City center apartments are frequently considered the greatest buy-to-lets, City center apartments are frequently considered the greatest buy-to-lets, but are they still a wise investment? Here, we’ll examine the benefits and drawbacks of this specific property type.

Why City Center Apartments (Can’t) Make Great Investments

Here are the primary factors that have contributed to new city center flats making excellent buy-to-let investments over time:
Are City Center Apartments Still The Best Btl Investments In 2023? 8

• City center apartments are frequently affordable. Apartments in metropolitan areas are frequently less expensive per square foot than comparable homes in suburban areas.
  
• Apartments in the city center frequently have high letting yields. Even though city apartments frequently have higher rentals than suburban homes, the yields can still be higher.
  
• Those that prefer to live in urban areas and have easy access to public transportation, as opposed to commuting, frequently have a high demand for city-center apartments. People frequently rent rather than buy in city centers since they may want to stay there for a while.
  
• In city centers, there are many different renting options. Apartments in the city center can be rented to professionals, roommates, and students. They can also be used as short-term rentals or serviced lodging.
  
• Renting in the city center is a simple buy-to-let venture to own and manage. These may qualify as “hands-free” investments. A managing agent is responsible for the building’s upkeep, common areas, and grounds. (There are typically service fees to pay.)
  
• Investing in a city-center apartment development offers a variety of options. Compared to houses on the resale market, new flats are much simpler to find and purchase. Another scalable investment possibility is new construction. You can purchase one, a few, or several brand-new apartments.
  
• Newly constructed flats in city centers are frequently seen in areas undergoing regeneration and renovation. These neighborhoods frequently receive investments, which can raise property values as the area develops.
  
• More space to build new structures in some city centers, such as old ones. The potential for price growth is good, and any newly available properties may be in high demand. As implied by the name, new-build apartments are brand-new. They are frequently highly well-liked by tenants because they contain the newest amenities and cutting-edge designs. Also, new homes require little to no care in the future, saving investors money on ongoing expenses.
  
• The most energy-efficient properties are typically newly constructed. They are also well-liked by renters due to their cheap operating expenses. The minimal energy efficiency standards for buy-to-let properties should be readily met by investors purchasing brand-new apartments, both now and in the future.
  

Residing Outside of Burbs and Small Towns

Many people who have always wanted to live in a big city eventually give in to its pull and discover themselves in a much more populated and concentrated location than they did in the suburbs.
Although many people prefer to relocate to a city, only some are suited to city living. It goes considerably quicker and significantly differs from life in a small town or the suburbs. Before leaving the suburbs for the big city lights, you must weigh the benefits and drawbacks of living in a major metropolis, as with any place.
Are City Center Apartments Still The Best Btl Investments In 2023? 9
benefits of residing in a city
Although city life has drawbacks, it makes up for them with all it offers. Large cities are important cultural hubs with thriving music and art scenes, a vast range of cuisine, additional attractions like museums, sporting events like ball games and concerts, and a diverse population sharing the urban lifestyle.

The Benefits of Living in a City

1. Meeting New Faces. Everywhere you go, you will meet new people. Nevertheless, in a metropolis, where a variety of people come from all over the world, the experience is different. A city also has a larger population. Thus you will frequently run into new people. It can be energizing and enlightening to meet and converse with new people who have had very diverse life experiences from your own.
2. Activities/ Night Life. You probably know your town very well and have done about everything there is to do if you have lived there for ten or more years. Even if you live in a major city for ten years, you won’t be able to take advantage of everything it has to offer. In a big city, there is always something to do to keep individuals from growing bored with their diverse interests. Most cities provide exciting nightlife, various cuisines to sample, shows of all kinds, museums, landmarks, parks, festivals, sporting events, and more. There are many options in big cities to join the scene if you are a musician, visual artist, or performer.
3. Public Transportation. The public transportation system is a decent alternative to driving your own vehicle and navigating big cities’ traffic and parking issues. You can go where you need to go using trains, subways, buses, taxis, and ride-sharing vehicles in cities. You can avoid the hassle of driving by using one of the many relatively reasonable public transit options, such as the bus or train. In most big cities, it’s possible to live without a car.
Are City Center Apartments Still The Best Btl Investments In 2023? 10
4. Big Events. Major cities host the largest events, including sporting competitions, concerts, festivals, and art openings. You don’t need to make the long commutes to and from the suburbs to attend a concert or a baseball game.
5. Share Experience. The fact that everyone in a large metropolis with millions of residents comes from varied backgrounds and experiences city life similarly can be incredibly reassuring. Large cities are friendlier than most people think, and if you frequent the same spots and engage in the same pursuits, you’ll rapidly meet new individuals who share your interests and likely move there for similar reasons to yours.
7. Free Activities. There are numerous free things to do when planned effectively, even if many activities are normally more expensive due to the greater overhead costs. You can spend the entire day keeping occupied for free by going to the park, window shopping, touring museums on free days, and taking in the sights downtown. Even though you won’t be spending any money, you will undoubtedly spend time at these breathtaking locations and maximize your urban experience.
Are City Center Apartments Still The Best Btl Investments In 2023? 11
8. Higher Salary. Employers are typically prepared to pay extra despite the high cost of living in the city. This is why many suburban residents commute into the city for a better wage while still taking advantage of the low cost of living.
9. More Jobs Available. Companies dominate city towers, so going without a job is difficult. However, locating one that pays your high rent could be challenging. But a city with many businesses also has many job prospects. You’re likely to find one you adore. According to statistics, those who live in major cities have access to more job prospects than those who live in the suburbs or smaller towns.
10. Close to Restaurants. In cities, there is always a need for fine dining. Within a mile or two, you can find a cuisine you appreciate, from fast food franchises to fine dining restos.
Although the city’s dining cost is typically greater due to increased rent, many restaurants offer lunch and supper deals and have food vendors available. You’ll need to research to take advantage of the best bargains.

The Disadvantages of Living in a City

Those who frequently travel to or work in a big city are aware of how troublesome they may be. Large cities might be more challenging to navigate because of the increased population, traffic, and neighborhood density. The biggest drawbacks of living in a big metropolis are as follows:
1. High Cost of Living. When people consider moving to a city, the increased cost of living is usually the first drawback they consider. Ordinary living costs like rent and utilities tend to be higher in big cities, and you can have additional costs like parking permits and laundry that you wouldn’t have in the suburbs. Major cities also have higher prices for gasoline, alcohol, food, and tobacco items.
2. Noise. Major cities typically have higher noise levels than the suburbs. Cities produce greater noise due to increased traffic, more people, trains, and neighboring airports with noisy jets flying in and out. A neighborhood may become noisier and more crowded due to special events like concerts and sporting events.
3. Limited Space. Downsizing your living area is nearly always required when moving from the suburbs to the city. Most people reside in flats in big cities; in some places, the apartments might be smaller. Having an outdoor area like a patio or yard is also uncommon. Homes with decent-sized yards are available in big cities but are significantly more expensive than homes in the suburbs. If you want to live in a city, you must be okay with your neighbors being on the other side of your walls in an apartment complex.
4. Limited Parking Space. Parking in a big city is an enormous nuisance compared to the suburbs. In the suburbs, parking is permitted in driveways and on residential streets, and most companies offer parking lots for patrons to utilize. Parking is only sometimes guaranteed in large cities. Streets with free parking quickly fill up because certain residential streets only allow permit parking, which requires you to purchase a permit. Some apartments have a designated parking place, albeit they are uncommon. Also, it is uncommon for businesses to have parking lots, so you will probably have to pay to park somewhere on the street, possibly even a few streets from where you need to go.
Are City Center Apartments Still The Best Btl Investments In 2023? 12
5. Higher Auto-Vehicle Insurance Premiums. Congested city life will increase your chance of accidents if you must have a car and live in a city. As a result, city residents will pay a greater insurance premium than those who live in the suburbs.
6. Increasing Crime Rates. You can bet on urban locations to be riskier than smaller communities, even if some cities have higher crime rates than others. Crime increases with population.

The Current Situation of City Center Apartments

The majority of people concur that the real estate market has altered recently. Thus, it’s crucial to take into account a few factors when determining if new city center flats are still wise investments:

1. The real estate sector, notably the market for apartments in cities, has been impacted by Covid. People’s preferences for where to live (and rent) and what kinds of properties have been impacted. Nowadays, more people are working remotely. Some workers no longer require access to an office. Hence, renting or buying a home in the city center or living there is no longer necessary.
   
2. Some business offices in the city center have scaled back on their floor space. Less demand for city center flats may result from fewer individuals working in urban areas. The practice of hybrid working, where people work partially from home and partially from the office, is becoming more widespread. The same goes for flexible working, which allows employees to choose how much time they spend in the office each week. Often, newly constructed flats in city centers are small and need more space for working from home. In the so-called “race for space,” some city dwellers emigrated to the suburbs and the countryside to find more space.
   

Are City Center Apartments Still The Best Btl Investments In 2023? 13

1. People became aware of the value of outdoor space for health and well-being because of Covid. Outdoor space is uncommon in newly constructed residences in city centers. Many people need easy access to public parks and other outdoor areas.
   
2. Currently, some things could be improved regarding the direction of the economy. There may be less demand for housing in city centers if businesses that employ people there cut their workforces. In certain cities, proposals exist to develop thousands of additional brand-new apartments in the city center. Apartments in these places may be harder to lease due to high levels of new supply and low projected demand. It could imply that their worth has not increased as much as it would have (or they might even fall in value).
   
3. Due to economic worries, apartment developers in the city center might opt to cut back their plans. Supplies could decrease. Future shortages of this kind of real estate may occur.
   
4. Renters and builders compete. In some cities, build-to-rent, or BTR, is growing in acceptance. Large developers and financial entities fund and construct flats to be rented out rather than sold. Build-to-rent apartment buildings give private landlords in the city center additional competition in the rental market.
   
5. Co-living projects, where investors construct towers of studio apartments with shared facilities, are starting to pop up in several city centers. They may increase the level of competition for apartment rentals.
   
6. but are they still a wise investment? Here, we’ll examine the benefits and drawbacks of this specific property type.
   

Why City Center Apartments (Can’t) Make Great Investments

Here are the primary factors that have contributed to new city center flats making excellent buy-to-let investments over time:

My ex-wife, with whom I share 2 children, believes I shouldn’t cut off her monthly allowance now that she’s in a new relationship.
Context: During COVID, I decided to end my relationship due to feeling undervalued and unsupported, and instead quit my job and pursued a business opportunity. We both share custody of our 2 daughters and have co-parented well for the past 2 years.
During our relationship, my wife was a stay-at-home mother while I worked as a shift supervisor, completing 50+ hours per week to pay the bills. Following the end of our relationship, I moved out but continued to pay those bills so my wife could stay at home care for our children.
Fast-forward 2 years following the divorce: my now ex-wife lives in a large 4-bedroom property that I bought in cash, while I still rent an apartment. I promised to give her 33% ownership of the home as a gift for being the mother of our children and the kids will receive the rest when they’re older. This is now under a signed contract which states she cannot take me to court for child support and first must sell her share of the property if she feels our child support agreement is not enough.
the private child support agreement we have is $800 per week, which is plenty, and an additional $2000 AUD allowance. With no mortgage to worry about, her expenses are very cheap which leaves her more well off than most professions, and she spends every dime of it. every single week, she doesn’t have a penny left.
The reasoning behind the allowance was simple: If I can look after her and can give her the opportunity to stay at home and be with our children full time I will do that to the best of my ability. I also want my daughters to understand that I never left their mum struggling, but instead made it my duty to go above and beyond to support her.
Now, here's the problem: My ex-wife has been in a 4-month relationship with a 22-year-old security guard who makes minimum wage and recently moved into the house with her and the children. I told her that now the relationship is serious, it’s time to re-evaluate her monthly allowance, which essentially led to a complete breakdown.
My point of view is that now that she has a new partner, it should be their responsibility to support themselves financially, regardless of my financial situation.
Her point of view is that she doesn’t see how a new relationship should affect her allowance. She told me he doesn’t make a lot of money, and by doing this, I’m essentially asking her to choose between her relationship or the money.
She believes that by removing her monthly allowance, I’m enforcing control over her and punishing her for having another relationship. She blames me for her being a stay-at-home mother stating that if she could work she would.
To my surprise, a couple of friends have also taken her side, but I can’t help but feel some of them are angry about my financial success, motivating their support behind my ex-wife. If this was any normal couple I would think it’s ludicrous to expect your ex-partner to pay you. Especially if you’re in a new relationship.
In the past year, not only have I given her a hefty allowance, but I also bought her a new Audi RSQ8 to replace her Hyundai Santa Fe, and when she complained the car was too big, I bought her an Audi RS3 Sportsback. I let her spend $190,000 furnishing the house I bought, along with top-of-the-line everything. I’ve bought clothes, paid for dinners, hired a house cleaner, and a guy to maintain the lawns. She also wanted a $20,000 trained German Shepard for protection. Despite this she has accused me of being selfish, greedy, red-pill, and even anti-feminist simply because I don’t want to give her more money.
It seems like she expects me to give her and her partner a free ride on my money, and not many people seem to see it from my point of view.

Hi Reddit, so I’ll try to keep this as concise as possible while still giving you all the facts. Let us start from the beginning, my at the time 21 y.o. step-brother, was going through his first big break up. Instead of confiding in others or taking time to understand his emotions he instead picked up a book about the stages of love. Let me also explain that my brother has never been the smartest guy and mainly gets by on his good looks and charm in his life. Anyway this book gave the usual “love requires fighting to work it shows that you care about the other” you know stuff everyone already knows. I’m guessing because it came from a book ,or because it was plainly saying what he was too naive to understand about what he was feeling, he became infatuated with every line. Anytime I would have relationship problems he would quote the self help books he had read since and recommend me ones to read. This went on for while but eventually I finished nursing school and moved out of my family’s house (which is my mother’s house, this is important for later) to start working.
Now fast forward to four years later. I’m living on my own with my the love of my life, working the night shift in the hospital like I’ve always wanted. On my way home on night I called my mom to catch up on my drive home. We started talking and eventually I asked about my step-brother. She explained that he was still living at home and had no plans on getting a job or moving out (for context my brother graduated with a master’s degree a year ago). I found that odd and asked what he is doing now. My mom explained that he just makes music and does podcasts with his friends. He apparently says he wants to be an entrepreneur. Which is fine everyone wants to make it big doing what they love doing however. My mother also explained that he constantly invites people she doesn’t know to her house to hangout and when she gets off of work she comes home to strangers that expect her to cook for them. My mother then started tearing up saying “I don’t feel like it’s my house anymore”. That’s when I got upset. I asked her why doesn’t she kick him out or at least start asking for rent so he has to get a job. She explained that she wanted to do that but my step father wouldn’t allow it. My mother and step father have a wonderful marriage and never fight, but because my stepbrother is his son he has attachment to him. My mom recently had to kick her daughter (my blood related sister) into the camper as well since my step sister (19 y.o.) lets her boyfriend stay on weekends in what used to be the girls room. My mother keeps explaining that all of these situations are putting stress on their marriage and by kicking out her daughter she feels like she betrayed her just so my stepfather’s kids can get their way in her house.
After this phone call I was livid so I called my step brother to confront him. After asking the normal “hi how are you” I asked if he has started looking for a job and he said “why would I?”. I responded “so you can work and move out”. Then he said “im in my 20s this is the time you are supposed to chase your dreams” he then pointed out that I always wanted to be a YouTuber or streamer and I should go for it. I then said you know I have a job now and I have to give that job a lot of my time in order to afford the life I live. He basically laughed and explained that there is always enough time. Not much important was said after that.
Now fast forward a few weeks later I see posts from his Instagram talking about how “social media is poison, take back your life, put down your phone, etc.” (Crazy to post that on social media btw). I have also come across his podcast which are just him and his friend who both have the combined IQ of a beheaded chicken explain that the universe is big and has like billions of stars and stuff. 0.0 his entire personality now is saying basic facts at the surface level and then acting like it’s deep as fuck. Furthermore the constant insistence on following your passion mixed with the complete ineptitude of being able to comprehend how smug and pretentious he is during any interaction has breed some real distain from anyone who can see through his act.
All of these posts about self help combined with the complete ignorance of how his actions putting a negative effect on our family has really put a barrier between us. I really don’t think I can take it anymore and I want to either try to explain that he has become a pretentious douche who only keeps around yes men who all think a fact for 5th graders they learn at the zoo makes them better than everyone else, but I honestly think he will just say I don’t understand or maybe I should read this book about stress. I’ve went over the situation with friends of mine and they all laugh when they see his posts and hear him talk now. For God sake he held his 25th birthday party recently and said for everyone to bring a book to exchange knowledge to one another and wear business casual.
I just want my mom to feel like the home she worked tirelessly as a single mother all those years to afford for our family is hers. I have always been so close to my brother and I want him back as a friend. I want my sister to be able to live in the house she was raised in instead of in a camper.
Well that’s everything as of now left out a lot of stories about him being directly wrong about facts he tells us or times he got called out and embarrassed about shit but I think I’ll just leave it here. I plan on confronting him soon I just don’t know what to say. Thank you for your time.

