Original post: https://www.reddit.com/relationships/s/wDwUW70eeC
I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives. We experience sever poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids. I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship. I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it." She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues. We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself. I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less." This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen. I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign. Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.

I want to go through the home buyers’ program but I’m not sure if I can do it. I need to give a back story first. My grandma owned 2 homes in our hometown (she lived in one of the homes), an apt building, and part of a vacation time share in Florida. My grandmother put my dad (her son) in the other home so he wouldn’t have to pay rent (the white house). But he was responsible for paying taxes and the upkeep of the home. But unfortunately, he could never pay the taxes on time and spent his money poorly. So, She took care of it when necessary. I think that’s why she always kept the house in her name because she knew he would lose it. Now I’ve always known my dad to be a drunk and he had a gambling addiction too. He was a violent drunk and abusive to my mom. which he denies to this day and swears nothing ever happened but I remember things. You would think he would want to fix his life when I came into the picture. Me being his oldest child and first born at age 31. But no! my sister came 3 years later. My grandma died when I was 8 years old from the injuries of a car accident in 2000. She left a will and was also given a $100,000 settlement from the trucker who hit her. she left the (white house) to my dad. And her home she left to my dad, my sister and I. we all own a third with me and my sister being Co-owner. my dad stayed living in the white house and rented out my grandma’s home after her passing. He ended up losing the white house for not making payments and moved into my grandmother’s homes. Now that my sister (29) and I (31) are adults we want to sell the home. it is old and run down but still livable. my dad lives in the home but can’t keep up with it. he has never been good with money. And now that he is older and his health has declined it is not safe for him to stay in the home. But he will not leave. He has fallen a couple times and needs to be in a senior living apartment. It is hard on me and my sister because we live about two hours away so when something happens, we can’t get to him fast enough. My dad is the only child and acts like it. He thinks we owe him something. But he wasn’t really around growing up and always left us with broken promises. sometimes blamed us for things we had no control over as minors that had to do with my mother leaving him. Mentally it feels like I’m talking to a child when I talk to him. We have had offers on the home, people have come out and looked and gave us offers. He wasn’t okay with moving and had a complete tantrum about it in front of the realtor. Looking like a 5-year-old that wasn’t getting his way. But we had to explain to him that when he is gone, he is leaving us with debt because of him not making payments. Not to mention he always pay the taxes late to where he has to get liens on the home or payment plans. my sister has paid the taxes a couple times while living with him in her early 20s. but he's not getting my money I work hard for while he drinks and gamble his away. there was A lot we didn’t understand, and he wasn’t telling the truth, so we had to call and find out for ourselves. He wanted to get a $200,000 home repair loan for the house but can't do it without me and my sister's signature as well. I told him no! you're not putting me in debt. you will get that money and not use it for the house or pay it back! My dad is a selfish person and never thought about his kids. one minute its "this is all of our house" and when he's mad and doesn't get his way, then its "this is my house! mama left this house to me!". but we have the will we know what it says. He played stepdaddy to his wife and her kids before doing for us. And they treated him like shit including the wife. They married in 2008 have been separated since 2014 but she is still around when that check comes and driving his car because he can’t drive anymore. He had the nerve to tell me and my sister he wanted us to pay for his divorce. Not happening! He didn’t even think of us when he got the settlement from my grandma death. I don’t have any kids but if I did and something like that happens to me, I’m putting that money in an account for my kids to accumulate over the years that way by time they are adults they have some type of leeway to get by. But that money was probably gone the same year my grandma died. And when we bring it up my dad acts like there was never any money but my mom made sure she got all the paperwork for us as proof later down the line. Now my dad is living off social security. And still drinking. Which is more of a reason he needs to move. One minute he is ready to move and when it’s time to find places then he back tracks. It’s frustrating. He is a drunk, will spend his check on liquor and do the bare minimum with bills. Then expect his kids to pick up the slack like his mom did. you had enough time to get it together. I have my own problems and my own bills. You live in a way better area then your kids and still want to take from us while we are out surviving learning as we go. I work for everything I have. I’ve never expected anyone to do for me that I can’t do for myself.
Now I want to go through with the first-time home buyers’ program. But I’m not sure if I can do anything with that house in my name. and he knows this but doesn’t care. He won’t sell the house. I mean he is out voted 2 v 1 but I don’t have the money to take him to court to make him leave. Us selling the house can really help all 3 of us out. I’m doing ok for myself I live within my means, and I save. But in this economy what does that really mean. That money would really help, and my sister has four kids. That money could really help her too. I just don’t know what to do. I just want him to think about his daughters, shit his grandkids as well. I guess its too late. We are just trying to survive that’s it.

• so let me summarize a story I a 17 year old male, have met a 17 year old female my background is non denominational seeking orthodoxy, she is a pentocostal…..

We talked for 3-4 weeks (since we live in the same town, she first invited me to her church….) that’s how we met well actually text…
We went to the park, walked her home from school and chat about life And God and she dreams of living near a church aswell and she seems me as a good future father figure… and I tell her she has good motherly instincts just by how she treats her bunnies well alone…. I went to her church 3-4x, and well my first kiss after school… so yeah… young relationship
But she is a virgin, so am I, only one person before In a situation where she felt pressured and same with me… so this is very ideal and she waiting for marriage and so am I….
Though I was attracted to her, she really recripocate well with me; we FT a lot, text and communicate openly and honestly together even prayed for one another we are looking for a day where we can pray together because she is busy with school work….
She allows me to feel vulnerable and more safe…. She is learning but she tells me what bothers her aswell…. And we work on it only a month in….
We’re both Hispanics 🇸🇻🇭🇳, plan to do many things together
And she really likes me….
But here is the problem I am a chronic over thinker….
One day I feel like when we talk she is the most prettiest girl to me the next I feel a lack of peace…. Like is she really ? I think of other girls am I ready ? I said yes I am willing to learn and grow her and she is also willing aswell…
We are young so we expect a immature love to grow into a secure mature one and we both put God at the center of our relationship….
She even warns me if certain things leads to fornication… basically she has me in check aswell… though I lead… love is weird because it moved fast for us….
I am just afraid if she is not in Gods will or no what if she is… my mind is rambling what if I am not attracted but what if I am there is a lack of peace when I am not around her but when I am I feel more relieved
I wanna put God first, but make this workout anyone got tips…
because the problem is not her it’s me… she allows me to express and is patient and considers being learning to be more friends in our relationship I mean we can still kiss…..
My mind is still I feel a lack of peace
Despite praying over this relationship with her…
Also what helps to know I am a anxious avoidant style I am trying to fix myself aswell… but honestly…
Yeah it’s my first love and hers… we date for marriage
But also Idk my mind is so perfectionistic because she is learning about Christ but is more baby level because she is learning to love him not cause of shame and I am relearning everything I know…. I lack patience

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/Marriage/s/RoN5GKUZQC
I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives. We experience sever poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids. I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship. I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it." She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues. We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself. I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less." This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen. I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign. Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.

I'm a caregiver, I'm also a wife with four kids and I'm in a wreck. I didn't sign up for this but then again I felt like I did when I got married. Me and my husband are 29 yrs apart and he had a stroke in 2022. He also had another heat attack in December of 22' I honestly thought that he was gone but no, like a cat with nine lives my husband survived. Let me get to the point, being the only person working and caring for my husband and my kids is a ball buster. Nobody said it was easy, and it's not. I feel like I'm carrying for a newborn baby all over again. My husband is paralyzed on the left side and on rare occasions he forgets who I am, my life has changed since I've been caring for my husband that I've had any time to care for myself. Stress levels increase and self esteem is gone even metabolism etc etc. There are times where I wish I could just leave and not look back, but I can't cause I'm not that type of person. I miss the good times that we had, even the best.. Were they the best?? I ask myself that from time to time. I'm a wife, mother, caregiver, I miss having a life, I miss being able to leave my house and go out to visit family, friends? I'm a wife, mother, caregiver and I'm a prisoner in my own home... How I crave for company or passion, to be Loved again and feeling wanted. Selfish of me to think such things. This is my life and to be honest being a caregiver isn't for the weak.

My daughter is 3.5 and is a highly sensitive person. It appears to be genetic from my husbands grand mother. My husband is HSP as well and so is one of his brothers and a bunch of nieces and nephews. From what I’ve noticed, my daughter has it the most severe. Loud sounds and environments terrified her since a baby. We’ve raised her with the “gentle parenting” approach. She does not do well when you don’t talk to her kindly. She’s super observant and hyper-vigilant and is super in tune to people’s feelings and expressions. I love her so so much.
She is getting to the age where she makes friends and friends are able to exile her from being friends with her. My daughter’s highs are extremely high and I can see that off putting to kids her age. She had a best friend that no longer wants to play with her. When I dropped her off at preschool I saw the friend avoiding her and my daughter crying cause she didn’t want me to leave. Her teacher told me they would get into frequent fights that result in her friend yelling at her (they’re only 3?).
I found out my daughter told her friend she can only have one best friend (her). She gets jealous seeing her friend play with others cause she clings onto the one friend. It breaks my heart to see my daughter go through this. Anytime we meet someone new she needs a long time to acclimate before she’s comfortable, so she appears extremely shy. Once she’s comfortable she gets extremely hypeexcited and comfortable.
Any advice is appreciated on how I can better raise her. How can I talk to my daughter about this? Should I let it be so she can learn on her own? She doesn’t like to talk about her feelings to me and this is all observed by me.

