Only inform when you need to. This is the key. Manifestors should be doing big things to be needing to inform. If you're not doing big things then you're not stepping into your Manifestor role, so stop informing like you think your life depends on it. Only inform when you need to.
Manifestors are not listening to your inner guides and being dogged down by generators world if you think you need to waste energy informing on little things.
For example;
Maintenance informing (Life boring stuff is helping you move through life a little better, doesn't stop the hating, annoying feedback for others)
Informing the sandwich worker you can't eat parsley - for their knowledge to not put parsley, they may still find you annoying but they know now you don't want something
Inform people that you don't need their feedback or their negative projection. Especially when you have a 5 line in your profile. You'll just draw in ass*holes that don't know what they are talking about and mirroring themselves in you.
The real informing is actually for our big energy of starting like;
"I have an idea!" - competitors will start sizing you, people who you need will show up, even money will come. Again only say it to the right people or else you will get generators, mani-gens and projectors up in your business and pulling your energy down. Shit world for Manifestors with big ideas when you're around the wrong people.
Stop focusing on how to 'inform' on small shit and waste your energy. Just say it. No formula to it. In fact try to not inform unless necessary.
Inform on BIG things because you are BIG. But there is a strategy there. And if you do it wrong, you might get into trouble, but it doesn't matter. That is what Manifestors are designed for.
This is my experience on informing. Once you bring that energy into big things, things will happen fast and good things happen. If you don't and waste energy on 'informing' for the sake of informing, your world will slow down, and you will waste energy on resistance because Generators who are not aligned with your energy and projectors who are against your grain will start to annoy you. This all happens when you put energy on informing when you don't need to and people feel your energy and resist it.
Hola to the Manifestors!

I’m travelling alone to Cairns/GBR and I only have 15 dives. I definitely want to do a liveaboard, my budget is in the AUD $1000 price range, and I’m a beginner so I would really prefer to go with a guide during this time. I’m 30F and looking to meet new people on the boat but not big into partying or drinking. Pro Dive and Ocean’s Quest are the big ones I know, just wondering what people think would be the better option or if there’s others anyone can recommend? Thank you!

It had been less than twelve hours since the Emperor, her father, had brought her aboard his starship. Her world looked small below her, almost like she could reach out and grab it from the vacuum. She could if she wanted to, she knew, though not in the physical sense, but then again she didn't need to prove her psychic might to herself.
In those few hours she had met two of her sisters: Juno, a refined woman in blue and gold livery, as well as Ferra, who though gruff and kurt had been welcoming to her. They had both come down to greet her before returning. There was a great deal of work to be done before departing from her home system, but they had insisted on introducing their new sister to the glories of the Imperium from a place with a bit more perspective. After a time Ferra had left them for the forges, leaving just herself and Juno staring out the window at her world.
"Is it just the three of us on this ship," she'd asked, enthralled by the scale and grandeur of the ship. To think that humanity had made such beauty was still hard to accept, let alone that, if they were to be believed, Juno had said it was one of thousands of such ships. "The three of us sisters, I mean."
Juno looked down and smiled wryly. "No, sister. There is another of our siblings aboard, though she didn't want to come down to meet you. She's probably in her quarters, down where you'll be staying, if you'd like to introduce yourself. I warn you, though: she's not as, shall we say, 'dignified' as we are."
Strange, she'd thought. Why wouldn't she come to see me. Not a very welcoming type, I guess.
She'd made her way down the passages towards the living quarters, passing crew and serfs who bowed to her as she passed. Their looks of awe were nothing new to her, such was the effect she had on others. It was something she accepted as the way of things, even her sisters had been reverent and respectful when they'd met her in the city plaza earlier that day.
Her wanderings eventually had led her to the door she'd simply known had to be the one. Unlike the other doors it held bare metal aside from placed where the old decoration had been torn off. On it a single symbol had been scratched into the metal with a sharp object. A tad dramatic, she'd thought, and awfully uncouth for a daughter of the Emperor. She'd put her thoughts aside, mustered herself to be presentable, and pushed open the door.
Magnolia entered a large room that looked to have been ransacked, and beheld a savage sitting in a plush chair at its center. A fire was roaring in the hearth behind the chair, obscuring the details of the woman who sat within it. Two large beasts, what one could mistakenly call wolves, looked up from whete they lounged at the savage's feet. Their throaty growls could be felt even in Magnolia's enhanced physiology. Fascinating, she thought, studying the eyes of the beasts; faintly, she could feel intelligence staring back at her.
"Skoll! Hati! Be still, that's no way to greet your new sister," the savage said, a grin tugging at the edge of her lips. Teeth reflected in the lumens above in that grin, teeth long and sharp. The two beasts quieted and returned their heads to the carpeted floor, though their eyes never left the stranger who had entered their packmate's room. "You're the new one, yeah? He must've found you on this little excursion to whatever backwater system we're in. So, what do they call you?"
"Magnolia, they call me the Crimson Queen where I am from," she replied regally, studying the face of the warrior across from her as she did. Her dirty blonde hair was long, unkempt and braided in places, the bulk of it held away from her face with a strip of leather cord. Her eyes were the blue of glacial ice with black paint swathed across them so they stood out even more than normal. An old scar ran down her left forehead vertically down her cheek. She was dressed in the skins of animals Magnolia could not identify, muscled arms and shoulders silhouetted beneath them. Much like the beasts at her feet, Magnolia was surprised to find intelligence behind those azure orbs; in fact she was almost taken aback at the intensity of that intelligence. There was a calculating mind behind those eyes, one that many would not see fully.
"Magnolia? Pretty name, that," the savage said, grabbing an oversized drinking horn on the table beside her and draining the contents in a handful of drafts. Her lack of decorum or any standards of acknowledgement stung Magnolia's pride that tasted bitter in her mouth. "So, Magnolia, what is it that you do?"
"What do I do?" What kind of question is that coming from such a creature, she thought. Can this thing even be called 'my sister'?
"You know, what do you do," the savage said, swinging her arms out to each side. "From those of our sisters I've met we all do something, usually something different. Well, some I've met are a bit more alike each other but don't go saying that around Petra." The woman threw her head back and let out rolling, boisterous laughter that shook the air. It was hard for Magnolia not to smile at the sound, even with the bitterness of the woman's reproach still acrid on her tongue.
"Well, I am much like our father in what I can do in the metaphysical sense," Magnolia said, standing straighter with pride.
The laughter abruptly ended. A dark look came over the woman's face, the lips that once held a smile now turned up in a snarl. "What do you mean by that? Our father is the greatest man to ever exist and you claim to be his equal the second you meet him?" The beasts at her feet began to growl again, their hackles raised.
"I meant no disrespect to the Emperor of Mankind, sister," Magnolia said, shocked by the sudden aggression. The savage's mood had changed in a heartbeat, the very air in the room seemed to hum with the anticipation of further escalation. "You see I am gifted in the ways of arcana, much like our father is. I am by no means his equal, though I hope to learn to be like him."
"And how do you practice such arcana, hmm?" the woman snarled, raising herself up from her seat. Now standing she was large; not at large as Magnolia but far and above the stature of the Astartes warriors she'd seen when the Emperor had visited her on her homeworld of Prospero. She now saw twin hand axes of dark iron were strapped to each hip, the handles wrapped in worn leather stained with wood underneath, both of which were stained with the blood of battles long since past. The woman's right hand rested upon the haft of its corresponding axe, not yet an outright challenge but certainly a threatening gesture. "I know how malifecarum works, witch, and I've dealt with those who wield it without discipline. So, how do you do your little spells, Magnolia?"
"I-I use a number of techniques, all of which I've mastered and wield with the utmost ability... and safety, of course," Magnolia said quickly. I can kill her now if she attacks, but I don't think that would be wise. Best to find capitulation with this brute. "I am very much of the mind that wielding such forces for the good of our Crusade our father has so graciously allowed me to join."
The woman stayed standing, staring into Magnolia's eyes with burning intensity. Her body was taut, a musclebound spring coiled up ready to leap forward on a second's notice. Her blue eyes never wavered, the snarl bearing her fangs for Magnolia to see in all their obscene glory.
Then she... started to chuckle. Then she started to laugh. She laughed and laughed, doubling over before throwing her head back again so that those on the decks above could also hear her. Magnolia, stunned into silence, watched on in stupefied bewilderment. What in the Hells is she?
"You should have seen your face," the woman cried, holding her side as she sat back down into her chair. She mimed a frightened face, bringing about even more uproarious laughter. She sat back heavily into her seat and immediately reached for another horn of alcohol from the table beside her. Her smile had returned, but it didn't reach her icy stare. Those eyes never lost their intensity. "I think I can come to like you, in time. I hope you'll be a good sport and keep coming back around while you can. I'm sure our father will send such a powerful creature such as yourself out into the universe soon. Until then ask Juno to teach you regicide, I need someone new to play against." She leaned back, teeth glinting in the light.
"Well, thank you for seeing me today, sister. I look forward to speaking again," Magnolia said, bowing her head and turning to leave.
"Farewell, Magnolia the Red," the woman called from her seat, her beasts returning to their places.
"I never learned your name, sister," Magnolia said, turning back in the doorway to address the woman. "I wish to know what to call you when we next meet... hopefully under more pleasant and amicable circumstances."
The grin on the woman's face widened, a throaty chuckle escaping from between her clenched teeth and pointed fangs. Those eyes never left Magnolia's, almost burning bright beneath her shaggy hair and eyeblack.
"My name is Lyana of the Russ, the Wolf Queen of Fenris, Lord of Winter and Wrath, slayer of krakens and the Tamer of Morkai. But for you, Magnolia? Just Lyana will suffice."
(I've seen all the lore being posted and figured I'd throw my hat in the ring. I have ideas for how to further their story so if y'all like it let me know. C&C is always welcome. Also some italicizing is lost in this format but shouldn't hinder the reading.)

