or something but the CT was fine and they sent me home.
The very next day, my left arm started to tingle and hurt and my arm starting from under my armpit medially(if supinated) running down my upper arm but not below my elbow started to ache. My shoulder had sensations of cold as well. The tinglng sensation continues and it runs down to my hand where I feel pain that that travels around but is mainly in my palm, thumb and fourth/fifth finger. This also occurs in my right arm. In fact, it’s happening right now. Both sides of my face are tingling as well.
To be clear, Yale’s cardiology team did a very extensive workup including s PET/CT nuclear stress test, echocardiogram, several EKG’s, maybe a dozen troponins a chest X-ray. No cardiac pathology was revealed. The only thing that was somewhat weird is that my symptoms were alleviated several times by nitroglycerin, but this may very well be psychosomatic due to my extreme anxiety over it being cardiac in nature and causing panjc attacks that the nitroglycerin calmed by lowering my BP and distracting me with low BP symptoms, honestly. I am a very anxious individual and I was very laser focused on it being cardiac pain because of the location. So much so that I did not even think of the possibility of my illness being related during my hospitalization. They did test me for strep and COVID and it was negative but given the fact that my wife was negative for EBV, they did not think it necessary.
I am wondering if perhaps this mystery infection could have triggered GBS? I do see a neurologist but my closest available appointment is three months from now.
So, what do you fine people think? Do these symptoms sound like potential GBS? If so, would gabapentin help? How can I go about making this easier for myself? I do have an RX for that. Thanks for reading.

Hi guys! I just got my open water certification 2 days ago and was wondering about some health concerns I’ve been having. I have a mild sharp pain in my chest on the left side and a slight dry cough. It is worse when moving around, but overall not that bad. I do have some dizziness, but I did rupture an ear drum, so I think it’s from that. Does this seem normal to everyone? We did do an emergency ascend from about 30 feet deep. That isn’t likely to cause any serious injuries right?

My period has lasted from 5th-9th may, had unprotected sex both during and after my period, since the 12th ive been feeling very ill, ive had abdominal cramps, twinges and tiny sharp pains if that makes sense lol and just general sickness: nausea,headaches that wrap around my head and i cant move, hot flushes,etc. my partner, doesnt have any of these symptoms and usually within a day or two, if one of us gets sick the other quickly follows. I'm nervous about if ill need to take a test, and just sorta waiting for him to become sick 😅 is there a chance or could it just be an illness?

TW: current pregnancy
I am so so grateful to be in my 9th week with my next baby and want to acknowledge that because I know many many women face their due date without a new pregnancy and hope and I can’t even imagine the pain
My due date from my tfmr baby was this upcoming Friday 5/17 and I thought the hope of this next baby would be what i needed to cope, but instead I’m creating fears and being paranoid and panicking about the new pregnancy being okay (I went 6 days ago and the baby was great) and the due date is hitting me harder than I thought.
I am hopeful and so so very happy for this new pregnancy and love this second baby so so much and also love my first baby so so much and miss him - it’s such a weird feeling, I want them both and it’s not even possible to have had them both since they overlapped
I’m kind of just ranting and crying but anyone else get overly emotional/paranoid/insane during this time

