what an odd word that is. i know that i’ve met you, ive had to. i have no choice but to have met you. i just wish i could remember you. i wish i could reach out. i wish i could say hello. i wish i could taste the food you make, it looks delicious. i wish i could have met my siblings, and now my nieces and nephews.
why did you leave me at the orphanage? i know i’ve heard that you simply had too many mouths to feed, but is there any other reason?
what about my father? who is he? what does he look like? what are my brothers and sisters like? how different would my life had been if you had decided to keep me? would i still be an artist? would i still play music? would i still be burnt out? would i still somehow end up the black sheep of that family too? would you have loved me?
i don’t remember meeting you since i assume it was quiet brief, even in infancy when mere seconds feel like an eternity. did you ever hold me? did you ever love me?
i want to ask these questions and so many more, but im afraid an ocean’s worth of distance and a language barrier would do us no favors when it comes to re-opening old wounds. so for now i suppose i’ll just stare into your image. at least i hope that it’s you. it’s all i have.
я тебя люблю, мама.

Hey everyone. I’m not sure if im looking for advice or understanding but I figured I could see what it brings.
I lost my cat of nearly 17 years this afternoon.
I’ve experienced grief and heartbreak plenty in the past but I feel like none of them have hurt this bad.
She crawled into my lap and passed moments later. She let me hold her and it was the greatest honor. She wasn’t in much pain and I got to spend her last couple of days by her side. The feeling of love was some of the most I’ve ever felt in my life.
She has been my bestest friend, greatest confidant, most constant piece of life and love, my therapist through everything pretty much, my crying buddy, the one who would catch all my tears. The list could literally go on forever. She would put a smile on my face when nothing else could and would give me so much love when I’ve been at my lowest points.
I feel like it might be silly and a lot of people will think “it’s just a cat” but that is so wildly not true.
As a kid, my parents used to tell me we couldn’t get foster animals anymore bc I would get too attached and be too heart broken when they’d find homes. I’ve always been hyper sensitive to the loss of animals but it wasn’t ever really death like this before. I’ve tried not to think about the passing of my pets so naturally I thought about it loads. Somehow though, I never imagined it would be this bad.
I’m not taking this well if you could guess.
Grief in general has always worried me. I haven’t lost many in my life to death, I’ve been so fortunate. Those I have were obviously a much different experience, though. Even before being diagnosed, I have always wondered how I would handle grief over the ones I love the most. The idea of grief when having such an intense fear of abandonment has always been worrisome to me.
It’s never been the loss of such a prominent part of my life for such a long period of time. It’s never been the loss of one of the only souls I could rely on 100%. It’s never been the loss of my best friend who has been by my side through all the trauma and pain and joy.
I feel like the line for pets is a bit different than people. In my eyes, they’re so much better than people. I don’t get mad at them, they can do no wrong. I’ve said for years that I don’t even need a fp sometimes bc I can just obsess over them like they’re my fp. Idk if that’s something anyone else has experienced or if it’s even real. It’s almost something I feel like I trick myself into doing but I’m not sure. Either way, they love so completely and are just so pure. That makes it so much more difficult for me.
I’m feeling oddly stable for the time being. Just absolutely devastated, the worst heart break I’ve ever felt. And that’s saying a lot. I’m glad I’m feeling stable atm though. That’s something unexpected.
Almost 17 years. That is such a long time. Longer than some of my family members. There isn’t much of my life I can remember without her. I know I will be okay to carry on, I just can’t imagine not seeing or hugging her again. I can’t imagine life without her.
I’d love to hear from anyone who might feel these same ways or those who have lost a legacy pet. Also just from anyone who knows grief as a person w bpd.
I know a pet is different than a person in so many ways. I don’t mean to seem as someone saying it’s the same as losing a best friend, partner, parent, sibling, etc etc. I can’t imagine that and clearly wouldn’t handle that well. I just feel like they’re closer in my mind and heart than they should be. There’s only a small number of people I could lose that I feel would hurt more than this and I’ve split on them loads of times. With pets, it’s different bc I’ve never split on them like that. Even if they’re causing trouble, I can’t say I’ve ever felt anger towards them like that. Idk if that makes sense. Probably not but idk how to articulate what I mean.
I’m worried people will think poorly of how hard I’m taking this. I just feel like. Idk. Idk how or what I feel. I’m just deeply sad. And I don’t see that changing any time soon.
Even my fiancé said “I didn’t realize how hard you would take this”. I feel like I’m responding like I’ve lost a person. I feel so abnormal but it also makes so much sense to me. Idk.

BoxOfficeTheory Presale Tracking
USA Showtimes As of May 17

• katnisscinnaplex showtimes (I've been meaning to look at shows since I wasn't able to run it last week. It looks like all of the releases this week are fairly limited. Here's what I am seeing listed so far, which is probably ~90% of final (I think...I don't usually run on Wednesday): In a Violent Nature - 440 TC (plus ~200 early shows), Summer Camp - 653 TC, Ezra - 617 TC and Haikyu - 816 TC (May 28).)

Presales Data (Google Sheets Link)
BoxOfficeReport Previews
DOMESTIC PRESALES
Haikyu!! The Dumpster Battle Average THU Comp: $0.91M

• abracadabra1998 ($1.00M THU comp. No movement, probs looking at around $1 Million previews (May 28). Not bad, not bad (May 27).)
  
• Flip (Looking at some theaters near me, Haikyu is outselling Spy x Family (May 20).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex ($0.81M THU comp.)
  
• Rorschach (These numbers seem pretty damn good. Will echo @abracadabra1998's $1 mil previews prediction (May 28).)
  

In a Violent Nature

• el sid (Had also only showtimes in 4 of the 7 theaters but already 123 sold tickets. So where it gets shows, it does fine. Loose comps, all counted on Monday of the release week for Thursday: Tarot (715k from previews) had 97 sold tickets in 5 theaters, The Invitation (775k from previews) had 96 in 7 theaters, Pearl (1.3M OD) had 102 sold tickets in 6 theaters and The Strangers: Chapter One (1.2M from previews) had 215 sold tickets in 6 theaters (May 28).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex ($0.57M EA+THU comp.)
  
• Rorschach ($0.91M THU+FRI comp.
  

Summer Camp

• el sid (Has shows in 3 of my 7 theaters and had not more than 7 sold tickets. So so far completely under the radar. Comp: Book Club 2 (6.7M OW) had also on Monday for Thursday 25 sold tickets in 5 theaters (May 28).)

Young Woman and the Sea

• JonathanMB (I just checked showtimes near me, and in the entire Chicago suburbs it looks like it's only in 5-7 theaters for Friday. Also randomly enough it has a couple of showtimes today at 3pm at some random AMCs? Looks like they're 30-50% full (May 27).)

Bad Boys: Ride or Die Average Thursday / EA+Thursday comp: $3.47M/$5.34M

• abracadabra1998 (Comp: $2.61M THU. All these comps had been on sale for longer, so those will go up, with the exception of Civil War, which went on sale at T-18 so that'll go down. Feels like a walk-up movie so it's hard to find good comps (May 19). Numbers are from last THU, as per my post this morning. This is a more walk-up movie a la Aquaman or Apes so I think it's a pretty good start (May 18). Pretty good start for it honestly (May 16).)
  
• el sid (Counted yesterday for Thursday had 395 sold tickets with shows in 6 theaters (the small AMC Lakeline in Texas is still missing). 10 days left. Bad Boys for Life (6.36M from previews) had on Monday of the release week 915 sold tickets = 43% at the moment for Bad Boys 4 with 7 days left to come closer or maybe overtake. My guess is that BB4 could have 800-1000k tickets by next Monday, so it could be pretty much on par with BBfL. Similar to other reports here: BB4 does not have stellar presales and after several disappointments I shouldn't exaggerate but compared to the best comps it looks quite good for BB4 as you can see (May 28).)
  
• Flip (Decided to add one more theater but there was good growth in both of the original two (May 27).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex (Comp: $5.34M EA+THU.)
  
• keysersoze123 (Presales are again not that much at this point. I think its not going to hit the heights of last movie (May 28). It should start to amp up sometime this week (May 27). This wont be fan driven. Even the last one initially trailed Dr Do little in presales but amped up big time close to release. This will be a late bloomer. I am still expecting 50m+ OW (May 23).)
  
• TheFlatLannister (Comp: $5.11M THU. Steady pace, no acceleration yet. Switch to G x K since that had super strong walkups ($6.12M THU comp) and Bad Boys 4 will likely replicate this (May 27). Comps ($4.11M) would mean $40M+ Opening Weekend (May 24). Well, this is a pretty good start (May 17).)
  
• TwoMisfits (Aging male-skewing franchises tend to get the biggest bump from this deal. Folks are on the fence but know what they are getting. Female skewing non-sequel ones tend to get zero help. You need baseline interest to get people willing to pay anything, b/c these still are $5. The other effect of the deal is that movies releasing around the $5 hits sometimes get hurt. June TMobile $5 Atom movie. This could help it go huge, like last year's Spider-Verse (May 22).)
  
• vafrow (Comp: $2.7M THU. It's staying pretty flat (May 28). Zero sales day when all comps seemed to have done well. Not a great result. Note: This isn't a holiday weekend in Canada, so that doesn't explain the slow sales. Hopefully it's just an anomaly. This has been very steady to date (May 27). Ghostbusters and Apes both went up in comps, but I didn't have Hunger Games included, so it's brought the average down. Still, its growing at a steady pace (May 26). I still expect this to be more walk up friendly than the comps being used, and should see a gradual rise as the date gets closer (May 25). Nothing of note here. Staying steady. Will probably pick up only in the final week (May 20). Comps are not the greatest. One, surprisingly hard to find a comparable film with similar start on sales. Plus, I think ticket buying patterns have changed pretty drastically in my market over the last few months. Very little up front sales compared to late 2023. Dune was the exception (May 17).)
  
• YM! (Like IO2 the pace for Bad Boys is small but mighty. EA is only available at Majestic much like Garfield. With EA, it’s a few tickets shy of Furiosa’s T-6 but without them it’s only a bit over half. Either way both is really good. I think we’ll continue to see the gap grow over the week but as of rn, I am thinking around $6-7m previews without EA solely on vibes to an OW north of $55m (May 25). Same thing as IO2 for Bad Boys (see May 23 IO2 comment), I expect this to not only skew more GA friendly and should bulk up ticket sales as we get closer to release. It’s almost at half of Furiosa’s T-6 which is a pretty great thing. Should easily outdo it by T-6 imho (May 23). Again, another solid start-ish. I expect Bad Boys to have the most diverse audience. Can't really predict much on previews but I am feeling confident in the 55-60m OW range for the past few weeks (May 17).)
  