Before I moved in to that house, my roommate was a fairly good friend because she was close to my ex who had recently passed from a heart condition. We got close while grieving his passing and felt a responsibility to help when we could. I had blessings coming in by the multitude and asa Buddhist I must give to receive or lose even more than having. She fell back into active addiction and since she put her home in her mom's name during her divorce 3-4 years prior, her mom was threatening to kick her out if changes weren't made because she has been covering all the taxes and living expenses of her and her then boyfriend, who lived with her at that time. I offered her a job working for me and offered to help with bus fare and provide lunch on days she worked. Her relationship was getting pretty toxic and she worked 2 days, asked to be advanced for 4 more days she never worked, and stopped answering my messages entirely. It out the blue 2 months later she reached out and I told her I was moving out because my lease wasn't getting renewed and had to pick where I wanted to move to and fast. She told me she wanted him out and was going to get a TPO so he couldn't fight her on leaving and wanted to be able to sell his tools and things as"revenge for the abuse she suffered". I didn't agree with that but agreed to support her and her keep her safe. She begged me to move in to help reinforce him needing to stay away. I ignorantly accepted and moved in to her 2nd bedroom. The 2nd day there we sat down and hashed out the details with her mom who at the time said "sounds like you ladies know what you're doing so I'll leave you to it." She let her mom come by every day it seemed like but the home was "good thing she's not your landlord or we'd be screwed!" After her ex stayed away a while she got bored or lonely, not quite sure which. She tracked him down and has him over while I was working one night. I was furious as he JUST burned his friends house down to the ground and caught him trying to pour my diffuser oils on paper and they had burn marks on them like he wanted to set my room in fire. I told her I wanted nothing to do with her being around him and want happy that he was there. So he stole my house key while sleeping. No matter how many times I asked, I couldn't get them to give me another one after that. That led to me having to stay at hotels I would walk to when I couldn't get inside and had only 5 or 6 hours before my next double shift. One day coming home she stopped him walking away from the house as we were pulling up so she pulled up next to him and invited him over. I got mad and went inside after pulling up to the house and packed a bag to go stay with my boyfriend who I had to make leave after she asked him to move in too but we went with it and wasn't one of the big problems. I feel asleep early and woke up to ask kinda of messages about her not narcaning him but thinks she should. She thought he might not be breathing but then sent memes and made some jokes. This man couldn't stand opiates, he hated her doing them and was the heart of what they broke up over. He despised them and wouldn't have willing done fentanyl when you couldn't get him to take a Vicodin after pulling his wisdom teeth. He was on life support for 4 days and his family took him off when time he was brain dead from losing oxygen for so many hours. She was a licensed nurse. She knew what to do and how to help him. She said so many times. She's proud she did it and that terrified me. Not enough to destroy my spiritual livelihood and lie and cover up such serious violations. Her mom called me twice during the week he was on life support and once after. 2 days after I refused the last time to give the story of him being on drugs already, her Mom busted into my room and screamed at me demanding for me wake up and come to the living room immediately. She told me I was to get out immediately because I broke in when I was locked out and used my bedroom window to get in and left the house unsecured 2 times that she found when she came by to "check on things". I knew that's not how things in the real world go so I just avoided her and paid my rent as usual. Turns out earlier that day she went and filled for an eviction and had worked out with her daughter how to hide it. She was to remove all notifications and not mention anything so I would keep paying and wouldn't take my belongings and she could make money or keep them if she wanted like she got to do with her ex's things. She has most everything he owned on marketplace 24 hours after he passed. Online the court even notes that "service made to: adult female roommate" and labeled it "successful service" even though she was operating with a huge conflict of interest and nobody questioned it. I lost my job as she was hired by me to transport me back and forth. I couldn't afford hotels very long. I lived in abandoned houses. I'm back in hotels on vouchers now. I'm working and saving for a car to get a better job and get around. I got my cats back from her 6 months after but with wings and scabs on the one she didn't like. Obviously she abused her and I had to pay her to give them back in that condition. My other cat is pregnant but an indoor cat so I guess she let her out anyways. I was sent a message that my things that were left would be placed at the road at a specific time and told to come get what I wanted it it was going to the trash. When I showed up I was meet with police and her video recording me and my helpers in our faces taunting me about being on welfare and wanted to know where my free lawyer was because I would need one when she sues me for storage fees when I was refused the ability to retrieve my belongings 4 times prior. I set up mediation and she started and then ended it 10 minutes in. Nothing has been done about the murder. I still have all the proof and evidence. As well as witnesses. I feel like they are getting away with murder AND so much more. I was left without so much as a cell phone or transportation. I slept in streets. I have trauma from this crap and I'm overwhelmed with what to even to after her for. There's nothing legal about any of this whole situation. At one point when I was allowed to get a few things but not much, her mother drive right beside me while I carried my things tormenting me and laughing at me for being homeless and poor because "i was learning who I was f*ing with and getting the consequences for it". She literally said "bet you wish you would change your story now, didn't Cha?" NOBODY HAS EVEN TAKEN A STATEMENT FROM ME!! there's no story told as of now. Am off this was done preemptively. And no lawyers claim to take care like mine. Where the heck do I turn then? Am I just left to accept this because they have money and were able to take all mine? I'm in Ohio btw. This was September of 23

Im 22 and I kinda wanted to get this off my chest. I’m 22 recently graduated college and have started summer. My little sister who completed her first year of college came back home and we are now sharing a room again. When she left for college me and her had been sharing a room. I never got to stay at my college dorm and so for four years I stayed in my room with her until she went to college herself. While she was gone I got use to having the room to myself and at first it was weird but I quickly enjoyed the space and the perks of just having a place to unwind yourself. Flashforward to now and it’s no longer like that and it seems that I can never really have a space to be alone when I need it. There is a spare room my older brother used to use but he left and the room has become a sorta guest room. I would chill in there a few hours before having to go back to me and my sisters room to sleep but I kinda want it to be my room. Today I had a spat with my mom and after it was over she demanded I go back to my sisters room and go to bed and stop trying to “take the room” for some reason the moment frustrated me a lot and now I’m just wondering how to find some autonomy for myself. I have no job no real friends and feel so stuck here all the time it’s suffocating. I feel like I’m not even my own person yet at my big age and seem to just folllow everything my parents want. I applied for my masters as a means to not give my family stress for not doing it but I don’t want to be in a mountain of debt either. I woulda wanted to take a gap year to save money but in the end it seemed like the way to go. Because I have zero friends and haven’t for all my college experience the last time I’ve socialized with my peers would have been my graduation and a small talk even. That would be 3 weeks ago. Since then I’ve just been at home around my family. We only have 1 car so although I can drive I’m not always able to go anywhere unless accompanied with my mom or having to work around their schedule and even then asking to go somewhere becomes an issue. I sometimes don’t even care for getting out of bed bc my days are the same. I have no human connection outside this house and I feel like I’ve missed everything sweet about ur 20s. Like my college experience even. I envy my sister a bit bc she was able to be away from home and be able to freely walk around campus away from parents eyes and even make a few friends. I love that for her though cuz I wouldn’t want her experiencing the loneliness almost numb feeling of constantly being by yourself and trapped in ur home. This summer I’ve just been growing frustrated since classes are over and the one place I would go has cease. I’m so frustrated with so many things. What should I even do? I’ve applied for two jobs before writing this I just wanna leave this place

Im 22 and I kinda wanted to get this off my chest. I’m 22 recently graduated college and have started summer. My little sister who completed her first year of college came back home and we are now sharing a room again. When she left for college me and her had been sharing a room. I never got to stay at my college dorm and so for four years I stayed in my room with her until she went to college herself. While she was gone I got use to having the room to myself and at first it was weird but I quickly enjoyed the space and the perks of just having a place to unwind yourself. Flashforward to now and it’s no longer like that and it seems that I can never really have a space to be alone when I need it. There is a spare room my older brother used to use but he left and the room has become a sorta guest room. I would chill in there a few hours before having to go back to me and my sisters room to sleep but I kinda want it to be my room. Today I had a spat with my mom and after it was over she demanded I go back to my sisters room and go to bed and stop trying to “take the room” for some reason the moment frustrated me a lot and now I’m just wondering how to find some autonomy for myself. I have no job no real friends and feel so stuck here all the time it’s suffocating. I feel like I’m not even my own person yet at my big age and seem to just folllow everything my parents want. I applied for my masters as a means to not give my family stress for not doing it but I don’t want to be in a mountain of debt either. I woulda wanted to take a gap year to save money but in the end it seemed like the way to go. Because I have zero friends and haven’t for all my college experience the last time I’ve socialized with my peers would have been my graduation and a small talk even. That would be 3 weeks ago. Since then I’ve just been at home around my family. We only have 1 car so although I can drive I’m not always able to go anywhere unless accompanied with my mom or having to work around their schedule and even then asking to go somewhere becomes an issue. I sometimes don’t even care for getting out of bed bc my days are the same. I have no human connection outside this house and I feel like I’ve missed everything sweet about ur 20s. Like my college experience even. I envy my sister a bit bc she was able to be away from home and be able to freely walk around campus away from parents eyes and even make a few friends. I love that for her though cuz I wouldn’t want her experiencing the loneliness almost numb feeling of constantly being by yourself and trapped in ur home. This summer I’ve just been growing frustrated since classes are over and the one place I would go has cease. I’m so frustrated with so many things. What should I even do? I’ve applied for two jobs before writing this I just wanna leave this place

this was a couple years ago, but the memory is still crystal clear. I was driving some backroads from Gambrills into the next town over (Maryland) and I’ve driven this road plenty of times by this point. One night after dropping off my friends gf we headed towards those backroads but before we approached the turn for it, something small and fast dashed across the street. I still had some distance so I flipped my high beams thinking it was a baby deer and maybe a mom was following, what came next was not a deer, mind you I’m still driving but at this point my foot is off the gas pedal bc even with high beams directly on whatever it was, I couldn’t see anything but a shadowy silhouette. Before I could really process what I’m looking it, it continued on and seemingly ran after whatever it was chasing initially. I looked over to my friend and asked him if he just saw what I did to which he just nodded looking pale as I felt. The entire ride home felt eerie like we just had to get out of the woods portion, I remember thinking I saw glowy eyes throughout those woods and it made me so uneasy, like something was just following us. We still talk about it from time to time and it makes our hairs stick up, I mean how could something be darker than a strong ass high beam in Maryland?? this is really my only scary encounter I’ve had for sure , I was driving in another woodsy area the other night and swore I heard something, so since resparked my interest in figuring if anyone else may know or had something similar happpen