I have a few different plot ideas in mind, and would be happy to discuss any of them in further detail. Feel free to message me to set something up!
A. Your parents go out for a weekend getaway trip Friday night, and it leaves you home alone keeping watch on the house. What you didn’t know was that someone had been scoping out your house, waiting for your parents to leave so he could sneak in and loot the place. Only thing is, he didn’t expect to find you still there. What would start as a potentially scary situation would soon turn into something more, getting to the point that you don’t want him to leave.
B. Your college roommate is a party guy. Always out with his friends, always going to parties across the street on campus all while you’re at home being an introvert. One night he comes home drunk from his party and gets a bit flirty/touchy. Being shy/nervous, you don’t find yourself saying no to his advances.
C. You’re just a novice adventurer out in the woods in search of a slime to slay. Though upon finding one, it’s not as easy as people have made it out to be. You quickly find yourself disarmed and at its mercy. Fortunately for you, it doesn’t want to hurt you, but it certainly wants something.
D. Being a chubby girl, you aren’t doing the best in a phys ed class you’re taking in college. You’d much prefer to stay in your leggings/yoga pants, loose fitted shirts, and comfy shoes, let alone have to be outside running or taking part in sports. Friday afternoon after gym, you’re called into the office to discuss your performance and how you can “improve”.
These are just a few ideas. Thanks for reading! Excited to hear from you!

Ok so I'm sorry this is super long but I really hope someone reads this because I could really do with some advice.
So basically it started when my boyfriend (then fiance - together 5 years engaged for 2) cheated on me back in December. I won't go into too much detail but it was a pretty rough time and he did some fucked up shit I never expected him to do. One of them being he came home one night and said he is entitled to half of this house, to which I responded by giving him our whole shared savings (about 7k) just so he didn't go down some legal route.
We broke up end of December and he left (which I thought was for good because he made it v clear at that time he didn't want the life we had together). When I told my parents this they set the wheels in motion to get his name off the mortgage and they were pretty stressed about it all.
I should mention as well - the house is my grandparents house which was gifted to me and my two brothers a few years ago from my mum, because I owed a third though that the mortgage was only ever for my two brothers share and my dream has always been to keep it in my family and one day pass it down to my kids, it's my dream home and I don't plan on moving ever.
Anyway, skip to February, after he's spend January with his new girlfriend and I've spend January in the biggest depression of my life, he comes back and basically says this is worth fighting for and wants to give it another go, so we agree to try and reconcile. It's not been perfect since then though - I am still struggling with being depressed, the cheating effected me more than I ever expected, my self esteem and confidence is pretty much none existent at this point. And since then he's got in a motorbike accident and will be off work sick for months meaning he's been in a pretty rough place too. We talked about the mortgage a few months ago and it didn't go down well - I wasn't happy that I was having to go through with it anyway - but I felt like he caused this, but ive paid my mortgage advisor and hes spend months on this so I dont want to be wasting anyone's time.
Yesterday a letter arrived address to me and my mum (her name has to go on it because I can't afford it on my own on paper) but she's signed a bunch of shit to say she's not getting anything out of it. He sees the letter and goes crazy. He's furious, thinking I've forged his signature behind his back or thinks my mum is out to get him - either is not remotely true, my mum isn't ever the type to do that and neither am I. God, even when he cheated on me I never said he had to leave the house, we took it in turns staying at our parents.
He's angry because he sees this as I don't trust him, he sees the mortgage as a representation of our life together and thinks the worst. Yesterday he said something like "yes I didn't know what I wanted 6 months ago but that doesn't mean it should cause issues now" whereas it wasnt "he didn't know what he wanted", he literally had a new girlfriend and had left for good.
I see it as a piece of paper and its not going to change any of my day to day life or what we do together - as long as the mortgage is paid I don't really care who's name is on it, and I would never in a million years throw him out with nothing. The current mortgage is up by the end of this month and he's demanding his name is put on it - but the offer is already in place and accepted and I don't have time to change it now. I can't see us coming to an agreement, the easiest thing for me to do is just go ahead with it at this point and I just want an easy life, but at the same time I know he won't back down. It's a two year mortgage- the shortest term - and I've said plenty of times if he still wants this by then of course he can go back on it. I see it as fair - if the only consequence for his actions is to not be on the mortgage for two years I think that's a fair price for what I went through, he does not see it that way at all.
So yeah, it's long and I hope someone reads this because I need all the advice I can get - AITAH?? And if I am - please help me understand because we both really can't understand the other sides pov.