Blachowicz here.
Kept yah’ waiting, huh? Heh, sorry about that one, but I can explain. As we all know… we lost a few good men the last few months.
That’s the brutal part of a hybrid war like ours: We’re fighting a foe unconventional, with half our arsenal tied down because those who grant us authorization are either in disbelief of the true facts, or scared… or already assimilated. That being said our momentum recently was a change not seen in years, and because of that… despite the losses we have garnered, we were close through a breakthrough. One last night Krol pulls myself and other two must trusted squad leads into the back of our COP. There is one of our equipment cages, surrounded by m-bitter radios, tripods, and several hundred thousand dollars of equipment he brought us around a simple worn table. Before us he laid a map of eastern poland… red markings indicating cells that seemed to dot the countryside like a pestilence, or used to… as deep gashes of advance from raids had trisected their lines, even if ones did pop up in the interior.
It was a back and forth; an outside virus infecting Polska at it’s heart, and we were the antibodies sent to drive them out. To which… Major Krol points to one of the largest symbol on the map: a dark red diamond, the NATO symbol for an enemy unit, deep inside of an untouched wooded area, adjacent to a mountain ridge. Several jagged lines indicated entrenchment, with red horizontal lines indicating possible enemy control… or our contested control, for over 20kms surrounding it. Letting us all look, the Major lit himself a cigarette.
“Sir, you sure it’s wise to smoke in here with the dive tanks just behind us” 1st Squad’s lead quipped. “Fuck off” Krol dryly said.
“Alright… this is it… this is the one we’ve been searching for for years, this is the nucleus my predecessor commander died trying to find” he says, pointing to it. Not far from Zamosc, it was almost touching the border with Belarus, the contested area indicating the Strigoi did operate over it… indicating one of the largest spill through points. “-It’s an old soviet bunker, made during their 1960s initiative it was designed to hold the munitions and manpower of several units in the event of a NATO first strike” Krol explained. “It’s gotta be massive then…” I said gazing at the map; “Didn’t the army demolish all of the old soviet hulks near Belarus to prevent any infiltrations?” 3rd Squad’s lead asked. “National Police took the effort over… and by extension, the Strigoi. It was halfway demo’ed before they burrowed into it and have been using it as a bridgehead ever since. This is it…” Krol said. He looked around at all of us, a sense of certainty I had never seen before as he blew smoke from his nostrils; “We’ve been fucking around in the dark for so long, it’s hard to believe we’ve made any progress, but this is it. With this gone, this will set them back over a decade and the momentum will finally shift into our favor… into Poland’s… -Europe’s”.
I swear there was almost a flash of joy, of pride in his eyes and a phantom of a smirk before reality set back in “That being said… we can’t leave this to chance, especially not something as important as this. We’re going to have to go there ourselves… clear through every inch of that place, and tear it all down, piece by piece. I will be straight with you all… when we go, there will be some of us that aren’t coming back. -but we are going… a whole generation is counting on us, and unborn billions rely on us to succeed”. We all nodded, a silent agreement washing over us as we took this upon ourselves. Echo-1 spoke up: “So… They’re authorizing a raid? How big?”. “We’re rolling in as a hard target, armor, explosives, and air support” Krol answered, taking a drag off his cigarette. “Aviation? How the hell did we get that approved, we’ve gotten attempts shot down four times due to those leeches” I said in disbelief. “There’s too much evidence here pointing to the human trafficking tied to their actions… We’ve finally got too much weight pinning them down, to keep the hammer from slamming into their necks” Krol chuckled. He looked around “Any questions?”. “When?” Echo-3 asked. “Three hours. We’re hitting them in the dead of night, only time we could get the birds authorized. Get your boys ready. We’re rolling out” Krol said, dying the cigarette bud out on the table. I can’t begin to tell you the euphoria we felt leaving that cage, as our men started arriving, they did so a lot quicker, and with their heads a lot higher than they had in weeks. As Second Squad’s lead we were going to be one of the main arms of attack into the bunker, thus I made sure we had a breacher loaded with enough thermite, charges, and tools to cut through anything. Our shield bearer we ready to go, as was our assaulters, grenadiers, and machine gunner. I double checked each and everyone of their weapons; ensuring the feeder paws of our squad’s belt fed were intact, making sure every breach charge we had was properly set and packed. There was going to be no mistakes, no slip ups. The margin of error needed to be the smallest it had ever been for us tonight if we were going to make the gore spilt worth it.
Finally… there on the outside of the building, the bright LED lights kept the darkness of the ensuing night at bay as the roar of our MRAPs could be heard. It was said once that war is 99% peace, and 1% chaos, they were right. The slow periods where the blood slowed and the doubt creeped in was the worst… yet we all kept it at bay. We needed to, there was going to be no backing down tonight. All three squads were up, all of us ready to go… we circled up… short stares and shaky nods telling us one things: We were in this together, till the end… the finish line so many before us had been searching for, we were being granted tonight.
A single set of footsteps could be heard as we turned, Major Krol stepping into the center. He took the last drag of a cigarette, throwing it down to the ground and stamping it out onto the damp concrete. He looked around… his chin strap blowing in the weak air as he met everyone of our gazes… then mine… then looked around. “I want you to remember every detail of tonight, as you have every other night… when you are situationally aware, scanning for the enemy, liberating the subjugated, I want you to remember the sting of anxiety, the shake of adrenaline, the chill of the bunker, the heat of your weapon as it cuts them down… because tonight we are going to write every fine detail of our victory, their defeat, in history…” Krol’s words echoed deep into our souls. He paused for a moment, staring around he looked down… a small pause before he said “When you are ruthless in combat, remember to be patient, and reserved in victory. This conflict is for our existence… a lot of innocents have bled due to the mistakes of those who failed to listen, a lot of our brothers are now laid under because we had to bridge the gap of uncertainty with their lives. We remember them now… but in an hour? We forget them… when we raise our barrels, when we cut into those foes, and we liberate Polska!! This does not end tonight, but history puts everything in it’s place, and patience is the companion of the victor… All of our hard work will be cemented, no matter the obstacles we face in that darkness… no matter the demons, the blood, no matter what incomprehensible horrors, we will make them comprehend that to invade our land, to bleed our people, the justice will be paid in full… Load up. It’s time*”*.
The purpose in our steps was heavy as we climbed the back ramps of the MRAPS; Four of the heavily armored vehicles, one for each squad with an additional for attached personnel including our JTAC, the term means Joint Terminal Attack Controllers. With air support requisitioned to us for this operations, there needs to be a definite liaison on the ground who can directly communicate to the birds, and coordinate their fire and progress. I’d worked with many of them in the past, resourceful guys, quick thinking though I guess that comes with the position they hold of needing to quickly figure out what bombs to drop, on which target, at what precise points, whilst taking contact. He loaded in the lead vehicle with Major Krol… and soon, our convoy kicked off.
The drive was several hours as myself and my squad sat in the back of that forty ton goliath, the rumbling of the engine keeping us awake as the crap heater fought to keep the cold from the outside frost from setting in. I looked around to each of them, some were catching some sleep because even with the circumstances… better to get all the energy you can, than to stay awake for nothing. Others were checking their weapons… My gunner locked eyes with me, the same one from the village extraction… many of these men I had trained with for a while now, fought with for months.
We may have met on unconventional circumstances but those in JW Grom thrive on austere chance and create opportunity from scratch. I was pulled from my thought by the sound of a transmission, my peltors were set up for dual comms so I could both receive information from the Major and other leads, whilst communicating with my team.
Krol himself sent out: [“Approximately 10 minutes from enemy AO…”]. As the rest of the squads acknowledged, I quickly sent out [“Echo-2 Copies”], before kicking the boots of any of them sleeping: “Look alive, we’re here”. Through the exterior net armor of the MRAPS, and the bars protecting the small reinforced windows, we could barely see jack shit. I reached up, turning off the overhead light as we all looked through our nods to scan the outside. A dark wall of dense trees was shown before us, making it difficult to see… in addition to night vision capabilities we had also requisitioned ourselves some thermals… when mounted onto rifles they were bulky, made it a pain to aim down quickly, but considering the supernatural capabilities of spotting our foes we needed every advantage necessary.
I flipped out one of my tubes… scanning the outside with my scope. I looked over to one of my assaulters who had been assigned to man the turret of the MRAP, seated near the view screen as he controlled the 50. Cal. Each of the vehicle turrets had been assigned a direction to cover… we took the 9 o’clock, the left flank. “See anything?” I asked. He shook his head; “Negative… wait… I’ve got two cold signatures, front left heading to our rear”.
I quickly scanned the far tree line, at approximately 60 meters off our left were two cold signatures… followed by a third heading to our front… then another. They were surrounding us, moving at speeds so fast I could barely keep my reticle on them. Is this what the National Police saw? What they faced at that lodge without the benefit of a foot of heavy armor protecting them on all sides. Then… suddenly. Something slammed into the side of our MRAP so hard, it caused it to shake. From over the leader comms, Echo-3 quickly shouted [“Contact right!! 4 hostiles!!”].
One of the Strigoi… so bold, had charged and slammed into the side of our MRAP. I quickly looked to see the figure, a dark blue mass of cold energy through my thermal, back away without so much as a stagger… as they tried to flee into the woods, the white hot justice of Echo-3’s gun fired at them, cutting them down. “Blachowicz I’ve got a few breaking for our vic” my man on the turret called out, I spun around, spotting out the window.
Just then, Major Krol announced [“weapons free, watch and shoot for targets of opportunity…”]. I turned to him… “take those fuckers out-”. Without hesitation my vic’s turret began to quickly target them, and through the darkness I saw a stream of outgoing fire bisect one of them, the ISR of the black blood freaking out the optic so badly it didn’t know what temperature to register it as… but it did register it. As another was cut down, one broke through the tree line and latched onto the side of our MRAP. The thing tore at one of the outer net armor panels, usually made to stop RPGs. It grabbed at the bars near the windows, tearing one off… I lowered my rifle as we locked eyes through the reinforced window.
The thing… the Strigoi looked at me, skin cracked as putrefied muscle fibers seemed to leak through dead flesh. It’s teeth were corroded and worn down to sharp fragments, alongside newly mutated fangs that messily protrude from the jaws. Even through the thick walls of the MRAP I could hear it’s roar, as it then tried to punch it’s way through… it cracked the outer coating of the vehicle… but it wasn’t getting anywhere near. My machine gunner, seated next to me, seemed to chuckle at the sight, quippily saying “Yeah… fuck you too”. It’s then our vehicle lurched upwards, as we began to climb the small incline of the bunker. I knew the layout, mapped it in our head, the main entrance was built into the rocky side of an old cliff meaning we could easily set up a defensive perimeter around it, a horseshoe. Krol’s vehicle was first, taking to the right as Echo-3’s MRAP followed. My vehicle, third, left the incline and took a left and… that’s where things got complicated.
We’re still trying to work out what happened but… from what Joakim says his drone captured. Right when the MRAP turned, several of the monsters quickly slammed into the side of the vehicle, as another more bulkier one, pushed at it’s undercarriage. The result.. Was the 40 ton armored vehicle tipped over. It wasn’t uncommon, hell in some cases a well placed IED, a good shot with a recoilless rifle, have been known to tip over Oshkoshs and Maxpros all the time. But this beast? Needless to say we barely had a second to comprehend it as it leaned to the left; “Grab on to something-” is all I had time to shout. A mess of gear and men spilled onto one side of the vehicle as it slammed into the old gravel and dirt.
Several of my assaulters, my grenadier planted right ontop of myself and the others as we came to a stop. Someone’s knee slammed directly into the side of my skull, causing me to dazily bob in and out of consciousness as my face was smushed against the glass of one of the windows.
Through my peltors, the other squads were erratic;
[“Echo-2’s vehicle is down!!”].
[“Echo-3 to Echo-2… Echo-3 to Echo-2…”].
Krol’s voice came through the comms;
[“Echo-Lead to Echo-2… Fuc-... Echo-1 secure Echo 2’s flank, Echo-3”].
[“Echo-3 to other units, they’re spilling through, I’ve got several enemy combatants converging on Echo-2’s vehicle”].
I pushed the legs of my grenadier off my head as I fought to my hands and knees, unfucking my nods as I looked around… “Fuck it… we’re going lights on, shield your eyes” I muttered as I reached for the overhead lights and flipped them on. The bright LEDs bathed the inside of the vehicle as we all gained our bearings, a mess of multicam, gear, and weapons as we quickly pushed each other off. My gunner caught as he fought to realign his promask, from what I gathered one of the assaulters had landed directly into his gun, pushing it directly into his jugular, as pulled back at the rubber and coughed, freeing up his esophagus. We didn’t have time to think however… the sound of bending metal caught our attention… as the back ramp door of the MRAP was ripped clean off. I could barely believe it but as the white light of the MRAP’s interior poured to the outside, a hulking mass leaned in, the dead flesh on it’s face nearly fallen off as the hideous Strigoi leaned inside.
Without hesitation I aimed took aim, yelling “Keep to the deck!!” to any of those inbetween myself and the invader as I opened fire. A burst of full auto fire tore through it’s collar and neck, my men quickly clung to either sides of the fallen MRAP as a few more fired out. As the thing backed up, a blast of .50 cal fire quickly tore it to shreds, along with several others as I realized they were fuckin swarming over the outside of our vehicle. Echo-3’s vehicle continued to carefully fire on the Strigoi on the outside, the sounds of .50 cal ricocheting off the outside of our armor was enough to make the pucker factor set in.
[“Echo-3 to Echo-2”].
[“This is Echo-2, we’re green on ammo, equipment, men”].
[“Roger, we’re shifting fire, exit the vehicle”].
“Hurry up let’s go!!” I barked to my men, leading the way as I staggered out. I turned on my peq, taking aim at silhouettes in the brush as I began to fire. The sounds of machine guns lighting up the brush, as a sea of growls, howls, and incomprehensible roars fired back at us was the ambient noise of the night. My men quickly exited, my gunner being the last as he and I pulled back to the rest of the defensive perimeter. I set in my men to take up the frontal security, as 3rd squad took the right flank, 1st squad to the left. Major Krol and the JTAC were bickering with each other; “How far out are the birds”. “They’re entering airspace now…” Joakim said, already scanning his smart book.
I asked “What’ve we got?”. He then flipped through… to the NATO combined arms segment, quippily saying; “Apaches…”. This caused me to pause as Echo-3 turned their head whilst directing their squad’s fire “The hell… where did we get apaches from?”. “The Americans… they volunteered” Krol said dismissively as he took aim at the darkness, firing off a controlled trio. “Volunteered? They’re aware of what’s going on?” I asked.
Krol seemed to stop, glancing back at me before returning his focus “There’s a lot more going on than you realize, Blachowicz… Prep the breach, you and 1st are going on”.
I quickly pulled my breacher off the line, securing some thermite as the reinforced bunker door wasn’t going to go as easily as a conventional door breach would. 1st Squad pulled back, stacking up and preparing themselves to be the first in. All the while… Joakim gave his firing solution; “Alpha Hotel Two Five Nine, This is Bravo-4…… Type 2….”.
I snapped to my right, watching as a Strigoi managed to dark across the clear gravel field, only to be cut down by my gunner, the peq’s laser marking the burst as it tore through the beasts’ hips, as it hit the ground and still continued to claw, another GROM operator took aim and fired into it’s skull. Joakim popped up to his feet…. “Marking laser, high power…”. He then pulled out a target marking laser… if you’ve watched night operations, you’ve probably seen them.
The green laser than as it says on the label, marks targets. The pattern of which can vary… if it’s a point target, it’ll usually lasso an area, or remain on target until the target is removed with extreme prejudice. If its close air support, then it’ll be a line of the general area… and Joakim damn near marked the entire perimeter around us. He quickly pocketed the tool, turning back to Krol; “Don’t go past 20 meters unless you want to be liquidated”.
With that… 2nd and 1st stacked up at the door as 3rd squad took up the perimeter security. As Major Krol went over to Echo-1… I saw them. A single blinking IR strobe from the beasts as they moved on the far off horizon, converging from several angles… and fired. The sound of the Apache’s main gun, the M230, truly sounds like the hammer of god… the 30mm cannon shot through the dark sky, lighting it up as we saw three incoming streams tear up the woods. Only then as the sound broke did we start to hear their rotors as they broke and began to circle, firing again… then… Joakim dipped his head and looked to Krol; [“Foxtrot Mike, hang onto your teeth…”]. One of the Apaches fired off a AGM-114… a Hellfire. I barely saw it out of the corner of my eye as the Apache from our right flank fired off at a target approximately 200 meters off. A fireball lit up the forest as the horrendous roar echoed throughout… then went silent.
Echo-3 scanned the horizon carefully;
[“Echo-3 to Echo-Lead, enemy contact is starting to die down”].
[“Maintain perimeter, Close Air is to maintain fire mission until we are boots up, Break…”].
[“Echo-Lead to Echo-1, condition white has been met. Proceeds”]. I saw Echo-1 and his men quickly stack up close to the wall and gesture to me; Breaching. I quickly pulled my stack back against the wall as his and mine breacher quickly hit their actuators. Now under normal circumstances, it doesn’t take much for thermite to melt the locks off of a metal surface, in fact it’s a more precise took as alternative means get real medieval like saws, pry bars… we weren’t in the mood for precision, we need to breach their little lair, and drag them out. The sound of several pounds of hellfire burning through the metal could be heard around the corner as a sea of white and red sparks flew out… after several seconds, two of our men tossed a fragmentation grenade and a nine-bang through the opening… a series of concussive blasts and a large explosion rang out.
Echo-1 and his men maneuvered. 1st Squad quickly converged as we followed them in.
Stepping through the black wall of smoke, the dark abyss of the interior was illuminated in a white light as entered barrels raised. Shots rang out as several of the beasts near the entrance were cut down, though not immediately, rounds disconnected the shoulder of one of them, leading to their arm hanging limply by a single tendon as they roared… another series of rounds putting them down. What greeted us was a messy concrete hell of rust and debris, fecal matter, trash, and all kinds of obstacles laid in our way, our boots sticking to the floor. I thank every god we had promasks that night. I called my shield bearer up, 2nd squad leapfrogging ahead to take the next corridor as 1st squad checked their weapons.
One of my men mule kicked the metal door ahead, twice, finally the latch gave away as we tossed in a grenade. A horrifying roar was cut off as an M67 shook the walls of the ancient soviet mausoleum, frag and spall kicked off the walls as I moved in right behind my shield man. The cramped russian design meant there was barely enough space for three people, and that’s three normal people, not in 50kgs of kit, moving slowly and maneuvering against creatures of the dark. Still… we moved forward, my shield bearer and I pushing the pace as two stacked of either squad formed on either wall.
As we passed doorways they flowed in… “Door Left!!”, “Door Right!!”. “Move!!”.
Two men entered each side, no gunshots, we moved up, a roar came.
“Door left!!-”. A series of gunshots came out as we continued to push forward.
“Two down!!”. “Confirm them” Krol commanded, as a series of gunshots run out in response. From one of the doorways, a Strigoi emerged… a female… clumps of hair had been ripped from her decaying skull, as her blooded eyes locked on myself and my shieldman. The skin on her hands had been tore down to the point where barely her bones and tendons remain… looking like huge talons as she roared and lunged at us. He fired off his pistol, though the rounds did little to stop her as she pushed against our stack.
“Fuck!!” he muttered, somehow her strength caused him to stagnate, holding up the advance… fuck that. I shoved the muzzle of my MK18 into her ribcage, flipping the weapon to auto as I fired of round after round. The 5.56 salvo disconnecting her spinal column, causing her to fall as I continued to fire, along with a man to our right and left as the stacks reformed as we pushed to the end of the hall. I fell back, dropping the magazine and loading a fresh one, like clockwork a GROM Operator from 1st squad took my place. Krol was beside me as we approached the end of the hall.
[“-Prep an entry”] I radioed to my breacher, a comrade handed him one of the charges from his back panel as he took to the door, quickly securing it. We all moved as far back as we could, look away, exhale. The blast knocked metal and wood in all directions, scrapping against our uniforms and kit as we made our way in and what laid before us was… it used to be the center atrium of one of these bunkers. Soviet’s loved their grandiose designs, the complex was supposed to be a circular room around a central planning table… instead. It had been turned into some sort of church. Runes and old eastern Romuva pagan symbols written in black ink and blood across the walls, old rotten filing cabinets, long receipt terminals. In the center… several of the Strigoi were kneeling before the table where someone had been tied down, flayed, and… shared amongst the group. They rose to their feet, we aimed our barrels…
The ladder amongst turned to us… his skin wasn’t cracked, or flayed, it was smooth… it still looked dead as the body on the table but it seemed more… accustomed to it. I don’t know… evolved? Under the surface however I could see it’s darkened veins pumping whatever cursed blood ran through them as it locked two blood red eyes onto each of us. It’s nose had long since been turn off, exposing boney nostrils to the open air as it seemed to smirk. All across it’s body were the same symbols on the walls, in every cell… markings of death, of rebirth, of assimilation… From behind this seemingly Alpha emerges another figure I had never seemed before… dressed in a white cloak with a deer head.
"So they've followed the trail... they're too late" the Deer headed individual spoke, definitely not from here, a dialect similar to an Americans but... aristocratic? Each word was drawn out, assurance as if they had everything mapped down to our actions. They didn’t sound like they were from Poland or the east.
“Doesn’t matter…” the Alpha growled… and then, it lunged at us. Quickly breaking from their ground it slammed into my shield man knocking both him and myself at the ground as it displayed an intense feat of strength. Around us I could see several of the Strigoi leap at our comrades… though to no fruitful endeavor as I could see one GROM operator cut two down, as another got into a hand to hand confrontation… my breacher, crafty as they were, reached back and slammed one of the prybars of his kit into the skull of the beast.
The Alpha however was not content as it threw away the 90lb shield, sending it flying across the room as it grabbed my comrade by the skull. I quickly kicked up at it, firing my MK18 into it’s body as the rounds pierced it’s gray and rune covered flesh. The thing simply seemed to chuckle… that was until Major Krol blasted away at the side of it’s head, the alpha turned… and it’s smirk turned to a scowl when face to face with the major. A knowing pause almost like they had done this dance before…
The creature lunged, locking up with Major Krol as it swung and slammed railing. Krol didn’t back down however as he pushed against the creature, hiptossing it to the ground even as it tore at his armor and gear. But the beast pulled, both of them rolled and the Major was on his back as the thing reached for his neck. I fought to a kneel, firing into the creature messily with my MK18, trying not to hit my commander… then…
Click. A sound sends a chill up the spine of every warfighter during a firefight.
My gun ran dry. I dropped the magazine, looking to load another, but the thing came up and with one of it’s claws, sliced deep into my cheek, through the pro mask. I could feel my own blood go flying through the air as I landed hard on my back plate, spitting out red iron as I quickly tried to adjust my mask. Through my fogged up, blood covered lense… I saw my shield man raise his pistol, firing into the skull of the thing staggering it with a roar. Krol came from behind, drawing his knife he sunk it deep into the neck of it…. I reached for my rifle, forcing a new magazine in and damn near punching the bold release. ““Sir, down!!” I shouted, Krol rolled away, back to his own rifle as I fired. So did my comrade as he continued to fire his pistol… so did the Major as he fired his rifle. All of us chewing through that apex predator of darkness, that beast… the leader that had been preying on our people for so long. Layer by layer, muscle group by bone… eventually… the alpha landed on whatever was left of his back.
The silence of the fight died down as all of us checked our surroundings, GROM Operators putting controlled pairs in the heads and nerve stems of any Strigoi laying around… I flicked my weapon onto safe, letting it hang as I pulled off my mask. I dared not touch the wound on my face… the pain nearly crippling me if it wasn’t sheer will pushing me through, and adrenaline doing all it could to subdue it. The sound of the apaches continuing to lay hate drew us from our moment of contemplation as the Major went back to work; [“Confiscate any info, burn the rest…”]. He turned back to me as I shoved my damaged M50 mask back into it’s bag, chuckling as he looked at the sight; “You need a medevac, Blachowicz?” he quipped.
I shook my head, barely able to speak as I muttered; “Negative sir…”. The two of us scanned the room as my shield bearer went to collect his defense implement turned 90lb projectile, we scanned the center of the room, checking and confirming bodies, until we got to the last one alive. His white gown was soaked in red crimson and black ooze, as his dear head was mangled from bullet fire and impact from falling on it. I swear… the way his blood poured out of it though made me wonder if it was a mask. I gave it no second thoughts as he looked to Krol; “You… you can’t stop this, they’ve already-”.
The Major was in no mood for communication as his rifle snapped up and fired off three rounds to the body, four the head. The violent yet quick salvo ending the cultists life, I looked down at it, then to him as he remarked; “Have your squad drag him out to the front, burn the rest”. I stood alongside him, looking down as the sight of it’s deer head was both captivating and horrifying… the curiosity in me wanting to look closer at it fighting the primal instinct I had to burn the thing to ash. “-Haven’t seen one of those before…” I muttered, thinking the Major had an answer.
He didn’t. Krol saying “Neither have I…” shortly before he walked away, was what truly shook my soul about that entire night. Victory stood firm in our hearts that night as we stood outside of the bunker. The night sky burning with fire and white phosphorus as we watched the ruin burn from the inside from the other side of the lot. In the distance, the Apaches continued to scan and circle the forests, no longer firing…. Which meant they had driven any or turned to glass any enemy combatants within a four miles, probably both, more than likely the latter. Echo-1 patted me on the shoulder as we stood there, soaking it all in, though Krol looked none to pleased. “In the time it took us to take this one down, they’ll be trying to set up three more cells… that being established…” he said, looking to either of us, then to Echo-3. “-Hell of a thing we did tonight, been waiting for this one for a decade, cleanly, maybe more… but no time to rest on our laurels… we’ll have another task for us as soon as we’re boots down back home” he said, to which his eyes followed mine, the body of whatever cultist that was zipped up in a black body bag beside the wheel of one of the MRAPs. The fire from the bunker casting an orange hue over it’s shiny jet black outside, something didn’t sit right with me… “That wasn’t a Strigoi…” I said to Krol.
“That’s very clear…” the Major said, shoving his mask under his arm and lighting a cigarette. “So… someone’s helping them?” I asked. The meer notion of it shook me to my core, sickened me. This parasite was already badly infecting Europa, Polska… if it was spread like this throughout the world. Krol settled my nerves: “We’ll be ready… It’s not just us anymore”. As he said that, I realized what he meant… my eyes looking to the Apaches as they started to form up, leaving the areas as their thunderous propellers melted into the night’s calm, unnerving ambience.
It’s been a couple of weeks since then, Echo Detachment has been busy. We’ve gained good ground against the enemy and honestly I think in a few years, we might see a much larger change. For now… we must keep going, that being said the Strigoi aren’t the only ones we’ve been combating. Recently we’ve made contact with of some sort of extermination coalition, they’ve known about the Strigoi, and others plaguing the world, the level of corruption and corrosion on society goes deep. Regardless a lot of the units we’ve been working with are apart of NATO, such as this “4th Special Forces Group” of the American Military. I don’t know where the road from here leads, but we’ve gotten momentum on our side, finally. Just remember… these things are out there, in every town, every city, every nation… preying and waiting for you to be alone, vulnerable, so they can take you and replace you.
Watch your back, and stay safe.
For now, Blachowicz signing out. Until next time