“What do you mean it’s wrong?” said Tamara, becoming frustrated with Samuel.
“I'm trying to tell you that plants do not eat earth. They just absorb nutrients from it,” Samuel replied, equally annoyed as this was the fourth time he had explained it. “Look, just take my word for it, OK,” he added.
“Fine, but you will have to explain it again,” Tamara retorted.
Samuel and Tamara were partners in a scientific study of their forest home. It was genuinely idyllic in every sense of the word; the trees stretched high into the sky, and everyone was covered in succulent leaves, a deep and gorgeous shade of green. Around their trunks were rings of flowers gathered from every continent, and a thick carpet of grass lay on the ground.
The two sat underneath a chestnut tree, writing up their findings for the day. It had focused mainly on tree sizes and growth rates, and they had continued this study for, on and off, almost a year.
Samuel turned to look at his assistant and found that she was just as remarkable as the day they had first met: golden locks, like living sunlight, tied neatly in a bun. Her eyes were an emerald green, and all in all, she was gorgeous. However, it was when you came to her waist that things became truly incredible because rather than a pair of legs, there was a long and wide snake’s tail.
It was huge, at least seven metres long and as wide as her torso. The scales were the same beautiful colour as her hair and reflected the sunlight in such a way that she appeared to glow. She was wearing an ultramarine tunic with a black diamond in the centre. She was like this not because of a plague, a curse or some mutation; Tamara was a Lamia; it was how she was born.
Samuel, on the other hand, looked far less impressive. He was around five foot ten, with dull brown hair and equally dull eyes. His stomach stuck out from the rest of him. No amount of exercise was able to get rid of it.
He was by every description a ‘dull as dishwater’ human. His clothes, however, were slightly more interesting. He wore a navy blue tunic with a thick leather belt wrapped around his waist. On his feet was a pair of excellent leather boots, able to withstand whatever the world threw at them and on his forearms and shins, he wore something Tamara had never seen or even heard of before: a pair of vambraces and greaves, Samuel called it armour.
Three strips of rugged leather layered on top of one another made up each piece, and between each layer was a collection of tiny metal beads. When Tamara asked what they were for, Samuel said they were for protection.
All of this would have been inconceivable to Samuel two years ago, but he had become used to it in time. Samuel was not born into this world; he had arrived. How? He did not know, but he remembered it all vividly; his senses had been overloaded, and at first, he believed he had died.
“What’s wrong?” Tamara asked Samuel, who had been silent for over a minute.
Samuel snapped out of his daydream and said: “nothing, just thinking about that day again.”
Tamara nodded and said nothing else; she knew exactly what was wrong.
Samuel went straight back to writing. When Samuel first showed up, there had been no paper or pens, but what was even stranger than the lack of these apparent necessities was that Samuel had had to invent both of these items.
Tamara and those like her did not possess a written language; they relied entirely on their memories, and until Samuel had shown up, Tamara had not even conceived of the notion, but she had picked it up astonishingly quickly.
“It still sounds like eating to me,” said Tamara, bringing the conversation back to the original topic.
“Well, it isn’t; eating requires a mouth and stomach,” Samuel replied.
“Says who?” Tamara asked defiantly.
“Says me,” Samuel answered.
Samuel jotted down the last of his notes and left the pages to dry in the sun. Samuel then turned to his right and looked at a large book, the size of a chair’s seat, bound in yellow leather and knotted by animal tendons. He picked it up and began to leaf through the pages.
His eyes glanced over paragraphs about oak trees and orchid flowers until he finally reached the section he sought; the page was titled Silver Birch (Betula Pendula).
“Have you finished the drawing on Silver Birch yet?” Samuel asked without looking.
Tamara was currently focused on a drawing of sunflowers, but she understood his request and, without looking up or saying a word, handed him the picture he wanted.
Samuel took the drawing and took several moments admiring it. Like all her work, the picture was astounding; not only did it look like an actual Silver Birch, but it also seemed to be alive, as though it would start blowing in the breeze.
Samuel punched four holes along the sheet's left side, undid the tendon strings and then attached the drawing behind the title page. He added eight more pages to his book, four of text and four illustrations.
Their work was now done; there was no more writing or drawing today, and he placed their work into a knapsack Tamara had brought with her. Samuel turned to his partner and asked: “so what do you want to do now?”
Tamara looked up through the canopy and could make out the silhouettes of several birds and finally said: “I’d quite like to fly.”
Samuel smiled, chuckled and said, “Yes, so would I, but that would require every member of the village working together for decades.”
Tamara looked Samuel in the eye and said: “are you making fun of me?”
Samuel did not reply; he just looked Tamara dead in the eye. She observed every minute twitch on Samuel's face and concluded he was not.
“How could a person fly?” She asked, suddenly intrigued.
“I don’t know, I’m not an engineer,” Samuel answered, “So apart from flying, what else do you want to do?”
Tamara let out a sigh and said: “I guess we will just have to walk.”
These were the moments Samuel lived for, just a quiet afternoon with his best friend enjoying a stroll; he was utterly content.
“You seem chipper,” Tamara said, noticing the growing smile on Samuel’s face.
“That’s because I feel chipper” he replied
They passed through the trees, heading towards their favourite spot, a beach by the side of a lake so large you could not see the other side.
“So, how is everyone?” Samuel said, trying to spark a conversation.
“You mean every single one because that could take a while?” Tamara replied.
“Let’s start with your mother” he clarified.
Tamara’s mother, Pancha, was more or less just a larger version of her daughter, just as brash and headstrong.
“She’s fine; she has finally stopped asking me what happened every time I come to meet you,” she said.
“Really, and it only took her two and a half years,” said Samuel with a smirk.
Yes, that first year here, had been a real trial. Samuel had never felt so scared, isolated and persecuted in his life. When he thought about it, he could still feel the fear and the hopelessness.
A gust of air slammed into Samuel’s face, bringing him back to the present, and what a wonderful time it was. The water was crystal clear, the beach was covered in sparkling white sand, and the distinct aroma of water wafted through the air. Samuel breathed it all in as Tamara spread herself over the beach.
The cooling breeze that Samuel found so enjoyable, Tamara found far less agreeable. Tamara was ectothermic or cold-blooded. She could not maintain her body temperature; she needed to absorb it from her environment, and the wind was slowly draining her.
“Comfortable down there?” Samuel asked.
Tamara turned her head, looked up at him and said: “Actually, yes, not as good as my bed, but still fine.”
Samuel left Tamara to her thermoregulation and strolled down to the water’s edge, “stay where I can see you!” Tamara called.
“Yes, MOM,” Samuel answered sarcastically, though he knew it was more for Tamara’s sake than his; she had a problem with open spaces.
Samuel closed his eyes, stretched his arms above his head, feeling his muscles strain against the tension, and yawned. Small tears formed in his eyes and wiped them away. He had only been up for a few hours but was ready for bed.
“Too much thinking, that was the problem,” Samuel mumbled to himself.
The sunlight sparkled on the water’s surface. It seemed as though millions of diamonds were suddenly brought into existence, danced for a few moments, and then vanished as quickly as they came. It was beautiful, just like everything else here.
He climbed up a rock that jutted from that sand and sat down, his legs dangling over the edge. As he kicked his legs, a ray of sun caught his greaves, and although the leather was rather dull, it still dazzled him.
Samuel heard a sound reminiscent of sandpaper brushing against wood, and he knew at once what it was. He waited four more seconds and said, without moving an inch, “Don’t even think about it!”
“How did you know?” Tamara asked, feeling simultaneously impressed, confused and disappointed.
Samuel looked her in the eye and replied: “who do you think you’re dealing with?”
Tamara had not clambered up the rock like Samuel; she had simply raised herself on her tail so she stood over two metres high.
“Are you feeling better?” he asked.
Tamara smiled and answered, “yes, thanks for asking.”
Tamara moved behind Samuel and then began to coil around the boulder, and if he had not experienced it all before, it would have been unnerving. Tamara was only twelve and a half, yet she was already far stronger than him. Samuel was sure if Tamara really wanted to, she could crush a bison to death. After the graceful dance around the stone, she sat down beside Samuel.
The pair was silent for a few minutes, except for a quick coughing fit by Samuel; they took in the unnatural beauty of their surroundings.
“Hey, I have a question,” said Tamara, coming back to her senses.
“What is it?” Samuel replied.
“You still haven’t told me why we are studying the forest?” She asked.
In an instant, Samuel became deeply confused. To him, it seemed all too obvious why they were doing it.
“There is no practical reason for doing it. We do it so that we know,” Samuel answered.
Tamara became silent. Samuel realised that she was deep in thought and decided to give her all the time she needed until she finally said: “Is this one of those human things?”
Samuel, upon hearing this, gave a small chuckle and answered: “yes, if you like.”
Suddenly, something caught Samuel’s eye. It was a crab, no bigger than a golf ball. Its back was powder blue, and it held its arms upright, its claws pointing down. The tiny creature would walk forward, scoop some sand into its mouth, and then leave a small pellet behind.
“Look at that!” said Samuel, nudging Tamara’s shoulder and pointing at the tiny crustacean. Tamara turned her head and looked directly at where he was pointing; she strained her eyes at what she thought was a pebble; she was about to climb down and collect it when it suddenly moved, and she squealed.
Tamara dragged the bottom end of her tail up from the beach and timidly said, “What’s that?”
Samuel remembered that tone of voice all too well, and it brought with it some unpleasant memories, but he pushed them to the back of his mind and said: “it’s a crab.”
Samuel was certain he had seen this type of crab before but could not put a name to the image. Samuel was sure he had read about them, watched a documentary, or attended a lecture, but he could not remember. Ultimately, he decided to drop it for now and see if the answer would come to him.
Tamara kept staring at it as though she believed it would pounce if she took her eyes off it for one second.
“Is it dangerous?” she asked, her voice hushed to ensure the creature did not notice her.
Samuel sighed and answered: “it’s a crab, Tamara, unless you happen to be a nematode then…”
Samuel paused mid-sentence as his brain finally connected the dots and asked, “Wait, you have never seen a crab before?”
This perplexed Samuel for a moment until he remembered that Tamara did not have a television, a car, and she could not fly a plane, so it was not unexpected that she would not know what a crab was.
Tamara shook her head in response to his question, and Samuel added: “you know what a woodlouse is, right?”
Tamara nodded and said, “I like woodlice.”
“Well, a crab is just a type of woodlouse that lives near water,” Samuel concluded.
However, he could tell from her face that she was unconvinced, so he got off the rock, walked over to the tiny creature, wary of its pincers, and picked it up by its backside.
“What are you doing?” Tamara called in alarm.
Samuel held the animal, its legs flailing wildly in an attempt to escape, and said, “showing you there is nothing to be worried about.”
Taking care not to crush it, Samuel clambered back up the rock and presented the animal to her. Tamara stared at it for some as the crab bobbed its eye up and down and tried in vain to find a part of Samuel it could nip.
“It’s actually kind of… cute,” Tamara said after two minutes of silence.
She relaxed her tail and let it rest on the beach once more. “Can it hold it?” She asked Samuel, fear being replaced by interest.
“Of course, you can. Just make sure you hold it by its back and be careful of the pincers; if they get you, it will hurt.”
Samuel handed the crab over to her and watched as Tamara began to inspect the animal from every angle. The crab had a white underbelly and purple joints.
“You think you could draw it from memory?” Samuel asked.
“Hmm?” Tamara replied. Samuel let out a sigh and repeated. After three more attempts, Tamara finally took notice and said, “Yes.”
Five minutes later, Samuel said, “we should probably put him back now.”
Tamara moaned about it, but Samuel said: “he has his own life, Tamara; you can’t keep him!”
She conceded, grumbling under her breath, and gently placed the animal back on the sand. As the crab dashed away, the two noticed that while they had been fixated on that single crab, thousands more had emerged on the beach.
Upon seeing the swarm of animals make their way across the beach, Tamara let out a squeal and once again pulled her tail up off the beach. The army of crabs marched along the shore. The collective walking produced a sound loud enough to hear from fifty metres away, and at last, Samuel remembered what they were and said, with no small amount of satisfaction in his voice, “they’re soldier crabs.”
“What are they going to do?” Tamara asked, concerned by the sudden appearance of so many creatures.
Samuel kept staring at the gathering, but he heard her question and replied, “They’re just feeding,” and added quickly, “But we are far too big for them.”
“That's odd,” Samuel said under his breath.
“I know there are so many of them,” Tamara said, deeply unnerved by the sheer vastness of the swarm.
“No,” Samuel said, “There should be this many of them; it’s where they are that is strange.”
Tamara momentarily took her eyes off the army and asked, “So where should they be.” There was a slight flicker of fear in her voice at the prospect of being invaded; rats and mice where bad enough. They did not need another pest.
“By the sea, not a freshwater lake,” he answered.
“The Sea?” Tamara almost yelled. Samuel was a little surprised by this enthusiasm and turned to face her.
“Yes,” he said.
“Have you ever been to the sea,” she asked.
“Yes, many times,” Samuel said, uncertain where this was going.
“I bet it’s wonderful,” Tamara added with a smile.
Samuel was silent as his brain connected a few dots and asked: “how can you know about the sea if you don’t know about crabs?”
She smiled; Tamara enjoyed it when she knew something that he did not, “there is a story that my mom told me that before we came to this forest, we were a different people that lived by the sea.” Tamara paused for a breath.
“But then humans came and drove us from the water, and we fled inland. Our people split into two. One half went to the mountains, and the other settled in the forest.”
Tamara finished and waited for his reply. Samuel, however, just kept looking at her. Tamara was concerned that she had upset him; he did not like it when humans were labelled as the enemy, yet his face and posture were not those of one who was sad or angry.
“You people blame us for everything, don’t you?” Samuel said with a chuckle.
“If there is a fire, it’s a human’s fault. If there is an earthquake, it’s a human’s fault. If a little Boreray boy drinks all their apple juice in one gulp, it’s a human’s fault.”
“So, getting back on topic, where did these “Soldier crabs” come from anyway? We have visited this lake for over two years and never seen even a glimpse?” Tamara asked. Samuel looked back to the slowly advancing army, and several ideas flashed through his head.
“Maybe they have been dormant up until now; perhaps they make a large circle around the lake shore, and it’s simply luck that we were here on the day they passed by, or maybe the migrated here from somewhere else.”
They watched the crabs' ceaseless march until Tamara said, “These things are still giving me the creeps. Can we go now?” Samuel could not argue that there was something eerie about all of these animals appearing, seemingly, from nowhere; however, there was still one thing he had to be certain of.
“You think you could draw one from memory?” he asked.
Tamara’s face contorted in a scowl. Samuel, for all his good points, could become far too focused on his research, which often caused him to become ignorant of other people.
Yet she knew sitting here yelling at him would accomplish nothing, so she told him the truth: “Yes, can we go now!” Samuel nodded and then slid off the rock. Tamara copied him, and they both slinked back to the cover of the trees.
Now that she was beneath the canopy, Tamara let out an enormous sigh of relief as the anxiety slowly left, and the close air warmed her body. On the other hand, Samuel began to chafe at the stagnant air while his head began to bead with sweat, but it was nothing he had not experienced before, so he gritted his teeth and bared with it.
With their plans now ruined, Tamara and Samuel wandered aimlessly through the woods, chatting about what they could do to fill the rest of the day. Several ideas arose, including visiting a nearby waterfall and a set of monument stones, but none truly appealed to them.
In the end, Tamara said, “how about we just call it a day?”
Samuel was happy about this. Tamara was his only form of human contact, yet he could not deny the pointlessness of wandering around the woods, so he said, “Ok, but let’s take the long way.”
Samuel heard a sound above him and saw a red squirrel scampering through the trees.
“Is it difficult?” Tamara asked.
Samuel looked at Tamara and replied, “Well, it can give me a crick in my neck sometimes.”
Tamara let out a short laugh and clarified, “No, I mean, is it difficult being so inquisitive? It looks exhausting.”
He was not entirely sure what she meant by that. To Samuel, Tamara was every bit as curious as him, so he stated: “you tell me, you went out looking for me just because you wanted to know.”
“True,” answered Tamara, “and everyone has always said that I am always asking questions, but you’re like a boar that just ate sugar beat.”
“I have no idea what that means,” Samuel said, shaking his head. “But I do know that people always told me, when I was a boy, that humans are, by their nature, infinitely curious, but personally, I think that it’s just how I was born.” there was a pause, and he quickly added, “just like you.”
Tamara’s fingers started to numb as she brushed them against the bark of passing trees. She took a good look at the trees around her. Tamara had lived her entire life sheltered by these trees. This place was her home, her family’s home and her friend’s home, and she loved it, a perfect example of the innate beauty of nature.
Samuel, however, was of a different opinion this forest disturbed him, though this feeling had diminished with time. The trees all grew in perfect symmetry, four and a half strides form each other.
From Tamara’s perspective, there was nothing strange about this, yet Samuel often said that this should not be possible, that the wood should be a mess and that the trees should grow in an unorganised fashion. Yet to Tamara, the idea of messy forests was just as impossible as a structured one was to him.
Noon came and went, and Samuel’s stomach began to rumble. His breakfast was becoming a distant memory; he thought he might be able to bear it for another hour or so, but as they travelled closer to the village, Tamara started to become irritated by Samuel’s constant growling.
“We need to find you something to eat before that sound drives me nuts!” Tamara stated bluntly.
“That’s all well and good, my dear, so long as you can materialise food out of the aether,” answered Samuel, with just a hint of condescension in his voice.
Tamara did not know what the aether was, but it did not matter. “No, but I do know a nearby tree with some great fruit in it,” she replied.
Samuel found this strange for two reasons. Firstly, he found it very difficult to believe there was a source of food in this forest that either he had not found, or Tamara had not told him about yet.
Secondly that, Tamara would know much about something she could not eat. Tamara was strictly carnivorous; she ate nothing but meat.
He wanted answers fast and asked: “So why haven’t you told me about this before?”
“Because I can’t stand the smell, that’s why, and I didn’t want you stinking up the place,” she explained.
“If it smells disgusting, what makes you think I will eat it?” he asked.
“Because the Boreray can’t get enough of it, some of them say that they taste like all the best parts of every fruit and vegetable we grow, which is a shame because they smell like all the worst,” she added.
He asked no more questions. He was too busy thinking; this fruit sounded so familiar, but he could not remember. The need to survive day in day out had pushed most of his standard learning, from school and university to the back of his mind, not forgotten mind you just buried.
I'm back with Tamara and Samuel latest adventure. If you like what you've read so far and want to know where it's going you can find the complete story by following the links below.
e-book(US/UK/CA/AU/DE)
Physical(US/UK/CA/DE)
If you do decide to read ahead please leave a review or rating, every single one helps immensely, and helps me keep doing what I'm doing.
Also the e-book will be at a reduced price until the last chapter it published on reddit.