The Watchers Average Thursday Comp: $1.00M

• filmlover (Hasn't sold anything near me (May 26).)
  
• Flip (These are good numbers considering it’s only playing in 2/3 theaters I track (May 28).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex ($1.00M THU Comp.)
  

The Lord of the Rings Extended Edition Re-Releases (June 8-10)

• BoxOfficePro (Fathom Events has also announced that select Regal Cinemas will present the films in 4DX on June 22/23/24 for Fellowship/Towers/Return respectively (May 14).)
  
• AnthonyJPHer (Fellowship of the Ring (269 tickets, 6 showtimes, 4 theaters) on Saturday, June 8, 2024 and Saturday, June 15, 2024 (21 tickets, 4 showings, 4 theaters). The Two Towers (243 tickets, 4 theaters) Saturday, June 9, 2024 and Saturday, June 16, 2024 (22 tickets, 4 showings, 4 theaters). Return of the King (281 tickets, 4 theaters) for Saturday, June 10, 2024 and Saturday, June 17, 2024 (16 tickets, 4 showings, 4 theaters). 852 tickets sold in total. 793 tickets sold for the first week. 59 tickets sold for the second week (May 28).)
  
• katnisscinnaplex (Up to ~1,400 shows now with new locations picking it up and others adding a second showing. LotR1 has sold 831 seats OD, LotR2 sold 715 seats OD, and LotR3 sold 735 seats OD. For comparison, Phantom Menace didn't break 800 tickets until T-3 and we're still over a month out. JW3 comp is currently around 9m (it was at 1,670 tickets sold at this point!) (May 6).)
  

Inside Out 2 Average Thursday Comp: $7.63M

• abracadabra1998 (Comp: $3.98M THU. Good update, hopefully this keeps on rising (May 23). Not impressed at all so far here sadly (May 19). Holy numbers of shows and seats! Multiplexes are really expecting a lot here. Sales off the bat not amazing here (May 15).)
  
• AniNate (Finally a little movement here. 23 Thursday, 52 Fri-Sun (compared to 18 THU and 23 FRI-SUN on May 17) (May 22). Safe to say the fan rush has ended, and it might not be immediately on casual family and radar when they're making memorial Day plans and there are two other kids movies out or about to be out (May 19).It is encouraging that Canton is already giving me something to work with with 12 THU preview sales. Same number for Fri-Sun. I do see nine sales for first THU at Canton now and I think that's a pretty solid start (May 15).)
  
• AnthonyJPHer (Some growth for THU, not bad but I expect sales to increase steadily as we get closer to release day. The presales are good enough to not be a disaster like Garfield, but not big enough to guarantee a 100m opening. I still like what I’m seeing though. As my local theater has finally shown some signs of life with this film. 5 tickets sold. Way better than Garfield at the same point. The numbers might not be completely accurate, but it’s looking extremely strong for Friday. 900 tickets for the five theaters I track. Maybe even 1,286 tickets if my numbers are accurate. That tells me this is not front loaded whatsoever. Or at the very least not preview heavy (May 27). Out of the 4 tracked theaters, there is at least 774 tickets sold out of 1000+ seats. Blown Garfield out of the water (~200 tickets from the theaters I tracked). At least 3 sold out (or close to sold out) showings for Inside Out 2. Looking good for Inside Out 2. Of course this might just be fan surge and all. I was looking at the THU previews in a theater near me. There is an almost completely sold out showing. Out of 195 seats, 175 were sold. Where I live there seems to be real interest. I counted about more than 400 tickets sold on THU for theaters near me, kind of shocked me (May 19).)
  
• charlie Jatinder (Comp: $12.33M THU at MTC2. Moving along nicely (May 21).)
  
• Flip (Decided to add one more theater but there was good growth in both of the original two (May 27). Fan event on the 16th has 43 tickets sold from 2 showtimes (compared to 8 showtimes and 73 tickets sold for previews), so that might be depressing previews a bit.)
  
• katnisscinnaplex (Comp: $6.37M THU. Early sales haven't been there lately except for the extreme fans. $12.27M Mario comp (May 18). At 180 shows for previews in my areas and still has a few theaters left to post. Godzilla x Kong finished with 197, Kingdom of Apes 190, and Kung Fu Panda 205 (May 14).)
  
• keysersoze123 (If you compare this to any animation movies seen recently including Minions, its doing very well. Really good this far out for sure (May 25). Chugging along at this point (May 19). Show counts show Plexes are expecting a big OW. I dont remember when we last had a animation movie start with so many shows. I wont count Mario as that was a fan driven movie. Definitely not great presales but this is not a fan driven movie. Let us see where things are in the final week (May 15). Families dont book tickets on weekday mornings. Wait until evening today to judge it. From a release perspective, easily the biggest for any animated movie in a long time. Only movie which is not comparable is Mario but that was not just a family flick (May 14).)
  
• Porthos (BAD COMPS: $8.96M THU. I don't agree with the undertone of concern when it comes to ticket sales for IO2. They seem perfectly fine to me, maybe even somewhat strong. It just isn't selling like a frontloaded CBM/fan driven franchise (even when adjusting for animation). So I suppose it really comes down to how much we think this will still act like a traditional kids animation film when it comes to buying pattern, how much demand has been burnt off, and how many people are still going to buy tickets but see no particular need to buy them early. Which I suppose really can't be answered until we get close to the time when kids animation films typically accelerate. But, I keep looking at the sales in Sacramento and not seeing much cause for concern. Yet, at any rate (May 25). Decided to add Nope ($12.62M) to the comp block. Not because I think it's a particularly good one (the ATP differences alone are a major red flag), but more for pace considerations considering how similar horror and kids animation are when it comes to being backloaded. The other consideration with Nope is that it was on sale for nearly two weeks longer, so it did have a small amount of extra time to pad some seats sold. But maybe the errors (ATP vs length of pre-sale) will cancel each other out. PROBABLY NOT! But the pace at the very least should be interesting (May 25). 10.0% Matinee sales, 5.3% 3D sales and 42.2% PLF sales. (May 19). Strange pre-sale pattern. Was there some sort of promo that dropped today? Either way, just a great day (for this type of movie at this point in pre-sales) (May 17). Fairly strong day. Was concentrated at a couple of theaters (May 16). I do not have good comps, especially for D1. 5.45946x Elemental on D1 [13.10m]. Will it be as backloaded as Elemental? It's tough to sell 5.5x times the amount of tickets on the final couple of days, so perhaps not. But it does show how backloaded purely kids animation is. Sonic 2 comp is perhaps a little concerning. On the other hand, nearly a weeks more of pre-sales. Of presales, 3.5% are 3D and 40.1% are PLF (May 15). On the SAT of release weekend (NOT EA) there is a special event screening for IO2: INSIDE OUT 2: FUNKO FAMILY EVENT! (2024) Sat June 15th. Might boost OW slightly depending on how wide this event is and how much more these tickets will presumably cost (May 11).)
  
• TheFlatLannister (Comp: $8.52M THU Florida and $7.57M THU Orlando Comp.)Excellent pace this far out. Does feel like something big is around the corner (May 27). Definitely the biggest rollout in showings since I've started tracking Florida. Bigger than even Dune 2 and it's only T-26 (May 18). This is a super super strong day 2. Probably just Orlando overindexing, but yeah starting to lean towards something big brewing. Florida presales are somehow even crazier. Sold 2357 seats and is getting a blockbuster rollout in terms of showing allocations. Kung Fu panda comp day 2: gives me $8.50M (May 15). Well, I can't really tell if this is a breakout or not yet. Looks very good especially in the first few hours. These are probably terrible comps, but might as well try something (May 14).)
  
• TwoMisfits (I'm kinda shocked at the opening set from my Cinemarks... 2 screens (1 PLF, 1 not) and 6 showings at my PLF 14 for THU (and 11 showings on the same screens once it runs full day - 7 PLF b/c 1 is 3d on the reg screen, 4 not)... 3 screens (.75 3d, 2.25 not) and 9 showings at the non-PLF 12 for THU (and 12 showings on 2.25 screens once it runs full day)... So, 2 and 2.25 screens for the weekend presale sets... Disney must be charging a huge % for themselves b/c this is an Elemental opening set at my PLF...a little more generous for THU at my non-PLF, but then they too drop to an Elemental opening set after the adult Disney base THU rush... (May 14).)
  
• vafrow (Comp: $5.6M THU. It's starting to grow (May 25). I'm surprised this hasn't been stronger. At this stage, I don't expect we'll see much activity until final week (May 19). No new sales. Whatever glitches in the system on day 1 didn't push sales to day 2. I still think the lack of base ticket options will push families to wait. Cineplex has jacked up the cost of PLFs, plus they're throwing in an increase for opening weekend of major releases. It adds up quickly for families (May 16). With the site glitching yesterday, it might account for the slow start. But, what's interesting is the format breakdown. Nothing is being made available in anything close to a regular showtime. The one non 3D showing in Dolby is a matinee showing. Everything else is carrying a hefty premium. They'll likely release regular showtimes closer to release, but right now, it's priced to get eager fans to pay the PLFs (May 15).)
  