This is a reupload. I decided to delete the original post after discovering some old notes.
Reading all psalms, the method. Method used by Christians and Jews from all over the world. A great and powerful meditation with psalms.
Small story
The time when I discovered this method I did not know anything about prayer rules and had just completed a few cover to cover bible readings. This method laid the much needed foundation for hesychasm which I started practicing later on.
At first I was experimenting with the psalms by reading the same ones over and over again, sometimes read half of the psalms or the entire thing. What surprised me a lot was the amazing spiritual state that I got after reading the whole book. I compared the effects of reading random psalms with the full reading and the full reading far exceeded all other methods. Much higher spiritual effects, special states of mind, greater connection with divine. I added the whole psalm reading to my daily schedule and every morning completed a round, this took about 3 hours. The spiritual effects began to increase and the readings gave me stronger overall effect.
The effects got stronger and multiplied over and over again during some 100-300 readings. I figured that there has to be more to it and sometimes read the whole book twice, every morning and every evening. The readings now took about 2 hours. The more you read the faster you become but don't try to be too fast, you have to pay attention to the words! Now this new "prayer rule" felt incredibly hot, and quite overwhelming. The spiritual effects multiplied and reached a point where I felt like I could not continue, simply too much per day. I decided to do additional rounds every now and then. Sometimes read them through multiple times.
Reading all psalms
You need a bible of your choice, with a decent font size. A quiet place to read them. Start from the first and end with the last. After reading praise the Lord, show some gratitude and state your requests.
The more consecutive days this is done, the better the effects. Your connection to divine will start to increase in a rapid way.
The effects are very hot, it feels like blazing fire goes through you, heating up everything that stands in its path.
The reading is used by monastics and Jewish people, to increase spirituality and to have prayers and petitions answered. This method is very good.
What happens? The psalms raise and bring in a massive quantity of energy, you might not feel it so well right away but give it some time, eventually you will develop these senses. It may take a hundred readings, maybe more. Consistency, dedication and devotion are very important. You should do something daily.
If the reading is too much and spiritually you cannot handle it so well yet, then start by reading one of the psalm books per day, psalm book is divided into 5 "books". Book 1 (Psalms 1–41) Book 2 (Psalms 42–72) Book 3 (Psalms 73–89) Book 4 (Psalms 90–106) Book 5 (Psalms 107–150). Read one per day, either every morning or every evening.
There may be side effects such as feeling overloaded, slightly aggressive, irritated and there can be headaches. This is because you process an enormous amount of grace of god, energy. You have to find your own pace, know the limits, know yourself, gradually increase the numbers.
Now I stated earlier that it built a great foundation for hesychasm. How did my experience with the psalms help me? The whole bible is hot but certain parts of it have stronger effects, Torah, psalms, gospels and the letters. I've noticed that the psalms and gospels give the best effects. By working a lot with something as hot as the psalms you get more used to the grace of god thus moving on to hesychasm is much easier. Still, hesychasm is a much different topic and I will discuss it in a different post. I've already written a small guide.
Additional information
You can add your prayer requests after doing the reading, pray for what you want and need. Many people choose not to ask for anything as the Lord already knows what we need and want. You may however add your requests. The psalm method is very powerful for getting prayers and petitions answered.
You can pray for yourself and for others. The formula is simple, use the Orthodox baptislam name or full name of the person. Jewish people use the name and also the name of mother.
It is best to do the reading without breaking it, so everything in a single go. Opinions differ, some think it is very important to read all at once and others consider taking a break in between to be fine. You can even split it and read half of them in the morning and the rest later. You may split it into 3 4 or even 5 sessions.

I'll keep it short and sweet I've made a mistake twice no I didn't cheat, and there is no other girl involved and no other boy is involved too for her side I don't wanna give up on her
I've realized my mistake and I'm trying my best to fix it not because it makes me win again I'm doing it but because I've realized what I have done i dont wanna loose her
I have talked to her about why this mistake is repeating but her concern is what if it happens again you said before it wouldn't happen again but it did
she said she was done and it was over but still, we talked in a very mature way without any hate for each other tell each other how was the day and both of us shared our feelings so basically we talked about everything but she said Me imu
TL;DR: I want fix everything
whenever I say I'm trying my best to fix this up ik it gonna take some time I genuinely want us to be together then she said I hope soI'll keep it short and sweet: I've made a mistake twice. No, I didn't cheat, and there is no other girl or boy involved. I don't want to give up on her. I've realized my mistake and I'm trying my best to fix it, not because it makes me win again, but because I've realized what I have done. I have talked to her about why this mistake is repeated, but her concern is that it might happen again. She said she was done and it was over, but we talked in a very mature way without any hate for each other. She said "Imu". Whenever I say I'm trying my best to fix this up, I know it's going to take some time. I genuinely want us to be together. Then she said, "I hope so we do." It's been three days since we both talked on a call for 2 to 3 hours. I'm not forcing her to come into a relationship again, but yesterday I asked her and told her that I'm trying my best to fix this up. She said, "I need time. I can't figure out if you're doing it because you want the relationship back or you're doing it." She said I need time to figure it out.
What should I do?

1. I continue to do the same.
2. I give her space and do not do anything.

Hear me out.
I already made a post saying don’t give into arguments or be divided. I made a mistake today and was a victim of it myself. I argued with a u/generoustechsupport who is here to argue and cause trouble with everyone.
I have noticed something so simple….The the only argument against our entire group and movement is being accused of being racist. If we ignore or disarm the ability of others who are trolling/trashing/spamming/stalking us to label us as racist, what is left? What argument is there? If that gets taken away then only logic will remain. I have never once seen any argument other than accusing Canadians of being racist if there is a disagreement, and for the first time in my life the past few years I have been a victim of racism which I never even thought was possible.
Please think about this post when you read people’s comments attacking you or this group. Literally every argument against anything we are saying is somehow implying we are racist. Just think about it.
Have a good weekend. I am not racist and I am disgusted when people accuse me of being one.

Most people who have been called loud and obnoxious as children have taken that criticism to become pleasant, cordial creatures- shaving their edges to fit into the social jigsaw.
There is this thing that boils deep in my gut that makes me raise my voice. I see them discern me a corner piece with useless eyes that can only see behind, backward at what is too late to be taken back.
I am getting tired of watching my tongue. If everywhere I go, I am tottering that edge of hate and acceptance, why go anywhere?
I feel internal to explosion.
What will take me to a field somewhere, deserted and invulnerable? Where voices do not bother the rocks and the sand listens.?
What do you call a nerve-exposed hammer?