AITAH for not believing thaf my husband did not cheat Hi guys i am going thru a dilemma. I (25 F) and my husband (30 M) are both pakistani and live in gulf. we had our paper marriage aka Nikkah in 2017 and got married i.e., moved into his house in 2019. we've known each other since 2016 and this was a love marriage. my husband went against his parents wishes to get married to me whereas my family is very supportive of whatever choices i make during covid i moved into my parents house because of my 2 younger brothers 15 and 12 at that time as my parents got stuck in our home country for 6 months and my husband would spend 4 days with me and 4 days with his parents. i.e., peak covid lock down in 2020. since ive known my husband this is the first time i accidentally found out his phone password whereas he always insisted on having all of my social media passcodes in past. anyways i opened up his snapchat without any melicious intent of checking out his phone to get a few couple photos that we took on his phone and snapchat showed memories of last year of same date. it was with some filipinos (nothing against them but where i live they are usually considered as sex workers). i went and checked the old photos and i saw that he had pictures with alot of random women and specifically with his ex gf in year 2018. they both had taken alot of selfies from his sitting very close to each other in bars and even alone in car, again very close to each other in his arms. i also found out he was asking filipino their rates for sex works and he also met 1 of them in his car and went to meet one of in a mall during peak covid lockdown. anyways i didnt plan to talk to him about it because i was newly wed and didnt want to face consequences and i thought he might stop on his own. fast forward a few months later my parents came back safely and i moved back into my husbands house with his parents and this is the time when i first actually started living with them and with in a few weeks my FIL came to hit me with a shoe when i refused to give him my phone as a punishment for using it so often. anyways things started escalating alot and me and husband were having regular fights because of his parents always crossing boundaries. then one day we had a fight and in the heat of the moment i accidentaly said out about his affairs. so we talked about it and he said that he met his ex gf just like a freind as she came back from her home country after a long time and the he was asking for rates of filipinos for his single freind. when i asked about what did you do with the filipino you picked up in car he said that they just ate shawarmas by the sea side. i was naive and i bought into his narrative. even tho i agreed to believe in his story, the un easy feeling never left to the point where i refuse to have a child with him as i dont think i have a secure future with him. due to his parents bickering all the time i finally snapped back at them and they made a huge deal out of it and threw me out the house and me and my husb both went no contact for 1 whole year as i demanded for a seperate house even if i have face hunger. when did finally talk again he convinced me that this wont happen again from his parents side and he will start fulfilling my basic rights as a wife i.e., fulfil my basic needs, maintain peace, and protect. during this whole time my father was the one who fulfilled all my basic needs. anyways i moved back in with in end of 2021 and he did nit stay true to his word. he still picks out fights. his parents still shout scream at me occasionally and he only gives me bare minimum monthly allowance which is not enough for me and i still have to end up asking my father for money. please keep in mind i am a university student and my father pays for all car maintenance, university fees and essential needs. and the amount that my husband gives me usually goes out in just fuel and a few meals in university. anyways the point is that coming back to his house in 2021 till end of 2023 we used to constant fights mostly because of his anger issues and just generally being rude and in bad mood all the time. i had beg him crying to change his behaviour towards me and to be nicer to me when talks or else i will have no other option than to leave him. he did become nicer for 3 months until he started being rude again for over daily routine issues until his family was hit by huge crisis due to his younger brothers fault. thats when he bacame polite to me again. ‼️‼️‼️ my main dilemma. after all of these ups downs i really thought i was seeong some improvement in him and i was finally feeling optimistic about my future with him but i guess god has some other plans. he accidentally forgot to lock his phone last month and i found out he had been texting sex workers again and asking their prices. he was also in contact with a girl, lets call her J, via snapchat since 2021 till now and only few chats were saved in one which he was begging to convince her that i am not his wife rather his sister. apparently J saw me and husband out somewhere. i let all of this go again since i thought its pointless bring this up as things are now improving. 2 weeks after me finding out i get randomly get dick pic from my husband at 4 am when i was sleeping next to him and he was awake and came back from a night out with his freinds. when i woke up my husband was asleep,i found it very suspicious since we dont these kind of pictures anymore. he forgot to lock his phone again and LO AND BEHOLD he sent the same dick pic to her with me literally sleeping next to him. what fathoms me the most is that how could he not feel any shame with me laying next to him. anyways i talked about it a few days later and he basically told me that he was trying check J's loyalty for his freind. please keep in mind his freind is also married and has 3 4 kids. i asked my husband why did you do it for your freind when you shouldve understood it the first time i caught you and made a issue out of it and he said i thought that i would understand him doing all this for a freind and i shouldve specifically asked him stop doing it for his freinds if i have such issues. anyways a part of me wants to believe his bullshit story but a part of me knows that he is trying to manipulate me again as i cant even why a person who went against his parents wishes would literally go out of his way to ruin his marriage. does he want me to intiate the divorce so that he dosent get the blame. wtf is it i am so confused and i would most definitley will never have a child with a person who cheats. should i believe him or not. he keeps saying that he doesnot plan on leaving me or bringing a second wife is he expecting me to be ok with him cheating as long as i am not replaced.

I've been meaning to make this post for a while but life kept getting in the way.
There is a bunch of new (well, new to me) stuff I've discovered over the last few weeks, and wanted to share my thoughts with you.
Let's start with the "prequel" (although never canonically confirmed) to the Marathon series was a game called Pathways to Darkness. The backstory for this game is:

Sixty-four million years ago, a large extra-terrestrial object struck the Earth in what would later be called the Yucatan Peninsula, in south eastern Mexico. The dust and rock thrown up by the resulting explosion caused enormous climactic changes in the ensuing years, and many of the Earth's species became extinct during the long winter that followed.
The object itself was buried thousands of feet below ground, its nearly two kilometer length remarkably intact. It remained there, motionless, for thousands of years before it finally began to stir-- and to dream.

Hmm. Buried below ground. Finally beginning to stir and dream. Who does that sound like?
Let's keep going.

The heat of impact liquefied the rock around it, which later cooled and encased the dead god's huge body far below ground. As it began to dream, it wrought unintentional changes in its environment. Locked deep beneath the Earth, strange and unbelievable things faded in and out of reality. Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

As it began to dream, it wrought unintentional changes in its environment.. Locked deep beneath the Earth, strange and unbelievable things faded in and out of reality.
Like Fingerrats? Or like Spider-wolves?

Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

Caverns and landscapes. I want to expand this point here for a bit because it's also mirrored across Alagaesia.
Let's start with Helgrind.
For any FV enjoyers, I've previously speculated that Helgrind is a reliquary, or a previously living being that was transformed (a la Ctein).
But the curious thing here is the timeline of Helgrind and it's tunnel system, taken with the above context.

Q: Assuming it wasn't built by the Ra'zac themselves, was the lair inside Helgrind purpose-built for the Ra'zac and Lethrblaka, or did they appropriate it some time after it was built? If it wasn't built for them, what was its original purpose?
A: Partially natural formations (linked to tunnels elsewhere in Alagaësia), partly expanded by the priests of Helgrind and Galbatorix himself.

But... The Ra'Zac didn't inhabit Helgrind until at least after the Humans came over. So these tunnels underneath Helgrind existed before the Ra'Zac, or Galbatorix ever set foot on Alagaesia. Which, I don't know about you, but a massive network of tunnels does not smell entirely natural to me.
So.. where else are there "natural" formations that link to other tunnels elsewhere in Alagaesia?
We've seen these "natural" formations in Vroengard:

Q: The deeps under Vroengard, were they created by the riders or was it a previous system of caverns that they repurposed?
A: Previous system. I mean, there's been work done on them, but... 'It looks similar, parts of it feel similar to the caverns that we encountered in this book. They both have that hole in the cave which goes deeper, with something in the hole that's not clearly defined.' Yeah.

And we've seen similar depictions in the Beors, and Nal Gorgoth. So from the Beors to Vroengard, "natural" tunnels exist underground. I don't buy that they are entirely natural.
Given the context of the Marathon game above:

Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

I think these tunnels came from Azlagur.
Let's switch gears here, I want to talk about another archaeological mystery in the world of Eragon - El-Harim.
I believe El-Harim was heavily influenced by the (not canon confirmed, but implied) prequel to the Marathon games, the Pathways into Darkness

Pathways casts the player as a member of a US Army Special Forces team sent on a mission to the Yucatán Peninsula. On May 5, 1994, a diplomat from the alien race known as the Jjaro appeared to the President of the United States and informed him that on May 13, an ancient godlike being sleeping beneath a pyramid would awaken and destroy the Earth. The only way to prevent this catastrophe is to prevent the god from awakening. The eight-man Special Forces team carries a nuclear weapon, with the goal of entering the ancient pyramid, descending to the bottom level where the god sleeps, and activating the bomb to stun the god and bury it under tons of rock.

Getting into a bit more of the backstory:

Only during the last few centuries has the god begun to effect changes on the surface of the Earth. Grotesque creatures have been sighted deep in the trackless forest of the Yucatan, and strange rumors of an ancient pyramid-- which is neither Aztec nor Mayan-- in the same area have been circulating in the archaeological community since the early 1930's.

Pyramid, eh? There are two different options here I can think of that equate.
The extended FWW Map
First, in the extended map from FWW, we can see a Pyramid-esque shape - Different color, different slope, etc.
Or, second (and probably more likely), it could be El-Harim:

It is a very bad place. It’s a place where some bad things happened at one point and it’s not a good place to go walking around. I don’t want to get into it too much more because again, it’s a good possibility for another story and I want to keep thinking about it a bit more. It is in Alagaesia and we’ve actually been close to the location.

Many speculate that the below vision from Eragon in Brisingr, which was never explained in the main cycle, is of El-Harim:

And he rested, and visions beset him of a circular stone city that stood in the center of an endless plain and of a small girl who wandered among the narrow, winding alleys within and who sang a haunting melody (A Feast with Friends, Brisingr).

If this vision IS El-Harim , it's super significant because of these two descriptors:

circular stone city
narrow, winding alleys

Fractals. The city itself is a fractal, like Nidus for any FV enjoyers.
The narrow winding alleys are significant because of the descriptors of the Vanished/Grey folk:

The spaces between the structures were narrower than the humans preferred; the proportions were taller, thinner, which matched the images she had seed of the Vanished...
The ancient outline of the city was - as she suspected - a fractal, and the shape of it contained meaning.... At the nexus of the apttern, where it coiled in on itslef like a nautilus shell" (Shards, TSIASOS).

Narrow. Circular (Nautilus shell). Winding. Fractal.
Whatever this city is, El-Harim or otherwise, it is/was a grey folk/vanished city.
And given the quotes from above - "Its a place where some bad things happened at one point", and "dangerous, creeping, ancient, evil thing" - My guess is that the event that caused the Grey Folk to bind the AL to magic happened here, in El-Harim.
Alright, moving along.
Let's talk about the Az and the God. There are a few parallels I've talked around, but the BIG link between the two are Dreams. This is especially important because of the release of the world map recently.

We are the devotees of Azlagur, the Devourer. Azlagur the Firstborn. Azlagur the Dreamer. He who sleeps and whose sleeping mind weaves the warp and weft of the waking world. But the sleep grows restless" (Obliteration, Murtagh).

Versus

As it began to dream, it wrought unintentional changes in its environment. Locked deep beneath the Earth, strange and unbelievable things faded in and out of reality. Vast caverns and landscapes bubbled to life within the rock, populated by horrible manifestations of the dead god's dream.

I could write a whole post about the parallels between the two and their linkage to dreams, but I'll cut it short here for now to save room to dig in to other areas. Specifically, the Dreams connection is especially important because of the relase of the world map recently - I have another post here that gets into more detail, but the translations from the World Map in the middle translate to:

where dreams and dragons dwell

Dreams (!) and Dragons.
Combine that with the Etymology of the words:

Alagaësia ala = land gaësia = rich/fertile
Alalëa ala = land lëa = a beautiful dream
Elëa = the dream itself

So the planet, named Elea, translates to "The Dream Itself". Very interesting.
This is even more significant when you take into account this tweet chain from Chris, a bit earlier in March

Darn it. Just invented a name in the ancient language. Googled it to make sure no one else had used it ... only to discover that I had used it in an earlier book. Lol.
Can we ask what name?
Edurna

I believe the name was a potential candidate for the name of the planet of Alagaesia, which is important because of the etymology of THAT name (All credit to Zora for digging this one up).

Edurna sounds awfully like Adurna and Edur
Adurna meaning water and Edur being a prominence

Prominence. And Water. You know what that sounds like to me? Plaintive Verge. Just food for thought.
Second-to-last Az connection I want to cover: Hunger.

Whirling darkness swallowed him, and at the center of it... lay a formless horror - ancient and evil and from which emanated a constant merciless hunger (Dreams and Portents).

Versus a quote about the cosmic entity in Marathon:

Now I fear what that weapon has unleashed will destroy us. I once boasted to be able to count the atoms in a cloud, to understand them all, predict them, and so did I predict you, but this new chaos is entirely terrible, mindless, obeying rules that I don't comprehend. And it is hungry.

Now, the last piece of Azlagur-related lore I want to cover here is the "Black Sun".
In all of the visions, a Black Sun precipitates Azlagur's rise.

"A black sun rimmed by black flame hung against a darkling sky... The beast rose rampant against the black sun - A wingless dragon, apocalyptic in size, terrifying in presence. Destroyer of hope, eater of light"

Before getting into the Black Sun a bit more, there's an additional connection here I want to touch on - usage of the word rampant in connection with Azlagur.

In Marathon, Rampancy is the enhanced self-awareness of a computer AI, causing a progression towards greater mental abilities and destructive impulses. The destructive impulses, however, are primarily caused by being threatened or harassed. There are three main stages, as well as a fourth and final stage that is rarely achieved, to rampancy, named by the primary attitude of the AI during those times: Melancholia, Anger, Jealousy, and Meta-Stability.

There are some overlaps with what we see from the Maw.
And Melancholia.. that's an interesting word. Especially when taken into context the meaning of the name:

A melancholy dream of great beauty.

Melancholy.. Dream... The pieces of the puzzle are coming together. And Rampant...
Chris also uses that exact same verbiage when discussing a deleted scene from TSIASOS:

Q: I just finished reading To Sleep in a Sea of Stars and I have to know: it sounds like the Wranaui fought the corrupted during the Sundering but if that's true and it happened almost 300 years prior.... Who created the old corrupted? I've been questioning this for days!
A: That was actually in material cut by editors (some of the dream memories). Another Seed/Idealis was damaged and, when the Old Ones tried to separate it from its host, the xeno went rampant.