• YM! (Did a bit of quick math in following some comparisons for IO2 using Keysersoze123's earlier MTC1 data out of boredom again and pace is pretty good, 6.74M average THU comp. The same caveats apply (IO2 should have higher ATP than the other animations due to skew somewhat older and having PLFs but having lower ATP than TLM as that skews older and likely has more of audience to buy upfront, and Wish being on Discount Tuesday muddies things up) but the important thing is that pace healthy and gainer ground against its comparisons. Feel like tracking is right on the money of 75-85m OW but could grow stronger if pace continues strong and reviews are strong (May 26). The pace is moving nicely as we have about two and a half weeks left. Think there’s potential for ticket count pace to grow strongly. I have no comparisons but it is at Garfield’s EA-less T-3 ticket sales. Going to probably not say much on preview predictions but my thoughts of an OW in between 75m-100m still stand. Not much to make of things until we get to around 2 weeks for rudimentary guessing and opening week for figuring things out (May 25). Little has changed as IO2 keeps on trucking along. I do theorize at least from the 250 ticket selling Funko Event, it’s plausible families and fans went for that date instead of Thursday night previews. Not much to make of things until we get to around 2 weeks for rudimentary guessing and opening week for figuring things out. At the very least, I like that it doubled its previous sales a week ago as it shows pace and outdid Garfield’s T-6 (May 23). Did some snooping around for the Funko Event as I was curious if perhaps families getting presales for the opening Saturday vs opening Thursday as those sales are kind of weak Thursday and uhm it’s at 250 tickets. Which is like 5 times Garfield’s EA showing of 50 tickets all at PLF prices despite normal theaters. Most of which at 9:30 AM with only one theater having it at 11:00 AM (May 22). Based on keysoze123's Elemental, Wish, Little Mermaid, and Kung Fu Panda 4 preview data, $5.66M THU comp and $22.2M FRI comp. Not a fan of the average comp (Disney has underperformed at MTC2 so not within history to rely on it overperforming like KFP4 and IF) but really like the True FRI although it is very inconsistent. Not sure if IO2 would jump that high from the THU average. However, there’s a lot of variable since: 1. TLM should skew more towards young adults than families by nature which should make ATP higher. 2. IO2 should and does have a higher ATP than either Wish, KFP4 or Elemental due to total PLF control and presumably skews a bit older. 3. Wish was on Discount TUES so that should muddy up the comparisons. 4. The comparisons apart from Elemental are either days before or days behind. 5. Both Wish and KFP4 opened outside the summer season so internal multiplier will be different (especially with Wish’s five day) due to how summer and fall have entirely different natures in walkups which leaves just TLM/Elemental as viable comparisons. It does show that IO2 should at least open above 65m? (May 20). Seems IO2 is playing more like a kid's animation than a family event. Pretty solid for what it is. Majestic is healthy and about 66% of Garfield T-6. Thinking anywhere from 75m-100m OW rn (May 17). Only been an hour but yeah sales are softer than I expected. However, it is a month out and will largely skew more towards kids than say TLM/Across so wasn't expecting a blitz like them. Here at Marcus theaters are going all out for IO2 with it having the lion share of PLFs with it getting both screens when there is two PLFs with tentpole like levels of screens (May 14).)
  

The Bikeriders

• Pinacolada (Actually sold some around me. It does seem like Focus is giving it kind of a shitty release though. Small screens. Definitely no PLFs, which 20th Century Studios was gonna get it Dolby back when they had it. There's 3 theaters really near me. Only 1 of them has this on sale as of now, though the other 2 theaters may come later? (May 26).)

Deadpool and Wolverine Average Thursday Comp using TheFlatLannister's Dune2+GOTG3 comp: $30.46M

• AMC ("Some 200,000 movie fans have bought their AMC tickets already. This is more Day 1 ticket sales at AMC than for any other R-rated movie ever." Insiders tell The Hollywood Reporter that first-day sales are likely around $8 million to $9 million if extrapolating the 200,000 stat cited by Aron (May 22).)
  
• DEADLINE (Already heating up eight weeks before its debut, having already collected some $8M in first day ticket sales. $8M is pretty remarkable for an R-rated movie two months before release. While there are no direct comps on Deadpool & Wolverine ticket sales in post-Covid history, its current cash bests the 24-hour advance ticket sales of The Batman ($6.5M), Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 ($6M) and John Wick: Chapter 4 ($1.4M). The Batman and GOTG3 opened to respective 3-day weekends of $134M and $118.4M (May 22).)
  
• FANDANGO (Broke Fandango’s best first-day ticket sales record for 2024. Best first-day pre-seller from the Deadpool franchise (May 21).)
  
• abracadabra1998 (Day 1/2 Comps (not serious ones): $25.82M/$28.14M THU. Pretty damn great day 2!(May 21).)
  
• AniNate (THU sales still largely biased towards primetime evening showings. There may be FOMO but not enough for people to take off work early. Good lord already 80+ THU previews sold for Deadpool at Canton (May 20).)
  
• AnthonyJPHer (Extremely strong growth from OD for Thursday. We have a monster on our hands here people. Buuut. Let me temper the excitement somewhat. The Friday numbers are good, stronger than Inside Out 2 by a considerable margin. However Inside Out 2 is looking very backloaded. This is looking extremely presales heavy right now. Much more than IO2’s 1,200 tickets for Friday. But here lies the problem. There is only 122 tickets separating Thursday and Friday for Deadpool and Wolverine, and for IO2, there is 500 tickets between the two days for that movie. This far out I’m not freaking out. I think the gap will increase. It just alarmed me a little. I still think it’s going to be massive though. Just a word of caution (May 28). Off to a hot start! At my theater in my town, there has been 8 tickets sold. That sounds low but it’s actually a lot, especially this far out and because Inside Out 2 hasn’t sold any tickets at my theater yet. Looking more broadly at 4 theaters I track other than my own, there is a mind- boggling 1,029 tickets sold! Already more than Inside Out 2 (May 20).)
  
• Charlie Jatinder (Comp: $28.9M THU. Moving along well (May 27). Nearly 300 sales day vs ~260 by Black Panther & ~200 of GOTG3. Another brilliant day. Given the length of sales window, comps be falling off but they have remained steady for first 4 days (May 24). Looking at keysersoze123's MTC1 data: These are incredible (May 22). $40.22M THU (MCU first day sales). Amazing day two at MiniTC2. Well ahead of BP2, GOTG3 and AM3. Not too far off from Thor 4. This is more impressive considering they all were ~25-35 days out while this is 65 days out. MTC2 has lower ATP generally due to smaller screens, less PLF, and more family friendly chain. Does much better PTA than MTC1 (May 21). MCU MTC 1 24 Hours: Doctor Strange: Multiverse of Madness ~ 210K (T-29), Thor 4 ~ 137K (T-24), DP&W ~ 120K+ (T-66), BP 2 ~ 110K (T-38), AM3 ~ 88K (T-30), and GoTG3 ~ 76K (T-30). At T-30 guess DP&W would have been around 160-170K type. Will mostly be above BP2 and below Thor 4. 3.6k so far. BP2 final was 4.6k. It’s done (crossed GOTG3 day one sales). Almost crossed GoTG3 day one sales at MiniTC2 (May 20).)
  
• Inceptionzq (Denver Comp: $25.69M THU. Drafthouse THU/FRI/SAT/SUN comp: $31.04M/$38.62M/$40.21M/$22.35M (May 21). Drafthouse THU/FRI/SAT/SUN comps with L&T 24 hours and MoM 11 hours: (1.03x0.968x) / (0.884x0.945x) / (0.912x1.01x) / (0.561x1.004x). Denver THU: In like for like theaters: (0.828x Thor L&T First 24 hours) and (0.628x Doctor Strange MoM first 11.5 hours) (May 20).)
  
• keysersoze123 (Previews was taken late yesterday and Friday data was just now. Still going quite strong. very impressive after huge OD (May 28). Still really strong 3 days later (May 25). 1st few days of PS is all about fanboys so T-x does not matter. By this FRI it will be in steady state mode. With this long a cycle that would be at very low levels. Looking at FRI sales, its IM will be closer to Thor 4 than BP2. So we can do the projections based on how the previews will go. However Its really early. Let us wait until we have T-x comps. Probably will have to wait until July to get credible comps. MTC2 early sales tend to be way weaker for all movies. The disparity for big movies is even higher. Nothing out of ordinary in day 2 pace for MTC1 (May 22). Obvious skew on previews (compared to FRI) as its 9+ weeks from release. Excellent growth even past 2:15 PM. Finished ahead of BP2 and ~20K below Thor 4 (116k for DxW and FINAL The Marvels previews at 133k). It has the longer cycle. This includes fan shows which sold 18K+ in initial check around noon PST. Fan event is just MTC1. I dont see anything for any other MTC so far or smaller chains. I think at this point we need to comp with 2022 MCU movies if OD presales are on par. Until we are within T-x cycle for this movie, we cannot comp after 1st 2-3 days. Fan shows are yuge. Adding FanShows and Previews should put it between BP2 and Thor 4 for now. Terrific OD. Over time, GotG3 should provide great comps. I can say for sure, its no where in the ballpark of DS2 which did 36m previews. Really good start. Should finish the day ahead of Ant 3 I think. Sales will taper off after fanboy rush. This does not include fan shows. No full data yet but show counts for previews (MTC1 - 7427 and MTC2 - 2914). MTC1 shows they are ready for big numbers. MTC2 is more conservative and numbers will go up close to release. If I have to guess based on really early indications, its OD between Guardians 3 and Ant 3 at MTC1. MTC2 I unfortunately cannot get data (May 20). Thor 4 is the most logical comp but that had meh WOM so IM was terrible. Previews were excellent though. Since its previews was 3 days after July 4, its final surge was stronger than even DS2. I dont think there is any difference between early and late July. All schools/colleges will still be off (May 19). Only number that matters is OD presales. after few days it will hit a trough and then it will plod along until social media reactions and reviews hit close to release. I think we can kind of predict its OW after its OD presales (May 18). RESPONSE TO PORTHOS: Captain Marvel had very strong sales on its OD despite early start. So OD is all about fans. It does not matter if you start 2 weeks before or 9 weeks. They will still book. So it would be interesting to compare OD sales not only with CM for @Porthos but also the big openers in 2022/23 period from MTC perspective. 1) DS2 - 230k ish. 2) Thor 4 - 136k ish. 3) Wakanda - 110k. 4) Ant 3 - 88K. 5) Guardians 3 - 70k ish. I wonder where Deadpool 3 will land. Anything is fine as long as it does pull in a Marvels (May 17).)
  
• Legion Again (Previews this early in summer are almost a THU opening, so Fri soemthing like +35-55% from Th is IM ~4.9-5.5. If we get some strong Fri sales when we’re close maybe I’ll drag it up to 5.6 or something but it will be really really tough to beat that. Expecting an IM close to Thor 4. Better reception (in avg case, just by regression to the mean) but bigger previews/more fanrush element, ~cancelling. T-65 Projection Matrix ($166M-$186M OW) (May 22).)
  
• Porthos (Comp: $20.87M THU. $6.72M earned so far in Sacramento (May 28). For long releases of MCU/SW Saga caliber, it usually takes about 6 to 8 days for the initial wave to stop. The Rise of Skywalker didn't really "bottom out" until D9 or so (T-51). Then at T-21, more or less, it started up its acceleration again. Can see similar patterns for MCU long runners (May 24). MCU/SW films tend to have a bit longer of a slope-down on the decent of the "u-curve" so I think I'll keep posting "Day x" comps for at least a couple more days (May 23). Pretty standard Day 2, really. Best sign, I think, is it nearly matching BP2 (that also had a long pre-sale window starting at T-38) (May 22). $22.09M THU Day 1 Comps (8.4% 3D and 58.5% PLF) (May 21). Pretty good, all things considered. BP2 and onward tell a pretty consistent picture. Do think the extra month of pre-sales is gonna mess with these comps at least a little (May 21). Since setup took 60-75 min longer, take the following with a slight grain of salt: 1:45 PM with 2,105 tickets sold. (NWH 2am: 6515), (NWH 2pm: 10685), (Batman 12:45 pm: 1693), (MoM 1:00 pm: 5030), (L&T 12:15pm: 2519), (BP2 2:15pm: 2197) and (GOTG3 12:40pm: 1317). Two theaters have not yet checked in. Seems to be broadly in line with other markets that have reported in (May 20). No comparison for a movie starting presales this early (60+ days before release). Only MCU entry which comes close is Captain Marvel (T-58) and only other Disney release is TROS (T-59). Longest pre-sale window for a major Disney release since The Last Jedi (~70 days). Longest major release since Fast X's 99 days. Probably the most on-point recent comparison will be Jurassic World 3's 43 days. Length of the pre-sale window will very likely depress D1/D2/D3 sales somewhat. It's a matter of smaller degrees when comparing something like a BP2 (starting at T-38), but that extra month is probably gonna slice some numbers off the top of the pile, especially after the first day (May 17).)
  