I cook I clean I do laundry tend to the dogs and look after the baby My husband fishes I understand he’s tired when he gets in. But it always feels like a slap in the face when he comes home and just takes a nap while everything is left on my shoulders. I’m tired too but I know if I sleep when baby sleeps ( if baby decides to sleep) nothing will get done Myself and our son also wakes up with my husband in the early mornings because I care for my disabled mother in law while my husband and his father go out fishing. Yes I get to sleep while I’m at their house (MIL is not mobile so it’s not a risk) but it just doesn’t feel like the same. When my husband is awake he’s on his phone or he’s gone running the road, either getting ready for fishing the next day or something else. My mother takes our son one day a week to help give me a break but it doesn’t feel like a break. But I still appreciate it nevertheless! But I think what hurts the most is the fact that my husband couldn’t even remember Mother’s Day, my first Mother’s Day, even though we had talked about it a couple days prior. He said he didn’t have the time to get me anything and that growing up his family just gave cards. Which would have been okay, I could’ve handled that but he didn’t even remember to get me a card until the day of Mother’s Day which he also ended up getting me a gift card. Maybe I’m being overly sensitive/emotional, maybe I’m being self centred. But I feel like a slave I feel like a horrible mother because in order to get house work done I have to let my son “cry it out”. I feel like a horrible mother because if I knew what I know now I don’t think I would have agreed to have a kid even though I absolutely love my child… I just feel like a horrible person.

I am married and have a 4 yr old son with my wife. We are hoping to get pregnant again with a baby girl this time. But even before I had my first child I've always wanted a little girl. I'm not sure why honestly. I think its having "daddy's little girl". Put big bows on her when she's a baby. Put her in cute little white dresses with Strawberries all over it. Daddy/daughter dance. I just think I would be an amazing girl dad. My wife is an amazing mother to our son and he is such a mama's boy. Seeing how good they are together makes me so happy. My wife wants to see me the same way with a girl. She even cries talking about it cause she knows I've always wanted a girl and how cute she thinks it would be seeing me as a girl dad.
But I guess the reason for the post is most men seem to want sons. But I'm one of those men that wants a daughter

AITA for not wanting sister-in-law and two kids to stay with husband and I?
I (29f) just relocated to my husband’s home state after being long distance. When I moved here in January, my husband (30m) was housing his close friend, girlfriend, and their 3 children in our 3 bedroom home. My husband has a son (2yr) who is here every other week.
As you can imagine 4 adults and 4 kids in a 3 bedroom house was very chaotic but we managed for the time being. They ended up moving out in March because I was pregnant and we were planning on turning the spare bedroom into a nursery. Unfortunately we lost the baby, so our nursery plans went out the window. We were finally getting into a routine and getting used to living together without other people in our home.
Now, his sister is separating from her husband who owns the home they live in, so of course she needs to move out. She asked him if she(32f) and her two children (4f & 3f) can move in with us for the time being until she gets back on her feet and situated.
My husband and I dated previously but I ended things. Me hurting her brother rubbed her the wrong way, and now she has this grudge against me and does not like me. Understandably.
When my husband asked me if she could move in, I thought about it but ultimately said no because I don’t want to feel uncomfortable in my own home. I am going to feel as if I have to walk on eggshells whenever I’m at home. They have a brother who has a 5br 3 1/2bath home, he’s currently housing his wife’s mother and sister. I asked if my SIL could just move in with them since they have so much more space. Apparently it’s getting crowded there, the brother said yes, but doesn’t think it’ll work out for too long.

Warning: profanity and descriptions of verbal abuse.
About five days ago now I (33F) made the decision to go no contact with my younger sister (30F). For the sake of this post, I’ll call her Amy.
Our parents say that Amy and I were really close when we were little. That it was common for them to go wake us up and find that Amy had snuck into my room and into my bed to snuggle with me at some point in the night. They said she looked up to me and that when our youngest sister (currently 27) was born that she was always at my elbow watching how I did things with the baby and then copying it. This is how things went for years.
Sometime around when I was 10, and Amy was 7, things started to change. She’d get mouthy and act out with any provocation or none at all. To the rest of the world she was a nice, normal kid but at home the mask came off. What started as annoying became a hassle became a nightmare as the years went by. My parents tried to address and correct her behavior at first but got worn down over time until my dad just avoided involvement whenever possible and my mom leaned more toward pacifying and damage control.
It’s no surprise that Amy and I’s relationship changed with me not really wanting to spend time with her that wasn’t mandated by our mom and things got worse as I entered my teen years and didn’t wanna play and hang out with my kid sisters, in general. I think it was around that time that she started getting mean and nasty. It wasn’t unusual for her to say things like “I hate you”, “I don’t love you” and whatever but she started getting cutthroat. She’d aim for whatever she thought would hurt you the most. She’d call you a bitch, a cunt (still one of her favs), say you’re stupid, worthless, a piece of shit, that no one likes you that they’re lying to you, that you’ll die miserable and alone, etc etc etc. She’d rant on and on for as long as she could keep the insults flowing. She’d also twist her version of events just enough to make herself look the victim. She had her door taken away several times cuz she kept slamming it. My poor mom took the brunt of Amy for years as that’s where she tended to point her poison and is still the one Amy targets the most.
Thankfully college brought me new friends, some of which also had complicated family relationships, and they helped me grow a back bone and taught me about boundaries and more. Amy was always nice when she wanted things from you but would turn ugly if you said no. Even if you agreed to help her, it wouldn’t stop her being nasty for some other reason. That behavior was where I drew my first boundary. “You can’t ask me for help and then be a dick to me. Do that and my help ends immediately.” Took a few times for the message to sink in, but it did. It was business as usual any normal time but she learned to be on good behavior while she was receiving help from me.
This pattern of verbal abuse, her blocking people for however long until she needed something, and her general unpleasantness pretty much continued as we went into our adult lives and she moved a few hundred miles away. When she was planning her wedding, we were threatened with having our invites rescinded constantly no matter if the topic had to do with the wedding or not. Now that she had a kid, continued access to said kid is the go-to ultimatum criteria for every occasion. Our parents have said that they’re afraid of letting themselves be too open to bond with her kid out of fear that they would grow that bond and then Amy would one day make good on her threats.
The kid is actually what brings us around to the breaking point. I had a kid of my own not long before she did so she bombarded me with questions and wants for advice all through her pregnancy. I’m not exaggerating when I say it was damn near daily. It got to the point I snapped at her that Google is a thing that exists and so is her doctor. Ask them. That got me yelled at and blocked for a while but silence was sweet. The questions continued after her kid was born but at least not as goddamned always.
A couple days ago, Amy started drama with the whole family centered around a crib our parents had set up for whenever the grandbabies come over. Amy demanded that our parents buy a brand new crib and that they had to do it by a certain date or she was never coming to visit and our parents would never see her kid again. She tried getting me on her side about it, tried to say she wasn’t demanding or giving ultimatums, and tried to read me the text she sent that started all this but I’d already seen the text and knew she was lying. She unleashed at me when I called her out before hanging up on me and sending a text saying that I was an “ignorant bitch” and “a shit fucking mother” and somehow there it was, the last straw.
I’m a shit mother? So that’s why my child is consistently meeting and even exceeding developmental milestones? Why the child care staff gush and say what a joy my child is? I’m so shit at being a mother that she made me her nearly exclusive source of parenting info?
After venting to my husband for a bit, I called my parents and youngest sister and told them what happened and what I’d decided to do about it. My mom tried to talk me out of it, saying it was just gonna set her off, but I reminded her that it’s not our responsibility to manage Amy’s actions and emotions. That’s her job and the entire reason why we are where we’re at.
I waited until the next day to write my response and then sent this:
“Amy,
I didn’t respond last night because I was tired of dealing with everything and wanted to make sure I did respond from a place that was more clear headed. I’m not surprised that you lashed out at me last night. It’s expected, it’s what you do. I don’t care that you called me a bitch. I don’t even care that you called me ignorant. What crossed the line for me was your attack on my motherhood. You aimed to hurt, as you always do with these attacks, so you went for what you thought would cut the deepest. Unfortunately for you, I know I’m a good mom. I see that truth in the beautiful, confident, intelligent, loving little kid I’m raising. I’ve seen it in the months of your pregnancy when you came to me with questions almost daily and in the months that followed when you’d have a question about once a week. I know I’m a good mom, and so do you, which is why your attack missed its target and hit an entirely different one. This behavior of lashing out at the smallest provocation and in the harshest most cutting way you can devise will not be something I continue to tolerate. It was unacceptable when we were kids and it’s even more unacceptable now as a grown adult. I don’t know why you think its ok to act this way. I don’t speak for the whole family, but for me and my family, there’s now going to be changes where you’re concerned. For the foreseeable future, you’re blocked. I will not give you the privilege of being in my life when you can’t be respectful. If you would like that privilege restored, and to have the opportunity for us to have a relationship again, then I need to see evidence that you are making the effort to manage negative emotions in a healthy and mature manner. How you go about that is your choice. My personal recommendation is that you start with how you treat the rest of our family.”
She’s been surprisingly quiet since then and my youngest sister says it might be that Amy blocked me and my message wasn’t delivered, but that’ll change at some point and I’ve told them they can forward my message along if it comes up.
I’m very much enjoying my new peace even if I also feel like I’m mourning the loss of my sister. I do love her. We were close once and she could actually be pretty caring and decent when she wasn’t being a raging bitch. I can only hope this is a wake up call for her.