The xeno went rampant. Very interesting.
Alrighty, I keep getting distracted, back to the black sun.
The reason the Black Sun is important is because it always precipitates Azlagur's rise, throughout several of Murtahgh's visions. In each of them, there is a Black sun.
So, by this, we can extrapolate that the sun needs to be Black in order for Azlagur to rise (which is hinted at at the "Day of Black Sun" celebrations near the end of the book).
But... what does it actually mean?
There is a parallel in Marathon, their weapon:

The trih xeem (also "tri xeem") is an extremely powerful weapon that can be used to force a star into early nova... it was originally conceived and built by the Jjaro [The Old Ones/Vanished equivalent]. Much of the Marathon Infinity story revolves around preventing the Pfhor from using the tri xeem and inadvertently releasing a W'rkncacnter that is supposedly trapped within the Lh'owon sun.

So, the story of the last Marathon games revolves around preventing the usage of the weapon to release the cosmic-level baddie trapped in the sun. So, effectively, the antagonist is imprisoned by the sun.
But.. how does that translate to Azlagur and Murtagh?
The Black Sun requirement for Azlagur's rise could be construed as "imprisonment" by the sun; Azlagur cannot escape until the sun is turned Black. But it only really starts to come together when you piece together these pictures.
First, early concept art for the Fractalverse
You see the black orb, heading directly for the glowing star? Sounds pretty similar.
But that's not the smoking gun; look at the depiction of the black orb in the concept art, and compare it to the trih xeem, the weapon in Marathon.
A black orb with a trail heading directly for the sun. Almost an exact match.
OK.. so I get that it has some relevence in fractalverse, but how does it translate to Eragon?
Well, because of the Beors. Specifically, a picture CHRIS HIMSELF posted about the Beors.
Here
I propose that THIS black orb, at the top of the Beors (which, suspiciously, no one has traveled to) houses the black weapon. After all, the depiction is quite similar - A large, circular, black orb. Looks pretty similar to the other pictures.
And given the above context that Azlagur can only rise with a "Black Sun", the pieces all start to fit together. It's not perfect, but there are definitely a lot of overlaps.
Alright. I've been waiting for this one. The last piece. Let's talk about Angela.
Q: Will we get Angela lore? I feel like she could have killed Galbatorix and just didn't feel like it.
A: For those who don't know Angela is based on my sister Angela, because she breaks the fourth wall to a degree she has. Not only does she have plot armor, she knows she's in a story and can break the story itself. So, yes, she could have killed Galbatorix, but that would have made for a very bad story. That said, I do have an entire book planned around Angela, and it's very high on my list of books to write because it takes place before some of these other big stories I want to write. And that's also the difficult thing. I have my big storylines, and then I have a couple of one off side books I want to write, and it's just a question of time, energy and effort.
She knows she's in a story, and she can break the story.
Based on that, and several other descriptions I will get into in a bit, I think her story is directly related to the Marathon Infinity game.

Marathon Infinity begins as the Pfhor destroy Lh'owon using a Jjaro-derived doomsday weapon known as the Trih Xeem or "early nova". Unfortunately, the weapon also releases a powerful chaotic being: The W’rkncacnter, which threatens to destroy the entire galaxy. Because of the W’rkncacnter's chaos or by means of some Jjaro tech of his own, the player is transported back and forward in time, finding himself jumping between timelines and fighting for various sides in a desperate attempt to prevent the chaotic being's release.

and

In Marathon Infinity, a W'rkncacnter is imprisoned in the sun of planet Lh'owon. It is theorized by some that the W'rkncacnter's powerfully chaotic nature may be responsible for the jumps between realities seen in the game. When the Pfhor use a trih xeem device to send the star into early nova, the creature is released, to the horror and destruction of the Pfhor.

Angela is the Eragon-equivalent of the player.
She can transport back and forward in time, jumping between timelines, and fighting to prevent the chaotic being's (Azlagur's) release. Let's dive in.
First:

Q: Is it canon that Angela the Herbalist is a Time Lord and did she make a cameo in To Sleep in a Sea of Stars?
A: Is Angela the Herbalist is a Time Lord? That would be copyright infringement, so I'm going to say "no comment", but she is in To Sleep in a Sea of Stars. And there is a canon reason for this. And you should have no problem spotting who she is in that book.

So there's a canon reason she's in the book. Interesting. When you take that into context with the next bit

Q: On your last AMA on reddit, someone asked if any fan had guessed the identity and history of Angela correctly. You said nobody has guessed correctly and there's not enough information in the books to do so. That puts every fan theory out there on her wrong, correct? She's not the soothsayer, a time lord, grey folk, etc, correct?
A: Angela: Some of the fan theories have gotten parts of her history and identity correct. However, there's a HUGE aspect to her nature that no one has guessed (or least, not in a non-joking way). And no, I don't mean her being a Time Lord.

So there's a huge aspect to her nature that no one has guessed (at least at the time of writing). She's self-aware, knows she's in a story, and can jump around in time. And, similar to the Marathon games, it appears like only she knows that she's in a story.
So, based on the Marathon inspiration, we can guess that she is trying to accomplish the same thing - To prevent the release of the cosmic-level villain. We know that she has some kind of relationship with the Draumar:

In Murtagh, it’s revealed that Bachel and “Uluthrek” (Mooneater, Angela’s given Urgal name) met with Bachel explicitly going out to confront her (a courtesy not even offered to a Rider like Murtagh)

So, by extension, she has some kind of connection to Azlagur. This is supported by other circumstantial evidence in FWW as well:

Since we know that the Dream Well in Mani's Caves is similar to the Well in Nal Gorgoth I can assume that Angela is revealing the existence of the Draumar to Elva there? I feel certainly feel as if you're setting up her for something in the future series.
Heh. Good Catch.

So, she is clearly working with Elva to do something related to the Dream Wells, and she also previously confronted Bachel, many years ago. So throughout multiple years across the WoE, she is connected to Azlagur and the Draumar; her story clearly revolves around them/Azlagur, somehow.
Putting the above pieces together, my guess is that she is jumping around in different timelines, trying to manipulate actions of the past to prevent the rise of Azlagur. Just like the player character in Marathon. There's another piece of circumstantial evidence to support this assertion as well.
In Marathon Infinity:

After multiple "jumps," the player (seemingly the only one who realizes he is being transported between possible realities)

Versus Angela:

As hours passed, the stars turned above, night chill drew the heat from my body, and I fell into a curious trance, not asleep but not fully awake... The world altered" (On the Nature of Stars, FWW).

I believe this world "Altering" was the first time she experienced an alternate timeline, without knowing what it was at the time.
We've also seen her create "Doorways" as well - Although it's not clear if this is fast traveling (a la a Torque Gate), or truly opening a path to another timeline.
In Eldest:

"As they landed, he noticed a patch of white on a small hill nearby. The patch wavered strangely in the dark, like a floating candle, then resolved into Angela, who was wearing a pale wool tunic" (A Sorceress, a Snake, and a Scroll).

and then later, more concretely:

"I traced a line on the wall, reached out, and opened a door that wasn't there. ON the other side - nighttime, a beach by a black ocean lit only by stars, so many, many stars, more than there should be. Of course, I would not take Elva to my home, not yet. But this was a waypoint, a place to build and learn and grow... She stared into the gap, the impossible portal" (On the Nature of Stars, FWW).

Still, as always with Angela, so many questions.
Alright, we've reached an ungodly wordcount, so I'll call it here. There are still more connections I'm uncovering between the two series (such as the potential connection between the Gedway Ignasia and the "warning" sensation from Marathon), so I might make a follow-up post in the future with everything else I uncover.
As always, thanks for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments, or if you've found any other connections between the two.

I love my mummy. She grew me from her insides, encased by the flesh that we share. She nourished me with the liquid pulsing through her rotten body. Together we play games, mummy shows me how to make dolls from the scraps of daddy’s meat, pretty girl dolls with long floppy limbs that reek of decay. I don’t like mummy after the sun goes down. She tells me we can’t make dolls anymore, tells me my dolls are stupid. At night I hide. I have to find a different hiding spot tonight; mummy found my last one at sunrise. I can see the claw marks from when she found me in the linen cupboard. Long nails attached to long fingers, penetrating the cheap wooden door until there was nothing but torn up paint and inch deep fleshless lacerations.
The sun is setting. The final flash of orange sky and her eyes will gloss over like daddy’s did when mummy found him. Wet film slicked over green ovals of empty rage. She still looks like mummy, only her mouth is a tight line that reaches from ear to ear and it can’t open very well. It’s all muffled words now. Mummy looks like a tree after the sun sets. Her arms and her legs grow longer, they get too heavy so she hunches over. I am going to hide under her bed. Daddy’s bulge is hidden under there. Mummy keeps it a secret, but I know. Her bed is thin and much too long and her black hair is tangled up in the sheets. The scent of her sweat stained cushion lingers into my nostrils and down to my lungs as I crawl under, deeper into the dark stinking pit at the center.
I see the warm shadows from the final seconds of sun dance through the handmade curtains at her window. Mummy took the skin off daddy’s body to make those. His bellybutton, still attached to his torso skin, looks like a little crystal in the golden light. The pretty shadows disappear, and the room is black. I can hear mummy looking for me. She’s laughing through that muffled slit on her face. There is death in her eyes and a tremor in her shrieking that makes me nervous. She is angry now. I wasn’t in the linen cupboard this time. I am too smart for her.
I curl in on myself in the safety of the dark and wiggle my loose teeth in waiting. The nights are slow because I cannot sleep. I never sleep. Mummy is still running around the house looking for me, grunts of anticipation much louder, much more feral, than any wild animal. A pool of blood starts to swirl under my head where a loose tooth has fallen. Not good. Mummy smells blood as much as she craves it. The door creaks open. Two long feet stand still in the doorway, toes curling from excitement at the scent of her baby’s blood. I pray I do not end up as curtains and dolls like daddy. Mummy is on the bed; she is digging up the insides of her mattress. Maybe if I stay still enough, she won’t find me. I want to be brave, like daddy was.
I roll onto my back, there's a big hole in the mattress above my head. My eyes take seconds to adjust to the darkness above before I see Mummy’s dewy eyes beaming into mine. “My baby is here” the tight line where her mouth has been stretched starts to open slightly and she drools on me through her words. Her hand pokes through the slats in the bed and she pinches my cheeks until blood pours out. “We need more dolls, baby. We need this skin”. Warm water leaks from my eyes onto the tips of her fingers where blood gushes. She draws her hand away and I feel her tugging at my feet, grunting like an impatient child. I cannot kick, for her fingers reach from her palms to my thighs. I am paralyzed in her grip, and I let her pull me out from under my final hiding spot. I am dragged by my blood-stained hair to the backyard where mummy likes to play.
“Mummy is thirsty, baby? You can’t keep all that blood. You’re not selfish”
Her muffled words are comprehensible enough to foresee the fate at which I am now destined for. I am here to feed her, to fuel her life, as she once did me. In the way shadows chase the light, how the moon must always put the sun to rest, birth must give way to death. In turn I must give life, my flesh and bone, to the creator of my life and my light. To return to the darkness that will always encompass her. it is her right.

Hi, pretty long post, just want to share my story as reading all of yours has helped me these last few weeks, f(28). After Thanksgiving 2021, so early-mid December (I was 26 at the time), I somehow herniated a disc. Before this happened, literally right before, I was hurting with what I think was a pulled lower back muscle (hurt to sit and lay down but pain was only in my back right side and rest helped, something I dealt with several times in my life starting in like 7th grade, drs always said it was a pulled muscle). After about a week it was feeling better so I decided it was safe to roll onto my right side to sleep. Well, after that I started experiencing pain all down that side, I also had some tingling and slight numbness in my foot and ankle. It was bad enough that I wasn't comfortable for more than 20 minutes, standing was the least painful, lucky to sleep 3 hours at once even though I'd wake up in horrible pain, basically always in tears from the pain and discomfort. I went to the dr after a few weeks and was told it's sciatica and he referred me for an mri, gave me some kind of shots and ibuprofen. I don't remember what the shots were but they took away all of the pain for 8-10 hours and I was able to get some much needed sleep. One may have been toradol but I got a shot of it the day of my mri so laying on my back during the scan wasn't too uncomfortable, and it didn't help much.
About 2 months after my symptoms started, I finally got the mri and it showed a decent sized herniation. I don't remember exactly where it was in my low back, but I was then referred to a neurologist who evaluated me and suggested ESI, he was fairly certain it would get better on it's own and I wouldn't need surgery, he said it may or may not decrease in size as well. The ESI worked as far as I can tell, but at this point it had been about 3-4 months of healing on my own using heat, stretches, and ibuprofen and the pain was mostly gone, lingering around a 2 at it's worst, but 0 after the ESI. The tingling in my foot and ankle had gone away and I was slowly getting back to normal. Aside from the occasional leg muscle cramps and discomfort laying on my right side, I had been pain and symptom free for about 2 years. I went on vacation in June last year, we did a lot of walking and even a steep hike. I worked for a year and a half in a dispensary, on my feet a lot as well as bending, squatting or leaning down, lifting heavyish totes. I had no pain or symptoms from this. I was hopeful that it had healed up and I was going to be perfectly fine, but I was still mindful of my back. I quit working last year in September to go back to school, since then I had been generally sitting or laying most of the time doing homework, of course I still helped around the house and went out to do stuff. I just wasn't moving nearly as much as when I was working. I had also gone on a trip to Seattle in September where we walked almost everywhere. Again, no pain or symptoms.
That takes me to earlier this year, about late February or early March. I was doing alright, then I noticed my hips feeling a little sore, starting in the left then later on the right, like a toothache or a pinching feeling in the sides and sometimes front. I felt it most when laying on them at first. It also felt sore when I pressed certain areas on the side. It felt like my thighs or hips were a bit unstable, if that makes sense. I did stretches, no difference. One night, during a shower, I leaned down to move a bottle on the floor and felt a very slight twinge in my lower back. Still no back pain or symptoms down either leg though. I also had been randomly waking up with pain and stiffness in my right foot and ankle that would go away after walking on it. Naturally, all this scared me and I started sleeping only on my back with a pillow under my knees, no longer sitting cross-legged or with my legs tucked beside me on the couch, making sure I wasn't slouching and getting up every hour to walk for a few minutes, generally trying to take care of my back. I'm also sitting to get dressed right after most showers because of my hips and I'm nervous my legs will give out. I made a dr appointment early April and he suggested PT for my hips, he wasn't worried about my back or doing any imaging.
I started PT April 15th. She evaluated my hips, had me do some stretches (most were laying down with my knees bent, putting pressure on my low back, I'm wondering if this caused my situation) and gave me stretches to do at home 2x day, appointments 2x week for a month. I should also mention during her evaluation she pressed on my lower back and it sucked, no pain down my legs, just under her hand. The stretches helped my hips for the first week, then my lower back started getting stiff and sore when I would lay down for a few hours or more. I mentioned this to my PT, but she didn't say anything. I kept up with the stretches (on a thick mat on the floor at home, or on my bed) and my lower back slowly got worse each day. Finally, after about 4 PT appointments and 2 weeks of stretches I quit doing them. My back was in quite a bit of pain, I started occasionally getting tingling and slight numbness down both sides in my lower calves and feet (sometimes together, sometimes either side) and it was painful to lay and sit longer than an hour. Made another dr appointment, he suggested it was my muscles and told me to ice, take ibuprofen, and gave me Diclofenac 1% gel, assuring me that PT wouldn't likely cause or worsen a herniation. I was with a different PT for the next appointment and she tried a TENS machine with a heating pad for the pain after I did some stretches that didn't seem to bother my back. I didn't notice any difference. That same night I went to the ER because I got up from a nap and the tingling and numbness wouldn't go away so it scared me. They gave me a steroid shot, a steroid pack, a few T3's and 325mg Tylenols as well as an MRI referral. I don't know if the steroids helped or just the overall more aggressive and earlier treatment this time, but my pain and symptoms (despite being on both sides, not just the right side) aren't nearly as bad as the first time, yet. I'm still uncomfortable and having a horrible time, but it's been manageable. Hopefully I don't feel any worse after being off the steroids for a while. I finished them last Thursday (May 9th) and I've been taking the 325mg Tylenol as needed, making sure to take 2 before bed, I took all the T3's as needed. PT since has been focused on pain management, deep heat ultrasound, TENS machine and heat, also k-tape which seems to provide a small difference.
Yesterday morning (the 13th) I woke up to my back feeling a little stiff and sore but I'd been trying a few stretches the last couple days, maybe that's what's causing it so I'm gonna stop for now. I'm sleeping alright, thankfully, naps as I need or can. As my back has gotten better, my hips haven't. There's still a pinching toothache type of feeling in the sides and front and my thighs still feel unstable while I walk sometimes. I can't lean back on the couch, sitting in the car is uncomfortable so I keep the seat up straight, laying down I still feel pressure in my low back but it's been bearable enough to sleep so far. I haven't tried walking for longer than an hour at a time, slowly and carefully, it doesn't bother my back so much as it does my hips. I lay down for a break during the day if I need it, though I try not to lay down too much. I get up and walk around a bit every hour or so and I help with housework when I can. I use ice or heat for 15 min when I feel like it. I try to go to bed only when I know I'm sleepy so I don't just lay there. I sit outside in the Sun and try to distract myself from the pain the best I can by doing whatever. But lately, being up straight most of the day has been making my upper back a little sore and sometimes I feel what might be spasms along my back (a tense pain that goes away after a few seconds to minutes) and some cramping sensations in my legs.
My MRI is scheduled for the 20th, I'm hoping with all my heart that it's nothing horrible. I've been keeping a log of my symptoms and writing down questions for if I go back to the neurologist (which I would like to). Again, I apologize for the super long post, I just hope this helps someone feel less alone and scared. I know I've been feeling pretty awful the last three weeks, I can't imagine how you who have worse pain feel. I have so much anxiety and fear about this and all the possibilities and it makes everything so difficult. I'm 28, almost 29, and with luck, I have 50-60 years of living left and there's so much I want to do, without anxiety of injuring my back or being in constant pain. This is one of the scariest things I've ever gone through because it seems like it can get complicated really fast and really easy, no warning. I'm not giving up hope that I'll be alright, but it's hard when you get worn down through the day and feel so many different scary symptoms. Hopefully they make some kind of medical advancement in the disc herniation department that truly helps the pain or at least effectively reduces reinjury chances.
TLDR: Sharing my story, had a lower back disc herniation in Dec 2021 causing horrible sciatica all down right side. Had ESI a few months later even though pain was minimal at that point, got better and was generally pain and symptom free for about 2 years. Symptoms came back after a few weeks of PT for unexplained hip pain, this time it's effecting both sides. Been dealing with it for about 3 weeks now with various treatments, MRI scheduled for the 20th.