Hey Mama's, I'm in need of advice!
So, my son son is 13 months old and, yes, I am still breastfeeding. My pediatrician recommends two years, I don't know how long I will but I know I am not ready to give it up yet.
Over the last two months I've been having a lot of breast pain after months and months of completely pain free breastfeeding. It started as extremely sore nipples, the right nipple hurting the most. Over the first month my right nipple cracked and bled, and then healed completely. Now my right breast is completely fine, not painful at all.
My left breast, however, has never stopped hurting. The nipple has always been sore and painful to the touch still to this day. Five weeks ago I had a clogged duct that was resolved after 24 hours, but even though the clog went away the tenderness and soreness in that area never did (bottom right side of my left breast closer to my chest than my nipple). The pain just kept getting worse and worse, I went to see my doctor four weeks ago and she diagnosed mastitis and I started antibiotics.
During the course of those antibiotics my pain, again, kept getting worse, at this point it was sharp shooting and stabbing pain that would start in my nipple and radiate throughout my breast, not just in the area of the clogged duct but the whole underneath section. This pain happened only in the morning and lasted for a couple of hours with the shooting pain happening every few seconds. It got bad, this pain made me rock back and forth on the ground crying it hurt so bad. After this pain subsided my breast would ache throughout the rest of the day but be the most uncomfortable at night.
The sharp shooting pain lasted throughout the two weeks of antibiotics and another week after that but has since gone away. My breast still aches at night, my nipple is still excruciatingly painfull, and I still have tenderness and soreness in the area where I had the clogged duct five weeks ago. That area specifically hurts most at the end of the night after my son's last feeding.
My doctor has tested for thrush and it was negative, bacterial infections, also negative, and has done a mammogram and ultrasound on that breast, but again no answers. I'm at a complete loss, I don't know what to do, and I feel just absolutely defeated. Has anyone else had any problems like this?