I am F53 and engaged to M60. We've been together for nearly 3 years. When we first met, he said he was a Trump fan. I am not. He also is Morman, but told me he wouldn't ever push that on me. Because he's Morman, he doesn't drink (much). Again, he said it was fine if I did. I also smoked when we first met.
He is a good man, and we had fun together. Admittedly, I'd been single and lonely after ending an engagement just before COVID and I liked having a nice guy to hang out with. He treated me well, was funny and kind.
After 5 months, I got a job offer to move across the country, and when we spoke about it, he encouraged me to go and agreed to maintain our relationship long distance. I commuted to my job every other week from Feb. 2021 to Sept. 21 and then moved completely. He even said at that time he'd consider moving where I was "some day."
I traveled back and forth and was with him over the Christmas holidays in 2022/2023.
Then he came to visit me for a month in Feb/Mar 2023. We went on a cruise and then he worked from my house and I worked at home and at the office. During that time, his mother would call every day and berate him for leaving for so long. She has the beginnings of dementia, but it was difficult to hear their conversations, and I eventually just left the room when she called.
During that trip, he said he could never move that far from his parents while they're alive and that he probably didn't want to move where I was anyway. Also during that trip, he got mad at me for being too competitive when we played Wordle and Trivial Pursuit because I did a little trash talking. I tried to stop doing that, but he was very sensistive to it. Eventually, after two or three (IMO) stupid fights about it, he talked to his friend who told him to stop being such a p****. We've not argued about that since, but I also no longer play any games with him.
Then, in April of 2023, I was diagnosed with kidney cancer. I went on medical leave and had my kidney removed in June of 2023. I traveled to his house before the surgery and stayed for about a month, and then he came to stay with me for the surgery and took amazing care of me while I was in the hospital and recovered. By then I'd decided I no longer wanted to be so far away from my family, including my college-age kids so I rented out my house and moved fully in with him in July of 2023. By now, we agreed we loved each other and were working toward marriage.
Before I moved, I suggested we could rent out his condo and buy a place together. But when I started talking about locations and looking at houses, he said he couldn't move and wanted to stay close to his parents. I respect that, but my (new job) is more than an hour away from his house, and I have to go in 3 times a week. Nonetheless, I agreed we could just stay in the condo.
In December of 2023, we picked out and purchased an engagement ring. It sat in our home until the beginning of March. Some time in February he started talking to his family. His two adult daughters were supportive, but his parents and aunt were not. Though they all proported to love me, they just didn't see why at his age he'd even want to get married again. I have and make more money than him now, but he stands to inherit much more than me. We agreed to do a prenup to protect our estates for our children while also taking care of each other. He kept me aprised of his challenging conversations but eventually told me he got his parents and aunt to agree to support our wishes.
In March, while he came with me on a business trip, he proposed while we were out for dinner. I'll admit it was a big anti-climactic, but I suppose I felt that's sort of to be expected at our age. Btw we were both married for 10+ years and have two children. We were also both previously engaged but broke those off a year or so before we met.
Then, he never told anyone that we actually got engaged. I asked why, and he said since he told them he was going to give me a ring, they knew what the needed to know. I sat through at least two meals with his parents and one with his brother and it never came up. He didn't mention it, and they didn't notice. That felt uncomfortable, and I told him that. He didn't do anything different. We went to a family wedding, and his sister in law noticed my ring, and as I expected, made a big deal of it. It still didn't feel celebratory.
I guess I started to feel insecure and doubtful around this time and possibly started noticing (maybe even looking for) other things. We had a converation about how I was working with some colleagues to start an LGBTQ+ employee resource group at work and how I was frustrated that leadership, which is in a European country, did not support our efforst. I'd been an executive sponsor of such a group at a different job before, and I'm a passionate ally. When I expressed my frustration, he told me he understood why the company wouldn't want to set one up because they just want to focus on business. I tried to speak to him about the benefits of embracing these kinds of diversity efforts have at work, but it was clear he didn't want to hear it.
Then, and I think this was a different conversation, he said he believes being LGBTQ+ is immoral. I asked if that was due to his religion, and he said no, he's always felt that way. I reminded him that my daughter sees herself as part of that community, and his response was that he would never treat her poorly and would never say anything unless he was asked. That one hurt.
Over the next several weeks, we had more frustrating conversations. One began as a result of that viral bear in the woods question. I told him I too would choose the unknown bear over an unknown man and he could not in any way comprehend what we were talking about. I admittedly got frustrated, but I tried to explain about how women are disproportionately affected by violence, and he said "What about men. We get attacked too." I was incredulous but not getting anywhere.
I even started therapy again because I just wasn't getting past this. After my first session, I sat down and told my fiance that I was feeling disconnected and was worried about our different social and political ideologies. He asked me what other areas I felt we were different in. I reminded him about my passionate opinions about abortion rights. womens health issues, etc. And he said he knew I was kind of a feminist. I think we ended by saying we might need to stay away from some of these issues.
Then just last night, I asked how he was feeling about everything. And the whole thing started again, but got even worse. I told him I'm not kind of a feminist, but that I am a feminist. He asked me what that meant, and I reitterated several issues I'm passionate about. And he said something like, "what about issues facing men... it's not easy being a man." I said we weren't talking about men but that we're talking about issues that face women, including me. He said that was selfish.
I asked him if he had the same conversation with someone in a minority population and that person told him about things they've experienced because of their skin color. He said yes he'd had those converations and told a black person, for example, that if he thinks he has it hard, try trading places with him. My fiance grew up middle class, was well fed and clothed, had college paid for him, graduated, developed a good career, got married, moved to a upscale community and had children. Did I mention he is a POC? His parents are German and Phillipino, but he looks Samoan.
This let to a conversation about privelege, and he just could not understand it it all. When I suggested that he faced fewer obstacles than other people by virtue of the family he was born into, he said "OK, why does that matter. Am I supposed to feel bad?" I was just so frustrated at this point, and it felt like not only could he not understand or respect how I look at things, but that he was trying to poke holes in my thoughts.
So I know that was a long story, but it was a bit cathartic to put it down on paper. We spoke again this morning and both agreed these difference in social issues are serious and that we should step back and re-evaluate our engagement, and ultimately our relationship.
I guess I'm asking if I am the asshole for running through some red flags earlier in our relationship to end up now facing the prospect of moving for the third time 2.5 years. It's really been a crazy few years...