Hi guys. I'm a 3rd strike player, B rank on fightcade, around 400 hours. Id say im decent at the game. Im trying to learn SF6, and it just feels so slow and difficult compared to 3s. I had hoped my skills would transfer over a little better but I dont seem to be getting anywhere. Im looking at guides and stuff for this game, but Im wondering specifically if anyone was in the same disposition I am in.
I keep getting washed by people using Modern Controls, who demolish my jump ins and punish my every mistake with nutty combos. I also keep falling victim to the Drive Rush. I cant seem to react to it and jump away in time, and if I block it, I still get pushed back and thrown into what feels like a 50/50, but Im probably just not reacting properly.
Im currently in Silver 3. Im playing Ryu right now but I have yet to experiment with the rest of the characters in this game. I really want to like this game but it feels so alien.

I'll keep it short and sweet I've made a mistake twice no I didn't cheat, and there is no other girl involved and no other boy is involved too for her side I don't wanna give up on her
I've realized my mistake and I'm trying my best to fix it not because it makes me win again I'm doing it but because I've realized what I have done i dont wanna loose her
I have talked to her about why this mistake is repeating but her concern is what if it happens again you said before it wouldn't happen again but it did
she said she was done and it was over but still, we talked in a very mature way without any hate for each other tell each other how was the day and both of us shared our feelings so basically we talked about everything but she said Me imu
whenever I say I'm trying my best to fix this up ik it gonna take some time I genuinely want us to be together then she said I hope soI'll keep it short and sweet: I've made a mistake twice. No, I didn't cheat, and there is no other girl or boy involved. I don't want to give up on her. I've realized my mistake and I'm trying my best to fix it, not because it makes me win again, but because I've realized what I have done. I have talked to her about why this mistake is repeated, but her concern is that it might happen again. She said she was done and it was over, but we talked in a very mature way without any hate for each other. She said "Imu". Whenever I say I'm trying my best to fix this up, I know it's going to take some time. I genuinely want us to be together. Then she said, "I hope so we do." It's been three days since we both talked on a call for 2 to 3 hours. I'm not forcing her to come into a relationship again, but yesterday I asked her and told her that I'm trying my best to fix this up. She said, "I need time. I can't figure out if you're doing it because you want the relationship back or you're doing it." She said I need time to figure it out.
What should I do?

1. I continue to do the same.
2. I give her space and do not do anything.

I think I might be a bit of an asshole. Not think, know. I'm so used to um, filtering the way I say things. I forget it too, get lost in trying so hard not to be one. I'm the inappropriately cheery type. It's kind of insane how hard it is for me to realize it sometimes, like (name) oh shit you are being an asshole again. Usually when I get a girlfriend it comes out. My dad was a huge asshole. He died off heroin overdose. Always wondered why I had such a a hard time judging people. Now I know, cause I'm a huge fucking asshole and don't give a shit most of the time. So I just come off as the "nicest" guy to those around me, but it really comes out when people are too nice or caring around me but also joke around a lot. I have to make notes for myself to constantly check myself or I just go full blown jerk and don't even realize it. I'm extremely manipulative, self centered and selfish. But I hide it very well until people stop paying attention. I'm only twenty but most of my life people have revealed it to me and I just always got confused. Even my Dad wasn't even as bad as me, but I was just imitating the way he acted, but better. When I was seven and he was sitting out in the front yard and he looked at me saying, "your a fucking asshole" it hurt me cause I didn't understand. But now I do, because I'm seeing it again with all the research and self awareness/consciousness wprl I've been doing. Most of my life I've questioned myself, but the truth despite so many people calling me wise or insightful for my age, was the hardest to realize. Maybe I'm not a complete asshole, cause I'm not stupid but, shit I can't help how fucking rude I am to people sometimes, cause it's not out of anger. Just out of impulsive brutal honesty. There's a lot more that goes into all this but I don't really feel like wasting my time since I'm trying to be honest right now. But damn yeah I damn be kind and funny, witty and interesting, but when you start to recognize that reserved and fake way people talk to you when you are doing it again, it's really.. grounding. But holy shit I am BAD🤣😭😭 and one more thing, after writing this, I kind of do have a question, is an assholes emotions different cause of the psychopathic tendencies they have idk just thought id ask

I love and miss you. I don't understand why you claimed to still love me, but often times just treat me like I don't matter. You punish me by withdrawing yourself, low effort cold responses and ghosting. I feel if you really loved me would you act like that? I see how I make effort with you every day, despite the fact you moved to something new so quickly. Yet still last week claimed to love me, and the week before saying you'd come back only to not. And break my heart.
Yet I'm expected to just wait for you? To give up all my time for you? When you are off having fun without me? That you'll come back to me when you're ready? That I'm your choice, but clearly I'm not. Don't promise me the future if you don't know what it'll be. Do you just like having me attached to you? Why cause me such pain? Why gaslight me so heavily. Is it because I wasent able to carry it on? The pain was too much I'm sorry. I truly am, but you decided to move into a new relationship that quickly. And now you're keeping me around till you feel comfortable in it again, with false promises. And I fall for it because I love you. I want to know if you ever think about how you treat me, and if you care. I feel I couldn't treat someone like this, especially not someone I love.
So while you're away without me, I am left behind in the dust. While you're having fun and falling more into love with him, I am alone. And expected to be alone. They say people treat us exactly how they feel about us. So that really says allot. You don't even think I'm worth honesty. You know so much about me, atleast how to manipulate me. I wish you wouldn't do this, but you insist. If you really loved me would you hurt me in such a way? Why do you not care how you affect me. I loved you with all my heart just wanted a full relationship with you... Why would you give him everything you never gave me? Why claim to still want me when this is happening? Are you tying to hurt me and why? I know I'll probably never get answers to these questions. Not truthful ones anyway. I know I deserve better, yet I still love you with all my heart. You insist on not seeing that.

This was a bit ago, must’ve been 2018, when my wife was getting her driving license. We live in Germany so there’s a lot of learning involved and she’s been asking me heaps of questions about it.
Setting the scene: So there I was, on a nice summer day, driving home from work on the Autobahn when the inevitable happened: a jam. Merely a km (less than a mile) away from my exit. Knowing this I already was on the right lane. As is required in Germany I was a bit off to the right of my lane into the emergency stopping lane. The law is for all lanes except the leftmost to pull to the right and the leftmost to the left to produce a passage for emergency services there whenever there is stop&go or a full stoppage. Also, my car has the steering wheel on the right, unlike pretty much everyone else.
So I sit there and out the corner of my eye in my side mirror I see cars approaching on the emergency stopping lane. One of my pet peeves is people knowingly ignoring traffic laws for their own benefit, so I move my car right just enough for them to not be able to pass. We all want home, we‘re all stuck here, you‘re no better than I am. They pull up behind me and after a few minutes I hear what can be considered the most insecure and unsure short honk. It was almost polite.
I decide to let them pass. This boomer with his wife pulls up next to me and since my window was open, he starts talking. He doesn’t ask anything, he just starts telling me that there is a new law (hahahaaa, ever seen a boomer inform themselves about current legislation? Me neither) that allows to pass stopped traffic on the shoulder when the exit is close.
Ooh boy, did he not count on me tearing him a new one. My response was: „my wife is currently getting her license and we talked about emergency stopping lanes just yesterday. They have the word „stop“ in them for a reason. If you want to ignore traffic laws, at least have the decency to admit it instead of just straight lying. You‘re a grown ass man after all, you should be ashamed of yourself.“
Man just sat there staring at me for a good while. He really did not k ow what to say. I might even say he actually felt ashamed for a second. Turned away, closed his window and slowly pulled off.