As a child, my world revolved around the sunny streets of Simi Valley, California, and the constant absence of my father, Victor Drake. He was a legendary snowboarder, a thrill-seeker whose exploits were broadcast on television screens across the country. But to me, he was just Daddy, a distant figure whose presence was more often felt through the flickering glow of the TV than in our own home.
As the years passed by, I found myself growing more and more aware of his absence. I would watch other children playing with their fathers at the park, their laughter echoing in my ears like a cruel reminder of what I was missing. I would press my small hands against the warm glass, imagining each passing car as a messenger carrying my father's love. But no matter how much I hoped and prayed, he never seemed to come home.
Instead, I found comfort in the warm embrace of my grandparents, who took me in and raised me as their own. They became my surrogate parents, filling the void left by my father's absence with love and affection. But there was always a shadow lingering over our home, a sense of longing for the one who should have been there with us.
"Why doesn't Daddy stay with us?" I would ask, my voice trembling with emotion. And every time, my grandparents would offer the same explanation: "He loves you very much, sweetheart. But he has to travel for his work."
I accepted their words at face value, too young to question the truth behind them. "He's always too busy for us," I would mutter bitterly to myself, my young heart heavy with disappointment and betrayal.
There was one day...I wandered through the hallway of our house, I overheard my grandmother speaking on the phone. Her voice was tinged with frustration, her words clipped and sharp.
"You can't just not see her, Victor!" she exclaimed, her tone pleading. "She's your daughter, for crying out loud. You have a responsibility to her."
I stood frozen in the hallway, my heart pounding in my chest. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks—my dad was choosing not to be a part of my life, and it was tearing my family apart.
I felt a surge of raw emotion welling up inside me. Anger, sadness, confusion—all swirling together in a whirlwind of chaos that threatened to consume me whole. Without a word, I turned on my heel and fled, my footsteps echoing through the empty house as I raced back to my room. Slamming the door shut behind me, I collapsed onto my bed, tears streaming down my cheeks unchecked.
I didn't want to face the world outside, didn't want to confront the painful truth of my father's abandonment. So I stayed locked away in my room, the days blurring together into a haze of loneliness and despair. Outside my window, the sun continued to rise and set, casting long shadows across my walls as time marched on without me. But inside my sanctuary, time seemed to stand still, the outside world fading into insignificance as I retreated deeper and deeper into myself.
I spent those days lost in my own thoughts, wrestling with the thoughts that haunted me, searching for some semblance of understanding in the chaos of my emotions. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape the crushing weight of my father's absence, the gaping hole in my heart that refused to heal.
And so I remained trapped in that dark cocoon of despair, my only solace the faint glimmer of hope that someday, somehow, I would find the answers I so desperately sought. But until then, I was content to stay locked away in my room, sheltered from the harsh realities of the outside world, nursing my wounds in silence. Hoping that one day, he would come home and we could be a family again. That he would want to be my dad.
But whatever god was out there, must've heard my cries, answered my prayers.
I was ten now. I heard the front door creak open, the sound echoing through the silent house. My heart leaped into my throat, my pulse quickening with a mixture of anticipation and dread as I waited, holding my breath, for what would come next.
And then he was there, standing in the doorway, his familiar silhouette framed against the harsh glare of the midday sun. For a moment, I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't believe that he was actually here.
But there he was, my father, Victor Drake, holding out his arms to me with a tentative smile, as if unsure of whether he was welcome or not. And in that moment, all the anger and resentment that had consumed me for so long melted away, replaced by a flood of overwhelming relief and joy.
He had gifts in hand, peace offerings to soften the blow of his absence. A new pair of ice skates, gleaming in the sunlight, a token of his love and a promise of better days to come.
I wanted to hate him, to lash out at him for leaving me all those years ago, for breaking my heart and abandoning me when I needed him most. But as I looked into his eyes, saw the vulnerability lurking behind the bravado, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Instead, I threw myself into his arms, clinging to him as if my life depended on it, my tears mingling with his as we stood there, locked in an embrace that felt like coming home. And in that moment, all was forgiven, all was forgotten, as we basked in the warmth of each other's love, united once more by the bonds of family.
But even as I reveled in the joy of his return, a nagging doubt lingered at the back of my mind. Did forgiving him so easily make me stupid? Was I setting myself up for heartbreak all over again? Only time would tell, but for now, I pushed those thoughts aside, content to lose myself in the embrace of my father's love, if only for a little while longer.

I lived! I’m at home now eating lukewarm mashed potatos and beef gravy which is actually delicious. Gonna share what it was like so others can read and feel less nervous.
I got to the Oral Surgery Office which is about an hour away from me, had to do a urine test (pregnancy test) and took a quick nervous poop (if you know you know). Then the nurse began hooking up a blood pressure cuff and all the other instruments, even gave me a blanket! She was so nice and answered all my questions and made sure to give me plenty of information before hand.
Then the anesthesiologist came in and he was super chill, he mentioned in passing that he was also currently working in a hospital operation room as another job so it made me feel really safe knowing he had so much experience. I asked them to put the IV in my arm rather than my hand and honestly that was the worse part of the procedure. Unfortunately I also wouldn’t be able to keep my teeth after but I’d be able to see and hold them.
The nurses and the anesthesiologist went back and forth for a while, doing some medical records stuff, im sure as the words they were using were unfamiliar. They had to leave the room a couple of times too.
Then the anesthesiologists came back into the room, asked my full name, date of birth, and what procedure we were doing (to make sure I am of sound mind and aware), I did so and remember saying “my last words are feel free to use all the novocain you want”. The anesthesiologists then warned that he was injecting medication to make me feel relaxed. Medicine didn’t hurt at all going it, it felt actually cold in a refreshing. The anesthesiologist then asked me to move my butt back in the chair a little, I told him I couldn’t because I couldn’t move and that’s the last thing I remember. (I assume he might have positioned me after I was out and wasn’t expecting me to go down so fast).
I woke up about two hours late water gauze in my mouth and NO PAIN!! I apparently was even chatty after waking up, singing along to the music they had playing in the background and trying to talk to everyone. Nurse had to readjust my gauze at one point because I started to choke on it a little. Got to see and hold my teeth which are much bigger than you expect they are. Then I was walked out of the office and went home!
So far the pain I’ve experienced today was been at the highest a 4-10. That was unfortunately because it was an hour drive to get back to my town, in which the drugs began to wear off rapidly but ice and some drugs as soon as I got home helped a lot. I then drank some water and took an amazing three hour nap. When you sleep after you may wake up in a puddle of blood (my chin had alot of blood on it but totally worth it for that amazing nap!
Overall the experience was fine! Don’t be worried the stress beforehand is definitely worse. You will be sore after, but it’s less of a sharp pain and more off a you feel like you just stubbed your toe really bad pain (if your face was your toe)
I rate the experience 10/10 so far! Just definitely try to take pain meds after as soon as you can with some ice and you’ll be fine