The next day finds the military part of the Bridger family waiting in one of the larger cargo bays. Paladin company and Shark Platoon are on hand, all in full power armor except for Makula, with the exception of Jaruna who's standing next to Jerry in a family uniform with her shotgun and sword slung over her back. Jerry had also elected for a dress uniform today, though he'd paired it with a 'ceremonial' curaiss that could still take a hit from a plasma cannon or two... and concealed a small shield generator. Mixed with his cloak and the Crimsonhewer war ax on his belt, Jerry thought he looked every bit the barbarian warlord... if a bit too clean cut for a Hollywood depiction of such.
The situation reminded Jerry of a similar reception back on Serbow... but this one was a bit less ceremonial and a bit more... dynamic. They didn't have any formal bonds with Clan Karchara, or their Khan, Komugai. So as a meeting of two new to each other factions, things could get... exciting. Which considering they were talking about Cannidor meant that things could potentially get very violent, very quickly.
They usually didn't. Not any more. Yet... it never helped to play it safe, even with a clan that had a decent reputation like the Karchara. More cut throat clans had been heard to disguise themselves for meetings like this for meetings so they could ambush their targets after all. Plus as always, there was tradition to observe and satisfy. Tradition which could be best summarized as 'Offer one hand, but arm the other.'. The Cannidor were ready to fight a war naked among any people but their own. They were beyond dangerous. So an armed society wasn't so much a polite society as the unarmed were likely mentally infirm, and to be politely left to their own devices.
A sharp whistle from the 1MC draws Jerry from his thoughts.
"Now hear this! The Clan Karchara envoy is arriving!"
The Karchara drop ship slides into view out of the black and makes it's way towards the docking day with all the leisurely grace of a terrestrial shark swimming towards a coral reef. Whoever's piloting it is clearly a hot hand on the stick because the ship moves as smooth as anything Jerry had ever seen out of Cruel Space, extending it's landing gear and coming to a halt with nary a hint of a bounce in it's suspension and shock absorbing gear.
"Hmmm. The Karchara..." Jaruna rumbles. "An interesting contact in Cannidor space to be sure. So to recap what we talked about, they're somewhat on and off again allies of my old clan. Decent types for the most part. No idea who the Khan is now, and a little searching online didn't turn anything up. Don't think the intelligence weasels had anything either. Save that they've been having some internal structural changes. Seized a new planet too, lighting raid, unconventional tactics, whatever that means. Gives them complete control of... ten decently populated and industrialized star systems I think. They're firmly in the middle of the power band for the Khans by that measurement, exact position depends on the number of warriors under arms they can bring to the Golden Khan's muster."
"Right. Well. Guess we'll have to see what Khan Karchara wants to chat about, and hear about this plan of hers."
The Karchara drop ship settles onto it's landing gear, and it's flight crew leaves the engines running. Tradition. You never knew if a reception was actually friendly after all, and it was also a mark of respect for the hosts. You might be asked to fuck off after all.
The forward assault ramp drops, and the honor guard warriors of the Khan march out, in power armor, but with their helmets off, fanning out to cover their leader. The lack of helmets was very much a declaration of intent, the human equivalent of open palms for a Cannidor in power armor.
Jaruna's brow instantly furrows as she scans the faces of the honor guard.
"...Wait. I know some of those girls. One of my aunts, Norkath is there on the left, and that's... but that."
Jerry can hear Jaruna's brain crunching that information.
"...Komugai. You said the Khan's name was Komugai? Not Jelvuna?"
"Definently Komugai."
"...Unless she changed her name... but then would Aunt Norkath join the Karchara proper without her...?"
Jaruna mutters to herself, clearly trying to puzzle whatever's eating at her out, when the sound of heavy boots on the assault ramp sound, and an utterly massive Cannidor woman starts to come into view. She cuts an imposing presence. Her uniform not too far off from Jerry's, a mix of barbarian warlord and modern dress uniform. The massive war ax over her shoulder tipping the scales on the barbarian - modern officer scale towards barbarian. It was easy to miss her other various weapons in the sheer scale of her. Her stark white fur, the three brutal scars across her muzzle, and another two over her left eye, which had a cybernetic replacement.
Khan Karchara stands for a moment, surveying the room silently... and before anyone can say anything, Jaruna breaks the silence;
"...Mom?"
Khan Karchara cuts loose with a booming laugh that reminds Jerry of Khan Isuras, and if this is indeed Jaruna's mother, he can immediately see exactly why the two women cut palms and swore sisterhood. He wouldn't be hard pressed to believe they were actual sisters.
"Heh. Glad to see all that time on Centris hasn't dulled your powers of observation! Always said you were a sharp one."
There's no sarcasm there, a little maternal teasing perhaps, but she's not mocking Jaruna. Anyone with eyes can tell Khan Karchara is damn proud of her child.
"And this'd be my son in law... bit small but hell just from your first date with my little girl I know you're a first class head kicker, plus you already gave me four grandbabies to spoil! Hahah. I suppose these bigguns here are the older girls? I... say. I thought there was three of you."
Karchara points at Makula.
"You're a bit old to be Hippolyta considering she was born a couple weeks ago. Who are you, girl?"
"Makula Sa'Bridger, I was adopted a few days ago. Honored Matron."
Karchara grins, her numerous teeth gleaming in the light of the hangar.
"Matron? Not Khan?"
"You are my mother's mother, standing in my family's clan hold. To refer to your title by right of blood is most appropriate."
Another bark of laughter.
"Well drilled and whip smart I see. You know the ways of our kind well, granddaughter." Karchara smirks, looking smug before turning to her honor guard.
"See girls? Five now! Haha! What a stud of a bull!"
Khan Karchara turns back to Jerry and Jaruna.
"Ah but I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's get the formal bit done so we can go jaw a bit and then hopefully I can visit with my eldest daughter, my son in law and these fine young ladies."
She quickly shifts her body a bit, drawing herself up to her full, imposing twelve foot height.
"I am Komugai, Khan of Karchara. I come to broker peace and fellowship between our clans, to join them in a bond of steel that will stand the sword storm for all time."
Jerry nods slowly. More than they'd expected actually. That was laying out intent to conduct some very, very serious negotiations.
"I, Jeremiah, Khan of Bridger, Admiral of this fleet, lord of these proud warriors before you, bid you welcome, Komugai of Karchara, bring your banner among ours, that they might rest together while we discuss the business of peace, and of wars yet to come."
"Well spoken indeed... and the steel in your eyes." Komugai nods slowly. "Yes, I see what you see in him, Jaruna, well past his considerable combat skills. All the better my dear son-in-law that you have already begun working on my grand design... but come, let us dismiss our warriors that they might go and eat, drink and enjoy themselves. We need only you, Jaruna, and perhaps my granddaughters for this business, so that they might learn the ways of leadership."
"I think we can accommodate that." Jerry says before turning and pulling the ax off of his belt and raising it high, an ancient Cannidor signal for attention from the leader of a warband to their warriors.
"Warriors, we walk with friends, show them to the promenade, that they might share our table while we discuss business."
Jerry and Jaruna guide Komugai to the conference room they'd prepared, while Joan and the girls quickly hustle to get their armor stowed and get their tails to the same spot. None of them wanted to miss a minute of this!
Still, the tension in the room's fairly heavy when the door closes, and Jaruna turns on her mother.
"Alright. We got a couple minutes till the girls get up here. What the hell, mom? You changed your name? Took over the Karchara? What the heck is going on?"
Komugai settles herself in a Cannidor scale chair, grinning all the while.
"You should be happier, daughter. This was inspired by you after all. When you left our band. Left the old clan... I knew you were right. We won't speak of that business, but we were obligated... and I should have been brave enough to refuse, but I lacked the standing... and perhaps the courage. So I did what any good Khan worth her blades would do and crammed it down their throats. Broke that clan, took them in, then subsumed the Karchara with my new band. They've got the older name, so I became Khan Karchara instead of remaining Khan Jormuntide. Your Aunt's got the title now. I'd offer it to you, but you've got your own clan now."
"So Jormuntide remains at least." Jaruna shuts her eyes for a second and lets out a slow breath. "You really did all this because of my idealistic and childish temper tantrum nearly a century ago?"
"Hardly childish. Idealistic? Absolutely. There's something to be said for actually trying to live up to our own ideals though. Especially as warriors. However, that is personal business, and we have business to discuss for the Undaunted first."
Komugai turns to face Jerry square on.
"Admiral Bridger, I'm prepared to offer two things to the Undaunted. One. I want to ally myself and my clan formally with the Undaunted. Second, I prepared to gift an entire star system to the same from my holdings. It is populated, but sparsely across three habitable worlds. Ripe for ongoing colonization and industrialization. To keep things fair, people within my clans will be given a chance to move to or from as they please if for some reason they don't wish for Undaunted citizenship. The Undaunted will then have the standing to select a Khan for your Cannidor population, both in Cannidor space, and Undaunted wide. A non voting position at first, but as the clan grows you will achieve that status quickly I believe."
Jerry stops dead. "...Did you just offer us a star system with three habitable worlds?"
"Yes."
"...Okay, I'm on board, but why?"
"Simply put, the worlds are marginal. They need investment. They need settlers. You need worlds. A strong alliance with humanity... and being the first Cannidor clan to extend that hand formally, even having your realm within my space... only benefits me. As I grow my own territory I might even cede another system to the Undaunted. If the Undaunted Khan helps me in those battles I damn sure will." Komugai chuckles. "We'll see how many Khans are stupid enough to try to fight me in the next few decades of course. The other thing I'm trading on is Undaunted naval power. As you just learned, we don't really do navies. I want a professional navy, the Undaunted have agreed to help me get it... and help secure my space once we secure them my end of the bargain, that, Admiral, is where you come in."
Jerry arches an eyebrow and gestures for Komugai to continue.
"Simply put, you need to do what you just did with that border bandit Khan Irgalas, but across Cannidor space. This isn't a done deal. It's up to the Grand Council and I'm but one vote. You already have an in with some of the other Khans, and the Undaunted are doing business with Cannid Solutions. That's an excellent start, and you just made a stellar formal introduction of yourself to Cannidor space. A flawless orbital and ground fight like that'll make sure word gets around that the Undaunted are here... and as dangerous as their rep says they are. I got a little list of the other movers and shakers you need to press the flesh with to win over key parts of the council. You make the rounds, and I'll be doing the same on my end. We meet on Canis Prime for the council meeting, and then we either have a huge brawl to make our point or toast victory with some top quality booze."
"You make it sound pretty simple." Jerry says, clearly not believing there's all there is to it.
Komugai shrugs. "It is simple in its concept. Pressing the flesh and winning the various Khans over won't be. They'll all have their little tests and challenges for you to get the measure of both humans and the Undaunted. We've seen a lot on the trivid as a species. A lot of us have heard stuff in the news or from kin. This is your chance to just straight up show people who you are and what you're about. Because now you're here, and therefore 'real'. If that makes any sense. Cannidor don't really care much about shit happening on the other half of the galactic disk. Undaunted, Humans, being here? Now? Now people will really start paying attention besides idly seeing if there's some interesting amateur porn or more combat footage available."
The Khan points over at Joan, Boudicca, Khutulun and Makula. "These four will likely be very critical to the warrior house's opinion of you... your next generation of warriors, your daughters. How are they treated? How are they trained? What's their mettle like? If they're strong, and worthy, you will impress the khans in a very good way. If my granddaughters are found wanting, they'd question a great many things... and could cause trouble when the Grand Council meets to discuss my little proposal, among other orders of business."
Jerry looks over at Joan and the girls, all four of them are suddenly looking very tense, especially Makula. "I have every confidence in all of my daughters to deal with anything the Khans can throw at them. Even Hippolyta if a trial suited for an infant is on hand."
That gets a chuckle from the girls, relaxing them a hair.
"Still. We'll burn that bridge when we get there. No sense borrowing trouble that hasn't come yet."
Komugai nods. "Wise words. Your diplomats have already approved this plan on their end, they'll send you the itinerary and all the fussy details shortly. Unless you have other questions for me?"
"I've heard there's a grand council of patriarchs too. Would getting in good with them help?"
That gets a full on shrug from the massive warrior woman. "Yes? I mean. Probably. No good way to arrange that though beyond asking my hubby, and I have. He said their council will handle things if it's deemed appropriate, and I don't need to fuss about it too much, and I know a polite way to be asked to fuck off when I hear one... so keep your head on a swivel on that one Jerry, I'm sure the patriarchs are well aware of the Undaunted... and are looking at a possible way to make warriors out of their sons without making their wives piss their frilly panties."
The khan's brilliant white teeth glitter in the room. "Back when we were the more traditional kind of savages back on our homeworld, the bulls did a lot of the leading and the fighting on an individual basis. Women however have always fought the wars. As we grew as a species, developed power armor, space travel, had our population bloom, a bull fighting another in single combat became less practical, and the other traditional male roles of shaman, guide, and brain trust came to the forefront. The council of patriarchs is an old body Jerry. Pre space flight. One of our first forms of international diplomacy between the khans. The matriarchs hold all the power... but when the council of patriarchs speaks, people know to shut up and pay attention."
Jerry nods slowly. Seemed like he'd just have to wait and see... and make sure he made a good impression when the opportunity presented itself.
"Well. I think that concludes everything we need to talk about professionally. Unless you have something else Khan Karchara?"
"Aww, just call me Mama like my big fuzz ball over here used to when we're not working! I've heard a bit about this little fortress of yours, could you all give me the tour? I'd like a chance to talk to all my new granddaughters after all."
Jerry shrugs. "Sure, we'll head up to the Den for a bit, then head down to the promenade to join the girls for some drinks and skewers. Our Cannidor eatery's got the best skewers in wild space whenever we're there."
"Don't I believe it, get to try some more Earth meats too! Bought a little sampler pack from a friend and good goddess, if you start exporting that bacon stuff in bulk, I'm going to invest in a chain of gyms, because there's going to be a lot of girls fighting to keep their girlish figures!"
First Last (SFW) Last (NSFW)