I F30 don’t have the best relationship with my family and they expect me to play a role when members start dying, yet nobody was/is there for me and my circumstances and I’m okay with not keeping contact.
In my early 20s, I was in a relationship with this guy for about 7 years and it turned abusive near the last 3 years of said relationship where I almost got my head blown off by said individual with an AR-15 over “control”. I was in between school and internships and had to stop when said individual had gotten their mother (Satan has nothing on her) involved with our disagreements resulting in my belongings from school books, memorabilia from deceased relatives, and my photo albums being taken out of our place and thrown in the trash. I found out once I was off from work and immediately planned on moving without letting anyone know at all. At that point asking for imaginary support from the family on my side was redundant and really just made me look bad for making poor decisions with little guidance. I lived in a different city from the family on my grandfather’s side and despite only being 4 hours away I felt very alone and unsupported throughout my journey. I had maintained my lifestyle by myself and felt proud of the fact that I was able to survive and grow rather than being pacified and stagnant. That’s how I felt with my family and past relationship tbh. When I had gotten free from my abuser, I worked overtime and lived in my car and rebuilt my savings. This was during Covid. I also didn’t process my experiences and the transition well because everything was closed down, I wasn’t able to properly afford and invest in therapy, and outside of living in my vehicle, I lived at my job doing 16 hour shifts everyday because we became understaffed.
I eventually got word from my Godmother whom I later found out was ostracized from said family that my stepdad passed and the funeral was coming up. Being so that I lived in my car and had no means to feel restricted by anything except for Covid, I put in a transfer with said company and went home to see said family.
I stayed with my mother that lived in a house my stepdad had rented from HOA. The family home that my deceased grandmother had in the family was no longer in my mother’s possession for she sold it and decided to live with my stepdad. To this day I don’t know how much she sold it for and why she didn’t have any money left over to balance herself when my stepdad passed. I decided to push away my issues and reside with her to help maintain the bills, taking the experience as a rough but fresh beginning to reconnect with her. I love my mother to this day and until I die, but she was very cold and hard to approach growing up and I had felt more afraid of her than safe. I didn’t want to have such a connection as an adult. I assume that’s because I felt left down in ways that I couldn’t find nurture or connection with her and a lot of my personal experiences. I had the courage to share some, but it was as though she didn’t care so I stopped sharing.
Over time I was tired and found it hard to further improve myself. My car eventually broke down causing me to lose access to my reliable transportation to work and then eventually I lost my job so I would sometimes use hers. Finding work in my field in the area was impossible to none and with a parent that only knew how to see you in a child state, I wasn’t allowed to drive past a certain distance in our area, meaning I had to look for lower paying alternatives in order to regain balance. Ultimately we were behind on our rent. Despite having relatives nearby coming and going, nobody really cared to help each other out. I didn’t want to live there any longer and I was reminded of so many aspects that pushed me away in the first place. I thought about what would happened if I didn’t come back and how ahead I would’ve been if I just put myself first for once and not play scapegoat.
The veil was being pulled slowly as I realized that certain dynamics and stories didn’t add up and people were just stuck in their ways. I’m not up to explaining them. This is already too long. I was placed in an unfair circumstance that wasn’t my responsibility. My mother didn’t need to live in that house and deal with inflated prices, but it was the lifestyle and the space that she was holding onto because she didn’t know how to grieve over the lost. I for one couldn’t get her to see the strain and to properly plan a transition that would be rough but better in the long run and that was a journey she was going to have to experience herself. Genetics made us stubborn to reason and that apple didn’t fall far.
Eventually we had an argument and “You’re going to need me before I need you” stung so I left before I said anything I regretted . I started over and built myself up again. We haven’t spoken in several years and I can say the same for 90 percent of said family. It’s not new for me because that’s what happened when I left home at 20. I’m probably selfish from someone’s standards, but I’m existentially drained and had to do everything in my life by myself so why does people expect to receive my efforts it for free and unreciprocated?
Everyone has my number which has been the same since I left, and recently an aunt has reached out on social media to tell me that my mother is sick. I have not responded to her because there’s a difference when someone genuinely wants to reach out because they care versus dropping some shit on and an already full plate because outdated morals. I felt like I’ve already been mourning the loss in connections from anyone for years and I have no interests in attending anyone’s funeral.
AITAH for living my life and disregarding these events?

Hello friends! I started learning this language about 5 years ago and now around the C1 level. Whenever someone says "Why did you start learning Russian?" I have no idea what to say because I don't really remember. To be honest, probably because I thought it sounded cool? But usually that isn't enough to continue after so long. For me, I just clicked with it and ended up studying it in college (going into my senior year now), attending the Middlebury Russian summer school, and then I just got back from my semester in Kazakhstan. I'd like to start a conversation about the origin stories of the various possible reasons for why someone would undergo learning this language.
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I’m so tired of being the oldest daughter. As a child of immigrant, I understand the importance of helping out my family. I try not to take things for granted and do my best at school because that’s what I’ve been taught. However, from the moment my little brother was born, I had to take on the third parent (my brother and I are 10 years apart).
At 10, I was helping around the house and understood my own responsibilities. Now currently, at 10, my mom still treats him like he is 5. Simple things that I did on my own, my brother wouldn’t such as: I would set my own alarm, make my own breakfast, do chores, do my homework, get food for myself, and also would watch my brother, etc. But every morning my mom would even pour milk for him, wake him up, he doesn’t have much agency for himself.
It is so incredibly frustrating that I have to set my schedule around my brother. If I wanted to hangout with friends, I am expected to take my brother along with me despite of our very different stage in life as I am a full fledged adult while he is still in elementary. My mom would guilt trip me whenever I wanted to go out on my own, saying things such as I don’t love my brother and I’m selfish. While I know my brother is not to blame, I resent him. I resent my parents.
In addition to how my parents raised us, my brother have been attached with me, in which I can’t even understand if it is healthy or not. He still wants to sleep with me in my bed even though I have expressed that I wanted to be by myself. He gets upset but at the same time, I think he’s just one of the children that aren’t ready to sleep on their own yet. Even so, why is this pressure placed on me?
After feeling suffocated for many years, I decided to go out of state for university. While I feel so much more free at university, I found it incredibly hard and difficult because I was raised to always put other feelings before mine. There was a few situations in which people did me wrong, but I was so anxious to speak up.
It is just so tiring because I have witnessed my parents hard work, I know how much they have sacrificed for me as immigrants. But I still don’t feel right about how they treated me and the role they expect me to fill. My brother should be my parent’s responsibility, not mine. I should not be expected to take care of him more than I should within the boundaries of being an older sister. Also, my brother is now set to believe that I should do everything for him because that is what my parents reinforced in his mind. That if I go somewhere, he is obligated to go as well.
I just resent my parents and brother so much. I see other people and I get so jealous that they can just do whatever they want while I still have to ask for permission. And also! My mom is still trying to track my location, wherever I go. I hate this in between treatment. Am I child or an adult? Pick one.