New Chapter on every MWF (Monday, Wednesday,Friday)
[First] [[Next>]
[Discord] [Buy me a coffee]
Chapter 20: The Storm's Fury
Gribble huddled in the depths of the cave, his heart pounding wildly as the fierce thunderstorm raged outside. The heavy rain and ear-splitting thunder created a scary symphony, unlike anything Gribble had ever heard before. Each booming thunderclap made the cave walls shake, and small rocks fell from the ceiling. Gribble's eyes darted around the small space, looking for any sign of safety, but the storm's anger seemed to fill every nook and cranny. Fear gripped his heart as he worried that the whole hillside might cave in, trapping him alive in the cave. The damp air was thick with the smell of wet dirt and the sharp tang of fear, and Gribble's skin tingled with goosebumps as the temperature dropped. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to stay warm and calm his frazzled nerves, but the storm's power only seemed to grow stronger with each passing moment.
The shadowy figure stood tall at the mouth of the cave, its form unmoving despite the heavy rain that pounded the outside. Gribble squinted his eyes, trying to figure out what the creature was through the curtain of darkness and the never-ending rain, but the details stayed hidden. The figure's posture was steady and scary, its broad shoulders and muscular build hinting at a tough enemy. Gribble's heart raced as he watched the figure, his mind imagining all sorts of terrifying possibilities. The creature's stillness was creepy, as if it was waiting for just the right moment to attack. A wave of dread washed over Gribble, and he instinctively pressed himself further into the cave's shadows, desperate to avoid being seen. The figure's presence was a stark reminder of the dangers that lurked beyond the cave's walls, and Gribble's survival instincts kicked into high gear as he thought about his next move.
A blinding flash of lightning tore through the night sky, filling the cave with an eerie, otherworldly light. For a split second, the creature's identity was revealed, and Gribble's eyes widened in horror as he took in the sight before him. Standing at the cave's entrance was a dark blue Thundercat, its muscular body rippling with power beneath its sleek, electric blue fur. The Thundercat's eyes gleamed with a predatory intensity, reflecting the lightning's flash like two pools of melted gold. Gribble's gaze was drawn to the creature's long, razor-sharp sabertooth fangs, which glinted menacingly in the momentary light. The sight of the Thundercat sent a wave of primal fear rushing through Gribble's veins, and he felt his breath catch in his throat. The stories he had heard of these legendary beasts paled in comparison to the reality that stood before him, and Gribble knew that he was facing a creature of unimaginable strength and ferocity.
Gribble's panic reached a fever pitch, his breath coming in short, labored gasps as he stared at the Thundercat. The tales of these feared creatures flooded his mind – whispers of the electric sparks that danced through their fur, of their immense strength that was said to rival even the most fearsome Owlbear. Gribble's heart pounded against his ribcage, and he could feel the cold sweat beading on his forehead despite the chill in the air. He knew that he was facing a daunting adversary, one that could easily overpower him in a head-on confrontation. The odds of survival seemed to dwindle with each passing second, and Gribble's mind raced as he desperately tried to come up with a plan. The Thundercat's presence loomed over him like a suffocating shadow, and Gribble could feel the weight of its gaze boring into him, even from across the cave. He understood that he must act quickly and decisively if he hoped to escape this encounter with his life.
Reacting on instinct, Gribble called upon his innate power to conjure bean-sized fireballs. With a flick of his wrist, he sent a barrage of the tiny, flaming projectiles hurtling towards the cave entrance, where they burst into brilliant flashes of light upon impact. The fiery assault illuminated the cave, casting dancing shadows on the walls and bathing the Thundercat in an orange glow. The heat from the flames was intense, and Gribble could feel the scorching air brushing against his skin. The fireballs sizzled and crackled as they hit the stone, sending sparks flying in all directions. For a moment, the cave was filled with a dazzling display of light and sound, a stark contrast to the dark, scary storm that raged outside. Gribble's heart pounded with a mixture of fear and excitement as he watched the fireballs explode, hoping that the sudden attack would be enough to distract the Thundercat and give him a chance to escape.
Gribble's mind raced as he sent the fireballs towards the Thundercat, desperately hoping that the sudden attack would give him the distraction he needed to make his escape. He focused his thoughts, tapping into his teleportation powers and trying to picture a safe place outside the cave. However, the tiredness and the fear that gripped his heart made it hard to concentrate. Gribble's brow furrowed as he tried to gather the needed energy, but his body felt heavy and sluggish, as if he was moving through water. The image of the safe haven he sought flickered in his mind's eye, tantalizingly close but just out of reach. Gribble gritted his teeth, pushing himself to the limits of his mental and physical strength as he struggled to keep his focus. The cave seemed to spin around him, and he could feel the cold tendrils of despair creeping into his heart as he realized that his teleportation powers might fail him in this critical moment.
Gribble's heart sank as he watched the Thundercat emerge unharmed from the fiery assault. The creature's electric blue fur crackled with energy, the sparks dancing across its body like tiny bolts of lightning. The Thundercat's eyes blazed with an otherworldly intensity, and it let out a deafening roar that shook the very foundations of the cave. The sound was unlike anything Gribble had ever heard before – a primal, guttural cry that seemed to echo through his very bones. The cave walls trembled, and small rocks and debris rained down from the ceiling, adding to the chaos of the moment. Gribble realized with a sinking feeling that the Thundercat was not only unharmed but enraged by his attack. The creature's muscles rippled beneath its fur as it prepared to charge, and Gribble knew that a battle was now unavoidable. He steeled himself, summoning every ounce of courage and determination he possessed, knowing that he must fight with all his might if he hoped to survive this encounter.
The Thundercat sprang into action, its powerful legs propelling it towards Gribble with a speed that defied belief. The creature moved with a fluid grace, its body a blur of electric blue as it closed the distance between them in mere seconds. Gribble barely had time to react before the Thundercat was upon him, its razor-sharp claws slashing through the air with deadly precision. He threw himself to the side, narrowly avoiding the initial attack, but the Thundercat's agility was unmatched. The creature pivoted mid-leap, its tail lashing out like a whip and its claws finding purchase on the cave wall as it redirected its momentum. Gribble's heart raced as he realized the true extent of the Thundercat's physical prowess – its reflexes were lightning-fast, and its strength was beyond anything he had ever encountered. The creature's eyes locked onto Gribble, and he could see the predatory gleam within them, the raw hunger for the hunt. Gribble knew that he must keep moving, keep dodging, if he hoped to stay alive long enough to find a way to counter the Thundercat's relentless assault.
Despite the fatigue that weighed heavily upon him, Gribble mustered the last reserves of his energy and called upon his earth vine powers. He focused his mind, reaching out to the cave floor and seeking the dormant life that lay beneath the stone. With a surge of effort, Gribble summoned a single, thick green tendril from the ground, watching as it burst forth and snaked its way towards the Thundercat. The vine wrapped itself around one of the creature's muscular legs, momentarily halting its advance and giving Gribble a fleeting moment of hope. However, the Thundercat's strength was too great, and it easily ripped through the vine with a snarl of annoyance. The severed tendril fell to the cave floor, writhing like a dying snake before going still. Gribble's heart sank as he realized that his earth vine powers, once a reliable ally in battle, were no match for the Thundercat's raw power. The creature's gaze turned back to Gribble, its eyes narrowing with a mixture of anger and predatory anticipation, and he knew that he must find another way to defend himself before it was too late.
Gribble's mind raced as he desperately searched for a way to gain the upper hand against the relentless Thundercat. In a last-ditch effort, he summoned another volley of bean-sized fireballs, pouring every ounce of his remaining energy into the attack. The tiny flames erupted from his fingertips in rapid succession, streaking through the air like miniature comets and striking the Thundercat's fur with sizzling precision. The creature hissed in pain as the fireballs singed its coat, but its anger only seemed to grow with each passing second. Gribble's exhaustion began to take its toll, his movements becoming sluggish and uncoordinated as he struggled to maintain the barrage. His vision blurred, and his limbs felt heavy, as if he was moving through molasses. The Thundercat pressed its advantage, its claws and fangs flashing in the dim light of the cave as it lunged towards Gribble with renewed ferocity. He knew that he could not keep up this pace for much longer, and a sense of despair began to creep into his heart as he realized that his efforts might not be enough to save him from the Thundercat's wrath.
The Thundercat seized the opportunity presented by Gribble's faltering defense, delivering a devastating blow that sent the young adventurer flying across the cave. Gribble felt the air rush from his lungs as he slammed into the unyielding rock wall, his body crumpling to the ground in a heap of pain and exhaustion. Stars danced before his eyes, and he gasped for breath, each inhalation sending shockwaves of agony through his battered frame. Gribble's mind reeled as he tried to assess the extent of his injuries, but the pain was too great, too all-consuming. He could taste the coppery tang of blood in his mouth, and he knew that he was badly hurt. The Thundercat's shadow fell over him, and Gribble looked up to see the creature looming above, its eyes glinting with a mixture of triumph and bloodlust. He tried to move, to crawl away, but his body refused to cooperate, and he collapsed back to the ground, his strength utterly spent. Gribble's heart pounded with the realization that he might not survive this encounter, and a cold sense of dread settled in the pit of his stomach.
Gribble lay broken and helpless on the cave floor, his vision swimming as he teetered on the brink of unconsciousness. The Thundercat stood over him, its electric blue fur crackling with energy as it prepared to deliver the final, fatal blow. Gribble's mind raced, desperately searching for a way out, for some last-minute miracle that could save him from this dire fate. He tried to summon his powers, to call upon the earth or conjure another fireball, but his body was too weak, too battered to respond. The Thundercat's eyes bore into him, and Gribble could see the raw, primal hunger that burned within them – the desire to end his life and claim victory. His heart hammered in his chest, and he could feel the cold tendrils of fear wrapping around his soul as he stared death in the face.
Would he find a way to overcome the Thundercat, or would his journey come to a tragic end in the depths of the cave? The fate of the young goblin hung in the balance, and only time would tell if he had the strength and cunning to emerge victorious.

This post may be a bit meandering, apologies in advance.
So I have not been actually diagnosed with GERD (or any other “official” named issue) but I started having symptoms of it a little over a year ago.
The most prominent is that I feel bloated very often and have to burp all the time. Burping feels like it should offer relief but it doesn’t seem to actually decrease the bloatiness much. I also will sometimes get random mild heart palpitations, and sometimes sharp pain in my left chest (I’ve had my heart and blood checked up and down, no issues, but it scares me still). I don’t get super bad burning but there is occasional mild heartburn. I’ve also had periods of time where I feel like my breathing is weirdly shallow or constricted, though if doesn’t make it actually harder to breathe or make me faint or anything—it feels almost as if my lungs are just smaller than before. But only sometimes.
I tried omeprazole, famotidine and Pepcid to no effect, same with diet changes. Then I tried Pantoprazole and it helped a lot. Been on it for some months now and it’s great but there is still a lot of variation in effectiveness.
This all started during my last semester of grad school so I suspect it may be stress induced.
I’m not asking anyone to try to diagnose me or something, but it’s odd to me that some of what I’ve been experiencing is very normal GERD stuff (e.g. burping and bloating) but some is not at all (e.g. lung weirdness and palpitations). Has anyone else experienced these latter issues with GERD? I’ve done a million tests and nothing wrong has been found except somewhat distended bowels so idk what would be causing these things.
Additionally, does anyone have advice for gas relief? I’ve been told that my bowels are a bit distended from gas buildup and obviously the bloating is that as well. The only thing that seems to exist to expel gas is simethocone and that does nothing for me.