Hi,
Not sure if this is an internal struggle against myself, my identity, my spirit, and my family or what but I am about to step into a future that i should be extremely grateful and excited about.
I am 21, i come from a poor background and i had to learn to grow up fast, at the age of 10 i started helping my mother sew clothes and sell candy. We come from a poor country but hard work was never out of the question, everyone worked and we continued this when we came to America when i was 18. Due to my lack of education and financial privileges i didn’t enter school in the states but instead worked again assisting my parents with their new found business.
I took up odd courses over the years at a local college just for the experience and to learn how to fit in with the Americans. Needless to say, i was very behind and had no one to learn from. That’s when i met my tutor, he was there occasionally but because it was a community school i couldn’t track down his schedule to attend. He was also 11 years older than me but i thought nothing of it when we exchanged numbers to hang out and study more.
He taught me everything i needed to know, literally took me to tour some local school campuses to tell me “this is this” and we had fun. I learned that students had earthquake drills, fire drills, had break times, etc. I was starting to learn about life in America. He also happened to be a trust fund baby but at the time i had no idea what that meant. He was just our normal tutor, but his family is well off. He is also very down to earth, helpful, communicative, passionate about his community, etc.
Upon knowing this my parents pushed for us to be together more, and eventually we fell in love and got engaged. He was my first everything and i believe we saved each other a little bit. Him, supporting me and me giving him my family to hang out with and have normal holidays. I have 5 siblings, he has none, his parents are divorced and his dad is always gone somewhere on business during family holidays. We were a family unit for a while.
So fast forward and now we are getting married except i just feel like it’s the right yet wrong path altogether. There’s no winning this. I came to America at 18, haven’t had a sense of childhood fulfillment, then off i go getting married to a grown up at 21. My youth, where is it all going? Is this the right choice? My parents seem to think so, but i know my dad doesn’t want to let me go yet. I know this is an advantageous marriage for he is 30x more stable than me. It’s almost like winning the lottery jackpot but with a catch. My future will be bright and filled with worldly things, i won’t have to worry, my family will also be ok, but my inner self will not be ok.
If i walk away it will also be a disastrous choice. My family will be disappointed, i will be left alone, mostly working minimum wage, and just overall a fall. Whichever choice i make will be the wrong one. I know it. He is an irreplaceable man, i knew instinctively we were going to get married 3 months in, he is amazing and everything. I will not meet another version of him in any lifetime.