• TalismanRing (NYC Regal Local. 17 shows (3 3D, 3 RPX, 11 Reg 2): 102 tickets sold for first hour - almost half for the 7pm RPX showing. COMPS MON opening week: Marvels: 91 (11pm), Eternals: 266 (7pm), Black Widow: 239 (5pm), and Venom 2: 131 (6pm) (May 20).)
  
• TheFlatLannister ($150M locked imo. Don’t really see under $30M for previews and a 6x multi gets it to $180M OW. With GOTG 3 early reception I think $200M becomes a real discussion (May 22). $44.36M Dune 2 Day 2 comp. Pretty ridiculously strong day 2. Sold more tickets on T-65 than Dune 2 did in its final day of presales. $22.42M THU GOTG3 Comp. Considering this thing is 60+ days out, I'd say day 2 was amazing (May 21). Sold around 1k tickets in the last 8 hours. Keep in mind this is not T-X so once I switch to T-X 30+ days from now, comp will probably be well over $30M for GOTG. Thinking ~8k seats sold by T-30 for ~$37M comp with GOTG vol 3. DON'T TAKE THESE THU COMPS (Dune+APES+GxK) SERIOUSLY: $46.33M. Rollout is pretty insane. Has almost 200 more showings than Inside Out 2. Sold more tickets than Dune 2 did as of T-1 (Dune 2 finished with 13.6k on T-0). Also surpassed Godzilla tickets sold as of T-0. Half way finished collecting data on Deadpool for Florida and it's nearly tripled Dune 2 first 24 hours of sales and data is still flowing in. Passed GOTG3, ATSV, Dune 2 (First 24 hours) in about 3 hours. I think we can put the under $100M OW discussion to bed. To the shock of no one, this is blowing up. First 24 hours update should have average comps near $35M (May 20).)
  
• Tinalera (Toronto having an especially good run on pre sales- overall sales looking healthy (May 27). For a movie this far out, yea presales are doing well in Vancouver and Calgary. Its hard as very few movies open this early, but its healthy when we are getting between 5-10 percent sales for a movie not due out for 2 months (May 24).)
  
• TwoMisfits (Local Cinemark presale sets for DP3... 3 screens and 15 showings each - the PLF is giving 1 of 2 PLF screens and the non-PLF is doing some 3d showings. Not the set that a normal "big" Marvel movie gets, but it seems my 2 locals have taken a "put up or shut up" strategy for almost all blockbusters lately. This IS equal or more than most everything lately (although Bad Boys 4 is getting 3 screens and 14 showings at my PLF, so...). But, compared to 2019 Marvel, or even 2021 or EVEN 2023 Marvel...this is a low set (May 19).)
  
• vafrow (Comp: $45.2M THU. 12% over two days is pretty strong once the rush passes. We're not at the bottom of the curve yet it seems (May 24). 8% growth at this stage is very positive. I expect another drop tomorrow, but I'm probably not going to touch this until the weekend at this stage. I'm comping high, and without a proper MCU comparison (Marvels doesn't count), it's hard to gauge, but I feel this is just doing really well here (May 22). 20% growth on day 2 when it had a really strong first day is impressive. Ahead of T-1 for Dune Previews to officially be the highest selling film I've tracked since I switched to the 5 theatre radius (May 21). MTC4 has really jacked up plf prices in the last year or so, and D&W is skewed heavily towards PLFs in my track. I'm not sure how many trackers are doing price adjustments, but lack of good MCU comps in the last year could see a big price impact. Watching L&T comps in particular because being a rare adult skewing July MCU film seems to be the most ideal (May 21). Solid jump over the course of the day. Dolby sales jumped up the most, potentially as good IMAX screens got taken. Not sure what happened for the East coast this morning, but sales seemed to have rebounded. A little hit and miss in different markets, but that's what I'd assume for that region. There's some small communities. Not sure why it took so long for sales to hit when southern Ontario was hot off the mark. People may have assumed 9:00 am eastern time. Numbers pulled around 11:00 am, so two hours worth of data. Chain is pushing 3D for the ticket premium. Exception is IMAX showings, where I think they know people just want the 2D experience. 60% of sales being those four IMAX showings. 40 minutes into presales for my area. Almost triple Dune 2 on my first measurement for that, which was Day 2. Bit ahead of my first measurement for The Marvels, which was T-21, and I think about a week into sales. They're really leaning into 3D showings. I get the desire for theatres to get the extra premium, but I can't see a lot of people wanting to see this in 3D. Has been up for sale on the Canadian East coast, presumably from 9:00 local time. I did a sweep of all showtimes on MTC4, but there's been zero sales so far (May 20).)
  
• YM! (Sold ~10.6x Furiosa's T-6. One theater makes up a sizeable percentage of most mid-sized Marvel's T-2 in a span of hours. Such a strong start. Definitely feels like we got a potential 25m previews/150m+ opener. Still don't buy 200m OW but am starting to see 30m previews/175m+ OW as a strong possibility. On its first day has sold over 10x Furiosa T-6 here in SE Wisconsin. At North Shore, 70% of Shang-Chi’s and Venom 2’s T-2, 47% of Homecoming’s T-2, and 41.25% of Thor: Ragnarök’s T-2 - just using DP&W’s T-66! At half of Furiosa’s T-4 sales here in the past ten minutes in just two of the theaters PLF shows (May 20). 42 showings for previews across four SE Wisconsin theaters I track. ~20% more showings than IO2 and about the same amount of PLFs spread. Likely 3-4 screens a theater for THU previews, but has SuperScreen + 2 UltraScreen screens in Majestic Cinema. Seems to be a 3D push with North Shore having primetime showings in 3D UltraScreen (May 19).)
  

Domestic Calendar Dates (last updated May 23):
MAY

• (May 28) Presales Start [The Forge]
  
• (May 29) Presales Start [A Quiet Place: Day One]
  
• (May 30) THU Previews [Ezra + Haikyu!! + In a Violent Nature + Summer Camp + Robot Dreams + Young Woman and the Sea]
  
• (May 31) Presales Start [Daddio]
  

JUNE

• (June 3) Opening Day [MON: Spider-Man No Way Home Re-Release]
  
• (June 5) Presales Start [Despicable Me 4]
  
• (June 6) Presales Start [Twisters]
  
• (June 6) THU Previews [Bad Boys: Ride or Die + Watchers]
  
• (June 8) 1-SAT Re-Release (1st day) [LotR: Fellowship of the Ring Extended Edition]
  
• (June 9) 1-SUN Re-Release (1st day) [LotR: Two Towers Extended Edition]
  
• (June 10) 1-MON Re-Release (1st day) [LotR: Return of the King Extended Edition]
  
• (June 13) THU Previews [Inside Out 2]
  
• (June 15) 1-SAT Re-Release (2nd day) [LotR: Fellowship of the Ring Extended Edition]
  
• (June 16) 1-SUN Re-Release (2nd day) [LotR: Two Towers Extended Edition]
  
• (June 17) 1-MON Re-Release (2nd day) [LotR: Return of the King Extended Edition]
  
• (June 20) THU Previews [Bikeriders + Janet Planet]
  
• (June 22) 1-SAT Re-Release (3rd day) [LotR: Fellowship of the Ring Extended Edition]
  
• (June 23) 1-SUN Re-Release (3rd day) [LotR: Two Towers Extended Edition]
  
• (June 24) 1-MON Re-Release (3rd day) [LotR: Return of the King Extended Edition]
  
• (June 27) THU Previews [Blue Lock + Daddio + Horizon: Chapter 1 + A Quiet Place: Day One]
  

JULY

• (July 1) Presales Start [Fly Me to the Moon + Longlegs]
  
• (July 2) Opening Day [WED: Despicable Me 4]
  
• (July 4) Opening Day [THU: Possum Trot]
  
• (July 4) THU Previews [MaXXXine]
  
• (July 11) THU Previews [Fly Me to the Moon + Untitled New Line Horror movie]
  
• (July 17) EA [Twisters]
  
• (July 18) THU Previews [Twisters]
  
• (July 25) THU Previews [Deadpool and Wolverine (including 1 PLF fan show at 3 PM) + Didi + Fabulous Four]
  
• (July 29) Presales Start [Alien: Romulus + It Ends With Us]
  

AUGUST

• (August 1) THU Previews [Harold and the Purple Crayon]
  
• (August 5) Presales Start [Borderlands]
  
• (August 8) THU Previews [Borderlands + It Ends With Us + Cuckoo + The Fire Inside + Trap]
  
• (August 12) Presales Start [Alien: Romulus]
  
• (August 15) THU Previews [Alien: Romulus + Horizon: Chapter 2 + Ryan’s World the Movie: Titan Universe Adventure]
  
• (August 22) THU Previews [Blink Twice + The Crow + The Forge + Slingshot]
  
• (August 29) THU Previews [City of Dreams + Reagan + They Listen]
  

Presale Tracking Posts:
May 11
May 14
May 16
May 18
May 21
May 23
May 25
Note: I have removed most tracking data that has not been updated for 2 weeks. I think there is value in keeping data for a week or two but at a certain point they start to lose their value and should not be treated the same as more recent tracking data.

I'm in the market for a new family vehicle. I have 4 kids, 12y to 18m. My 12yo is a big kid, and is going to get a lot bigger. I have 2 still in car seats, one rear-facing. We get a lot of snow here in the winter, and we live in the country a bit and don't always have well-plowed roads. I have owned a Honda Odyssey for about 4 years, and I love them, but I want AWD for those winter roads. This, I will say, is still a convenience and not a necessity, so I'm not ruling out any FWD vehicles.
I'm concerned that the Pilot won't be as roomy in the back for my older kids, since the younger ones in car seats will need to be in the second row, at least for a while longer. I feel like the minivan is more kid-friendly, and I do like the idea of sliding doors that I can control from the drivers seat.
Would you get a Pilot or stick to the minivan? If so, would you go for the Sienna or the Odyssey?