Hi so basically Im in a weird situation rn, my weekly schedule consists of being at my trade school from mon-Friday and leave Saturdays most of the time and come back sun nights. So when I’m here my mental health gets WAY better I mean way better, I’m with people who are emotionally and socially healthy and understanding. It’s like when I come home as soon as my narc alcoholic dad comes pick me up in his 2000 something old ass dirty bug infested food and crumbs all over the seat and floor and fucken sauce stains everywhere Honda as soon as I get in the car with him I could just see how fucked in the head he is in so many fucking ways emotionally, socially, psychologically and a whole bunch of other shit. It’s literally like I get in the car and what it feels like all his bs issues become mine for some reason and it’s like I’m carrying all his bs with me. I get miserable because my parents are some of the most sutipid bum lames that have no character whatsoever you’ll come across in ur fucking life. Til this day I haven’t come across anybody like these people. Than my dumbass mom had the nerve to come into my room sat morning saying it was Mothers Day to least say it to my grandma since she knows I’m not gonna tell her shit but she was just tryna make me feel bad and I just told her to close the fucking door cuz my grandma don’t deserve me telling her shit either not even me interacting with her. Idk yesterday I went to the beach cuz I stayed and was kinda bored and had nothing to do. I took the bus and at first it was pretty good but after a while idk if it was cuz I smoked a sig and Im addicted tryna quit and it just put me in a bad mood? But idk, their was this cute girl were I got my pizza from and I could tell in the beginning she liked me a bit and was lowk tryna talk to me but it’s like I wasn’t mentally and emotionally there to even talk to her in any other way than to order my food. But like I said my point is whenever I’m here at my trade school and I don’t leave home to my narc bum ass family, my mental health feels better, but when I leave it’s like I “heal” them in a way and with that comes me draining me completely from all the good energy I have leaving me with nothing which messes me up emotionally and socially. They have nothing going on with their life really their bums who live miserabley day to day with my alc dad drinking every weekend and jacking off in the restroom while drunk. I wish I had a therapist to talk to about my situation, when I’m here I feel so much better but when I get picked up as soon as I’m in the car with that bum ass nigga every second I’m next to him he literally drains me, and within a couple hours of being with them my whole mental health and mentality changes for the worst. I become really insecure I got no energy and and just worse mentally. But at the same time I don’t like staying here in the weekends because it’s boring and you don’t do shit here and the only people I even stay with on the weekends is my parents cuz I haven’t really better my relationship with my other family members from the issues we’ve had in the past, and don’t really have friends anymore in my home town, at least that I don’t talk to so I don’t do nothing but stay in my house with them all day and not do shit. The best example I could give u is around 2 weeks ago I left for the first time in like a month of being here and not physically interacting with these bums, I stayed cuz I would forget to turn in my weekend slip so I could leave. So yea I left and it was good at first but it’s like my presence around them would “heal” them by them giving me all their bullshit issues, luckily I was mentally a little stronger so I dealt with it for a bit than I left, I came back home last week Saturday and I regret it it was way worse, they showed me their genuine bum selfs and drained me from all the good energy I had and put me in a really bad place mentally coming back here. Now ik for sure unless I got back up in my house meaning I’m gonna do something with friends I’m not gonna go back for shit. Cuz that’s the only way if I go back and don’t go out with friends or nothing it’ll just be bad. But yea sorry ik it’s a lot what are your thought? Just wanna know.

I’ve been seeing this girl I met online and everything seemed fine in the beginning. However I have an intuition that something is off about her. She never asks how I’m doing and I sense a feeling of coldness from her let me explain. One night she came over to my house for the first time we started making out then she stops me and tells me “I don’t want to waste your time” I ask her what do you mean she tells me I like you and I want to take things slow. I say I respect that then stop kissing her then talk for a little bit then drop her home (My friends told me she could have worded it any other way 😂). Another time we are discussing cooking recipes she sends me on instagram then I mention hey we could probably try this in my kitchen. She then says “yeah by two months you should learn how to cook atleast two things. In my head I think she’s implying after two months she’s not going to know me anymore. All I say is wdym by that she says nvm and laughs. Fast foward two weeks we end up sleeping with each other and the following week is my birthday so we agree on going out for dinner she makes a surprise reservation for me with her email and says “don’t spam my email you fan”. Which completely threw me off because I never showed fan/ simp behavior. I tell her I’ve never spammed anyone in my life she me “That would be your final option of contacting me” then once again quickly transitions to another topic when I ask for clarification. Which was so out of line for no reason and off tempo to a light conversation. Reason why I’m asking you guys is because I’m a 24 year old with my life together who busts his ass working hard and I genuinely don’t want to waste my time with the wrong person and don’t know how to go about this. I have a feeling she is breadcrumbing me. I don’t mind dropping a person out of my life if I have to just wanted more experienced answers before making a decision.

Hello there everyone, before anything I do have to state that I have to be vague about a lot of this stuff since it is TW as well as legal things so here, we are. Fake Names used
For a little back story, I 20 F then 19 F met my ex-boyfriend 21 M (20 then) in December of 2023. I was renting out a room in a house that wasn't in the safest area but the cheapest rent in the area so I couldn't complain much, but I talked to my landlord who told me I needed to move out by the first week of January of 2024. I had a stable job and almost 1k in savings, so I wasn't to worry about trying to find a place but the area I lived in was way too expensive and most places were denying me. I decide one day that I would go on bumble on the friends and dating part of the app to get connected with people in the area since I didn't have many friends at the time. I met my ex-boyfriend, Jacob. He was engaged and in an open relationship, from what I was told from both parties, it was open long before I met Jacob. I did meet his fiancée Lila, she was about my age only a few weeks older than I was. (20 F).
It was really stupid of me I know but I was also trying to enter my idgaf era, about two days after our first date we hooked up at his place with Lila joining in. After a night of the devil's tango, I asked Jacob if we were together or just FBW since I know that I connect with people to quickly and get attached (childhood Trauma doesn't matter) anyway, he gave me a kiss and smiled, saying that we were dating now. and honestly, I was overjoyed, he promised I could stay with him and Lila until I could find a place for myself, and I was thankful. But I wouldn't be making this post if there wasn't a turn for the worst, He had convinced me many times to call out of work because he needed me and needed help with cleaning. So, I did this ended up costing me my job and slowly I had to eat away at my savings because I didn't have a job. Door Dash became my best friend for money. Fast forward a bit since I don't really know when's the best time to start explaining more.
He landed a job at a Greek food shop about half a mile away from the apartment complex that we were at and he asked if I could drive him to and from work since he didn't have a car, I said sure but he needed to walk or get a bike off of FB marketplace because I couldn't always be his ride to work since I needed to find my own job. He got a bit mad at this because I wouldn't drive him to and from work and he got tired of having to do it, so he stopped working, so three people in an apartment building with almost no way to pay rent. Before people come at me asking why I didn't help with rent that was because when I moved in we agreed that I would help with grocery's, cooking dinners and cleaning the kitchen, and I agreed since I would much rather do dishes then laundry. About another two weeks after this Greek job fail, I landed a job as a nanny for an amazing family and a very adorable five-month-old. I loved this family so much and they were so kind and open and very accepting of everything. It almost felt like my dream job.
Jacob was happy for me to same with Lila and honestly, I thought this was going to be perfect, I didn't know it then but after putting puzzle pieces together I found out that he had well, taken advantage of me, on my birthday to be exact.
After I found this out, I decide to leave for a few days to one of my friends place about two hours away from the apartment, Lila told me she would play devils advice and figure out exactly what was happening because at this point, we both knew we needed to get out of this relationship but didn't know how. So, when I was leaving to go to my friends, he deiced to throw himself on my car preventing me to leave, I rolled down my window, stupid of me I know. I told him that he needed to leave, he started crying saying that he needed me and that he couldn't be alone. I remined him that his soon to be wife was in the apartment and wanted to spend time with him, he said that he couldn't do it alone and couldn't bear the thought of me leaving, I had to call Lila out of the apartment to get him off my car since he was hanging on my car door. After almost forty minutes of me telling him to get off of the car he finally let go and went back into the apartment, I stayed at my friends for about a day before he was blowing up my phone begging me to come back and that he needed me and couldn't go on without me. My friend suggested I stayed a little bit longer at their place but I said no and that I needed to go help him. So I left later that next day and what I came home to was a mess, the apartment trashed and disorganized, my stuff thrown everywhere and messy. We talked about his reaction to it all and he consistently made himself the victim.
He constantly tried to get me pregnant, almost every day he was trying, while I was telling him I didn't want to be tied down for the next 18 or 19 years of my life taking care of something too stupid to care of itself, I couldn't even take care of myself sometimes lmao (I would like kids in the future but I just don't want one at the age of twenty) Eventually Lila and I knew we needed to get out of this relationship since he was becoming more and more toxic demanding that we give him our phones so he could search through them. I denied hard, I believe that your partner shouldn't search through your phone, if you need to use it go ahead if you wish. But I'll be damned if I'm letting someone forcefully going through my phone because of their insecurities. He constantly gaslit us as well as lying about everything and how we were the issue, never him. Manipulation was almost like his superpower. As well as many other things I really don't wish to get into.
Idk when to skip to but after a lot of secretly planning and scheming, my friend in another state agreed to allow us to move into her place to get away from him and to start a new life almost, and honestly so far it's been great. I have a stable job, some new friends and honestly it couldn't be better. I did call the police and filed a report on him, but since he lives in a whole other city than the city it happened in it taking a lot longer than one would hope. But just recently I had this large gut feeling, something I hadn't felt since the night I met Jacob. I ignored it that time and this time I refused to ignore it. So here is where I am asking if AITA. After much self-debate I called his father and told him most about what happened how it happened and not where I am, but I just told him that I am in a safe place. I wasn't expecting much because as a parent of a child who does something like that what would be the right responds.
(I do not have a child idk why I need to specify that but yeah)
It took me a while to write this, but I really need some unbiased opinions, a lot of people are saying I am in the wrong and a few close ones says that I am in the right, so what better way to find opinions?
So AITA?

I apologize for the grammar. Let me begin. I met this girl off tinder and we moved a little fast, but we've been dating for 4 months either way, one of her co-workers. I've been insecure about because he's been weird towards her and I expressed that feeling and yet she told me not to worry about it. Said she'd block him. No problem. I said no that your co-worker it's fine. I trust you. You then that you'll deal with it. Fast forward to now. She lied to me the entire time. She's been cheating on me. She's got everyone manipulated and I'm living in her house. I got a good job and I can probably find my own place, but everyone has turned on me. And I've done nothing but be a good person during this whole time. My family's far away. I have no car. And I have to find a new apartment. Do any of you have any advice on how I should move on? It makes me feel like I can never trust a person again. I'm so hurt. I don't know what to do I know. I'm strong. I know all persevere. I know to take it One Day at a Time. But God I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt.