Why did Billions make absolutely NO effort to actually SHOW its viewers that Mike Prince would in fact be an existential threat for the US/world if he became president. Never in my life have I seen anything like Billions trying to convince its viewership that the antagonist is in fact a big baddy while doing almost nothing to actually justify this verdict.
The only hard facts that are mentioned/shown against Prince are: he is too sure of himself and he would nuke an enemy country first if there was a credible threat that this country was planing an immediate attack of comparable proportions on the US. That’s it? That’s why I as a viewer should feel that all means would justify taking him down because he is on his way to basically become Hitler 2.0 and destroy the world? Come on!
EVERYONE in this show has done way worse things than Prince and has been shown to be of a way lesser character than this guy who at least is trying to do some good in the world - which we are credibly shown in the show on numerous occasions.
If Billions really wanted to go this route, they should have included a couple more instances of Prince being a real psychopath, messing up people’s lives to get to what he felt was rightfully his - basically what Axe and Chuck have been doing season after season. Instead of Prince helping his wife’s boyfriend out of a real life-threatening pickle and giving him to the Chinese. Uhhh what a monster. He did not like the guy effin his wife and inconvenienced his life instead of letting him die on an ice mountain.
Even when he realised that he had been totally screwed at the end, his reaction was explosiv (printer through glass) for only a relatively short moment, before he collected himself and was rational again - uhhh what an unhinged, dangerous guy.
To be perfectly honest, if I personally had the choice between Axe, Chuck, Trump, Biden and Prince as president, I would 100% go for Prince because from my perspective, he is portrayed as a relatively normal, rational person, who is all in all trying to be good and if he is crossing the line than I at least understand his motifs. I can’t say the same for Axe and Chuck.

I genuinely thought I’ve healed this time. I was over it all, meeting new people and working on myself again. I moved on. I was finally ACTUALLY consistently happy for the first time in ages. It all fell apart today though.
She’s roommates with one of my friends (how I met her) and I’m still in contact with this friend. He’s received as much of the abuse as I have, and understands what I’ve gone through more than anyone else. Today I was on a call with him for a while talking about video games, music, etc. when I hear her walk into the room and talk to him about a date she’s going on with her new partner. In that moment all the trauma came flooding back, and I panicked for at least an hour and got sent into a severe state of mania. I left the call and broke down for at least an hour, and almost gave into the blade. My friend confirmed that she figured he was on the phone with me and she knew what she was doing.
Why can’t I just be left alone man? All the progress I made is back to square one now yet again. Why does this keep happening?

Disclaimer: I’m sorry, this is a really long post.
The night was honestly going great. We were 1.5 hrs away at my cousin’s wedding and the night was good. Around 10:30 we decided to leave. Before we left, I changed my son’s diaper in the trunk of the SUV and my bf was next to me as I changed him. I finished up & moved to put my son in his car seat and called over to BF asking him to close the trunk. He had just gotten to the passenger door & gave a huge groan & said, “why can’t you do it?!” I responded saying that I was putting S in the car seat & I still had to strap him in so I’d just appreciate if he could close it while I buckled him in. He swore a bit and complained under his breath about how “apparently putting [S] in the car seat means you can’t close a door…” I ignored him; it’s not worth a fight. We had both had drinks at the wedding (I was not drunk or buzzed, but he’d had a bit and was clearly feeling it) and I figured maybe he’s tired, so I’ll brush it off. But then I start the drive home and I look over and see him drinking a can of beer in the passenger seat. I freaked out and told him to throw the beer out, that I’m not allowing that in a car with my/our 2 kid(s). I’m also not trying to risk legal trouble with my kids and he needs to get rid of it now. He flipped out at me and asked why it was such a big deal for him to drink it, and that I should just drive home and drop it/shut up about it. I told him in no uncertain terms that, no, he needs to get rid of it. His window rolled down & I assumed he threw out the beer but the argument continued so I pulled over. I told him that what he was doing is illegal and, like it or not, it doesn’t matter if he’s the one drinking it or me, the presence of an open alcohol container in a vehicle is illegal and I won’t risk getting in trouble. The back & forth ensues for a moment (I am still pulled over & in park) and then I happen to look down at his hands and see the (open) can still in his lap. I freaked out and said, “you still have it? What the fuck?! I told you: throw it out!” He screamed & threw it out the window. The argument escalated from there. He screamed at me about how I was being unreasonable for making him throw it out and for reacting how I did to him drinking in the car, that there was no need to worry because I should just drive and I wouldn’t have to worry about anything as long as I “don’t do anything to get yourself (myself) pulled over” & that if I did that then everything would be fine and it wouldn’t matter if he had the drink. I told him that I’m not familiar with the area and that police do not necessarily need a reason to pull someone over, especially at 10:30+ at night. I’m not willing to risk it, nor have I EVER allowed alcohol in my vehicle, & this is not ok. Our daughter, 9, in the back starts crying as she hears the argument. He refused to listen & continued to talk over me when I tried to explain to him why his drinking in the car wasn’t ok, so I finally told him to get out and find his own way home. He refused & told me to just take him home instead. I started to drive & quickly turned on the light above my head to check that I was in D, not L, before I started driving because the light on my gear shift doesn’t work. He “jokingly” yelled, “Help, she’s driving with the lights on!” I got angry with him and pulled over again. I said I was just trying to see & what is his problem? I told him I was about ready to take him to a police station and he could figure out a ride from there. I picked up my phone & he took it & whipped it out of the window and onto the ground. I took his phone, reached out the window, and placed it on my car roof (to get it away from him) and told him to give me my phone or he wouldn’t be getting his back. (We were parked still.) He got the phone from the ground and whipped it toward me. I tossed his phone back to him and I told him I’d just drive him to the police station instead. I’m done. He begged me not to & he said he’ll call someone to come get him from my house once we’re back & he can get his things, and that he’d even take his dog with him. I said no, I already tried giving him that chance. He GRABBED THE WHEEL and started steering the car into the opposite lane & we were headed toward a small stone bridge-type thing along the edge of the road. I told him to stop & tried to keep the car in my lane & he finally let go of the wheel. I drove to a gas station instead of a police station and went inside to use the bathroom. When I returned to my car, BF was full-on sobbing in the front seat just repeatedly saying, “I’m so sorry [daughter’s name], I’m so sorry…” and she was also crying a little bit. I/we said nothing the rest of the ride home. He packed up a few of his essentials (but not the dog..) and left about 1.5 hrs ago. I think I’m at my breaking point. All I can think of is how I could have gone to jail and/or maybe even lost my kids if I hadn’t noticed the drink in the car & if things had gone just a little differently. Not only that, but him taking the wheel for a few seconds really scared me. I just can’t believe that he’d think that any of this is okay? None of us has ever drank in a vehicle before (that I’m aware of) so I have no idea why he’d think that that’s suddenly ok to do now, ESPECIALLY with the kids. I am still in complete shock. I literally was having the time of my life with him & my kids at the wedding and then suddenly it all went sour when I asked him to close the trunk & when I then also noticed the drink. I am numb & I dunno what to think or feel. I love him so much, but after tonight I also kind of never want to see him again. But, yet, I don’t want my kids to be sad or suffer without their dad. Idk… I just don’t know what to think. It all happened so fast and it still doesn’t quite make sense to me how things made the turn that they did.