Link for all the chapters available for free here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road
Deep in the groaning halls of sinew and bone he awaited his audience with the god. At a wave of his hand the ribs which held up the ceiling contracted, tendons shifting within the pink walls of the chamber as the jagged, calcareous spurs that composed the doorway sank back into the spongy masses of tissue, revealing a passage curving down and out of sight.
Menash stood before the yawning portal and considered eternity. This was no an idle thought: here in the Dawning Chamber, the concept was very real. His father, Yulan, had stood in this exact spot times beyond count. When he was struck down in his prime by the Night Weaver and her Leaper offspring, torn limb from limb as he fought to defend Chthonis from a raiding party, Menash’s uncle, Aqavarr, had carried his broken remains over that grinning threshold to join the hosts of the dead, never to return.
A hot and heavy exhalation rattled up out of the depths, wafting in the acrid scent of the bonding pools and the wet slithering sound of the rebirthing canals. Menash felt a crackle of static in the corners of his mind before the signal sharpened and he heard It whisper distinctly:
“Enter…”
The familiar dread crept its way up the small of his back, and he gave a little shiver. No matter how many times he had communed with the Vitalus, he’d never been able to shake the feeling of his utter insignificance. But he persevered, walking bravely down the slurping passage, past the rows of broad antechambers lining either side of the hallway. Each one held a slumbering shape immersed in a cryogenic bath, towering hulks of muscle encased in ribbed and riveted plates of chitin. No two were alike in size or physiology, but all seemed to emanate the same primeval aura of dread that tickled Menash’s fight-or-flight-instinct, skewing it very much towards the latter response. These were the Hollowores, soulless avatars of the Vitalus, each one a tool capable of eradicating an entire species. As Menash approached, one of the living weapons stirred to life. A pronged, anvil-shaped head emerged from the bath, umbilical feeder tubes detaching from its armored flanks as the rest of its bulk followed, its mauve exoskeleton as sleek and shiny as amethyst. The Hollowore extended legs as thick as grown pine trees and lifted itself above him, its pairs of crushing pincers dripping amniotic fluids as it herded him towards the central room.
Bundles of white gossamer filaments spread all across the floor, encircling steaming pools of pus and acid. He saw arms and legs, sensory organs and entire exoskeletons being knitted before his very eyes, the amino acid chains being stitched on a layer at a time, the weeping pus evidence of microphages fighting off possible infections as the Vitalus did Its work.
These were the next generation of exomorphs, yet to be assigned to their hosts. It was here that Vitalus constantly improved the only thing that could ensure the continued survival of Menash’s subspecies. Exomorphs were bonded to Gallivants at birth, the organisms supplying their hosts with the means to breathe an atmosphere they was never meant to endure, and the strength to fight in a world that was red in tooth and claw. They were as swift as the summer wind and could multiply their host’s muscular power by up to twelve times their natural output.
But for all their God-given might, Gallivants were still mortal. They could and often did perish in the endless struggle for existence that the Vitalus called the Great Game. But even in death they could still commit their essence to posterity, passing down their defining traits through the malleable genetic code of the gilt helix. It was the Vitalus’ greatest boon; through the gilt helix a single individual could become a progenitor of an entire generation, becoming at one stroke the father of whole nations and peoples.
One day he too would prove worthy of the honor that Yulan had earned with his life. But he was not alone in that ambition. Menash was annoyed to find the crimson-clad Vezda and the cowardly Racek waiting for him inside, standing next to a large ball of filaments that hung from a tonsil-like growth hanging from the walls.
This node pulsed, emitting a small storm of bioelectric activity, networks of fungi conveying commands in the form of oscillating voltages to their communities of symbiotic bacteria, the latter containing greigite mineral crystals aligned in the shape of electromagnetic coils. Other networks hidden in the walls modulated and amplified the signals, and the three Gallivants steeled themselves for the onrushing flood of information as the Vitalus tapped into their minds.
He was a candle before the raging heart of the thunderstorm. For an instant Menash touched a fraction of Its intelligence, the divisions of time and space rolling back as they joined the ocean of shared consciousness, becoming one with the living systems of Arachnea. From the tiniest aeroplankton floating above the waves of the golden coastlines, to the herds of ultrapods munching their way through swathes of trees in the savannahs. Menash felt himself pushing up out of the soil, longing and lusting and reaching for the sunlight with a trillion green fingers uncurling, alive with the furious movement of life.
But what was that flicker of orange to the east? That searing heat, that prickling pain spreading like a cancer down his side?
The Vitalus scooped them up and hurled them headlong into hell itself. A roaring wildfire was sweeping into the heart of the eastern rainforests. Menash tasted ash and ruin, felt pieces of himself wither and burn, his branches tongues of fire, wood cracking from the intense blaze, sap boiling instantaneously upon contact and rupturing, splitting him right down the grain. He fled in terror, running, slithering, digging, swimming, flying away in crazed panic from the walls of red death closing in on him. As his skin flaked off in clumps of charcoal he looked back and saw it towering over the treetops, the epicenter of this howling vortex of destruction: the grey behemoth. Its burnished metal hide gleamed like copper, reflecting the fury of the conflagration burning well into the night.
Menash pulled his mind away before it was lost forever in the storm of electric potentials. He saw Racek and Vezda swaying on their feet, breathing hard and fast.
“Heart of the World,” he managed to gasp, “What is your bidding?”
The Hollowore maneuvered itself until it was facing him directly. Tiny beady eyes fixed him in their blank gaze. The node emitted a blue pulse and the creature shuddered as it received the signal. It opened a maw powerful enough to chew boulders into gravel and rumbled:
“This one is the alpha which survived first contact with anomalous variable. It will tell Us what occurred, and from whence this threat emerged.”
“It came from the karst mountain range, where the yellowjacket Amit live,” Menash replied, “It was destroying the largest mound in that area, massacring its inhabitants. It brought the mountain down on them—we’ve never seen anything like it. Zildiz was the first on the scene. She warned us not to approach, and that it was dangerous, but some of us,” here he cast an angry look at Vezda, “Some of us went ahead and tried to scavenge from the bodies of the dying. Then the behemoth ignited the air and burned scores of us to cinders.”
“Irrational. Why did you do this?”
“W-we thought that you had spawned the grey behemoth,” Menash stammered, embarrassed to say the least, “That it was the newest addition to the Great Game, another species of ultrafauna that would help perfect Arachnea.”
“Not so. It was made by an evil far older than the All-In-One,” replied the Vitalus, “It is called a Divine Engine. In cycles past, this evil sought to undo this world and all that inhabit it. In that, it almost succeeded.”
Menash felt his blood run cold at those words.
“Is it the only one of its kind?” Racek piped up. Menash and Vezda both bristled at his interruption; subordinates were only supposed to speak when spoken to.
“There were several deployed here in Our infancy. We had thought them all destroyed in the War of Creation.”
“Your Munificence,” Racek went on, heedless of the venomous looks he was getting from the other two, “Most of us survived because Zildiz persuaded us to dive into the river. She saved all our lives! But as I washed up on the riverbank, I saw the behemoth casting a seedpod into the skies. I did not see where it landed, but it was travelling in a high arc due east. Is this the behemoth’s method of reproducing? If so, then how many offspring can it generate from this one seed?”
The Vitalus met his questions with a minute of silence. Menash had never known It to take so long to respond to a query, and felt another stab of unease in his gut. Unless he was imagining things, the Vitalus seemed genuinely disturbed by the scenario that Racek has raised, enough to convince Menash that the danger was far from hypothetical.
“That is a distant possibility,” It said somewhat cryptically, “Regardless, We cannot allow the Engine’s continued existence.”
“Then it must be destroyed,” Vezda said, her barbed tail eagerly perking up.
“We are not certain that it can be,” the Vitalus said, and Menash heard Racek audibly gulp at the admission.
“But Your Omniscience, you alone are the arbiter of growth and decay,” Vezda said in disbelief, “Surely you can unmake this monster as well?”
“Perhaps. The Divine Engines were built to withstand the extremes of temperature, gravity, atmospheric pressure, acidity and irradiation found on semi-inhabitable exoplanets. Worlds of bareness and desolation, glassed by thermonuclear bombardment or infested with alien microorganisms. In the wars of Our youth, the Betrayers used tungsten-alloy warheads fired from space platforms to crack their bulkheads. Not even Our vessels, the Hollowores, could damage them in any significant way. We will need time to gather the raw materials and fabricate the weapons needed to end this threat.”
“What must we do?” Menash asked.
“If this variable is not dealt with, it could upset the delicate balance We have sacrificed so much to achieve. Already the wildfire it has caused will release close to 400 million metric tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere and destroy 2.3 million acres of forest before Our countermeasures can stop it. Time is our limiting factor. If the Engine cannot be destroyed now, it must be restrained.”
“It hasn’t moved an inch since we last saw it,” Vezda said brightly, “Maybe it has already died?”
“Yes, and maybe your mother was a horka toad,” Racek said snidely. Vezda scowled and took a step towards him, then stopped as she remembered that she trod on hallowed ground.
“Not so. It has merely gone dormant. Having expended its fuel, it is now running on the bare minimum of its reserves. My children, you must ensure that it does not wake again. Establish a quarantine zone around the Engine and let none approach, on pain of death. The Leaper kindreds will secure the ground while the Gallivants patrol the skies.”
Vezda and Menash exchanged troubled looks. Nobody wanted Leapers establishing a foothold in what was essentially a buffer zone between their subspecies. Once allowed to settle in a habitat, it would not take long for them to adapt and become masters of their new territory. Ousting them would become a battle of attrition, and given the lower birthrates of Gallivants, it was not one they could long afford.
“Respectfully, we do not require assistance from our brother kindred,” Menash ventured, “We are more than capable of safeguarding the area ourselves.”
The node throbbed again, the bioelectric flashes taking on an angry purple hue. With a sound like the grinding of a millstone the Hollowore clashed its claws together impatiently. All three of the mortals took a hasty step back.
“The alpha will obey, or another will be found that can,” the Vitalus growled at them, “All subspecies will observe a general truce during this period. This is a temporary addition to the Great Game. Those that serve Us well shall be rewarded. We shall also enlist the aid of your terrestrial cousins, as well as the Cataphract clans to replenish the soil, and lone Saints who shall rove beyond the quarantine zone.”
Menash’s unease deepened. The Vitalus was bringing together four different kindreds, some of which killed each other on sight, in a move that reeked of desperation. The kindreds had worked together before, of course, on complex projects such as altering rainfall patterns and husbanding struggling species, but never so many at once. This was bound to end in bloodshed.
“Those that break the truce shall be chemically neutered, and their gilt helix purged from the existing gene pool,” the Vitalus continued, “You will maintain this quarantine until We have dealt with the Engine.”
“It is understood!” Menash and Vezda said at once.
“But what about Zildiz?” Racek blurted out, again risking his entire lineage by speaking out of turn, “She might still be alive out there!”
“He’s right,” Menash found himself agreeing despite his dislike for Racek, “She’s our alpha, after all. It would be a shame to lose her helix. Do we have your leave to send out a party to recover her?”
The Vitalus pondered the request for a moment, then crushed his hopes when it said:
“Regrettable, the loss of the female. Valuable stock for the breeding program. But it has not responded to Our signals—it is unlikely to have survived. The female Vezda shall take up its duties as alpha.”
“But Your Benevolence—” both men cried out in unison.
“It is decided. She has risked the Great Game, and must abide by its outcome. To speak more on this would risk Our displeasure,” the god warned.
“We can’t spare the manpower anyway,” Vezda pointed out, trying not to look too pleased at Its decision. She darted a quick look at Menash, long enough for him to see the selfish desire festering in her heart. He turned away from her in disgust, baring his blades by the slightest of margins to let her know what he thought of her, then asked the Vitalus:
“But what of the Engine’s seedpod? Should we search for it?”
“Negative!” the Vitalus boomed, its node reinforcing the word with a spike of activity that sent needles of pain spearing into their heads, “We shall complete this task. It is dangerous and can be entrusted to no other.”
The Hollowore angled its massive head towards the cavernous ceiling, armored flaps on its back sliding aside as it unfurled sets of rigid sixty-meter wings. A wide sphincter on the roof gaped open and Menash saw the evening sky awash with the stars in their milky multitudes. The Hollowore took a deep breath through the spiracles lining its thorax and abdomen, pumping air through a pair of hollow tube-like protuberances under either of its wings. Menash and the others quickly scampered to a safe distance. Seconds later there was a scream of chemical combustion and the Hollowore rose into the evening skies, leaving behind a long trail of superheated gases, the backwash almost knocking Menash off his feet. They watched as the Hollowore gained altitude, making straight for the columns of billowing smoke on the horizon, a sweeping shadow blotting out the light of the heavens.
The Vitalus’ mental presence receded with it. When it did not return, they took it to mean that they were dismissed and likewise took flight and headed for Chthonis. They were hardly out of the Dawning Chamber when Vezda seized the scrawny Racek by his wings and anchored her feet right up against his back.
“Funny little man, are you? Crack jokes at my expense again, and I’ll see to it that you’ll never fly again!” she snarled, yanking hard. Racek yelled as his wings threatened to pop out of their sockets.
“Stop!” Menash said, ramming his shoulder into her and knocking the smaller male out of her grip. Vezda rounded on him, blades out and her tail aquiver with rage.
“As for you! No one should speak to the Vitalus like that!” she shrieked, “Much less gainsay It! Are you trying to get us all killed? It is the source and continuance of life itself—”
“But the Vitalus doesn’t always consider the individual scale of things,” Menash reasoned, controlling his rising anger as he tried to defuse the situation, “Its scope of thought is beyond ours. Therefore it is up to us to look after each other. None of us can win the Great Game alone. We need people like Zildiz for the species to prosper.”
“Your logic is flawed,” Vezda spat, “Empathy is a sham devised by the selfish action of the gene, which seeks only to preserve itself. At least I am honest enough to look after my own interests. Your obsession with that whore is misplaced. Heed my words, Menash. What happened today marks a change in the Great Game. Only the ruthless will reap the rewards of this era. Think on that, and act accordingly.”
The female darted off in another direction, leaving the two behind.
“Thanks,” Racek said, rubbing at his sore shoulders, “My, my. She’s really taking her promotion very seriously, isn’t she?”
“This doesn’t make us friends,” Menash said shortly, “We share a common interest, that’s all.”
The two flew together in silence for a time, the dark canopy unrolling below their feet. Racek had always been a bitter rival for Zildiz’s affections. In the mating seasons he and Menash had flown the damsel-dance against each other countless times, racing and dogfighting at top speed through the dense bamboo thickets in an effort to impress her.
But each time she had always chosen Menash. Naturally. He was the stronger, the braver, the son of the Scourge who had slain hundreds on his lightning raids into Leaper territory. Their pairings had been brief and passionate, yet she had always laughed at the end and gone on her merry way, a rose petal borne on a scented breeze, the dalliance as meaningless to her as other concerns like eating or breathing.
But not to him. Right now, all that mattered was her. And Racek was the only one in the whole wide world who knew exactly how he felt. Did that mean he could be trusted? Menash considered the enormity of what he was about to do, and wavered. Then he saw her face in the darkness of his home, the face she wore when they were all alone together, and he took a deep breath before breaking the silence, saying:
“I’ll be in charge of the quarantine. I can arrange for you to disappear for a few days. I can have one of the younglings mimic your magnetosynaptic signal, make it seem like you’re with the rest of us.”
“You’d do that? For me?” Racek said in astonishment.
“Hah. Not for you,” Menash laughed softly. He looked Racek straight in the eyes and continued: “What’ll it be, then?”
If he so much as hesitates, I’ll have to kill him here and now, Menash told himself.
“Why, yes. Yes, of course!” the little brown male said vigorously.
“Good,” Menash sighed with relief, “She’ll be very grateful to whoever brings her home. I’d do it myself, but as an alpha I can’t risk being seen as disobedient.”
“Then why give me this chance? After all that’s passed between us?”
“I should have thought that was obvious,” Menash replied. Racek digested that for a bit, then out of nowhere said:
“If I find her—when I find her—I’ll tell her exactly who it was that sent me.”
“That won’t be necessary.”
“Bah! Just so we’re even, that’s all,” Racek grinned, his mouthparts slanting askew.
“Thanks, I guess. I’d…I’d appreciate that. You do understand what we’re risking here, right?”
“Sure. We’ll be total genetic write-offs if we’re caught. But it’s not like I wanted to see tiny ugly Raceks running around the house anyway. What about you, though? Why are you putting your neck on the chopping block?”
“You know why,” Menash said quietly, his thoughts still lingering on her face.
“Yes,” Racek agreed with a wistful air, “Yes, I suppose I do.”
And the pair spoke no more until they reached Chthonis.
Link for all the chapters available for free here: Engines of Arachnea on Royal Road