So my boyfriend invited me to come with him and the soccer fanclub on a day trip (leaving 10am, home by 1am) to watch the team play in Seattle. It's free and they have some spare tickets, but I'm under 19 (18F) so I need to sign a waiver from my parents. We're from Canada. It's a recognized fanclub of the soccer organization, and its all funded by them. Except for food lol.
I ask my mom and dad nicely if they can sign it, my dad is chilling. But my mom is not comfortable with the fact I'm going into another country. She's worried something may happen to me , and I'll be home quite late. She's HELLA religious, and( traditionalFilipino mom)to be honest I'm not. Idk, I'm figuring it out but it's a quite traditional Christian church.
I get my father to sign it since he's okay with it and excited for me. Hes not religious but jokes that "is Lord going to be with her!?" My mom just leaves the living room going like " she never sets aside time for God!" And locks herself in her room. Whenever she gets upset with something I do she'll give me the silent treatment.
She usually keeps our passports and I'm worried she would not give it to me at all cause I didn't "obey her". I was talking to my boyfriend about it and he sent me the law about how it is a crime to keep/conceal ones travel document.
She starts sending me texts "ur Dad consented to it I m saying I m out of the picture cause what you did is an outright act of disobedience of my will....yeah ur 18 and can go anywhere u want..abd whatever I say is garbage! Shame ur telling me about crime stuff...what about disobeying God s law? It s a crime more than a crime! "
I didn't realize, and she actually gave me back my passport, threw it on my bed. Didn't realize because I was in the kitchen. Apologized for making an assumption about a crime but, honestly. 😒😒😒
It feels like she is pulling the "God card" into making me feel bad for going to travel. I'm like 18, I have a part time job. I just passed and finished my 2 semesters in college. I'd like to travel more this summer and explore beyond my hometown.
I know parents aren't always going to agree with everything you do, but this is daunting. Like okay if I want to do something of my own, in this case traveling, she's going to make me feel bad about it? Even worse saying I'm "disobeying God" 🤣😭 Since I do live under her house, I have no choice to go with her to church. I've been going consistently, so I don't get why she's getting upset over a day trip.
Anyways, she's ignoring me full out. Silent treatment as always. I appreciate if you read this far, don't know what to do at this point. Part of me feels guilty for doing what i want, but I'm also tryna embrace it and not let her disapproval get over me. Not sure what to do and how long she's going to be acting like this around me. It's so annoying and makes me feel like she doesn't care about me because I chose something for myself.

Hi I'm just little girl from Asia come along with the unsuccessful of life and relationship family ya come with broken heart and fuck up feeling mind messy soon will get 🤣 .try to find some space that I can out my feeling can say from the bottom of my feeling 😑 thank you for Reddit finily find spot ,I'm not good at write and my economy English I'm not a written so if any of my annoying or any my mistake apologies first at here🙏🙏 what the target of life?what ur target of life?I never know what is the target of life .make money build house car family?? I think is too simple for me ,all I can do by my self I was an strong girl from young until now , fighting life by my self some times in relationships but most are the same with sad ending , starting in love got a level 1-2-3 or strong relationship 4 until forever ,all are same whoever told me not same at the ending is same ,level 1 very happiness I 1 u 1 sweeties ever never care anything's .Level 2 👉 get slow motion Abit .not really sweet just so so ,ask do or help wat just reply WAIT ... Level 3🔥 start qural some got fighting no more promotion ,ask do favor NNona you won't get any help at all or maybe got but very slow motion until jam ady to get up and help you favor .make each other borling become think of give up on relationship it so hard and tired borling no happiness and sweet romance anymore ,all same like dreaming happiness just awhile .some too love too hurt to hard to leave eveydays must suffered self and damn!! Relationship is the things that can't really talk and share out to anyone so eveydays keep keep coz can't put down the bad relationship I can understand this point that ,even know is suffer but still go ( coz the day Begin until now was not easy and not just break wids that awhile then no smell,eveytings narmal , I can say mostly relationship I heard and happen to me all are selfish maybe have 2% are geltman .but that times also young don't know how to cherish the good one ,times to times pass by are teaching me alot of things and yes I have learned alot too ,learn until when I will have that happiness again ??? Have narmal life and trust...next ep I want come talk about trust ..

I am genuinely so sorry for how exhaustingly long this post is. Truly just looking for outside observations. Feel free to ask questions or state opinions.
Last September, my (27F) boyfriend (37M) became hooked on trading cryptocurrencies. At the time, I was working hellacious hours (3am-1pm) doing manual labor and he had quit his job in May after a tree fell through the roof of our house. He begins to tell me about “so many life changing opportunities” with the season in the crypto market that “wouldn’t last more than a couple weeks, maximum a month.”
Within a few days, he is glued to the screen 16-20hrs a day, eating maybe once a day, most times skipping days, sleeping maybe 2-4hrs, not exercising our Doberman and only letting him out to potty. Right off the bat I’m thinking, “Oh this is obsessive, surely he’s making good money putting in this much effort. I should make sure he’s eating at the very least.” I start cooking more meals, walking them to his office and eating beside him. He barely picked at the food, but would finally get around to finishing it an hour or more later, which is completely abnormal.
Day after day, week after week, I’m working, coming home exhausted, cooking, wanting to relax and shoot the shit with him, maybe watch something or take the dog for a walk? Conversation between us didn’t exist outside the topic of all the “coins” he was trading, so I was just in the house looking for things to occupy myself with. 3 weeks in (beginning October now), I’m starting to have some feelings about not being paid attention to, given the time of day for chats or downtime or quite honestly any back and forth. Sex wasn’t even on the table (complete opposite for our normal reality).
I communicate to him that I’m getting concerned about the behavior, and that I basically feel like a house mate that is just there to take care of the homely duties. He frustratingly explains to me that “I can’t see the opportunity or value in what he’s doing, and that he’s already made ~$5k, but he’ll try to create more balance between us because he recognizes there’s been a level of abandonment.”
Of course I’m happy to hear there will be a change, not to mention that he’s happy doing what he’s doing + making money on it. Fast forward a couple more weeks — nothing has changed. I’m beginning to feel like a body in the house, operating with no real purpose other than upkeep of things. I express this to him, he gets bent out of shape because “he has to be ultra present to see what/when to buy and sell, and that I’m failing to see that he’s doing this for financial freedom for us and our future.” I rationalize and put my thoughts and feelings aside.
One weekend (late October), I actually decide to go out and end up running into someone I haven’t seen in 10yrs. We chat about life, have a drink, yadda yadda, exchange numbers and I go home. Fast forward 2 weeks, we meet up and I make a terrible decision that has screwed our relationship. I felt/feel like dogshit about it, he kicks me out, and we break it off. 1.5months later (December), he (partner) emails me, we meet at his house and talk things over for 1/2 of the day, and resume life as it was.
Finally, fast forward to late March of this year — he begins moderately trading again but with boundaries. However, day by day the screen time increases, and the regard for reality outside of it diminishes, and he practically only leaves the computer to use the restroom. Here we are, in mid-May, and I’m questioning AITAH for feeling abandoned again after he was the one who took me back after the foul, selfish act I committed.
Long story short: I’m with my partner for a year, he gets aggressively addicted to crypto trading and ignores reality outside of it for 2 months, I make the shitty decision to get attention elsewhere after a while, I get kicked out, reached back out to, we get back together, now he’s back to a similar level of trading. AITAH for feeling abandoned and questioning value of the relationship?

Engaged 8 years- with him for 10 years this August. Long story short - it’s not good. Hasnt been for over 7 years tbh. I know ya’ll know what that means basically. We are both 49. Both never been married before our engagement 8 years ago. No kids. I am downright trauma bonded I finally see for the last 8 yrs tho. Sure there’s polite talk, literally that’s all it is. Polite talk until I “freak out and get emotional” by asking if we can have a date night or take a walk together. Because he is sooooo far away from me today and all I’ve been doing is questioning myself, trying to be prettier, trying to cook more, trying to not show hurt feelings when he’s dismissive or worholding….. It’s apparent to anyone in the room and I’ve had feedback from concerned friends over the years. Basically my friends arent fans - haven’t been for years.
Ok sorry- usual daily- he comes home from work. Says hi. I say hi. He shows enormous amounts of love to the dog then goes to his computer to social media surf. I make dinner he eats it and goes to bed. Thats our interaction every day unless I’m working. I’m an semi successful artist. (I pay my own bills, rent and run my own art studio, make enough to survive as I try to grow but def couldn’t do it without a supportive partner. Which he was supportive in our 2 year together. He knew I owned my own townhouse then, and bartended twice a week to make whatever ends my art didn’t meet at the time. I was pretty well known in our little downtown from bartending and having my art in neighboring restaurant in the community. We reconnected through fb messenger- he tagged me in a lot of bartending themed posts- we dated and a year later he sold his condo and moved into my townhouse. I was ready for my life long partner. After a year of co living, he proposed - we made plans to get a larger home together so I sold my townhouse, put 15k downpayment on it because I had the recent liquid cash and he didn’t- he just had the good salaried job to get approved for financing. fast forward to today- I am on the deed not on the mortgage. I pay cash to my “fiancè” every month to contribute this house we own together. After a year of giving him straight cash every month at his request, I asked if he would just give me some or all utilities so my name would be back out in the credit space. And he said no. I asked if we could get a joint account so I could put that monthly cash money in a “house” account where we would both contribute and pay house stuff from that. He said “sure, but not right this second”. That was always his answer to me - “Not right this second”. Basically I went from having my own place, utilities, mortgage, credit, etc and being madly in love with this guy (who I’ve known since highschool but we never dated, just always shared mutual crossovers/crossed paths a lot since 1995) to living in a house that only had my name on the deed. I worried I was a ghost in the credit space. Like the only thing he allowed me to put my name on was the trash pickup service. (He said he’d rather not get trash service and use his jobs trashbin… like wtf?). But said of if I wanted to get trash service then I could pay for that. Ahhh usual me- not a short story and I’m rambling. I’ve also had drinks. Just trying to give context. Ok- We never go out together. He goes to his BF music studio most weekends and stays til 3-4am. We haven’t had sex in over two years. I sleep in the guest room for the same amount of time. (I went there one night after a fight because he said he was tired of being my crutch and I need to contribute more financially and it literally came after him being silent/bad mood for a week and I would ask “Hey, did you have a bad day at work? What’s wrong how can I help?” He doesn’t talk to me about “feelings”. Anytime I ask to sit down and talk about how to fix whatever is wrong his response is ALWAYS and defensive curtness “I don’t want to talk about it”. So we just had one of these outbursts. Where I say “hey, what’s going on. Why are you being so curt with me? Talk to me” and he said “ya know what’s wrong with me? You owe my $1100 because you haven’t paid xyz and it stems back to August. “ I was floored because it’s just not true. But I give him cash and I guess that’s where I fucked up. Sometimes I get paid in cash for my paintings and when I do, I put it aside and give him that cash when it comes due every month. Anyway it blew up to me crying being confused and asking him why he didn’t say anything in August or September why is he bringing it up now. Why is he talking to me like a dog and to please stop and just talk to me about why he’s so damn angry. It ended up with him telling me he’s tired of being my crutch and we haven’t been “good for 5 years” and he wants to sell the house, get his money and live the life that he wants. And I pointed out that all I’ve been doing is trying to fight for us, trying to get us to be together and be number one for one another. And why if he knew all this and yet was still unsatisfied with me why he has kept me around for so long without communicating his displeasure with me. And he said - “Because you won’t leave”. It ended with me saying we can get a mediator or lawyer and figure out the easiest way to sell, split whatever we agree on and move on. Ot all just hit me that I need to let him sell this house and I will figure it out. This all happened Saturday. Jesus this sucks. Anyway- it blew up to where I said I’m done. I felt done. He clapped. I went to my room and have basically been avoiding being in the house when he’s here and just going to my studio until he goes to bed. Thing is he took off work today. Dont know why. So when I got up and saw his car out front, I went to the studio all day and worked late on purpose. Came home at 10:30pm- he usually goes to bed around 9:30 but was still in living room watching tv. I walked in and went to the kitchen and he instantly said “I’m going to bed you can have the tv” and I didn’t respond. He went to bed. I was getting iced tea out of the fridge when after standing there for a min- I smelled gas. I look over to the stove and the knob is turned slightly to the left as if you were about to ignite it. I instinctively turned it back to the off position but then kinda freaked out a bit. Like why does it smell like gas. And why was that knob turned. Literally the gas was seeping ever so slightly out enough for me to smell it after about 30sec drinking my tea. Am I just being paranoid? There is no evidence of cooking - I even checked the trash for leftover or scrapings of food. This took me forever to write. But I just felt I had to document this without freaking out my mom or my friends.