I thought I would share my story here, because reading about everyone’s experiences has been so incredibly validating. So firstly; from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU everyone- in turn, I hope this helps someone, or that someone resonates with an experience, or adds to the collective consciousness of healing and realising that we deserve better. Because I need to believe that, I need to know this has been bad. I feel completely mental.
I’d like to start by saying this may not make sense and I’m a bit all over the shop rn and I apologise. And there are many, many things I could add to this that have added to the growing sadness and eggshell walking as the relationship went on, but I’ve tried to keep it small. I also want to say that you may be screaming at the screen wondering how I could be so stupid. And to that I say, me too. I am screaming at myself as well. As a 30-something year old woman, I acknowledge I was not the person I wanted to be in this situation. I wanted to be stronger.
I’m currently a couple of weeks out of my break up (or break up attempt 1 as I should probably put it, I’m still sending angry texts, receiving proclamations of love, wondering what if). I was with my nex (narcissistic ex) for nearly 7 years. We were meant to be getting married a week ago. For the last six months, my intuition had been telling me that a “friendship” he had with a coworker wasn’t right. This coworker was going through some stuff, and leant heavily on nex probably because he portrayed himself as a powerhouse at work who said whatever was on his mind and was always, always, always always right (newsflash he wasn’t). Nex has a saviour complex x1000 that I’d never let myself really think too hard about so he went hardcore “supporting her” and I sat on the sidelines thinking she needed that support. I won’t say anything about this girl but she’s not a girl’s girl. She’s a pick me. It kind of felt to me like- of course he’s not going to choose her, why would I worry about it. It’s too OBVIOUS. Like of course not? Look what we have.
Before this and during, Nex and I were planning on buying a house and were getting married (I was doing all the house saving, he had no idea about money but pretended he did, spent impulsively but was on a great salary, and I was doing all the wedding planning) and were planning on having a baby next year-ish. I had reached a point in my career that I was finally happy with, a career he said many shitty things about over our time together but it was the first thing he mentioned when talking to others and trying to impress. He had proposed at year 4 of the relationship (he always said he wouldn’t propose before 3 years because that’s how long his longest relationship was with his ex who he also cheated on). Red flag that yet again I ignored because I was different and this was different and I could change him and blah fucking blah.
Our relationship looked perfect. It really fucking did. I thought it was for a long time. I refused to think it wouldn’t be forever and wasn’t written in the stars. Behind the scenes, now I look back(ish) I realise I was struggling. I had raging PMS each month, often had depressive episodes that he would virtually ignore. I often struggled to watch movies where women had kind, funny and non reactive partners, I secretly envied my friends and their partners because they wouldn’t have to worry about what came out of their partner’s or their mouth next, or who their partner would fight with in the room, or how I would handle a public put down if he was in that mood or if I wasn’t handling myself perfectly. I walked on eggshells for years. I took his self aggrandising every day after work or sport as healthy self confidence. I was being slowly removed from my family as he argued with each one. He bragged about me and I felt like his trophy which I took as love and it gave me a false confidence I’d never had before when I was with him. When I spoke about him my inner voice said ‘wow, he really does sound great.’ His sister would often look at me and I felt like she always wanted to ask if I was really okay but I never let her. I had supported nex through addiction to weed/alcohol/substances of every kind (something I struggled to do because they have never been on my radar, just uninterested, and I was the bad person for that, I was the ‘child’ who wouldn’t immerse herself in the wonderful world of drugs), countless interpersonal issues at work and with his family, trying to support all sides, I had organised every home we had lived in, I organised cooking, cleaning, fun weekends, it was my goal to get him the most thoughtful and lovely presents I could find whenever I could. It was like it was my goal to be a fabulous girlfriend. I’m really not trying to pretend I’m perfect, but I can say 100% honestly that I put all I could into making him feel loved. He used to call me a unicorn, I guess because I just did whatever he wanted. However, I felt like I was going to bed in tears more often than anyone should. I got to the point where I wouldn’t put eye cream on because I knew I was just going to cry it off. Every Sunday morning I got a bit triggered by our local coffee shop because I always felt like that was where we were trying to pick up the pieces emotionally after fighting the night before over absolutely anything. I found this taxing, because never had I had such a tumultuous relationship with anyone before and I was wondering wtf was happening. He, on the other hand, often said how much he enjoyed conflict and he loved the feeling of anger. He said it to everyone and I always laughed it off. He said he was so good at handling people and he charmed so well, as he is incredibly good looking. He had issues with everyone - his bosses, his friends, his coworkers, his neighbours. We were in couples counselling after I couldn’t be yelled at anymore, and he had told a friend of ours that it was for me and not for him. I chose not to believe he said that because this friend had had issues with him too and I thought it might’ve been an attempt from them of triangulation. I believe them now. I’m so sorry to that friend. Two of his friends sent me messages on seperate occasions asking me if I was okay, that I didn’t have to put up with this.
Something I am proud of is that I, often, when I felt strong, and my brain worked, didn’t play along with his ego without a fight. I DID play devils advocate for the other person when he had yet another interpersonal issue. I DID call out his dogmatism. I DID expect more from him, that he didn’t have to yell CUNT or WHORE every time something went mildly wrong. However, there are times when I didn’t. And it was because I was just fucking exhausted.
Two/three months ago, and after I found a deleted phone call from the other woman that he lied to my face about, I started watching his find my iPhone which we had turned on when I went overseas a couple of years earlier but I’d forgotten about. It felt gross doing, I didn’t want to, but I also tried to justify it to myself by saying it’s my future, damn it, let’s see if I really am being ridiculous. One early morning while it was still dark, I felt him kiss me and say he was going to the gym. An hour later I woke up with an EERIE AS FUCK feeling and checked FMI. He was at her address. I called him and he didn’t pick up. I watched his car drive on FMI back to the gym and he conveniently called. I asked where he had been and he immediately gaslit me, said he was at the gym, FACETIMED ME TO SHOW ME and said that he couldn’t do my “jealousy” anymore. I broke down and told him I knew he had been at hers through FMI. He then started crying and said he visited her to call the friendship off “the right way” and that he told her that he cared for her but he had to stop because I couldn’t take it anymore and was too jealous. I bought it, as he never ever cried. I apologised. But from then on, my body was full of anxiety and pain. Life was on autopilot.
This happened a few other times. I had a weird feeling one afternoon on a Saturday when he said he was at the gym and had to pop into work to do some printing (not unusual). On autopilot, unable to feel emotions and probably looking completely mental, I got in my car, drove to the workplace, and saw both their cars outside. As I turned the corner to drive away, realising it HAD to be over now, you stupid bitch Charlie0987 it HAD to be over, I immediately got a call from him explaining away, can’t even remember what he said now. It’s not what you think, we have some important work to do that she can’t do alone, you’re jealous, she’s (the other woman) is angry that you even think anything is going on. I ended up apologising that night. Yep. However, at that point I did call off the wedding. I thought the wedding stress and money (literally, me fucking planning it, most of MY money) was the problem. I thought if we just eloped, we’d be okay. Calling everyone to call off the wedding while pretending to them and myself that it was all okay was fucked. I have no other way to describe it than completely and utterly fucked. He was then nice for a few days. I was heartbroken I couldn’t have the wedding I has envisioned, I didn’t let myself think of the love that was crashing down around me. Everyone asked me how the wedding planning was going, every day it was someone new. I had to pretend it was all fine and that we cancelled for financial reasons. It was hell. I will never again ask someone planning a wedding how the wedding planning is going until they bring it up with me.
All through this, I was supporting my friend with a very rare form of cancer (it doesn’t feel real typing this out, feels like some kind of shitty movie). I remember crying about it once on the couch and he said that my crying annoyed him, and that what the other woman had gone through was bad too. He said he didn’t want to have sex with me because I was too skinny (I was depressed and not eating) and cried too much and because I didn’t exercise and he was attracted to people that exercised (fair enough, but also fuck you). Still, through all this, I loved him, tried to be what he had loved about me for six years (compassionate and quiet) and told myself it was okay and it was a rough patch.
All through this, our couples counsellor was saying my attachment issue and abandonment issues was what was a huge part of the problem and that males and females have friendships and I needed to gtfo it. Like every human being I’m sure I have had fears of abandonment, and I do acknowledge I have relied on the safe feeling of men in the past. However, I NOW don’t think it was the main issue here. I don’t blame this counsellor if I’m honest, he was eating what was being fed to him by nex. And I wanted to believe it too. I was willing to work on myself and I was trying to see my anxiety for what I thought, and what I was being told, it was. Nex told me regularly when I asked him not to yell at me that I just didn’t understand real men.
A couple of weeks before D Day, nex asked for space to “miss me”. I went to my family, pretended he’d gone on a trip so I wouldn’t get asked why I was there, tried to show up for work, tried to be strong. I slept next to my wedding dress, still boxed. Those weeks were probably the worst weeks of my life. I didn’t know where he was, didn’t know who he was with, but we were still together, I didn’t eat, got medication to sleep, mindlessly partook in my hobbies to try to do the right thing and be the person he loved. He treated me like I was an annoying fly and either didn’t reply to messages or sent a few and then nothing. After four days of me barely eating and sleeping and looking like an emaciated ghost, I asked if I could come home (I loved our rental, it was such a safe space for me with my garden and my animals). He replied basically fine, and then for the rest of the week I was chastised for not giving enough space and that it wasn’t proper space. Couples counsellor agreed with him. A week later I said fuck it and went again, feeling a bit stronger this time. On day 3, I felt sick all day. I had a nap in the afternoon and felt dread. I had received no messages, but I messaged that I loved him that night. He love hearted it. I found out later he had been with her all day, but don’t worry, it was for a good reason he said. Intuition yet again picked that one up.
The next morning I got up, packed, and went home as it was our agreed upon day that I’d return. I said to him this is actually it, I can’t take this anymore. I am physically and mentally wrecked. It’s been six years. You’re a big boy. You’re either in it or you’re not. It was a big conversation, and we agreed that we would be in it together, the relationship was worth saving, and I would step back and agree to believe in his supportive friendship with this girl and no longer worry. He also agreed to tell me if he didn’t want to be together anymore, or if anything came up regarding this relationship with the girl. We set a date to elope for end of year. He went to the gym, and I remember saying to him I was so happy we’re choosing us. He kissed me and said me too. I felt elated and safe. I then re packed my bag, as I was taking my friend to her first cancer treatment the day after.
When he got back from the gym, he went to the shower. Now we had agreed with the couples counsellor not to check each others phones for a while. I had been okay with it, and didn’t have an issue leaving his phone. But once he got into the shower, my intuition, my chest, my body, SCREAMED at me to check his notes in his phone for the first time in weeks. I went into notes and found a text drafted to the other woman. It said something along the lines of “X and I have agreed to a break when she takes her friend to cancer treatment. I told her I wasn’t sexually attracted to her anymore but I was to you. I’m feeling so over it now she’s home, I want more space” plus some other awful stuff that I’ve buried down and can’t quite remember. At no point, ever, did we agree to a break. I dropped his phone, went into the bathroom, and told him I was leaving. I can’t remember much of the next few moments. I do remember he turned it on me for looking at his phone, then him crying. I remember screaming, screaming screaming at him. I had raised my voice hardly ever in our entire relationship so I can imagine that was a moment for him. But I just screamed. I asked if he was planning on trying to sleep with her when I was with my friend for radiation. He nodded. He blocked me from the door to “talk” and tried to grab me into a hug. I screamed and screamed. I put (the most random shit btw, a dress, some acne cream, a book??) some things into a bag and I got into the car, howling. And I sat there a moment and I STILL WONDERED IF I SHOULD LEAVE.
I STILL WONDERED IF I SHOULD LEAVE.
And I did. I drove away from our beautiful little secluded rental that I had poured my love into and was hoping to raise a baby in. I knew I couldn’t afford the rent alone but he can even with his pathetic spending habits and I can’t live in the place of our memories. I went to my family and fell apart. I’m not going to disclose further about my mental state or what happened but I got sent to be with other family for a couple of weeks in another state. He has been messaging me ever since. Promises of change, of moving away, of starting again, of selling a property that he bought before us and has sat doing nothing our entire relationship and was the reason we couldn’t buy our home, (frustrating that he reaps the reward of that now), saying he has blocked this other woman from his life (he still works with her and I refuse to believe he hasn’t had ongoing contact). Oh and on the day I drove to be with my family in another state, the universe decided to let my car meet her car, with him in it, at an intersection. He crouched down like the coward he is. She looked like a stunned mullet. I waved at her. I was hysterical. Can’t even remember it fully but I remember the feeling. That’s the love of my life in there with another woman. It. Was. Fucking. Hell. On. Earth. I still can’t believe that happened. What were actually the odds of that happening?
I’ve gone through so much anger towards her but I KNOW it’s misdirected. I’m slowly moving towards anger towards him. I haven’t messaged her telling her how my life has been destroyed and I won’t. I think she will thrive on it and she has a young kid who my heart bleeds for. And I have so much anger towards the series of events that had to happen in the first place and what feels like the wasted last 7 years of the best years of my life. I miss my home and my non-existent child and I miss arms around me. I miss him when he was nice. I hate that I don’t have what everyone else around me seems to have at this age, what I want so desperately. Please, please let me know I can get through this. Let me know I can’t go back. Please tell me this is abuse and it won’t get better because I am struggling to believe it. I’m also super fragile right now so if you want to say anything mean, just hold it for now and bring it to me later.
Love to you all. X