I'll go first with two examples:
I like urban fantasy, but don't like the usual single protagonist who gets a chick per book, or a 'harem' of chicks after him, or the "will they or won't they?" or love triangle teasing. Or the "MC gets the girl/guy in the end" stuff, or the "marriage on the rocks" idea.
So I wrote a story with an MC who was happily married and very committed. (Web serial, so no takebacks or editing earlier chapters.)
And I learned really fucking fast why the tropes I listed are so popular: generating interest from a stable relationship is very hard compared to the other options. You've basically given up the entire romcom playbook, the romance playbook, the "which one is it gonna be?" playbook, and have chopped off the possibility of running any of those plays as downtime moments (for when the main plot is on hiatus and you've got to fill some pages and keep readers interested).
I dealt with it by upgrading the MC's wife to a supernatural powerlevel he'd have to deal with anyway even if she wasn't married to him (I didn't plan this, but felt I had to do it), using flirty 'pillow talk' as a chance for exposition, having "let's visit the in-laws" as a massive plot hook (especially because she turned out to be one of the least powerful folks in her family), embarrassing stories from decades ago they knew about each other, and some other things, but I really could not grab the frisson of a love triangle or a "will they or won't they?" setup.
No regrets, but I missed out on a lot of stuff I could have done, and now understand why those setups I dislike are so common. They generate narrative tension at incredible levels just by existing and can make readers even more interested in the 'downtime' than the main plot!
I learned a lot while trying that.
Second Example: Hardware stores in Urban Fantasy.
Problems with the Fair Folk? We sell cold iron by the pound. You want nails? Screws? Girders? Rebar? Just some threaded rod? We got you.
Werewolves? We might not have wolfsbane (check the gardening department) or silver, but would you rather face a raging werewolf down with a cordless reciprocating saw in your hand or without one?
Vampires? We sell sharpened wooden stakes by the bundle (those are meant to be used for surveying and marking out stuff with string) and mallets to hammer them in. And there are some garlic plants in the gardening section.
Killing a god? Well, do you want to go with the Egyptian method or the Christian method?
The Egyptian method is cutting the god into pieces and scattering them across the known world. (Yeah, that's part of the myth of Osiris. Isis, his wife, had to go on a very long journey to find them all so Osiris could be properly mummified and pass on to become the god of the underworld.) We have circular saws, tablesaws, bandsaws, those reciprocating saws we mentioned earlier, and generally a lot of power tools for slicing gods up. And generators, if you don't like the cordless ones.
The Christian method? You can buy two two-by-fours or four-by-fours and a bunch of big nails or even railroad spikes and a hammer for ...under thirty bucks. No guarantees on whether the god will get back up again after three days.
Oh, you were having problems with ghosts? We've got salt in bulk for de-icing during the winter, and you could get enough to make a circle around your house for - hey Larry! What are we charging for bags of salt these days?
And you might want a flashlight and a knife. We've got those too.
And the funny bit is that you can buy this stuff without even bothering to show an ID. (The stuff they ID you for is spraypaint due to anti-vandalism laws, other stuff you can huff, and solvents that can be used for making meth or other illegal substances.)
It didn't disrupt my story in the slightest that one of the wizards in it's first response to a possible supernatural threat was "let's go to Home Depot" (fuck, I should have gotten a sponsorship deal with them), but ho boy do hardware stores sell a bunch of stuff on the 'Killing Things That Go Bump In The Night 101' checklist.
But strangely, I haven't seen or read practically any Urban Fantasy whose authors realized a hardware store was such a great place to go when you want to ...make The Things That Go Bump In The Night stop bumping.
So what have you intentionally included or excluded from your stories, despite genre conventions, and how did you have to work with/around that?

Found this article after doing a quick deep-dive after this post from u/evilez:
https://www.reddit.com/UFOs/comments/1d33m4l/does_anybody_remember_what_podcast_this_was/
"Hello fine ladies and gentlemen! I remember listening to a podcast less than a year ago. The main subject of the podcast was UFOs (I think)... anyways the guest told a story that a congressman or senator wrote a bill that was against the CIA or going to defund the CIA, in the 80's... and shortly thereafter, someone broke into his home, dragged his wife out into the street and stuck a gun in her mouth and told her to kill the bill."
Some light Googling brought up this article about the history of the CIA, the OSS, and Daniel Patrick Moynihan's attempts at defunding the agency in the 90s.
Here's an article about that attempt brought by Moynihan published on the Carnegie Endowment Website on December 20, 2005.
https://carnegieendowment.org/posts/2005/12/the-case-for-abolishing-the-cia?lang=en
Here's the New Yorker piece about all of this from October 3rd, 2022.

Spooked -- What’s wrong with the C.I.A.? -- By Amy Davidson Sorkin -- October 3, 2022