I am still not the Original Poster. That is still u/MajorArtist340. She posted in AITAH
Previous BORUs can be found here and here. New Update marked with ****\*
Mood Spoiler: still kind of a bummer but things are moving forward
Original Post: December 21, 2023
For a while now my husband, John, has been getting more and more angry over little things and generally moody and distant. I had finally had enough and approached him about separation.
This conversation led to a big blow out and him revealing the state of his finances. My husband and I have always kept our finances separate. Also although we call each other husband and wife and had a wedding we are not actually legally married. This was primarily for inheritance purposes because we each have older children from previous relationships.
Anyway John revealed that he had basically no savings left. That all the money he had saved for retirement and for his kids schooling was gone. Furthermore he said it was all my fault since he used all his savings up to try and keep up with my lifestyle.
There was never anything crazy in terms of bills or anything like that and we always split it all equally. The house we live in I own outright as well, so there wasn’t a mortgage payment.
However I have always liked to travel a lot on fairly extravagant vacations. I would invite John or John and his children to join on trips, but never made them feel like they had to come. That’s said he was expected to pay for himself and for his kids. Except for recently he accepted every invitation.
I would also give my kids things he considered “extravagant”, but I considered “normal”. So he felt like he had to give similar things to his own kids.
John said with all the spending to keep up his savings dwindled very fast. I expressed that I couldn’t understand how or why he would spend all he had when he knew he couldn’t afford it. He said it was like keeping up with the Joneses only worse because it was at home so he couldn’t block it out. John thinks since I knew his job I should have had a basic understanding of his finances and realizes this wasn’t a lifestyle he could maintain. That the kind thing would have been to offer to pay for the trips and other things instead of dangle them in front of his and his kids faces.
Looking back I probably could have realized that this spending didn’t make sense for his salary, but I wasn’t thinking about it. I don’t think it was my responsibility to keep his finances in mind here. We had agreed from the beginning to keep our finances separate so to me that means paying for things separately.
Edit. We do not live in a state with common law marriage
Relevant Comments:
Why not get married? You know you can make children beneficiaries in wills, right?
"Here spouses are included in inheritance even if they’re omitted from wills and I plan on leaving everything to my kids."
Ages:
"I’m 44. He’s 53. We don’t have any children together."
So you didn't discuss trips you could afford together??
"We did discuss the trips and I asked for input about where to stay what we would do, but he never gave any or had any suggestions. I always assumed he just didn’t like planning things. I would have likely still gone on the trips if he didn’t want to."
So if he said no would you just go on the trip on your own?
"I would have likely still gone one the trip. That’s said I would have been open to less expensive trips had he brought it up."
"Except for the past two trips he never declined. I didn’t go alone though. I went on one with some friends and the other with my daughter."
This comment exchange:
Commenter: ESH- John should have ended your marriage way earlier. He can't keep with your lifestyle and would horrible and Very unfair to subject his children in a life where half of the family goes on fancy vacations regurlaly and the other stay home. He should have been honest way earlier before his savings drained and ended the marriage. You should have more awareness of your partner's struggled. How do you share a life with someone and don't realize this things?
OOP: He paid for things without any hint that he was struggling. I assume his attitude change was when things started to get really bad and I did ask what was wrong, but he would just say things were fine or say he was upset about some little thing like the dishes not being put away.
Before you were together, how often were you taking trips with your kids?
"I’ve always done about the same amount of trips every year. Usually two with my kids.
His kids mostly live with their mom and mine will split time between me and their dad pretty equally. My eldest is in college now though."
And this exchange:
Commenter: I have a burning question. Did you ever ask him why he was acting that way before you decided it was time for separation. Because from the outside you come off as the female stereotype that men don't have emotions so there's no need to check
OOP: I did. He would always say it was fine or I would ask what’s wrong and he would get mad about the dishes not being put away or some other little thing.
If you enjoy having him with you maybe you could pay for him to go?
"If things were better I might consider it, but at this point I’m really not enjoying being around him anymore. I’m going to use this break to take some time to reevaluate things."
It sounds like you don't love him at all. Why were you with him? Were you really together or just roommates with benefits? Why wouldn't you leave him anything in the will? How do you split daily life?
"With how things are now it’s hard to talk in present tense. I loved him.
For me it just feels like it would be wrong for my money and assets to go to anyone other than my kids given. For him well I don’t really need any inheritance, so it just makes the most sense for it to have gone to his children.
For restaurants we’ve always just taken turns paying."
There is no consensus bot on AITAH. The top comment was NTA, but there were quite a few ESH and info votes because the situation seemed weird
Update Post: January 8, 2024 (18 days later)
After reading all the comments on my first post I realized I needed more time to think about things. I also thought with the situation how it was it would be best that we spend the holidays apart to avoid and controversy. He wasn't a fan of the idea, but I eventually got him to agree to go.
Last week things settled down so we met up to have a more detailed discussion about the state of his finances. A few more things were revealed. I found out that he had lost his job earlier this year and didn't tell me. He got a new job in October, but he went over 4 months without one while pretending he still had one. During that time he only got a small amount of money from unemployment, so he started putting everything on his credit cards. His new job doesn't pay as much as his old one so he hasn't been able to pay more than the minimum towards his debts which are now substantial.
I feel like if he had just brought up all these issues earlier this could have been avoided or we could have worked something out. Now I really just feel like I can't trust him. I can't trust him with money and I can't trust him not to hide things from me. I just can't see going back and trying to make things work him at this point. Since he doesn't have a place to take all their things I've agreed to store their stuff in my garage until he gets more settled. Which means I won't be able to make as clean of a break as I would like right now, but for the most part it's over.
Update Post 2: February 24, 2024 (1.5 months later)
For anyone who hasn’t read my previous posts there’s two of them exposing what happened under my username.
I liked the suggestion I was given when last posted of paying for a storage unit for their things for a few months. My ex however did not agree to it. He said it would make things too difficult because the closest storage location was too far out of the way. It definitely felt like he was still trying to cling to things.
Since I couldn’t get a storage unit in his name without his approval I talked to a friend, who is a lawyer, about the situation. He helped me right up a notice that told him that he had 30 days notice to get their things or they will be disposed of. After 30 days notice was up he still had only picked up a few things.
I ended up calling his ex and asked her if she or their kids wanted anything before I got rid of it all. Well, they had been left in the complete dark about our relationship being over. My ex had been lying to them saying I was sick and then he was sick with Covid and that’s why they hadn’t been able to come over. I’m was not at all surprised this point. I figured she didn’t know about the rest of it either and told her. She is livid. Especially about the money for their kids education since it was part of their divorce agreement.
Anyway the kids all got what they wanted and I had a charity come and pick up the rest. It feels a lot better now that there is a completely clean break. Yes I have gotten the locks changed and blocked his number. Since there is no reason for me to have contact with him anymore this is probably the last time I’ll be posting.
I think I’m there future I will probably look for more transparency when it comes to financials in any serious future relationships. With how much he was lying I can only imagine what else he may have been lying about. Had I known more I don’t think he would have been able to hide things. I am just so grateful and relieved that I was able protect myself and my children.
Relevant Comments:
One more time because people need clarification on inheritance:
Where I live spouses are included in inheritance even if there’s a will.
How could you not know what he was making if you know what he did for work?
I just never looked into what the average salary for his type of work.
This exchange clearing things up:
Commenter: First post said you both have adult kids, why are their education an issue still and why doesn't anyone contact you directly? Was no one on friendly terms?

I don’t know where you got that. My eldest is an adult, but the others are still under 18.I don’t know what/who you mean by why doesn’t any contact me directly.

Commenter: What I mean is they were told you were sick. These are people that went trips with and none of them texted or called to check on you

I don’t know what to say. It doesn’t seem odd to me. We didn’t usually keep in contact when they were with their mom.

*****Update Post 3: May 8, 2024 (4.5 months from OG post)****\*
I know I said that that would be my last update. It’s not really necessary for me to make another, but now I’m kind of using this as a form of journaling which I’ve found cathartic. The previous posts are all under my username.
I only had one run in with my ex since the last incident. He came to my house. I only spoke to him through the camera. He asked about getting his things. I told him that I had already got rid of everything as I had warned him, but that his kids had taken some things. I also told him he needed to leave and to not come back. Surprisingly he didn’t make a big fuss about it. He just said okay and that he was sorry for bothering me before he left, but he did look very tired so maybe that’s why.
I have not seen him since and apparently his ex and his kids haven’t heard from him in all this time either. This update had more to do with them than my ex actually. His ex contacted me to ask about him. She wanted to know if I had heard from him or had his new contact information. His phone is apparently no longer in service. I told her how I hadn’t had any contact with his since the aforementioned visit.
She also asked if she and I could meet up for coffee and talk. I declined because honestly I couldn’t think of a reason for us to meet up. Though I did offer to pass on any info about him if I heard anything.
She apparently wanted to talk to me about helping her pay for her eldest child’s (who is now a senior in highschool) education next year. She also subtly implied there was some fault on my part for their lacks of funds. I rather cowardly told her I would think about it and ended the call.
To be honest I feel like it’s an unfair position she’s putting me in. The main reason being that her children don’t seem to care for me. We got along alright while I was with their dad. However since I ended things with him it has been complete silence from them. I did try to reach out to them to see if they were okay. They never responded. Even when they came over to get their things they ignored me and my youngest. However I did get a message after the call with their mom about how she missed me. The timing though just makes it seem sort of like manipulation to get money out of me.
Edit. I have since blocked all of them.

So my father used to own a cabin. In fact he used to own a lot of different properties. Which I suppose is just a roundabout way of saying that we grew up with money. Where things get a bit complicated is how he actually made that money.
The line that he constantly fed us was that he was an accountant running his own firm in an office in the city. Long hours, lots of business trips. We never saw him much. And whenever we did, he always seemed tired, his eyes perpetually bloodshot, as if he were always trying to force them to stay open.
He was sent off to prison right after I’d finished my first year of college.
The sentence? Fifteen years, for washing hundreds of millions of dollars for numerous cartels. Two weeks after he’d been booked, my mother committed suicide. As it turns out, she’d been helping him out through the entire thing and was facing some time herself. I guess she didn’t want to deal with all that and took the drastic way out.
A few months later, the government had seized pretty much all his property.
All of it, except for that cabin in the woods.
It took a long time for me to feel normal again. But eventually I managed it. Went back to school and graduated with a good enough GPA which allowed me to snag some shitty office job a few months later. But it was enough to pay the bills.
Fast forward about another year and I’ve basically scrubbed that entire sequence of events out of my brain. It took a little bit of therapy, a lot of psychedelics, but I finally did it, to the point where I was comfortable enough to go back to that cabin, the one place where I’d see my father for more than a few weeks at a time during our summer trips.
I decided to take along three of my friends from Uni - Jack, Pedro, Randy.
We drove down there at the beginning of May. The road leading to the cabin hadn’t been maintained at all and as a result, it had become borderline undrivable. I decided to save my vehicle the stress and parked in a nearby lot, leaving us about a one-and-a-half-mile trek through the woods, which really wasn’t so bad.
Our time in the cabin was pretty much spent getting drunk and stoned, and by the third night we had completely run out of food.
We decided to take the thirty minute walk over to the nearest rest stop, where I knew that there was a 24/7 diner. So we go there, eat our meals, and on the way back we notice a burning smell in the woods, as if there was a bonfire raging about nearby.
Of course that was a bit strange given that it was around 2AM. But we didn’t think too much of it at the time and we kept walking.
It was only when the smell continued to grow stronger as we got closer to the cabin that we understood something was very wrong. Soon it had become suffocating, and we could see the night sky tinged with orange in the near distance.
I felt my heart drop into my stomach and immediately I was sprinting, my worst fear realized as I reached the clearing where the cabin was located.
Completely up in flames, plumes of dark smoke blending in with the night.
It was a mix of different emotions that hit me all at once, the combination of them creating a sense of dread so deep I hadn’t thought it possible.
After reeling myself in, I called 9-1-1, with the operator telling me that the fire department would be on their way but wouldn’t be able to reach us for at least thirty minutes. The four of us walked away from the cabin in silence, getting far enough so that the smoke was no longer scratching at our throats.
Around ten minutes later, we noticed that the orange tinge in the sky had suddenly disappeared. And I mean suddenly. Like, gone in a single blink. I thought I might’ve been hallucinating, but it was clear from their expressions that my friends were seeing something similar.
Cautiously, we started making our way back towards the cabin, noticing that the smoke was no longer heavy in the air, having cleared up considerably. Once we reached the clearing, it had disappeared altogether.
I looked ahead, my brain working overtime to comprehend the sight before me. The cabin was no longer on fire. Burnt to a crisp, sure. But the raging, overwhelming flames that had been consuming it just minutes prior had somehow completely fizzled out.
The four of us looked between each other, as if to confirm we were all still seeing the same thing.
Using the flashlight on my phone to survey the damage, I found pretty much what I’d expected. Complete destruction. Absolutely zero hope of recovering anything.
I started taking some deep breaths, trying to calm myself down when I heard Pedro yelling out from the other side.
“Guys… where the fuck did this thing come from?”
We all walked over to him. Nestled in the debris was the corpse of… something. A monstrosity.
It was about the size of a bear, with the sections of its body that weren’t burnt showing pale, clammy skin with deep cuts etched throughout it, in what looked to be some kind of crude pattern. Its head had been smashed in, leaving nothing but an abnormally wide bottom jaw which was still baring long, black teeth. It had an uncountable number of long, thick arms that it was using to hold something that resembled a human infant, one that appeared to be completely unscathed, devoid of any burn marks. The longer I stared at it, the more that I was convinced I could see it breathing.
It was a bizarre enough sight to put us into a near-trance. What eventually snapped us out of it was the chanting.
It was barely noticeable at first, slowly escalating in pitch until it was clear that there were several human voices shouting in unison. Their tones were animalistic, their words strung together with just the bare beginnings of a rhythm. It sounded like they were speaking English, though I could hardly make out anything they were saying.
The strangest part though, was how quickly it was getting closer to us. Definitely not a walking pace. It was more like a sprint.
The four of us shared a quick glance between each other and immediately there was an understanding.
We ran like bats out of hell, tripping over branches, our own feet.
But eventually we reached my car, all of us scrambling to pile into it. As I was fumbling for my keys, the chanting had become deafening, to a point that hardly made sense. It sounded as if there were speakers lined up in a circle around us, all blasting that horrible noise.
And the second that I had put the keys into the ignition, things went silent. I found myself holding my breath as I looked up, my eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness until what I was seeing was unmistakable. Several figures standing completely still at the edge of the woods. All human-shaped but far too large to be people.
All the air being held in my lungs flooded out with one big exhale and I slammed the vehicle into drive and took a sharp turn before speeding the hell out of there, refusing to look in the rearview until we had made it into the highway.
I drove until I had reached the rest stop, which was now hosting an absurd number of police cars. I parked, got out, and approached one of the cops, asking if they were here because of the fire.
The cop shook his head. “Fire? No. Has there been a fire?”
I explained the situation with the cabin to him, deciding to leave out the creature and the chanting for the time being.
The cop nodded slowly, his expression remaining largely the same throughout.
“Alright,” he said. “We’ll look into it. And then give you an update in the morning. For tonight, just get a hotel or something.”
We exchanged numbers and I thanked him. As I began to walk away, he called out to me.
“Hey, can I ask you something?”
I turned back around.
“Yeah,” I said. “Sure.”
“Do you happen to be (my dad’s name)’s son?”
For a while I just stared at him. Eventually I nodded.
“Yeah,” he said. “I thought I recognized you.”
“I don’t understand,” I told him. “I’ve never seen you before.”
The cop took a deep breath before taking a quick look around. “Come here,” he said. “Come close.”
Tentatively, I did so.
“I can’t tell you everything. I don’t even know everything. But I think you should have the right to know the truth about your father. All of the stuff that’s happened here tonight, all of the shit that you’ve seen… it has something to do with him.
He took another look around before continuing. “Cartels, right? Was that the story they told you? It’s not so creative. But I guess it doesn’t have to be creative to be believable. Cause the shit that he was actually mixed up in… you would not believe unless you’ve seen it for yourself.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked.
“Look, I have your number. I’ll be in touch tomorrow morning. This is something I’m curious about as well. Maybe you can give me some answers, point me in the right directions. But not here. So get out of here before people start noticing you. And stay safe.”
I didn’t feel like staying in a hotel that night, so I drove back into the city, dropping everybody off before arriving back at my own apartment.
Of course I couldn’t sleep that night, my eyes wired open into the morning as I waited for the officer to call. He still hadn’t by the time that noon rolled around and so I tried calling him instead.
No answer.
Eventually I did receive a call from the police, telling me that my father’s cabin had burned down and that it was due to a forest fire.
I told them that wasn’t possible because there had been no forest fire and that I suspected foul play and wanted it to be investigated.
“It’s already been investigated,” are the exact words that the officer told me. “Don’t worry about it. Just get in touch with insurance. Go over your options.”
And before I could say anything else, he had hung up on me.
It was a mixture of anger and curiosity that compelled me to drive back down there. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t for the road leading towards the rest stop to be blocked altogether. There were two cop cars guarding the barrier, with a single officer signalling any vehicles approaching to turn around.
I pulled over to the side of the road and after some careful deliberation, I decided to get out and approach him and ask what was going on. Just to see what he might say.
When I finished the question, he stared at me for a long time. Uncomfortably long.
“Emergency construction,” is what he eventually told me.
After that encounter, I pretty much dropped trying to figure things out.
Some weird things have started happening to me since. Every night, I swear I can hear a baby crying in the apartment across from mine. The apartment that I thought had been occupied by a pair of college kids who definitely do not have children.
That cop that was supposed to call me finally did, a few nights ago. When I answered, I was met with dead silence on the other end. Nearly thirty seconds of it until the line clicked dead.
There’s an abandoned house sitting across the street from my apartment building, one that’s supposedly been there for years because the development of the store meant to take its place keeps getting delayed.
Somebody has started staring at me through its second-floor window. Whenever I catch them doing it, they’re quick to close the blinds, so I can never catch any details. But I know that the moment I turn away from it, their eyes are back on me.
I can’t confirm that any of these things are related. Whether it has anything to do with my father.
I just know that I don’t want to deal with it and that I want it to end.