Hello. 28m, currently 300lbs. Medical history of hypertension although I am sometimes hypotensive, hyperlipidemia, 8-year heavy dose benzodiazepine addiction (very severe, went through a very harsh taper withdrawal and extended elevated BP that may be related), type 2 diabetes, obesity (intentionally recently lost approximately 70lbs in an 8-month time frame), elevated CPK anywhere from 300-3,000, high aldosterone, hyperdynamic LV function (EF 81%), and whether or not I have mild LVH depends on the echo. My older ones say that I do, my newer ones said yes a month ago and the two newer ones (one being during a hospitalization) say that I do not. LV mass has gone down from 212g to 175g in the last year, though. My LV mass index is currently 67.03 g/m2, normal. No hypertrophy to explain the hyper dynamic state.
Medications include propranolol 60mg ER, valsartan, 160mg, topiramate 200mg, ajovy monthly injection, buspirone 60mg, gabapenrin 1,200mg, ubrelvy as needed, omeprazole 40mg, famotidine just started ozempic .25 last week, and I was just started on isosorbide mononitrate and sublimgual nitroglycerin 0.4mg for reasons you will see below.
I just got home from a 6-day hospitalization due to chest pain, arm pain and parasthesia as well as jaw/face pain and parasthesia that the doctors did not find any major reason on PET stress, EKG or echocardiogram to believe was cardiac in nature. They think it could potentially be vasospasm, but they are also thinking nerve issues because they did a CT of my cervical and thoracic spine that showed very messed up vertebrae. Several spots of foramen stenosis, disc degeneration, and some type of calcification of something called hydroxyapatite on my spine. They prescribed me nitrates because of this because these symptoms alleviate immediately with nitroglycerin.
Now onto my question. I do not expect any of you to know why I am having chest pain. The cardiology team at Yale did not know why I am having chest pain. However, they also did not have time to answer the following question; why do I have such a side pulse pressure at 28? My blood pressure is often 120/45. Sometimes when it is elevated, it can be around 150/50-60. This is a very wide pulse pressure. I do not have any regurgitation or anything remarkable on the several echocardiograms that I have had in the last year. The only thing that showed on my PET stress test was “small sized, mild intensity, partially reversible perfusion defect in the mid to apical inferior wall consistent with artifact.”
My pulse pressure at any given general time is around 60-70 but was sometimes over 100 at the hospital. I exercise regularly for 45-60 minutes at a time and I consume less than 1,500mg of sodium daily.
I do actually experience symptoms because of this. My visions darkens in sync with my heartbeat. I have ringing tinnitus that spikes in a pulsatile nature with my heartbeat. I can feel my pulse very strongly in my neck arteries.
Please help me. I can upload any of my test results if needed. Thanks.

Has anyone experienced severe pain during the application or during the 14 days of use?
The prior CGM libre3 was extremely painful when it was applied. During the two weeks if I moved my arm backwards I'd get a sharp twinge. I just applied my new CGM and again severe pain applying it. It's remaining painful during the warm up period.
I'm wondering why this is happening.

Life is driving me Mad. I've never made a reddit post, so please forgive any ignorance. First I will begin by saying, I'm so done.... I'm a mom of three children, 1 (6 yr old boy) and 2 (2 yr old twin girls). I don't even know where to start... I guess I'll start with how my situation is going right now and then work backwards to how it all began... I am currently working as a FT MA and I live with my son and I don't live with my twin girls. How is that possible? You ask. Well, it all began after I had my twins... I am a petite woman at only 4'4" so my twins came out early (NICU Babies). They thrived in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). The twins were in the NICU for 1 month and then finally came home. I was filled with so much joy and happiness. My son would come help me with the bottle and read them books, my life felt complete ❤️ If you know me well, you would know that my life as a child was ust full of bad luck and sadness and pain. I try not to think about it and keep trying to live life. No matter how hard life got I tried to stay optimistic and kept pushing forward... And those few moments of joy and fulfillment almost got me to believe that I finally did it and I was proud of my hard work and success, for those few moments. Sadly those moments did not last and my life got pushed into a whirlwind of pain, depression and loneliness all over again.... And I gained a new fear.... On April 14th... Twin A almost gained her wings that day... And I fell right back into that dark hole I worked so hard to crawl out of... My life at that moment felt like I was trying to control a ship in a really harsh storm, and during that storm I lost my home, I lost a car, someone stole my wallet, Twin B was diagnosed with the same condition as her sister and ended up in the hospital too, we basically lived in the hospital for half a year, hopping from roomate to roomate from Facebook Marketplace until we saved enough money to get our own place again. Me and the Kid's Dad ended up separating, I was paying for a 2Bed 2Bath on my own income and it was a struggle but me and my son managed. I ended up talking to my best friend of 11 yrs (M) and we ended up falling in love. After dating for a while he ended up wanting to help me with finances so we moved in together. And we both work Full time jobs. I thought things would calm down for a while so I can find stability again. And now I can talk about my condition, it's not horrible. I need surgery and if not there's a possibility of me losing mobility in my limbs. I've already been missing days for being sick due to the condition and have been getting paid less. The thing is though, surgery is expensive and I'm already missing days, I get FMLA without benefits and I have to be out of work for a month. I don't even know what to do. My life has to fall back into place like a domino affect. I get healthy again, I do what I need to do to get a big enough place for my children with a stable job. I wish it was that simple.... I need some advice or words of encouragement, I honestly feel like I can't handle this anymore.
Also this kind of felt good to let it out and get this off my chest...

Life is driving me Mad. I've never made a reddit post, so please forgive any ignorance. First I will begin by saying, I'm so done.... I'm a mom of three children, 1 (6 yr old boy) and 2 (2 yr old twin girls). I don't even know where to start... I guess I'll start with how my situation is going right now and then work backwards to how it all began... I am currently working as a FT MA and I live with my son and I don't live with my twin girls. How is that possible? You ask. Well, it all began after I had my twins... I am a petite woman at only 4'4" so my twins came out early (NICU Babies). They thrived in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). The twins were in the NICU for 1 month and then finally came home. I was filled with so much joy and happiness. My son would come help me with the bottle and read them books, my life felt complete ❤️ If you know me well, you would know that my life as a child was ust full of bad luck and sadness and pain. I try not to think about it and keep trying to live life. No matter how hard life got I tried to stay optimistic and kept pushing forward... And those few moments of joy and fulfillment almost got me to believe that I finally did it and I was proud of my hard work and success, for those few moments. Sadly those moments did not last and my life got pushed into a whirlwind of pain, depression and loneliness all over again.... And I gained a new fear.... On April 14th... Twin A almost gained her wings that day... And I fell right back into that dark hole I worked so hard to crawl out of... My life at that moment felt like I was trying to control a ship in a really harsh storm, and during that storm I lost my home, I lost a car, someone stole my wallet, Twin B was diagnosed with the same condition as her sister and ended up in the hospital too, we basically lived in the hospital for half a year, hopping from roomate to roomate from Facebook Marketplace until we saved enough money to get our own place again. Me and the Kid's Dad ended up separating, I was paying for a 2Bed 2Bath on my own income and it was a struggle but me and my son managed. I ended up talking to my best friend of 11 yrs (M) and we ended up falling in love. After dating for a while he ended up wanting to help me with finances so we moved in together. And we both work Full time jobs. I thought things would calm down for a while so I can find stability again. And now I can talk about my condition, it's not horrible. I need surgery and if not there's a possibility of me losing mobility in my limbs. I've already been missing days for being sick due to the condition and have been getting paid less. The thing is though, surgery is expensive and I'm already missing days, I get FMLA without benefits and I have to be out of work for a month. I don't even know what to do. My life has to fall back into place like a domino affect. I get healthy again, I do what I need to do to get a big enough place for my children with a stable job. I wish it was that simple.... I need some advice or words of encouragement, I honestly feel like I can't handle this anymore.
Also this kind of felt good to let it out and get this off my chest...