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/10/10/has-the-cia-done-more-harm-than-good
According to the article regarding the resuscitation of the OSS as the CIA immediately following Roswell and the Twining Memo:
"Many of its officers moved straight to the new C.I.A. Most consequentially, perhaps, four future directors of the C.I.A. were O.S.S. veterans: Allen Dulles, Richard Helms, William Colby, and William Casey."
Here's the New Yorker article in full:
"On January 4, 1995, Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan, of New York, introduced a bill called the Abolition of the Central Intelligence Agency Act. It had been a rough stretch for the C.I.A. The year before, Aldrich Ames, a longtime officer, had been convicted of being a longtime mole for Soviet (and then Russian) intelligence. Despite having a reputation among his colleagues as a problem drinker who appeared to live far beyond his means, Ames had been given high-level assignments with access to the names of American sources in the U.S.S.R. When the F.B.I. finally arrested him, he was in the Jaguar he used for commuting to work at Langley; by then, he was responsible for the death of at least ten agents. Moynihan said that the case was such a flamboyant display of incompetence that it might actually be a distraction from “the most fundamental defects of the C.I.A.” He meant that the agency—in what he considered to be its “defining failure”—had both missed the fact that the Soviet Union was on the verge of collapse and done little to hasten its end.
He gave a diagnosis for what had gone wrong. “Secrecy keeps mistakes secret,” he said. “Secrecy is a disease. It causes a hardening of the arteries of the mind.” He quoted John le Carré on that point, adding that the best information actually came from the likes of area specialists, diplomats, historians, and journalists. If the C.I.A. was disbanded, he said, the State Department could pick up the intelligence work, and do a better job.
Moynihan was, in some respects, being disingenuous. As he well knew, even if his bill had passed, spies and spying wouldn’t have gone away. The State Department already had its own mini agency, the Bureau of Intelligence and Research. The Departments of Energy and Treasury each had one, too. The Defense Intelligence Agency conducted clandestine operations; U.S. Army Intelligence, Air Force Intelligence, and the Office of Naval Intelligence kept themselves busy as well. The National Security Agency was nearly two decades away from the revelation, by Edward Snowden, a contractor and a former C.I.A. employee, that it had collected information about the phone calls of most Americans, but it was a behemoth even in Moynihan’s time. So was the Federal Bureau of Investigation. There were about a dozen agencies then; now, after reforms that were supposed to streamline things, there are eighteen, including the Office of the Director of National Intelligence (O.D.N.I.), a sort of meta-C.I.A. that has a couple of thousand employees, and the Department of Homeland Security’s Office of Intelligence and Analysis. The Drug Enforcement Administration (which currently has foreign offices in sixty-nine countries) has an Office of National Security Intelligence. Four million people in the United States now have security clearances.
It can be hard to sort out which agencies do what; players in the espionage business aren’t always good with boundaries. Both the C.I.A. and the N.S.A. make use of satellite resources, including commercial ones, but there is a separate agency in charge of a spy-satellite fleet, the National Reconnaissance Office—not to be confused with the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency, which deals with both space-based and ground-level imaging, or with Space Delta 18, the nation’s newest intelligence agency, which is attached to the Space Force. Abolishing the C.I.A. might do nothing more than reconfigure the turf wars.
[NOTE: both Sean Kirkpatrick and David Grusch worked for the NRO and at least Grusch worked for the NGA]
As the senator from New York also knew, a large proportion of the C.I.A.’s resources are devoted not to intelligence gathering but to covert operations, some of which look like military operations. In “Spies, Lies, and Algorithms: The History and Future of American Intelligence” (Princeton)—one of several recent books that coincide with the seventy-fifth anniversary of the agency’s founding—Amy B. Zegart, a political scientist at Stanford, writes that it’s “getting harder to know just where the CIA’s role ends and the military’s role begins.” Yet the agency’s paramilitary pursuits and related covert activities go back decades. They include the botched Bay of Pigs landing, the brutal Phoenix Program in Vietnam, and a long list of assassination attempts, coup plots, the mining of a harbor (with explosive devices the agency built itself), and drone strikes. These operations have very seldom ended well.
Moynihan’s bill had no more luck than another that he introduced the same day, aimed at ending Major League Baseball’s exemption from antitrust laws. In each case, people understood that there was a problem, but both institutions were protected by the sense that there was something essential, and perhaps authentically American, about them, including their very brokenness. A sudden turn of events can convince even the C.I.A.’s most sober critics that the agency will save us all, whether from terrorists or from Donald Trump. But, seventy-five years in, it’s far from clear whether the C.I.A. is good at its job, or what that job is or should be, or how we could get rid of the agency if we wanted to.
How did we end up with the C.I.A.? A familiar explanation is that the shock of Pearl Harbor made the United States realize it needed more spies; the Office of Strategic Services was formed and jumped into action; and, when the war ended, the O.S.S. evolved seamlessly into the C.I.A., ready to go out and win the Cold War. But that narrative isn’t quite right, particularly regarding the relationship between the O.S.S. and the C.I.A.
[NOTE: We know how ended up with the CIA. ROSWELL.]
The United States has always used spies of some sort. George Washington had a discretionary espionage budget for which he didn’t have to turn in receipts. In the early part of the twentieth century, the State Department had an intelligence-analysis unit, along with a cryptography group called the Black Chamber, which operated out of a brownstone in New York’s Murray Hill until it was shut down, in 1929. The Army and the Navy had cryptography and reconnaissance units, too. When the Second World War began, their operations ramped up dramatically, and, as Nicholas Reynolds recounts in “Need to Know: World War II and the Rise of American Intelligence” (Mariner), these units, not the O.S.S., handled most of the code-breaking. The problem became the volume of raw intelligence. The task of making sense of it and of turning it into something that policymakers could use went to an office within the Army’s military-intelligence division (or G-2), which, Reynolds says, produced “the country’s best strategic intelligence” during the war. That office’s work was directed by Alfred McCormack, a former clerk for Supreme Court Justice Harlan Stone and a partner at Cravath, Swaine & Moore. Many of the people he brought in were young corporate lawyers; the theory was that their training in plowing through mountains of documents made them ideal intelligence analysts.
William J. Donovan, who led and largely conceived of the O.S.S., was also a Wall Street lawyer, but one with an aversion to the “legalistic.” What Donovan envisioned was essentially an array of commando units that would operate stealthily and behind enemy lines. In practice, what he tried to build, according to a colleague, was a “private army.” His escapades often risked too much and gained too little. In late 1943, one of his own officers wrote to him that “the set-up has been incredibly wasteful in manpower and, except for a few spotty accomplishments, has been a national failure.” And it had produced “chaos in the field.” Donovan’s nickname was Wild Bill, but his staff called him Seabiscuit, after the thoroughbred, because of his tendency to race around, engaging in what was basically war tourism. In the end, though, the O.S.S. made real contributions, including through its contacts with the French Resistance. But Donovan’s complaint about D Day was that there was “too much planning.” Counterintelligence and strategic thinking bored him, and the O.S.S.’s analysis division was seen as secondary to its operations.
When Harry Truman became President, in April, 1945, he took a look at the O.S.S. and, in September, 1945, abolished it. About two years later, he signed the National Security Act, which established the C.I.A. (and the Department of Defense), but he didn’t want the new agency to be like the group Donovan had run. Instead, it was supposed to do what its name suggested: centralize the intelligence that various agencies gathered, analyze it, and turn it into something the President could use.
[NOTE: I tried doing some research after reading something yesterday about how the NSA was developed in 1952 under Project Sigma to try and decode "alien" communications. If anyone can offer anything, you'd be helping humanity.]
“It was not intended as a ‘Cloak and Dagger’ Outfit!,” Truman later wrote. He also had to deal with public apprehensions that he might create what a Chicago Tribune headline called a “Super Gestapo Agency”—which is why, in its charter, the C.I.A. was banned from domestic spying.
Reynolds’s book is the best of the recent batch, and the most readable. It does not retrofit the history of the O.S.S. around the assumption that the C.I.A. was the inevitable lead postwar intelligence agency. There were other contenders, including a version of McCormack’s office in the State Department—something like what Moynihan wanted. J. Edgar Hoover argued that “World Wide Intelligence” should be turned over to the F.B.I., with military intelligence subservient to him. In some alternative history, he might have pulled that off; by 1943, he was running undercover operations in twenty Latin American countries. And so things could have been worse.
[WHAT UNDERCOVER OPERATIONS WERE WE RUNNING IN LATIN AMERICANS COUNTRIES IN 1943.]
Donovan was an adept publicist, but what mattered most, in the end, was that he was good, or lucky, when it came to hiring people. Despite the “pale, male, and Yale” stereotype, the O.S.S. was somewhat more diverse than other units, and certainly more eclectic. Among its ranks were Ralph Bunche, Herbert Marcuse, and Julia Child. Many of its officers moved straight to the new C.I.A. Most consequentially, perhaps, four future directors of the C.I.A. were O.S.S. veterans: Allen Dulles, Richard Helms, William Colby, and William Casey. Each seems to have had glory-day memories of the O.S.S., which is to say that each, in various ways, was afflicted with what a general in Army intelligence called “the screwball Donovan effect.” Casey, who put a picture of Donovan on his wall, said of his old boss, “We all glowed in his presence.” Wild Bill lost the bureaucratic fight but won the personnel and mythology wars.
And, of course, the agency found customers and collaborators in the White House. There was no mention of covert action in the law that chartered the C.I.A., but Presidents—starting with Truman—began using it that way. One of the agency’s first operations involved meddling in the 1948 Italian election, to insure the victory of the Christian Democrats. The subsidies and outright bribery of Italian politicians, some of them on the far, far right, continued into the nineteen-seventies.
Almost from its creation, though, there was a sense that something about the C.I.A. was off. The split between covert action and intelligence gathering and analysis was part of it. The director of the agency was also supposed to be the leader of U.S. intelligence as a whole, but, invariably, the person in the job seemed more invested in preëminence than in coördination. That setup remained in place until the establishment of the O.D.N.I., in 2004, a move that thus far has mostly continued a tradition of trying to deal with the C.I.A.’s dysfunction by setting up ever more agencies, offices, and centers. (The N.S.A. was established, in 1952, in response to a series of cryptography-related failures.) “Legacy of Ashes,” Tim Weiner’s 2008 history of the C.I.A.—and still an invaluable overview—takes its title from a lament by Eisenhower about what he’d be leaving his successors if the “faulty” structure of American intelligence wasn’t changed. Since Weiner’s book was published, the ashes, and the agencies, have only been piling up.
Zegart’s “Spies, Lies, and Algorithms” aims to bring that history to the present. Zegart has served as an adviser to intelligence agencies, and she provides a decent guide to our current bureaucracy. Throughout, her book is clear and well organized—maybe a little too well organized, one feels, after taking in the “Seven Deadly Biases” of intelligence analysis, the “Four Main Adversaries” and the “Five Types of Attack” in the crypto area, and the “Three Words, Four Types” that define covert action. (The covert-action words, incidentally, are “influence,” “acknowledged,” and “abroad.”) Not a few paragraphs read like PowerPoint charts; contradictions are displayed without really being reckoned with. She observes that the balance between “hunting” and “gathering” seems off, but, in her telling, the fact that Presidents of both parties regularly turn to the C.I.A. for paramilitary and other covert tasks constitutes proof that doing so is part of the order of things. The impression she leaves is that if it all goes wrong, it’s because some checklist has been missed. One of the top priorities of U.S. intelligence today, she thinks, should be persuading tech companies to get with the program and help out. She moots the creation of yet another agency, to deal with OSINT—open-source intelligence.
In one chapter, Zegart provides a list of scandals involving spying within the U.S. by various intelligence agencies—notably the N.S.A., the F.B.I., and the C.I.A. “All of these activities violated American law,” she writes. “But that’s the point: domestic laws forbid this kind of surveillance of Americans.” How is that the point, exactly? She depicts the Senate’s 2014 Torture Report, which detailed profound abuses in the C.I.A.’s so-called black sites, as a they-said, the-agency-said, who-knows case. She turns it into a parable about the problems with Congress—suggesting that, although the committee structure may have needed rejiggering, the moral compass of those involved in the program of torture was just fine.
Another new volume, “A Question of Standing: A History of the CIA” (Oxford), by Rhodri Jeffreys-Jones, a professor emeritus of history at the University of Edinburgh, offers the insights of a more distant observer. He can be astute about how “false memories” of the O.S.S.’s accomplishments have led the C.I.A. astray. Part of his argument is that the agency has acted as if its influence depended on its standing with whoever is in the White House, thus motivating it to offer Presidents quick fixes that fix nothing. The net effect is to reduce its standing, and that of the U.S., with the public at home and abroad. But Jeffreys-Jones is prone to rash generalizations and pronouncements. He theorizes that, in the run-up to the 2003 invasion of Iraq, George W. Bush’s national-security adviser, Condoleezza Rice, may have been susceptible to “war mongering” due to her status as “a descendant of slaves,” and that the working-class background of the C.I.A.’s director, George Tenet, made him more likely to vouch for the faulty intelligence on weapons of mass destruction used to justify the war. “Social mobility so often leads to conformity,” warns Jeffreys-Jones, himself the son of an academic historian.
During the Vietnam War, the C.I.A. had discouraging intelligence to offer, and, when successive Administrations didn’t want to hear it, focussed on being helpful by providing those supposedly quick fixes. That meant abetting a coup in 1963, spying on antiwar protesters, and launching the Phoenix Program, an anti-Vietcong campaign marked by torture and by arbitrary executions; in total, more than twenty thousand people were killed under Phoenix’s auspices.
Phoenix was run by William Colby, the O.S.S. alum, who was soon promoted to C.I.A. director. At lower levels, discontent about Vietnam fueled leaks. In December, 1974, the journalist Seymour Hersh told the agency that he was about to publish a story in the Times exposing its domestic spying. Whether in a miscalculation or (as Jeffreys-Jones somewhat breathlessly speculates) as an act of personal expiation, Colby gave Hersh partial confirmation. Amid the scandals and the Congressional hearings that followed, Colby angered some of his colleagues, and Henry Kissinger, by laying bare even more. It emerged that, in 1973, Colby’s predecessor had asked senior agency officials to produce a list of things the C.I.A. had done that might have been unlawful. The resulting document, covering just the prior fifteen years, was known in-house as “The Family Jewels,” and was almost seven hundred pages long.
The question of how much it matters who works at the C.I.A. is a perennial one. The influence of Donovan’s acolytes shows that decisions about whom you recruit can, in a formative period or at a critical juncture, make a big difference. But, once an institutional culture has become entrenched, it can be easier to see how the institution shapes the people within it than vice versa.
“Wise Gals: The Spies Who Built the CIA and Changed the Future of Espionage” (Putnam), by Nathalia Holt, comes at the question from a different angle. It’s about five women who worked for the early C.I.A.; three also worked at the O.S.S., and one, Eloise Page, began her career as Bill Donovan’s secretary. Holt is also the author of “Rise of the Rocket Girls,” about women in the early years of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, and “The Queens of Animation,” about women at the Walt Disney Company. Her book contains fine material for a beautifully art-directed streaming series, with set pieces in postwar Paris, nineteen-fifties Baghdad, and nineteen-seventies Greece, where Page was the C.I.A.’s first woman station chief. It even has a framing device in the form of the “Petticoat Panel,” a working group of C.I.A. women that convened in 1953 to document their unequal pay and treatment. Holt quotes the transcript of the meeting at which the leadership of the agency summarily rejected their findings. Helms, the future director, says, “It is just nonsense for these gals to come on here and think that the government is going to fall apart because their brains aren’t going to be used to the maximum.” (In 1977, Helms was convicted of lying to Congress about the C.I.A.’s machinations in Chile.) What the book is not, unfortunately, is a coherent history of the C.I.A., of the era it depicts, or even of these women’s work.
Holt’s research does turn up evidence that Jane Burrell, one of her subjects, was the first C.I.A. officer to die in the line of duty, in a plane crash in France, in 1948, a fact that the agency itself apparently missed. Holt ends her book with a call for a star honoring Burrell to be added to the C.I.A.’s memorial wall. Of the hundred and thirty-seven officers represented there, she writes, forty-five died accidentally, the majority in plane crashes, meaning that Burrell’s case would be fairly typical. Burrell was on the return leg of a trip to Brussels, where she’d been sent to talk to war-crimes investigators about a mess the C.I.A. had created by relying on an agent who turned out to have worked with the S.S. and was now in custody. In that respect, too, Burrell, who had personally handled the agent, was typical of the C.I.A. (After Burrell vouched for him, the man was released.) The subject of the C.I.A.’s postwar relations with former Nazis—some of whom, like Reinhard Gehlen, it helped to install in West Germany’s new intelligence service—and with collaborationist émigré groups is, no doubt, a morass. Holt, alas, manages to make the story even more garbled than it has to be. In the end, she basically treats the whole sordid episode as a learning experience for the Gals.
The problem is that the agency doesn’t seem to learn much. Holt credits Mary Hutchison with helping to build a network of émigré Ukrainian nationalists. Beginning in 1949, the agency parachuted some of them (including one whom Hutchison apparently distrusted) behind the Soviet border, where they were quickly captured—and repeated the same procedure for a number of years. “Despite the catastrophe, the Ukraine operation would serve as a template moving forward,” Holt writes. “The C.I.A. had more success with back-to-back operations in Iran and Guatemala, where covert action was able to deftly oust leaders considered undesirable.” It’s odd to describe these coups as deft. One of Zegart’s handy lists is of the “unintended consequences” in Iran: “religious extremism, a revolutionary overthrow, the American hostage crisis, severed ties, regional instability, and today’s rising nuclear dangers.” Guatemala is still dealing with the violent legacy of the coup that the C.I.A. visited upon it. Then there’s the question of the intended consequences, which were, respectively, to elevate a shah and a military regime. Secret wars tend not to be so secret in the country where they take place.
It was, no doubt, frustrating for Hutchison when, a few years later, her colleagues on the Bay of Pigs task force failed to make use of her Spanish-language skills. But are we supposed to think that the whole misconceived enterprise would have gone off without a hitch were it not for the C.I.A.’s misogyny? One of Holt’s minor themes is that women in the C.I.A. were seen as more natural analysts than operatives—with analysis, in turn, seen as less manly, and less valuable, to everybody’s detriment. But she is more intent on showing that these women were also daring. The main point of “Wise Gals” is that it’s cool that women were in the early C.I.A., and therefore that the C.I.A. itself was cooler than we’d realized. Holt celebrates a big promotion Page got that afforded her access to the secret of a safe containing shellfish-derived poison. You don’t have to be pale, male, and Yale to be complicit in a bungled assassination plot, or, for that matter, a program of rendition and torture.
Why do so many books about the C.I.A. have trouble getting their story straight? It can’t just be the secrecy of the work itself, at least with regard to the earlier years, about which much has been declassified. (Much remains under wraps: Moynihan complained that classification created more than six million supposed secrets in 1993; Zegart writes that the number in 2016 was fifty-five million—not all of which can possibly have been critical.) The aura of secrecy, by contrast, probably does distort the judgment of its chroniclers. And the scope of the agency’s work is a challenge: it’s hard to write expertly on places as far-ranging as the Democratic Republic of Congo (where the agency initially planned to poison President Patrice Lumumba’s toothpaste, and instead ended up handing a quarter of a million dollars to Joseph Mobutu, the country’s future dictator, who facilitated the assassination) and Afghanistan (where the C.I.A. has had forty years of illusory gains and worse losses). But the biggest problem may be the agency’s own pattern of self-deception. Holt, for example, sometimes seems to go wrong when, rummaging through the archives, she gives too much credit to contemporaneous internal assessments of an agent’s or an operation’s worth.
In truth, the C.I.A. has had a “defining failure” for every decade of its existence—sometimes more than one. For Moynihan, in the nineteen-nineties, it was the lack of foresight about the Soviet Union; in the two-thousands, it was the phantom weapons of mass destruction, followed by torture and, in still evolving ways, by the drone-based program of targeted killings, with its high toll of civilian deaths. Barack Obama’s rapport with John Brennan, the C.I.A.’s director from 2013 to 2017, seems to have brought him to accept the view that the killing of American citizens abroad was acceptable, if managed prudently. The overuse of the agency on the battlefield is due not to a military-manpower shortage but to wishful thinking about the benefits of secrecy and of a lack of accountability.
It’s difficult to know, at this point, what the C.I.A.’s next defining failure—or, if one tries to be optimistic, its stabilizing success—will be. Donald Trump has had a complicated relationship with the intelligence community—increasingly capitalized and abbreviated to I.C.—which is presently conducting a damage assessment regarding documents with classified markings that he kept at Mar-a-Lago, his Florida home. He might, of course, be reëlected, and have the C.I.A.’s tools at his disposal again. If the C.I.A. isn’t the place to turn for an expedient solution to foreign-policy problems, neither is it bound to be the place to turn for a solution to our democracy’s political problems.
“If you ask intelligence officers what misperceptions bother them most, odds are they’ll mention ethics,” Zegart writes. She quotes an official who complains that “people think we’re lawbreakers, we’re human rights violators.” She insists that “officers think about ethics a lot.” She portrays the agency as being filled with hardworking moms and dads who do a great deal of “agonizing.” No doubt she’s right. But if the C.I.A. keeps falling down all the same, something must be tragically amiss in the agency’s structure or culture, or both. All the talk of coups and assassination plots, Zegart worries, distracts people from understanding the C.I.A.’s more basic intelligence mission. In fact, the party most distracted by such activities—and by the military role it has taken on—seems to be the agency itself. ♦
An earlier version of this article misstated the numerical designation of the Space Force unit dedicated to intelligence.
Published in the print edition of the October 10, 2022, issue.