I recently had a baby and my mil surprised with me with her behaviour since I’ve given birth. I don’t know if it’s the hormones or what. I wasn’t close to in laws before baby and I’m only forced to interact because of baby

• She keeps calling baby her baby non stop
• She snatched my baby from me when she was visiting 4 days pp and refused to give him to me for 4 hours while she visited.
• She tries to play mum so bad. She bottle fed my baby while I was in the toilet 4 days pp (my baby is EBF but I bought formula just in case because i was worried my baby isn’t being fed properly. It was only at home for precaution and should not have been given to baby tbh).
• She keeps asking how long I plan on BF, when I’m going to give baby solids because she wants to eagerly feed baby
• She’s asked baby to call her ‎‎Ma because she doesn’t like being called grandma.
• She wants to see the baby every week only because I go to see my mum every week and obviously baby comes with me.
• She kissed my baby the day he was born before I even did and said she doesn’t care if I didn’t want anyone kissing baby
• She posts pics of my baby on her WhatsApp story almost everyday even tho we said we don’t want baby’s pics to be posted
• Also, in laws in general keep making jokes about not listening to my boundaries, for eg, no swearing in front of baby - saying oh we’ll do it when we’re alone with baby then

I get serious anxiety every week because we have to go over to the in laws and know I’m gonna need therapy if I ever wanna have another baby. Am I overreacting and this will get better once hormones calm down?

TL;DR I have custody of 2 of my SIL kids, WIBTA if I don’t take custody of her newborn?
This is my first time posting and I'm using a throwaway account just in case. Names have been changed.
My husband (29M) and I (30F) currently have emergency custody of our 11yo niece Sasha and our 8yo nephew Thomas. Their mother (my SIL) Jessica (31F) and father Ronald (43M) have drug abuse, mental health, and domestic issues. They have their entire relationship.
We received emergency custody about 8 months ago.
Here's where I need some input on if we don't take emergency custody of my SIL and Ronald's baby who is now 5 weeks old. His name is Collin. He was removed from their care at a week old. He is currently with other resource parents who aren't family. As there is not ANY other family within ours capable of taking these children.
My husband and I do not have any kids, we had a double income but since choosing to raise our niece and nephew I left my job to better take care of them and our home. (This was a mutual decision between my husband and I.)
We were literally in the process of trying for a baby when my husbands sister (Jessica) announced she was pregnant again, and then a few months later her older two kids were removed from her care.
Now that Collin is a month old, and Jessica and Ronald have made little to no progress: guardianship is on the table and I have concerns about the 3 kids not growing up together, or Collin currently creating bonds with strangers and issues that could cause down the line. My heart is breaking and I’m so conflicted.

CANCER ZODIAC TAROT READING - UNEXPECTED INCOME MAY 2024

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ5mIkLhCyY
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I need to get this off my chest and I'm probably crazy for saying all of this. My MIL and her daughter have been nothing but hell to me for the past 2 years. I'm currently pregnant with a girl and due in July. My SIL also had a daughter almost 2 years ago now. Her daughter was the first grandchild in the family so naturally she became the new golden child. She looks EXACTLY like my MIL and my SIL, like literally a photocopy, so the rave about this child is even more big than anyone can imagine. To make matters worse, my MIL has some strong ass genes because both of there children (my SIL & husband) look so much alike and look exactly like her, so basically, my niece pretty much is a photocopy of my husband as well.
My SIL has always been in competition with us. She puts her nose in all of our business, always needs bigger car, bigger house, bigger everything than what my husband and I have. In the past, we used to share things with my in-laws, and my MIL would run and share all the private things that we would confidently share with them to my SIL. Because of his, SIL is always going behind our backs and gossiping with MIL to get all the deets about every little thing about us that we share with my in-laws. SIL and MIL are "besties." My SIL lives out of own (thankfully), but every time she visits it's almost like I have to sit through hell. All eyes and attention on her daughter, everyone has to praise her, constantly talking about how this little girl is her "twin."
Ever since I got pregnant, it's been even more of a competition with my SIL. And my MIL keeps pushing my husband for so many things for a child that's not even born. My MIL has already established that she will retire and has demanded that we do not look for childcare elsewhere because she will primarily look after our daughter once I'm no longer on maternity leave. She insists that our daughter will not need daycare or any kind of schooling until she's ready to go to kindergarten because that's what she did with my husband and SIL, and she wants us to do the same with our daughter. Until then, MIL has established that she will stay at home and look after our daughter. She is constantly nagging my husband to buy a house that's down the street from where they live so that we can be closer. She has been constantly finding ways to impose herself in our future lives with the baby completely disregarding the fact that I have parents and a family members of my own as well that have the right and want to be involved as well. She wants to be 100% the one involved in our newborn's life. She acts this way because my SIL is like that with her. My SIL facetimes my MIL for hours every single day together with my niece, and whenever they visit, my MIL is always the one who's getting to see and take care of my niece. My SIL and her husband always comes and stays at my in-laws when they're in town and her husband's side of the family is only entitled to spend lunch or dinner with them and nothing more.
My MIL also keeps mentioning things like "I wonder what our baby will look like, hopefully she looks like my niece so they can look like little twins together." Knowing her, she's probably hoping our baby will look exactly like her so that it's sort of "hers" because everything is always about her.
Anyways, that's just a piece out of so many other things that they've put me through outside of this pregnancy. After having gone through all of this honestly, I hope everyday that my baby will look nothing alike my MIL or my SIL. Everything is always about them and I'm tired of it. Probably pregnancy hormones acting up as well, but I really needed to get this off my chest.