It’s gunna be a long one so I suggest getting your self a drink get comfy and I’ll try to make it the easiest read I can. As the title suggests this is what happened to me, my wife and our 2 year old son. The lord as my witness everything written is 100 percent true and accurate with many witnesses.
I don’t even know where to start this so I’ll just go from where I feel is relevant, I 31 male moved to Cornwall uk in 2018 then 24 coming up to 25. I moved into a beautiful one bedroom flat with sea views with nothing but a motorbike 1 bag on my back and a starting date for work 18th February 2018.
All was fine everything was going good life was finally looking up I moved from a city to rural countryside breathtaking beaches, beautiful people and I was ready to finally start adulthood. When I moved into my flat I had nothing, absolutely nothing apart from 7 days worth of clean boxers and socks a guitar and some chef whites. The flat was unfurnished apart from a bed frame and a chest of drawers so naturally I would have to buy everything I needed while I was there, I didn’t even have a mattress for my bed. 2018 was a big year for Cornwall as we had the beast of the east, heavy snow (now I like snow and being a northern boy I was used to it but this stuff came down thick and heavy)! As I said I had a motorbike for transport and I was in work when the beast of the east hit and obviously couldn’t ride back home as the snow was about 2 ft deep by the time I left.
So I walk home and as soon as you entered my flat my bedroom was to the right of the front door a cubard directly in front of you my bathroom just to the left and my living room just down the hallway to the left also. In my hall way I had a shoe rack where I always used to put my shoes, now given I had just walked 3 miles in the snow I could swear I put my bike boots on said shoe rack when I got home. Any way I carried on with my evening as normal and played guitar drank a few beers and just generally chilled before getting my head down. I was sleeping on my couch as my mattress hadn’t arrived yet, but the next morning when I woke up my bike boots was in-front of the couch like some one had jumped on them walked up to where I was sleeping and jumped out. Not only that my heater had been pulled out of the alcove it was in and turned on. I passed this off as nothing it was probably just me and I didn’t remember.
Fast forward a few months nearly a year and I’m all settled my flat is great, my work is great life is good. I met a beautiful young lady (that’s now my wife) although we just started as friends. I’m so happy.
How ever I worked on a holiday park as a chef, one day I get a knock on the back door to the kitchen. There was a man that I had been serving all week and he said sorry to bother you but my wife would like a word with you. Now I’m thinking great what have I done now. But she was smiling and happy and said to me is your gf or wife pregnant I had neither at the time, so I responded nope why do you ask? She told me her name it was carrol (forget her second name) she was a head at a spiritual church in wales. She proceeded to tell me I had a little boys spirit following me around and she could see him. I didn’t know how to react, so I just said oh ok really! And took her details added her on Facebook etc etc, now a few months go by things in the flat was getting weird not that I recognised at the time but like things moving / going missing and I just played it off like it was me being tired from work.
Again fast forward a little bit I’m dating my now wife and mother to my children, she’s staying over but she worked evenings till early hours in the morning when i would wait to go pick her up, at this point I had sold my motorbike to buy a car (more practical and I needed one as per the condition where I worked was I had to have a car to collect stock of a morning).
One night she was in work I was sat at my table designing her tattoo for the back of her leg as I love to draw, I used to have lanterns on my table that where on like a metal frame but they could swing. That night I was drawing both lanterns where swinging in unison so I FaceTimed I will call her red (as I don’t wish to identify her by name). While on face time I showed her the lanterns and I stepped away from the table thinking my shading was moving them and the second I did I swear to the almighty lord they stoped dead! Dead centre like they hadn’t even moved. She witnessed this and was like what the ****.
But once again we put it to the back of our minds and fast forward a few days / maybe a week. I used to have a picture of red and her best friend one of them stupid long ones that you get from a photo machine at an arcade, locked behind my intercoms phone. One day we was stood in the living room and i promise no one was near it but this picture came from behind the phone and landed in the middle of the living room floor. We laughed about it at the time and was like oooooo spooky but we was stupid!
So strange things kept happening red hated being in the flat on her own and hated being in my room as I had a built in wardrobe and she would always say she felt uneasy. The strange things never stopped but we always just brushed it off. Until …….
Our son is born now there’s a 2 year gap where my little lad I’ll refer to him as A, the happings never stopped or eased but we would always just pass it off, how ever when A was about 2 he would always talk to him self in the kitchen and say brother, look daddy brother but not a second later he would scream. Any one whos a parent knows there kids sounds and this sound instantly got my back up am talking as a father hearing my son make this noise I was ready to kill, the anger and rage that I felt inside was something I can’t even put into words, my baby boy was terrified of something and fatherly instincts kicked in.
Every morning while at this flat I would wake up with little bumps or marks across my body, but I always thought it was where I slept or how I slept, but red noticed the same time my lad was doing what he was in the kitchen I was waking up with what looked like chain marks around my wrists and arms and sometimes I awoke with scratches not 4 or 5 like a human hand but 3, just 3 linear scratches across my body.
Covid 2.0 come along, we all get locked down now hear I am with a young family so I did my door badge, I got night work as a security guard and red would refuse to sleep with A until I got home she would always say it felt like something / some one was watching her.
Now red had family down, and said family is a medium (at the time I would have laughed at this as I was very much so on the fence). But one night reds auntie was at her mums house and was doing a reading. During this reading she said she become overtaken by an entity she started pulling this horrible smile that my little lad used to do. (I wasn’t there to confirm this). But the next morning red and I and A are out and about in the car just been for hot chocolate when red gets a phone call from her mum.
Are you with T (me) red says yeah why? Her mum says get T and A to mine right now they both need to be saged with a white feather. So at this point I’m like *** off laughing but then I thought **** it I’ll ride the bus to the next stop. I walk into reds mums and her aunt (who I’ve never ever met doesn’t even know my second name) says to me you would have had a little boy, he would have been around 5 now and his birthday is in July.
Truth be told before I moved to Cornwall I had relations with a lady they should have been forbidden and she fell pregnant, but unfortunately lost the baby. How ever she was pulled to one side by a stranger in the street whom said 10th of July he would have been here.
So this lady reds aunt doesn’t know a thing about me but knew this, knew what faces / smirks A used to do and knew about him screaming from the kitchen and climbing up me in panic. She hadn’t seen or heard any of this no one had.
She proceeded to tell me I had a evil entity attached to my back and that’s why i suffer with back pain, this entity was hiding behind the spirit of my unborn and when A seen him or tried to interact with him he would come out from behind my unborn to scare him. He would use A•s fear and trauma as energy to try and make its self stronger as its end goal was me. It was terrorising my son to get to me.
I went white what the actual **** is going on, I spent the next few weeks thinking I was going insane. But things at the flat was getting worse I contacted Carrol and she said go into every room every storage room / cubard every dark space and say if you are not here with love and light then I command you too leave
A was getting more and more anxious in the flat, around this time we had been accepted for a house and one day he was in the hall way, I was getting the hoover out and he kept slamming the door on the cubard shut saying no daddy I thought he was being cute. I was wrong.
As things started to escalate we tried to reach out for help I’ve gone from a sceptic to a full on believer. We went to a witch shop a couple of towns over, the sell crystals candles etc etc. but when we walked in the woman wouldn’t even look at me, I tried to explain my story but A started messing around so I took him out side and this lady said to red no candles or crystals are going to help him with what he’s got she gave red two business cards for 2 white witches.
So let’s fast forward again at this point reds had enough A is unhappy! But we have a new house to move into so we said we would stay in the flat one last night before we go to the new house the next day. Our last night in the flat didn’t last from the second we walked in it felt so cold so unwelcoming just horrible atmosphere. So we packed up and went and slept on the couch in our new house. That was the last time red or A would step foot in that flat.
I had given my notice to my landlord about moving so I was there cleaning with L that’s reds sister and as we are cleaning we are both in separate rooms, she is in the kitchen I’m in the bedroom I hear her scream and then she ran into the room I was cleaning. Turns out this thing was not happy not happy at all. She was cleaning the cubard under the sink and as she tried to close the door she said it felt like something was pushing against it. She let go of it and it slammed shut. I did actually hear it from the bedroom, I told her to calm down it will be ok and we will work together.
I walked into the bathroom now this flats been empty all day I had had a wee when I first got there but other than that, nothing no one had used the bathroom. But when we walked in there was water everywhere sink was soaking wet, shower tray was soaking and the black and glitter tiles where soaked. We just wanted to get the **** done and get out. That night she left and swore she would never go back. Any who
I get reds mum over to sage the flat and she said she hated being in there, and I have 3 friends they are all into the paranormal, and wanted to explore the flat. I allowed them in as they where down on holiday and I’ll call him S is just like me emotionally dead only had two but after he left that flat he got in our friends car, he broke down in full blows tears and said he’s never felt so empty unloved and lonely. Another of our friends said he saw a long thin figure in the living room all in black with no eyes and was not of this world. He said the reason it had no eyes is because the eyes are a portal to the soul and things not of this plain can’t copy the eyes.
Any way let’s move on I left that flat and every time I left I had to say you are not welcome to follow me or attach to me, you are not welcome in my home or around my family you must stay here or go back to where you belong
Me red and A have lived in our new place a couple of years he’s happy no more screaming and running up me, red is comfortable and I haven’t awoke with chain marks since we started living here.
Red has crystals on all entry and exit points, she had the house saged, but on a whole she is happy and content, I am just never allowed to talk about these events infront of her. Last I heard that thing is still at the flat with my little unborn boy and my A•s grandad who did well to protect A.
This is my story that changed me from a sceptical to a firm believer in paranormal entity’s.