I [27 F]keep wanting my husband [32 M] to die.
Hi! New to reddit here.
I use to consider myself a kind hearted person. But now I think I was just full of myself.
Bit of context: I am from a southeast asian country. And I always wanted to get married through my family. So arrange marriage. I got married 2 weeks ago.
I am post grad currently work online remotely.
Before marriage I didn’t have a flack of romantic conversations or interaction with anyone. From a distance you could say I was aromantic.
But it’s not that I was oppose of the idea. As I was going to be married off for sure I didn’t see the point muddy my life or create unnecessary problems for me. Cause dating market isn’t always peach perfect.
It’s true that I didn’t like my husband a whole lot but I didn’t know the person to dislike him.
I trusted my father’s judgement as he have done match making for few of relatives and they worked out fine.
Another bit of context: I was “touched” when I was little. By 3 different family members. Yes I do have both of my parents but still it happened and they only know about 1 incident. And my parents are good people so they took action where it was needed.
Fast forward to our wedding night. We had sex. It wasn’t anything amazing. To be honest… I kinda eyerolled at him from behind. What’s so great about it!
After that every-time we were intimate I just wanted it to be over. He wanted to do it all night… but I didn’t like it at all.
We also had a small argument too. I said… when I say “no” he must not force me or anything and should give me space. He did listen now asks me permission and gives me space. Very nice of him.
But still I see intimacy as a pure chore.
I want to quickly get it done and go to sleep.
Another things is that….
He talks a lot. Like a lot.
I am a chat person and he is a talk for a hour on the phone person.
He immediately told me i love you on the 3rd day of marriage. Which I think is fake… doesn’t really mean anything.
Now back to the real question:
On our 2nd day when we were lying on the bed at 1 am… he yapping away, this thought came to my mind.
“Wouldn’t be great if he died? And I was alone?”
I thought of this and immediately caught myself.
I thought how can I cat mama of 2 could think about something so morbid like this.
I have been praying a lot.
But I keep fantasying about my life after his death.
What is wrong with me? And what should I do?

Recently interviewed with a hagwon for a kindergarten teacher position. It's a chain school, but I've worked at multiple branches of the chain so I feel equipped to deal with that. I'm not a first time teacher, so just looking for optics on this.
Both school and I discussed beginning in August, which was acceptable for me. As of yesterday, however, the school has been asking me to start in June. Another teacher who had signed on for June pulled out, so they're desperately looking for a teacher.
I am unable to start in June, but they seem to be unable to take no for an answer. I'm recently married, so my husband's family and my own family are spending time together for 2 weeks in June. When told this, the school offered two weeks of unpaid vacation if I start early.
I am truly unable and unwilling to start in June, but no matter what I say, they seem to have a rebuttal. If I continue to say no and start in August like planned, do you believe it'd be a good idea?

I really really wanna get into Black Panther (616 to be specific), but i have no idea where to start 🥲 Would really appreciate some help with this!

Mushitarō's returned to Yokohama after a delightful week long holiday.
He stepped off the plane.. accompanied by a brown haired fellow dressed in a long black gown.
He arched his back, wringing put his spine from the flight.
"Ah.. it's certainly good to be back.. you sure you'll be fine Carolina?"
"Mhm!! Boss said it'd be a good idea to expand our borders so..I'll be fine don't worry."
"If you need anything, do reach out."
The two split ways outside the terminal. Bidding each other adieu. Mushi began on his way back to his complex and Carolina making his way to a hotel.
"Ah.. I should buy some groceries.."
[OOC: ADA members abduct this man!!]

Mushitarō's returned to Yokohama after a delightful week long holiday.
He stepped off the plane.. accompanied by a brown haired fellow dressed in a long black gown.
He arched his back, wringing put his spine from the flight.
"Ah.. it's certainly good to be back.. you sure you'll be fine Carolina?"
"Mhm!! Boss said it'd be a good idea to expand our borders so..I'll be fine don't worry."
"If you need anything, do reach out."
The two split ways outside the terminal. Bidding each other adieu. Mushi began on his way back to his complex and Carolina making his way to a hotel.
"Ah.. I should buy some groceries.."
[OOC: ADA members abduct this man!!]