I’m just at my wits end here. I (28f) love my husband (29m) very much. I’m just tired now. We have 3 kids (1f, 6f, & 10f) together, one whom is on the autism spectrum (severe).
I’m technically a SAHM. I have a “part time” job that I work 1-3 days out of the week. My husband has 2 jobs.
My credentials allow me to only work a few days out of the week but it’s the equivalent of his jobs. For example if I work one day, I make what he makes at his part time job that he goes to all week. If I work the 3 days I make what he makes at both jobs all week and maybe even a little more. It just depends on what I want to do. Depending if the week with the kids is heavy I do one day but with 3 kids it takes a lot of my time and energy so I opt for 1 day mostly. It’s just to bring in some cash for the extra curriculars my kids do or house bills.
We don’t do 50/50 but we are like 25/75. I pay for all the groceries, all the utilities, anything our kids or myself and my husbands needs.. he pays the mortgage and a few other things. We have no debt, no car payments.. We are very good with money and have a nice chunk of savings. He doesn’t need a second job he just has it for us to save the most now that we’re young and not just scraping by when we’re old lol plus we want to buy another house soon. He’s been at the second job officially one year next week.
My husband feels like I don’t do anything and that my life is so “easy”. He constantly makes comments like “here let me make your life even more easier” cause I ask him to take out the trash or “you don’t do anything here and we wouldn’t have this if it wasn’t for me” just because he’s upset I didn’t check his car for a sweater he wanted to wear to work and it’s not clean. Then he feels bad and doubles down and apologizes. Mind you, I do All the cooking, cleaning, parenting, kids sports, appointments, etc. I pack his lunch, I iron his clothes for work, I make sure he has plenty of snacks he likes at home so he isn’t grumpy throughout the out the day, I wake up earlier to prepare his coffee before he leaves to work, plus I work my part time.
When I do go to work he does nothing for the kids. It makes me feel bad to say that. I come home and our kids are not fed, not bathed, he just puts them on their tablets on goes on about his day but the second I walk through the door, “they been on their tablets too long. Tell them to get off and go do something with them”..
This last argument has made me realize he has no idea how to be a parent.. he’s always opted for a shift in the middle of the day, stay up all night and sleep all day. Ever since our oldest was born. Now that he has two jobs he hardly sleeps and it makes me feel bad for him. So I try my hardest to make his life easier. He just doesn’t appreciate it and I’m tired.
So a few days ago, after his last big tantrum, I stopped. I haven’t cleaned the house. I cook but I won’t prepare his lunch. I stopped doing laundry. This morning he finally ran out of clothes and he was ANGRY. I told him I had no laundry soap. I ran out a few days ago and he needs to go buy some.
He’s not a bad guy. He works his butt off to be able to keep a roof over our heads. He hardly sleeps now because his jobs are physical and he wants to buy me a new car because we’re expecting baby #4 in a few months. I know he loves me but he doesn’t appreciate me. Honestly it feels like he starting to look at me like I’m a burden..
Now I want to show him what it’s like not having me meet my part of our marriage. If he feels like he does it all then I’m going to let him do it all. I’m gonna let him pay all the bills this month and I’m not going to contribute a dollar. I’m not going to do the laundry. I’m not going to pack his lunch. I’m not gonna let him come home to clean house. If in his mind he does it all, he should do it all, right? So, AITAH for letting him do it all by himself?

I hope that someone on here will read this post and give me some sound advice.
33/F 37/M We’ve been together for 6-7 months. He and I were Facebook friends for four years before dating. Flirting here and there but nothing serious because at the time he was going through a separation (13 year marriage). Fast forward to several months ago, we went on our first date and things took off fairly quickly from there. Within a month we were living together (I know, not the best move).
He moved in with me and pays majority all of my bills and expenses. I have been paying my way through my Master's program and my finances were not the best. I work as a revenue cycle manager and he works as a superintendent for a pipefitting company. He makes good money and never fails to remind me lol. Initially, our relationship was beautiful. He was attentive, generous, loving, and great with my kids (one who has special needs). Overall, it was everything I had hoped for. But after just a month of living together the arguments progressively started. He takes steroids and was powerlifter. When we met he told me he was going through withdrawal so I was patient with him when he was having his ups and downs. In addition, he's in the process of divorce and managing coparenting with his ex. I was patient through it all, cleared a space in my home for his children to sleep in so that they would be comfortable.
It was hard but manageable. His mood swings didn't affect me as much during the time because I knew there was a lot going on in his life. Well time went on and when he would have these mood swings he would say things to me like "I'm just not comfortable here" and "I don't like living in this city" and during our arguments he always threatened to leave me. He also constantly complained that he doesn't like being away from his kids (8, 11, 13) and that he just isn't happy without them. Which I completely understood. Though he did see them throughout the week and weekends-but still I understood.
March 8th I found out that I was 5 weeks pregnant and that's when things turned ugly. Though he told me he was elated and wanted to create a family with me there were constant loud arguments in front of the children (I take accountability because I did the yelling too). He would grab me, throw me across the bed when he was angry, hold me down, forcefully cover my mouth if I tried to talk, choked me quite a few times and broken things in my home during our fights. Cops had to be called out more than once. And my 11 year old hated having him around and was visibly afraid during the fights. My ex is a muscular bigger man and very very strong. He's gotten more and more physical with me, more and more argumentative and also started back on steroids during my pregnancy which effected his temperament. At 8 weeks pregnant we MUTUALLY decided to get an abortion (he sent me the money for it) because of the arguments, and me just not handling the pregnancy well-also to add his divorce was still not final. All of these factors influenced my decision to go through with the abortion and he supported me at first. But after the abortion, while I'm still bleeding, we argued and he called me a baby killer. Told me the only reason he was with me was because of the baby. Apologized a few hours later, bought me some gifts, sent me some money in an attempt to smooth it over. This was his pattern. Valentines Day, my birthday, mothers day..we argued and fought. I have never in my life delt with a man so up and down. One minute I'm being yelled at and disrespected and the next I'm the love of his life and he can't wait to marry me.
Yesterday was his daughters birthday and he told me he was taking her out after work (He leaves work at 3:30 every day). We spoke one time at 7pm, and I called him several times at 10pm, he calls me back once at nearly 11pm and gets to my house at almost 12am on a school night from "spending the day with is daughter." I should add that since his ex wife went back to work he drives 45 minutes from my house to hers to pick the kids up from the bus stop and take them home. He does this every day and usually gets home close to 7pm-8pm. I've expressed my comfortability with him spending time over there while she's present and his response is that he doesnt. But he does. Quite often. When he got home I was visibly upset, he asked "why the fuck are you making that face?" I didn't respond. And then he followed up with "this is our last weekend together." I asked for my house key, he yelled, had a tantrum, then left the house. Came back 5 minutes later and told me he loved me and didn't want to argue. I've heard that before. I told him he couldn't come back to my home.
What makes this break up hard is that he genuinely has done some amazing things for me, and my children. He's shown me a lot of love and encouragement. And has ALWAYS ALWAYS been thre when I needed him. I loved him and have asked him to seek therapy. This relationship has made me angry and resentful, and I just need out.
**I should add that his ex does not like me, though I take good care of her kids when they are with me. My ex has also shared things with her pertaining to our relationship that I've had to correct him on. He's gone to movies, and outings with her and the kids (which isn't a problem) except he lied about it. Which is why I don't have trust in him when he's out that way*

I am a failure, I have this immense feeling of guilt, and I feel absolutely gutted to the core.
When I was pregnant I had GD so I got more growth ultrasounds and my LO was always in the >99th percentile for head size. I didn't really think anything of it as large heads run in my family. My grandpa, uncle, aunt, 3 boy cousins, and my sister were all born with large heads.
My LO has been progressing really well. He was born strong - could already support his neck, and has been growing like a weed and packing on the pounds. He can now lift his head during tummy time and support himself for minutes at a time - which is ahead of schedule. He moves constantly, really only sits still to eat. He's 8.5weeks.
Anyways I was taking pictures a few days ago of my LO doing tummy time on my husband's chest. As I was looking back at the pictures I couldn't help but notice how his head shape had changed in such a short amount of time. He always had a prominent brow but now it was like The Brain from pinky and the brain, round shaped with a very prominent brow.
So I googled this, assuming it was just a phase all babies go through and I was wondering when they start to grow out of it. What I came across was something called frontal bossing. My babies forehead looks text book to the picture. I started looking into causes and see Vitamin D deficiency - Rickets and my heart sank. I'm sitting here absolutely shattered, I completely forgot about these Vitamin D supplements. I have been neglecting these for 2 whole months. He maybe got 3 bottles in the first week and then nothing. I live in the Midwest, we have not been outside a whole lot and when we do he is pretty well shaded for walks.
I started looking at his body and his arms and legs looked bowed. I can't unsee the protruding forehead which cannot be cured, its there forever - the damage is done. I am sitting just sobbing writing this right now at the idea I caused this deformity on him. It makes me absolutely sick to my stomach at how ignorant and just stupid I have been to forget these, something so simple. It's one thing to make a mistake and mess up your own life, but to have actively caused this in my LO is something I can never forgive myself for. I am terrified to tell my husband about this. Terrified for his 2 month apt in a few days I don't even want anyone's sympathy, it is so undeserving.
I obviously started the drops and we have been sitting outside a bit each morning, but the damage I caused will always be staring me back for as long as I live, and I don't know how I can ever live with myself. We tried for 7 years to have a child, and now I wish it had never happened, I hate myself. I would give anything under the sun to go back in time.
To be clear, I have not had much anxiety through PP. I am actually extremely laid back and had the mentality that cave men raised children so it's going to be ok. But the idea that I could have created an easily avoidable deformity is something that is hard to swallow. It's one thing if I just didn't know about the drops - mistakes happen, but to actively forget for this long and only to he reminded because I noticed something pecular that is directly caused by what I neglected is hard to rationalize.