I'm writing this on a throwaway account since these people know my main and actively engage with it. This is also gonna be a pretty long post since I'd like to provide context on how I even ended up where I am today so strap on in. Also apologies if any of this doesn't make sense, I'm pretty upset and stressed out and I've not slept in what feels like weeks. I have a lot of anxiety about all of this.
I started my first year in uni last year in September and met a couple of people I thought were nice enough on the first day. I'll call them 'G' and 'M'. I thought they were nice at first and we got closer as the weeks went by. G and M are also engaged so we talked about weddings quite often. They're are also cosplayers which becomes key in this. We got a lot closer around a time they were going to a con. Their previous friend had dropped out last minute but since they had already paid for everything they invited me. I also wanted to get into cosplaying at the time so I saw this as a perfect opportunity. I would spend nights at their dorms getting know them and we instantly got a long.
At the time, I was very nieve to all the red flags they were presenting as they were unusually willing to let me know EVERY detail of their life, including their sex life and what not. I found it werid but chalked it up to them being very comfortable around me which I found to be a compliment at the time but looking back, I now knew what was up.
(A little but of important info here but I had just feld a country 5 months prior to escape the abuse I was experiencing at home and went to live with my mum. G and M knew this and knew about my dad in depth)
Con comes around and they introduced me to a group of friends who were instantly very reserved around me. I chalked it up to nerves and thought that maybe they're just nervous which is understandable. This was until everytime I would speak they would give me dirty looks, talk over me and even dismiss me. M had also picked up a habit of making a lot of things about himself and anything I found interesting, he would make it clear that he didn't want to know, even telling me that he just doesn't want to hear it. When I went to meet a YouTube who attended the con, he seemed annoyed when I was excited and told me to stop being so excited since this was his 3rd time meeting them.
By time I got back home, their dismissing and also just really shitty attitude throughout left a sour taste in my mouth. However, I just chalked it up to nerves at the time.
A month goes by and they intoeduce me to another cosplayer who I quickly became friends with. When I told G about this, they told me to stop talking to them since I'll brea their heart as they "fall in love easily". I really didn't get that sentiment but still continued talking. Nothing romantic was ever talked about.
Then I started feel more attached to these people. They were practically in my life 24/7, I wa sin their dorms over nights almost everyday and began picking up the same eating habits as them as well. It's also worth noting that these people are "disabled" which is still up to debate.
They would frequently interrupted anything I enjoyed and conveniently pass out EVERYTIME I talked about something I liked or wanted to do. I also suffer with VERY acute psychosis which has been well treated for many years. They would constantly tell me that any doubts I had were just to do with my paranoia and that I should just ignore it. That or they would tell me that I was being manipulative and seeking attention.
This was all very sus but up until the incident I chalked it up to learned behaviour as I know one of them suffers with PTSD like I do.
At some point around this time, I had developed a severe kidney infection which almost turned into sepsis and I had to get the ambulance out to me. I'm no stranger to ambulances as I also have them out frequently due to severe panic attacks which almost cause a seizure and a heart attack I'm some cases.
Strangely after this, despite telling me that they've never had an ambulance out to them, for anything small like an ache they would call 111 which they didn't know before I had told them. 111 in the UK is the none emergency line that can send out am ambulance if you need it. However in a lot of the cases M had, they were perfectly fine but would cry and sob on the phone and say they felt like dying. Of course they send out an ambulance to check on them but it would always be fine.
Worried as I was all the time, I neglected my studies to take care of them and I'd spend a lot on them since I felt the compulsive need to take care of them. They would also guilt trio me with the fact that they were both previously homeless in their childhoods so I needed to get them something in return. I ended up spending over 300 pounds a month on them.
I caught M out one though since the uni I go to, require the ambulances to inform the reception first for permission and to unlock all the doors for them. Before going up to M, I had to go to reception to ask if they would let me in. When I informed they why, they were confused and said that there were no ambulances that parked up at all, not even firefighters which sometimes arrive for medical aid occasionally.
Moving forward a lil I had started to grown attached to them more to the point where I thought I liked them. They expressed to me previously that they're poly and so am I. M had even stated to me that when they first met me they found me attractive and wanted to potentially have relationship.
One day I decided to just confess over text making it extremely clear to them that they had to think about it first so that we did not rush into things and make things worse. If they wanted to be friends then i would be ok with that and I made myself very clear 3 or 4 times within the text.
Instantly, because i was in the room next to them, they came in and told me that they loved me. They hugged me and cuddled me for a while until we went into M room. I was in G room at the time. Suddenly, they both got completely naked in front of me. I had told them that I'm ok with boxers and a shirt since they were more like shorts but getting naked? I was shocked but just went along with it. I was in a shirt and boxers until they told me that i should join them and take my top and bra off (we're all under the trans umbrella). They both persisted and feeling pressured I took my shirt and bra off and joined them in bed. Then G opens up a folder on their phone of their nudes together which I was in shock for. I knew they had it but tbh, I didn't really want to see it. They then expressed how our previous shopping trip to a sex store (we're adults and we go in there cause why not) was a test to see if I would take the hint they liked me. I'm autistic but even I could tell that that was a lie. There were never any discussions of that nature that took place that day.
They then went on about their sex life in full detail. I'm not particularly fond of the idea of personally having sex within the first few months of dating since I'm very frigid about that sort of thing. I'm not stranger to sled pleasure but anything like that is entirely different and I wanted my boundaries to be known then and there. There were a few touches here and there after that, all of which would explicitly done with consent as I have had encounters with SA previously. They knew this.
After that day, they all of a sudden stopped talking me completely. We were on uni break so it wasn't like I could talk to them in class about it either. I felt alone and like I had done something wrong. This sent me onto a pretty bad depressive episode which triggered a small psychotic episode to occur. During which they would constantly tell me when they did feel like talking to me that i was just like my dad (abuser) and that I was being annoying and paranoid about everything. I have since talked to me my mum about this since my memory is a little hazy from that time and she said that the only thing that could've given the episode away was my sudden belief in a god and afterlife. I'm an atheist and grew up that way. But G and M were mostly referring to the fact that on numerous occasions I had called them out on body shaming me, using me as fatspo to fuel their own anorexia and belittling language they would against me constantly. This was even present in class alot since some students who I'm now friends with even stated that they acted as if they ere higher than everyone. Anytime you didn't give them attention, they'd start going on about suicide or passing out only to wake up seconds later.
They also claim to have DID and that one of their alters had encephalitis. This wasn't just a symptom holder either. They would claim they all had it and even told paramedics who were caring for another patient who had broke their leg on campus at the time that they had it. Although after this, they came back pissed to the paramedics caught on pretty quickly that this was a lie.