i feel so alone i dont know what im doing in the world. i dont know what i can do anymore other than give up. im (20F) an only child, i have a bad relationship w my parents, we moved a lot throughout my childhood so i dont have any extended family where i live. most of my extended family arent good people anyway, all of my grandparents are divorced, theres a history of mental illness in our family and most of them have become bitter and taken it out on others. just negative, unsupportive people. my mom tries her best in her own way but shes extremely religious and homophobic (im bisexual and id say im spiritual but definitely not religious) and my dad is very strong minded about politics, he was a trump supporter and has very conservative views which i dont agree with at all. they dont even get along with eachother and i grew up w them screaming at eachother almost constantly my whole life. my high school experience was ruined by covid and i lost the friend group that gave me a will to live bc i dated someone in it and when we broke up they all took his side (it’s a lot to explain but there was only 4 people in the group, the other guy only took his side bc of something along the lines of bro code, and my best friend took his side bc she had secretly liked him and ended up taking him from me). i already had trust issues but this is where it started to get worse. since then ive had so many friendships and relationships that i truly dont have the time to get into the details of, and i really dont want to come off as having a victim complex at all when i say this but i’ve been continuously done so wrong by people. im a very self aware person, ive grieved so much, ive looked for every fault in myself and blamed myself for so many things but at the end of the day i had nothing but good intentions for every single one of those people and i loved them and gave them everything i could. i just feel so lost and alone now. i dont have a support system, no family, and my trust issues are so bad i dont think i’ll ever be able to feel secure in a relationship or even friendships again. im so tired of watching everyone except me experience genuine love platonically, romantically and from their family. when will it be my turn. if i marry a girl my parents will cut me off. i dont know if i even want to marry a man at this point bc i feel like every guy ive been with has used me for my body. my ex told me the only reason he liked me was bc im “hot and always dtf”. i never cry in front of people but i sobbed in his arms after hearing that bc it triggered something so deep in me. i dont feel lovable. im tired of living and knowing that i will never truly be loved. i dont know what im doing wrong. im “conventially” attractive, dyed platinum blonde hair and green/hazel eyes, 5’1, not under or overweight. i have good style imo (for reference kinda maddy perez style, eyeliner mostly black and light blues and more on the feminine side). im very emotionally intelligent and strong bc of what ive been through and im loyal, im the type of person that if u have me u 100% can count on me and i will always be there no matter what. everytime ive been in a relationship i dont entertain or talk to other people at all. i hand make really personal gifts for people i love and am really intentional about buying things and will go all out and write long letters. i have a good aesthetic, im always clean and always smell good, im not overly friendly to people in a people pleasing way but i think im really sweet. i was really quiet for a long time bc my mental health issues made me feel unlovable (i have cptsd) but at my core im an extrovert and i feel like you can tell when i talk bc i do speak loudly and im very bubbly. i love being around people too and going out clubbing/to raves, drinking, sm0king. typical things that people consider extroverted ig. im also very artsy, music has been my passion since i was a toddler and ive made songs and tbh i have a lot of potential. i hate saying im good at music bc it makes me feel like one of those wannabe soundcloud rappers but i really am and ive made really pretty songs for someone who uses garageband. im good at artistic things in general. i kinda suck at school but i feel like my mental health made academics take a backseat in my life a lot of the time and i wish i was better. im currently in college for psychology but i dont know how im ever supposed to help people when i can barely help myself. if im being honest psychology is not my passion at all, theres no college degree that i can see myself working as but psych suited me the best. i moved far away from my hometown for college to a popular tourist place but recently moved back bc it was expensive and couldnt see myself living there long term. i still have two years left, probably more bc im behind on classes. and i just feel lost. i feel like what’s the point of life if im not loved? i dont want all i ever do to be studying to get a degree for a job im not passionate about. ideally i’d want to pursue music and start my own fashion business. ive heard enough about that being unrealistic and i understand, but at the same time im extremely creative and it would be possible for me to succeed at those things if i really put my all into it. now that im back in my “hometown” my parents are planning to move again to somewhere cheaper w less taxes and its making me sad bc even though i hate this place my room in this house has always been my safe space. i painted things on the walls, put pictures up everywhere, my window opens to a roof i can sit on. i dont think id even be able to recreate this and if they moved i wouldnt want to recreate it anyway bc im 20 now so id rather work towards my own place. but even that is so unrealistic in this economy and i dont know if i can achieve it. college is not my thing and i have a horrible work ethic when it comes to anything but artistic things. the conclusion i came to was to just ghost everyone and work on myself, (workout, make music, attempt to start a small clothing brand on insta/etsy) while taking online classes so if all that fails at least i have a degree. thats what i decided to come back home to do and ig it logically makes sense but i still feel so alone and unloved and im scared. i dont know what type of answers im looking for in posting this, i just needed someone to listen and understand bc theres so much on my mind and im so tired of not being able to talk to people about it. thank you if you read this far, i appreciate you so much <3

This was hard because I either liked too many songs or I only liked one 💀
Portrait Of An American Family: 1. Lunchbox 2. My Monkey 3. Dope Hat
Smells Like Children: 1. Diary Of A Dope Fiend 2. I Put A Spell On You 3. Shitty Chicken Gang Bang - Edit Version
Antichrist Superstar (this was difficult bcs this is an amazing album): 1. Tourniquet 2. The Reflecting God 3. Man That You Fear
Mechanical Animals (another amazing album): 1. Coma White 2. The Dope Show 3. Fundamentally Loathsome
Holy Wood (and ANOTHER amazing no bad song album): 1. In The Shadow Of The Valley Of Death 2. Coma Black 3. Target Audience (Narcissus Narcosis)
The Golden Age Of Grotesque: 1. (s)AINT 2. Slutgarden 3. mOBSCENE
Eat Me, Drink Me (this was hard bcs i don’t like this album): 1. If I Was Your Vampire (my phone ringtone lol) 2. Just A Car Crash Away 3. Eat Me, Drink Me
The High End of Low: 1. Pretty As A ($) 2. Arma-goddamn-motherfuckin-geddon 3. Running To The Edge Of The World
Born Villian (another bad album imo): 1. Pistol Whipped (only good song here) 2. You’re So Vain 3. Disengaged (i chose these just to pick 2 more)
The Pale Emperor: 1. Third Day Of A Seven Day Binge 2. Deep Six 3. The Mephistopheles of Los Angeles
Heaven Upside Down: 1. SAY10 2. Blood Honey 3. KILL4ME
We Are Chaos: 1. Don’t Chase The Dead 2. Solve Coagula 3. Broken Needle
What is your favourite album and song overall? My favourite album is probably ‘Mechanical Animals’ and my favourite song is “Lunchbox”!

Hi! I'm looking for that special someone, potential soulmate, best friend and partner for life. Someone who wants to potentially travel the world together and see all there is to see. If you aren't from Australia, i'm hoping we can bridge the gap if you live outside of there, but LDR is okay to start with. Preferably looking for someone who is between the age of 20-35. I don't have nor want kids right now, but I might be open to the idea in the later future, if I really connect with my partner and know them long enough, but it's not a priority for me right now.
I'm 5'8, 150 pounds, Caucasian, blue eyes, darkish blonde hair, and have an Australian accent. We can exchange photos of each other early on so we know if we have that physical attraction. I'm pretty introverted, but can really open up once I get to know someone and tend to be incredibly loyal once I really fall for my person. My love language is physical touch and words of affirmation, I don't mind what yours are but preferably physical touch would be nice. I don't drink, do drugs or smoke, but I don't mind if you do. I'm not very picky with weight unless you are really obese. Bonus points if you are brunette or have dark black hair, but it's okay if you don't!
My main interests include video games, watching tv shows and movies, reading, walking, exercising, travelling, snuggling, going on walks and talking just about anything. Let me know what it is about my post that stood out to you so I know you've read it. Looking forward to hearing from you, thanks!

Today, i saw a dream in which i fell in love with a girl. I don't remember it clearly now. At first, i saw that i was with my family and all of a sudden a snake was in my mom's hand and she was trying to hold it in her hand so that it doesn't hurt us.
Then i saw a very big, (really big, width size of a truck) snake. I wasn't scared much but i was a little worried. It didn't attack us.
Then, i enter a scene where I meet a girl (who i know in real life) and her friend (who I don't know, I don't know if she exists in real life). Let's call the girl who i know as "x" and the girl who i don't know as "y".
I started liking the "y" girl a little. Next scene, i saw a man was chasing me and the same "y" girl. He left a black, very wide hooded snake, at us. I somehow saved her and this incident made her fall in love with me too. We went for a walk, talked about some things. Very Warm and cozy feeling (i am single in real life).
After some time, i remember i was trying to follow someone and i saw a dragon face like diety and i prayed to him and started following them. I know it's ridiculous. I dont remember it clearly, so there are gaps.But what could be the interpretation of my dream.

I went to a family reunion on Sunday, and I felt like my family offended me twice, and were patronizing me.
My brother (23) just graduated college, and got a job in NYC. And my other brother (24) got a new job just outside DC. My mom and dad let my brothers go away to college, while I had to stay here and still take classes, but take my time. (Kind of not by choice, I’m neurodivergent, so they feel overly responsible for me.) And the other was that they commemorated my brothers for all the accomplishments they have achieved including going to and graduating college, and then they added me in saying “and to you for being a good member of society.” I obviously didn’t say anything back, but I was very offended by what they said. In my head, I was like f**k you and your accomplishments. It was kind of patronizing, and kind of felt like they were trying to downgrade my status (unintentionally) because I’m neurodivergent and people can sometimes be very ableist.

⚠️BIG SPOILER WARNING FOR RDR2 STORY!!!⚠️
So… I see a lot of people speculating about Micah’s betrayal and if he wanted to betray the gang from the very beginning. But I don’t think that was his plan…
I think Micah was from the very beginning in it for the money! In the beginning of the game when we have to break Micah out of strawberry and then later meet him at his camp, we can find a torn bounty poster of Dutch. Which is why a lot of people believe Micah wanted to betray them from the very beginning.. but I think when he saw that bounty he was more like ‘that guy has a pretty high price on his head and he runs a gang?? I bet they know how to steal a bunch of money I should join them’ or something along those lines. So he then joins the gang and runs with them for a few months… now Arthur mentions that the blackwater heist was Micahs idea, Micah’s first attempt to get the gang to steal a bunch of money.. as we know, that didn’t work out as planned so they fled and ever since then Micah pretty much BEGS to go back for the money in Blackwater but it’s too dangerous. From now on he starts manipulating Dutch. Making himself seem loyal and genuine while pushing him to do stuff that made the others disloyal. Then we have the Saint Denis robbery… I think this is Micah’s ‘breaking point’. The robbery goes wrong and Micah now is like ‘fuck this.. this gang can’t do ANYTHING right..’ so when they come back from Guarma Micah gets captured by Pinkertons, they offer him money and mercy in exchange for the gang. And he.. takes it. He rats out the entire gang for money and then goes back to pretending to be loyal. Molly falsely claiming that she’s the rat helped Micah.. now he didn’t have to worry about Dutch getting suspicious. When it all goes down hill and the gang splits up, he kept up his loyal act and stays with Dutch.. knowing that he manipulated him enough to turn against his own family. And eventually Micah gets him to go back for the money in blackwater.
So all in all… I don’t think Micah wanted to betray the gang from the very beginning, I think I only cared about the money.

I usually get clothes from H&M but their sports section for men is always so empty? Like only weird sizes again or weird colors. Same for Nike or adidas and it’s expensive too.
So where can I get good quality simple black sports clothing? Any stores you recommend?
Id rather not order online, never know how sizing is. Any ideas? Or am I overthinking. Thanks, lol