Months of this built up a full mental breakdown and I had one of the most server panic attacks of my life. I had to be admitted onto A&E where u saw the mental health team to discuss as safety plan since I was have frequent bouts of this. I've always felt with hallucinations since I was 8 but never like I had on that day and to this day, the only thing I can fully remember is the feeling and vision I had. I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
G and M response to this? They went to my friend who was packing my bag at the time and told them that if they didn't pack it the right way I would hate them. They actually cold apparently and not once did they ask how I was. When I got home, I only saw one text saying "hey, Ik your in A&E but you can tell me in your own time what happend."
They were very much disinterested me and I began to be fed up with them. I had an upcoming concert with them not long after so I figured I'd keep the peace until them and they distance myself from them since I was clearly suffering from it all. Around this time, I had randomly been kicked out of the discord we had together with the people we met at con. I asked around they just gave one word responses. I had attempted to be friends with them before but annoyed by their sudden disinterest in me again, I just moved on.
Fast forward and I'm logging in on minecraft to a shared server we had. I used this server as a coping mechanism since it was literally the only thing that got me out of bed and moving to a degree some days. However everything I ahd built was gone. All my pent uo frustration just let itself out and I started crying down the phone over a voice message to G. I was a bit pissed but overly. Key thing note however is that I was having a go at them and in no way screaming at them which they later claimed I did. I even showed my mum and therapist and they were both in agreement that I was not shouting nor did I even raise my voice. It sounded more like I was upset than anything else.
G then said that they lost trust me because of this and that they wanted some distance for a while. I apologies profusely, even getting my mum to help me since I was I no way fit to text. However, a dumb mistake we made was sending the same apology over to the both of them, the only difference being their name. G then stated that because of the name, that they felt like I wasn't actually apologising and didn't wanna hear it. I tried to clear things up but the they told me that I had no excuse to act this way towards them since they were "such a good friend to me". After this, i went on call with a friend of mine who is my ex. However we ended on pretty good terms and are still close to this day. They even look after my cat for me.
I'm gonna call him J. J can be the over protective type so in response to my distress texted G ti find out more about why they were so cold about everything and in his mind, over reacted to something so insignificant like minecraft. This is where they made the claimed that I had screamed at them and I sent them into a PTSD attack. What J did notice though was that the story they gave was almost word for word of a panic attack in had explained to J about, almost like they copied it and changed a few things. They the proceeded to tell me that I was abusing them in that moment and that i was exactly like their dad (who's a pedo btw). Hurt by this and the fact that I had told J to NOT text G at all, I ended thinsg of stating my true feelings about everything and said that I never wanted to see them again. It felt good to get it off my chest and honestly freeing. The weeks after that were spent healing in therapy with my mum who both agreed that their actions in the past were more akin to.emotional bullying. Om still coming to terms with this I had trusted them with every fibre of my being. It felt like my heart was being ripped apart whoever, I stated talking to new people in my class around that time. Each of them said that they had notice the same behaviours towards me themselves and were honestly concerned for my safety since they would frequently talk shit about me behind my back. They then put on their snapchat story the next day that they were greatful for the friend they had and got rid of dead weight in their life. They also chalk up their sudden change to be apart of their BPD which if you have seen the eyes of someone who's manic, you'd know that it has a distinct look. The photos they took of themselves really disturbed me as you can clearly tell they're not right in the head at all. The eyes were dark and blown fully. Their eyes just looks black and soulless. I showed another friend who has BPD to confirm if it was what I was thinking and they agreed. It was unnerving and I honestly felt uncomfortable. I couldn't sleep well that night. They looked like they belonged in those headshots of convicts who had just been arrested and still are clearly under the influence. After this I also sent out a text containing context to everything to the group chat since I knew they were gonna manipulate things. I have seen them in person do it and it's honestly disturbing to see. Each one responded telling me that I was a liar and that I should feel ashamed of myself. One even told me they weren't gonna hear me out since they didn't know me well which I think is just a werid line of logic to have tbh. One even accused me of faking my disability which I quick proved to be false which silenced them. I've since blocked every single one of them since I don't wnat anything to do with them at all. I don't want them to know about my life and twist things again to hurt me. Forgive me if I'm over doing it but honestly, it was like I was talking to group of psychopaths who didn't care for anyone but themselves. Their past actions certainly proved that much.
Fast forward a week and I'm out shopping with friends all of a sudden, at even location we were at G was there. These were bookshops that were not well known the area and hidden very well so there would be no way G would know about them, especially since they don't like reading. G still followed one of my friends on snapchat and we found out by testing that every post we'd make, with or without the location attached, G would be right there moments later. Creeper out we ended the day for our own safety and went home.
Ever since all that, I have been taking to a friend of mine who G and M claimed abused them although with the evidence I have seen, it was the complete opposite. G was a regular drug user and would constantly use drugs as an excuse for their actions. My friend also suffered heavily with mental health problems and physical ailments that they need physio therapy for. G and M would constantly tell them they were faking and that they should stop acting like they were in pain. This is similar to an incident where they stated that I was not physically disabled cause they couldn't see it. Which is stupid honestly. By law, I am classed as disabled as to this day I struggle diary with ankle and knee problems due to a late development. I frequently use my braces but I don't use a cane since I'm too self conscious despite it being recommended to me by my doctors.
It hurt to see that they were treated this way and we bonded over shared experiences. There were also other people they had done this too.
Finally getting to the main issue, recently a con just took place which I had to cancel last minute since a family member died and I had to fly back over to my previous country to attend the funeral. The friend that G and M introduced to me started getting closer to them which I honestly didn't pay much mind to since I'm now just done with that shit. However, it wast until now that I feel uncomfortable. All of a sudden, this friend, ill call them O, had removed me from their private account for "safety reasons" and said they had done this to othe people. It didn't take long before I saw with my own eyes that it was just me. G and M have a nasty habit of spreading false rumours and if you know the cosplay community well, that shit spreads liek wildfire. It doesn't have that they have a sizable following compared to mine and know alot more people than I do. I honestly think they're tryna turn people against me and I don't know what to do at this point. I want them to leave me alone and keep my name out of things. I have had so many great days ever since we stopped being friends and my health has also improved dramatically. I'm not having as many panic attacks or severe ones either and I've not had a depressive episode like the ones before ever since.
I don't want to be dragged down like this and I wanted to defend myself however I know for a fact they have more influence then me so many people will side with them just like the group chat did. I don't know what to do anymore and I really don't want things to kick off again either. If I sense any drama starting at all I will just block people cause I'm just not having it. It's all child's play and they honestly need to fucking grow up and grow some balls or something. I just don't know what to do anymore. Thoughts?